


A Different Word *Part III*

by Nightbreed



Category: Krashlyn - Fandom, Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F, Krashlyn - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:46:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 102,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23137915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nightbreed/pseuds/Nightbreed
Relationships: Alyssa Naeher/Becky Sauerbrunn, Ashlyn Harris/Ali Krieger, ali krieger/alyssa naeher, megan rapinoe - Relationship
Comments: 98
Kudos: 113





	1. Something About You

After Ashlyn returned home, she stopped by Ali’s door and tapped. The light was still on but there was no answer. Pushing it open slowly, she called, “Ali?”

The laptop on the desk was shut and the small desk lamp off. A lamp on the bedside table illuminated the room enough for Ashlyn to see that Ali had already fallen asleep while she was reading. She was sitting halfway back against the headboard of the bed, her glasses precariously hanging and a stream of papers in her lap.

Standing at the foot of the bed, Ashlyn smiled at the mess that was Ali, lying in her bed. It was something so silly but just watching her sleep gave her a comforting feeling. Delicately removing her glasses, she set them aside on the table. She could feel that her hair was still damp, most likely from a recent shower. The flower patterned thermal set with fuzzy socks to complete the look made her seem all snuggled in comfortably. The unruly train of papers were most likely on her lap in some sort of order before she nodded off. Gathering them up, Ashlyn put them in a neat pile beside her laptop.

Standing, with her hands on her hips, she surveyed her bedroom. She’d practically put everything away in some organized manner. Clothing was hung in the closet, linens put away and personal belongings set up on her bureau.

Ali had a few framed pictures on her wall that Ashlyn knew meant the world to her. There was a large frame that had a collage of pictures inside it. There was a picture of Ali in her high school cap and gown with Jackson standing beside her. His arm around her shoulder holding her close, a hint of tears in both of their eyes explained how emotional the day was. There was a small faded photograph in the center that Ashlyn didn’t recognize. It was worn and taken with an actual camera but she could immediately see it was a picture of Ali on the field during a USYNT game when she very young. Ashlyn instantly smiled when she saw a copy of the two of them standing in front of her fireplace on Christmas Eve so long ago. She lingered on that picture, reminiscing and feeling a tug in the pit of her stomach for how close they were back then. She remembered exactly how she felt when she looked down into Ali’s eyes that night. Their gaze locked onto one another and nothing else existed.

There was a candid on the bottom corner that spoke volumes about the amount of time that Jacob and Ali spent together. It was obvious that she had a great influence over him and their relationship couldn’t possibly be measured in simple words. Ali had taken a selfie of herself, and in her likeness, Jacob used the cell phone camera and took a selfie as well. The image of the boy smiling into the camera was so sweet, and when it was paired side by side with Ali’s, it made her eyes mist over. She had nurtured the boy in a way that brought out the best of his personality. Her patience and calming demeanor was what he so deeply connected with.

Going to the bedside, Ashlyn scooped her gently up into her arms and pulled back the blankets. Then resting her head on the pillow, she laid her down and covered her up with her comforter and tucked her in warmly. Reaching for the lamp switch, she clicked it off and turned for the door.

“Stay with me,” Ali whispered before she had a chance to reach the door. “Please.”

Stopping, Ashlyn squinted into the darkness, “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“We’re not both going to be sleeping under the same roof but in separate beds, are we?”

Hesitating, Ashlyn took a few steps closer, “I was just trying to give you some space. I didn’t want to assume that what you wanted was what I wanted.” As her eyes adjusted, Ashlyn could now see her silhouette sitting up in bed.

“I wasn’t trying to hurt your feelings, Ashlyn. And in no way did I want you to think that I don’t want to marry you. You and I have both grown up over the last few years. We’ve discovered who we are and learned about what our needs are. It took me a long time to figure out who I was and what I wanted.”

When Ali reached out in the darkness, Ashlyn stepped closer and took her hand. “Being apart from you, especially after what happened to me was so hard. I had you there beside me every day. I felt safe. And then you were gone at one of the most difficult times in my life. I missed you. And I needed you.” Her voice broke a little and Ashlyn stepped up to the bedside and put her arms around Ali who was on her knees as she spoke. “It hurt not having you near me.”

“I know it’s you that I missed and not just the intimacy or the touch. It couldn’t be replaced by just anyone.” Ashlyn squeezed her hand at her use of the reference. “The times that we saw each other, were short lived and felt so frenzied because we always had to race the clock. I couldn’t figure out if our love was that strong or it was out of fear of losing one another. It felt like it was getting stronger every time we saw each other.”

Running her fingers back through Ali’s hair, Ashlyn whispered, “I know how I feel about you. I can’t seem to show you how much…” Kissing her neck lightly, she bit down gently and felt the brunette shudder with chills. Her grip on Ashlyn’s sweatshirt tightened, pulling the blonde closer.

A sigh escaped her lips when Ashlyn pulled her hips against her body. “I have no self control when I’m around you. Do you know that?” Taking in a breath to relax herself, she went on, “I don’t want to have this adrenaline high with you because of the way we have sex and have it be the very thing that ruins us.”

When Ashlyn’s hands slid from around her waist, Ali reached up and held her face with the palms of her hands. She found her serious hazel stare watching her, “I love you, Ashlyn. I want to marry you. But I want to get to know each other again. I want us to respect each other and be a part of one another’s everyday lives again.”

Ashlyn snapped the lamp on again and smiled. “Is that all?”

Ali raised her eyebrows and pursed her lips, “That’s all. I want us to stay together. I want us to make it.”

Running a finger lightly along her bottom lip, she promised, “We’ll make it, Ali. I like the thought of living with you again and getting to know you. That means we get to date. I only got to ask you out once.”

Ali smiled shyly, “Our first date was kind of amazing, wasn’t it?”

Ashlyn found her lips and kissed them softly, “Will you go out with me again on Christmas Eve?”

Wrapping her arms around the blonde’s shoulders, Ali nodded, “I’d really like that. Spending time with you and nowhere to go the next day. Do you want to have dinner together here?”

Ash shook her head, “No. I want to take you out on a real date. Let someone else cook and do the dishes.”

Ali giggled and smiled, “That sounds great.”

Sitting down on the bed, Ashlyn leaned back and smiled, “I just want to spoil you.”

“You don’t need to do anything special. All I want is you.”

“Tomorrow is pretty booked up. The girls have the afternoon earmarked for us to decorate the tree together. It’ll be fun to go out, get some dinner and just unwind. I’m looking forward to all of us hanging out together. But on Christmas Eve, let me spoil you, Ali. Let me show you how happy I am to have you in my life.”

Watching how Ashlyn’s face was lit up with excitement, the brunette bowed her head a little and let her hair cover her face. She didn’t want her own reaction to embarrass her. “That sounds perfect. Just you and me.” Ali sat back on the bed and pushed her feet under the blankets. Peeking up at her with a side glance, once she regained her composure, she whispered, “Will you stay here with me tonight?” Ashlyn laid beside her and draped an arm over her. “Ok, you convinced me.” Ali smiled at her touch.

“I like your home.”

“Now it’s your home.” Ashlyn pulled her closer into her arms, “I’m so happy you’re here with me.”

Settling herself comfortably into the security of Ashlyn’s embrace, Ali kissed her neck lightly and rested her head against her. Ash was running her hand up and down Ali’s back soothingly. She could feel the brunette’s hot breath on her skin. When Ali’s hands began to drop and rested on Ashlyn’s waist, the blonde smiled to herself. “It feels like you’re losing grip on your self control.”

Ali buried her face into Ashlyn’s chest to stifle her laugh. “It definitely feels that way.” Ali took a deep breath to savor the comforting scent. “You intoxicate me.” Her fingers had found their way underneath the waistband of her clothing to rest against her warm skin. After a long silence, Ali questioned, “Ash, what would you think about me playing for Arizona Allegiance?”

Backing away from her, so she could see her face, Ashlyn questioned, “Are you serious?”

“They were part of the interest package. They said they have a starting position for me that would complement my style of play. They’re a powerhouse after winning the league the last three years.”

“Arizona, Ali?” Sitting up and staring down at the brunette, she repeated, “Arizona?”

Pulling back and sitting up halfway, she shrugged a little and lowered her voice, “They were one of the options.” Breaking their gaze, she looked away. “It was just a thought.”

Running her hands over her face, Ashlyn fell back onto the bed and shook her head as she spoke, “What are you doing to me?” Letting out a laugh, she asked, “Do you even realize you’re doing it?”

Meeting Ashlyn’s question with her own confusion, Ali softly asked, “Doing what?”

Slamming her hand down, Ashlyn shouted, “Leading me on! Playing with me! You’re lulling me into thinking we’re finally starting a life together and the whole time you’re thinking about Arizona. What’s the matter? Honolulu hasn’t called yet?”

Her jaw firmly set, Ali narrowed her eyes and folded her arms across herself. “Get out of my bed.”

Snapping her head up quickly, Ashlyn met her harsh brown eyes as she angrily repeated, “Get out of my bed.” Pointing to the door, she motioned again, “Go.”

“Really?” Her hands out in question, Ashlyn asked, “Is it me? Am I wrong?” Challenging her stare until the brunette looked away, Ashlyn raised her eyebrows and her voice, “Well?”

Taking in a sharp breath, Ali met her eyes again. Her face filled with heated emotion before she asked, “Do you know how many times Lou made me jump because he shouted at me? It was usually because he was trying to…force me to give in.”

Her face softening, the blonde relaxed her posture.

“The first time you did it to me….” Tears filled her eyes and her breath caught in her chest, “I thought I could get past it. You screamed at me about how calmly I talked about Lou’s advances.”

Ashlyn had her hand resting over her heart with sincerity when she attempted to apologize, “Ali, …”

Her chest stuttering out breaths, she cried, “No.” She shook her head, “Every time you shout at me…” Covering her embarrassment with her hand, she broke their gaze, “…I see his face.” Letting out a sob, she shook her head again, “It makes my heart ache with anxiety. I get this heavy pressure in my chest.”

Standing and walking around to the other side of the bed, Ashlyn sat beside the brunette and reached for her, “Come here, Ali.” Sitting motionless, tears streaked her face, “Please, I need to forget him.”

Her hands covering her face, Ali shrugged off Ashlyn’s attempted affection.

Ashlyn stood and asked, “What can I do Ali?”

Crying with both her hands covering her face, Ali began, “The morning you asked me to marry you, you told me to go wherever is the best fit for me, even if it’s the Moon Monsters because you’ll still love me.”

Ash was watching Ali sob into her hands. She’d never seen her cry so hard. Reaching out again, Ashlyn put her arms around the woman that she loved so much and held her close. She felt Ali relax into her and Ashlyn closed her eyes with a sigh of relief. The reality of losing her over the gaps in their emotional communication suddenly flooded her senses. She realized why Ali said she wanted to wait to get married. They really hadn’t worked through what had happened to her as a couple. Emotionally, she’d buried it so deeply that it had now become a raw exposed memory that stood between them. She was right. They were so elated when they finally saw each other that each visit was a superficial expression of physical needs. They really didn’t know each other the way they’d romanticized their relationship. The two of them had created a co-dependent relationship based on using one another as an emotional crutch. “Oh, god, Ali. I’m so sorry.” Burying her hand into her hair, she massaged the back of her head. Ashlyn thought about the fact that the two of them had never discussed her father’s death. Ali’s mother had committed suicide and before the two of them could process it, she became ill and was hospitalized. Now, months later, including the academic and athletic rigors and accomplishments, she was negotiating to close on the sale of her mother’s assets, fielding patent solicitations and attempting to enter the world as a professional athlete; at twenty-one years old. Shaking her head to herself, she pleaded, “Tell me how to fix this?”

Pulling back, she lifted her tear soaked face slightly and whispered, “I’m broken, Ashlyn. You can’t fix me. I’m damaged beyond repair.” Her words stunned the blonde into silence.

Her gaze floated across the room to focus on nothing in particular. “Sometimes I wish I’d never touched a soccer ball.” The words that tumbled from her lips lacked anything that Ashlyn could recognize as familiar. Then, meeting the blonde’s eyes, she asked, “Do you still think we’re going to make it?”

Ashlyn searched her face that was desperate for an answer.

Ali’s face tensed, “We’ve been together for forty-eight hours and we’ve done nothing but fight.”

“You’re right. I can’t fix you. We’re both broken.” Ashlyn took a breath. “I never realized that I was acting like my father when I shouted at you. It made my mother cry the same way.”

Ali met Ashlyn’s eyes that were burdened now with her own insecurity. “If I give up soccer, and I have no job…” she paused to let her words settle, “Would you be happy coming home every day to me as nothing more than your wife?”

Immediately taking in a breath to respond, Ash stopped when she could see the depth behind Ali’s question. Taking her hand, she ran her finger over the ring that Ali still wore. “No. You have to be happy too. Is that what you’re asking?”

A subtle expression of relief softened her features.

Ashlyn took in a long deep breath. As she exhaled, she shook her head, “I’m a Cro-Magnon Neanderthal. I might as well carry a club.” Ali pursed her lips to not break into a smile. “And I hope you don’t mind if I use your pony tail to drag you along behind me?”

Pulling her mouth to one side she narrowed her eyes a bit, “Are you done?”

“Why didn’t you ever ‘call’ me on this bullshit? You ‘call’ me on everything else.” Running her hand back through her hair, Ashlyn shook her head, “I guess I need to clean up the mess in my head too.”

Letting herself almost smile, Ali had stopped crying.

“I have to figure out where the line is.”

Raising her eyebrows, Ali questioned, “What line?”

“Knowing where the line is for me to love and support you while you work things out sometimes because it’s not my job.”

With a subtle nod, Ali let out what appeared to be a sigh of relief. “Do you think we can work on this together?” A hint of anxiety returning, she whispered, “Do you want to?”

Without hesitation, “I do.” Ashlyn nodded. “I think I understand where your head has been now. I want you to know that I’m going to work on myself so I can be a better partner for you. It’s not a one sided thing.” Squeezing her hand, she added, “We have to be there for each other.”

*

Ashlyn heard the clink of a spoon in the kitchen sink. Opening her eyes halfway, she felt Ali shift slightly against her and she smiled a little. Burying her face into the brunette’s hair, she inhaled the intoxicating scent that warmed her insides. Without thinking, she lightly placed a kiss on her neck and pulled her closer.

Turning toward the blonde, Ali relaxed in her arms. “Good morning.”

Ashlyn smiled, “How do you feel?”

“Better.” Glancing over her shoulder, she looked at the small clock. “I have a phone conference with the lawyer this morning.”

“Do you have to get up now or can we stay like this a little longer?”

Ali curled closer into her embrace and asked, “Even though I’m not naked?”

“I can make my peace with it. All I really need is to be close to you.”

Curling her fingers around some blonde locks of hair, Ali glanced up at Ashlyn and whispered, “Sky Blue didn’t have me on their priority list.” The sadness in the brunette eyes revealed her heartache. Once the NJ team had been ruled out, Ali was asking for help in deciding where she might fit in.

“I’m sorry,” Ashlyn apologized. “I just assumed that you’d have your pick of the league.”

Returning her head to rest against the blonde’s chest, Ali shrugged, “And you assumed I was choosing the furthest from you I could get.”

An ache of guilt stabbed from the pit of her stomach. “I told you I’m a Neanderthal. A big jealous Neanderthal. I get angry at anyone who gets to spend time with you instead of me.” There was a long pause before she continued, “The more I think about how much I act like my father…the more it scares me.”

Her interest piqued in Ashlyn’s home life; Ali looked up curiously.

“He had a short fuse. He was very quick to hit.”

Ali’s expression changed to surprise at the thought of Ashlyn being beaten by her father. She reached up and caressed her face, hoping it would somehow ease her pain. “One of his potheads grabbed me one night and I stomped on his foot with my cleat. My father was so angry that he punched me in the face.”

Her mouth hung open in horror listening to Ashlyn. “Right after I left for school, he went to jail. He died there.”

Shaking her head, Ali began, “Why didn’t you….”

When Ashlyn’s stare wandered down to meet Ali’s, she stopped. She realized why Ashlyn never told her. Backing out of the security of Ashlyn’s arms, Ali moved up so that she could cradle Ashlyn in her embrace. She let her rest her head against her chest as she ran her fingers through the blonde’s hair soothingly. “I’m here for you, too, Ashlyn. I want to take care of your needs.” Ali could feel her settle against her and she whispered, “You don’t have to always be the strong one.”

There was a long calm between the couple until Ashlyn’s hand slid down Ali’s waist and tugged on her pajama bottoms. Lying back, Ali looked down and watched the blonde uncover her hip to reveal her tattoo. Her finger softly traced the image over and over again until she whispered, “Did you ever think about how random it was that I was on the pier that day?”

Ashlyn rested her head sideways against Ali’s belly and looked up at her. “I’d gone home but there was a police car at my house.” Ali was gently trailing her fingers down her back. “I didn’t want to deal with anything else. I just wanted to be alone.”

Ali’s eyes closed briefly as she remembered seeing Ashlyn appear. Jeff had come dangerously close to making her black out. He’d squeezed his hand around her throat so tightly that she’d dropped to her knees out of a lack of muscle control. When he heard someone coming, he let go of his hold on her throat and grabbed her shirt collar to keep her from collapsing on the sand. She remembers him yanking her to her feet quickly out of panic. “I’ve thought about it more than a few times,” she whispered.

“Not a second has gone by since that moment that I’ve ever wanted to be alone.” Ashlyn’s confession made Ali smile and blush at the same time.

*

Sitting beside Ali at her desk, Ashlyn spent most of the morning with her reading through emails and paperwork. Ali explained the finances and then they read through the offer on her mother’s home. Once they’d gone through most of that together, Ali changed subjects and opened her offer letter from her management team. She let Ashlyn read it and then said, “I could hold back my interest in the hopes that the second offer includes something closer to you. Sometimes the teams haven’t completely finalized their roster until later and then a spot opens up.”

Her brown eyes searched for approval and resolution. With a hand underneath her chin, Ash tilted her her face up to meet her. She studied her a moment before leaning in and brushing her lips with her own. Ali’s face filled with color and her breath caught in her chest. “I want you to play where you will feel confident and fulfilled.” Ashlyn held her captive another moment before she nodded, “Because you’re gonna need every ounce when you play against me.” When Ali tried not to smile, Ashlyn added, “I’m not going to let you win just because you’re my fiancé.”

When Ali’s cell phone rang, she had to pull her attention away to answer it. Ashlyn listened to her talking for a moment then stood from the chair. Reaching for her hand, when she looked up, Ashlyn could feel their connection had strengthened. Ali conveyed that she didn’t want her to leave but she had to continue the phone call. Ali had invited her into a very personal, private part of her life. Her trust and openness spoke volumes and Ashlyn now understood the seriousness of some of the pressure that Ali was dealing with. Kissing the top of her head, she smiled and nodded a little to let her know they were ok.

Ashlyn stood in the doorway for a second just listening to Ali negotiate finances. As she climbed the steps toward her bedroom, she realized their relationship had completely changed. They were no longer a couple of kids fooling around. They’d both committed to an adult relationship that involved mature life decisions. Stopping at the top of the steps, a wave of adrenaline coursed through her and her heart began to pound in her chest. Sliding her hands into the pockets of her sweatpants, she smiled a little as she turned for her bedroom.

She still believed that they were going to make it.


	2. Grandma Got Run Over

**Chapter Two**

**Grandma Got Run Over**

When Ali walked into the kitchen, it had a warm and cozy feeling. Christmas music was playing in the large family room where the fireplace was already burning to keep out the cold. The scent of warm vanilla and cinnamon hung in the air as Becky carefully removed a tray of cookies from the oven. Alyssa closed the door for her and they stepped off to the side counter where she’d rolled out some wax paper.

Ashlyn was cutting up some deli sandwiches she’d made into squares and was arranging them on a serving plate beside the sink. Megan was adding some ranch dip to the center of a vegetable tray that she’d prepared on the island. Quickly popping another cherry tomato into her mouth, she saw Ali and smiled, “We were prepared to form a search party.”

Becky went to Ali and gave her a hug. Then stepping back, she pointed to her Sky Blue tee shirt, “Can you believe this?” Becky looked back at Alyssa and smiled at her.

Ali laughed at the group standing around the kitchen. They were her best friends in the world, her support system, her family. Leaning closer for a kiss, Ashlyn smiled at the brunette, “We’ve prepared a working lunch.” Returning to her activity, she announced, “I think I’m done here.” She brought her tray to the kitchen island with Megan’s platter. Alyssa carried the cookies to the counter with Becky at her side.

Taking a paper plate from the stack, Megan began creating her feast. “Dig in, we’ve got a lot of decorating to get done before tonight.”

Taking a square of two different sandwiches, Alyssa nodded, “I got a bunch of ornaments for the tree.” Between bites, Megan added, “I got a bunch of balls.”

Quickly turning her head, Ashlyn covered her mouth as she laughed. Halfway bent over, she tried to control her laughter as she coughed out bits of her sandwich. Ali’s sudden giggle caused Alyssa to suck in sharply and she snorted out her amusement, “Ohmygod…”

Patting Ashlyn on the back as she doubled over, Ali wiped away tears from her laughter when they all lost control of themselves. Becky handed Alyssa a napkin and fought to hold in her own outburst. Reaching across the table to pick up another piece of sandwich, Megan took a bite and shook her head to herself.

“I don’t know what’s so funny but I can see you guys are gonna be a complete mess tonight. Geez, all I said was balls.” When they started laughing again, Megan went to the living room and changed the music. Soon, the group was placing ornaments on the tree and decorations around the mantle over the fireplace. Megan had found tree ornaments that looked like soccer balls. Becky and Alyssa slowly walked around the room placing holiday themed knickknacks and candles on tables. Their conversation was kept between the two and their voices lowered when their movements became deliberate.

Ali was handing ornaments to Ashlyn who would find a home for them high up on the tree and out of her reach. Eventually, their hands would linger and their gaze would hold when the exchanges took place. Picking up a sharpie, Ali leaned down on the table while Ashlyn waited for the next selection. Glancing across the room, Becky was leaning against the back of the sofa while she and Alyssa traded soft romantic kisses. When Ali stood with the next figurine, she followed what had Ashlyn’s attention. A smile curled her mouth when the two returned to meet each other’s gaze. Without breaking their connection, Ali lifted the next decoration and held it out. Ashlyn took the gold Christmas ball and saw what Ali had written on it. She drew a heart with an arrow through it and on the bottom she wrote ‘ali loves ash’ with the year beneath it. Her grin captured Ashlyn's smile and carved a deep dimple into her cheek that gave Ali butterflies. When the blonde took a step closer, her very essence flooded her senses and flushed her face with color. Sliding her hands around Ali’s waist, Ashlyn leaned close but only teasingly smiled. Then she lifted the brunette up in her arms and handed her the ornament to hang. Their eyes stayed locked on one another until Ali focused on placing the special memento on the tree. Placing her hands on Ashlyn’s shoulders to steady herself, she slowly slid back down to the ground. Close enough to feel each other’s warm breath, the teasing created an electricity between them. Ashlyn made a subtle movement suggesting she was leaning closer and Ali parted her lips slightly, anticipating a kiss. Stopping, she met Ali’s eyes and they paused in time. Her hold on Ashlyn’s arms grew tighter and Ali lifted her chin to counter her gesture that drew the blonde in so close there was barely space between them.

Releasing her hold on the blonde, Ali bowed her head and bit her bottom lip to keep herself from smiling too widely. The way her hair fell over her shoulders and around her face, the sultry swagger was too much for Ashlyn to resist. She pushed her hands up into Ali’s hair and massaged through it with a slow sensual allure. Closing her eyes, the brunette gave in to the feeling and a sigh escaped her lips that pulled on Ashlyn’s center. “Mmmm…that’s nice,” she whispered.

When ‘Grandma got run over by a reindeer’ began to play at a suddenly obnoxious volume, Ashlyn raised an eyebrow and looked over her shoulder to Becky and Alyssa. They were drawn in close to one another, Becky with one arm on Alyssa’s waist, but mostly talking. Taking a step back, Ali turned and looked into the kitchen at Megan who leaned over the kitchen island with a cookie in one hand and the speaker remote control in her other outstretched hand.

When Megan wagged her eyebrows, the blonde leaned her hand on Ali’s shoulder, bent halfway over and pulled a sneaker off her foot. Hurling it across the room, the wiry team captain dodged it and sprang to her feet and toward the staircase. Leaping across the room and hurdling the sofa with the agility of a gazelle, Ashlyn chased closely behind her as they stumbled up the steps.

Becky protectively ushered Alyssa behind her when Ashlyn scaled the sofa. Then, shaking her head, she turned back and still held her hand when they exchanged smiles. As Alyssa slowly stepped away, their hands still connected, it slowed her departure until only their fingertips were touching. Connected by only a subtle electricity, their focus was interrupted by a loud crash from the upstairs followed by Megan’s wail.

Rolling her eyes, Alyssa turned and went to the kitchen to clean up. Becky met Ali halfway across the room and the pair sat on the sofa. Leaning back, Ali had one eyebrow raised as she listened to another thump from above and then a loud vibration as the house shook. Shaking her head, she looked to Becky for some sort of explanation.

Her hands raised in a shrug, Becky scrunched her face when she heard something break, “I don’t know…it happens.”

As she turned and watched Alyssa at the sink washing dishes, she rested her head back and smiled as she then watched Becky whose attention was still focused on the kitchen. “It’s almost six months for you guys, huh?”

Meeting her friend’s smile, she nodded, “Yeah. She’s really amazing.” Becky’s eyes wandered back into the kitchen and she questioned, “How are you two doing? Any wedding talk?”

When Becky looked to her for her answer, Ali smiled and nodded, “Yes, there’s been talk.”

Leaning her head on her hand, her friend shook her head, “Wow. That was an awful lie.”

“Yeah?”

“Terrible,” Becky told her.

Resigning to the fact that her friend knew her too well, she confessed, “It’s just not at the top of the list right now.”

A half smile, Becky nodded, “That, I’ll buy.” Both of them looking up into the air as some other ridiculous holiday song began to blast overhead, Becky scooted closer. “Can I ask you something personal?” Leaning in, she gave Alyssa’s whereabout a side glance. “You and Ash, how long were you together before you…you know?”

Sitting up a little straighter, Ali lost her response in her throat out of surprise and hesitation. Thinking in her head, she guesstimated, “I suppose it was right about now, where you guys are. Actually, it was Christmas Eve when we had our first date.”

“First date?”

Smiling, Ali nodded, “I know, right. We lived together all that time but it was constantly business. We had school and soccer and we really took care of ourselves. We had the shopping and laundry and just everything. On top of maintaining grades in all the AP classes.”

“So there was nothing?” Ali blushed a bit and looked away. Biting her bottom lip, she laughed. “We were scared to death.” Meeting her eyes briefly, she went on, “We did a whole lot of kissing.”

“Kissing?”

“Yeah. Well, real early on, I think I scared her.”

Pulling her feet up on the sofa, Becky sat Indian-style, “This I have to hear.”

“We both got worked up one night and we wanted more. So, I took my clothes off. It felt amazing…having her touch me.” Ali was unconsciously running her hand across her stomach as she spoke. “But she started to kiss me here and we both panicked. That was pretty much as far as we went for months after that.”

Becky was listening intently until Ali stopped. Then she leaned in a little closer and lowered her voice, “You never wanted to…cross that line?” Smiling shyly, Ali nodded. “I know I did, but it would get to the point where I wanted something but I just didn’t know what it was. That and the fact I didn’t know what to do next. Literally. I was so young, Bex.”

“How did you end up getting around that?”

Looking back at the kitchen, she paused when the music stopped. As the next song began, she leaned in close enough for Becky to feel her breath on her neck. In her ear, Ali whispered, “I googled it.” Looking back to the kitchen again, she continued, “I really wanted to be with her before she left for school. I wanted to make sure I did it right.

“I’m sorry.” Becky smiled and put her hand over her mouth to hide her humor in the response. Then she added, “I’m glad it wasn’t just me.”

Ali rolled her eyes and laughed out loud as she shook her head. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Well what the hell do I know? I grew up on a ranch in Texas and was home schooled.”

Then, Ali narrowed her eyes a bit, “Wait a second. Have you two not…..?”

Becky’s cheeks flushed hot with embarrassment as she shook her head no. Then she whispered, “I guess it’s because we’re both scared too, because we’re virgins.”

Ali’s mouth went dry and she tried to lick her lips so she could ask some questions but Becky beat her to the punch, “How often do you guys…you know…now?”

Ali had furrowed her brow a bit in thought. Then shaking her head, she began, “I don’t think you can compare. Once she left for school, there was a solid two and a half years or so we didn’t even see each other. I think we’ve only been together three times during college in the last five years.”

Ali was thinking, then, “Are you both scared? Does either of you want more?”

Becky smiled and nodded, “Oh, yes, I definitely do. But I want to respect her boundaries.”

Trying to not sound obvious about it, Ali casually asked, “Did she tell you she’s a virgin?”

As soon as the words left her lips, Ali knew she’d opened a can of worms that she couldn’t close. Becky was studying her friend with suspicion, “What do you know?”

Ali took in a breath and shook her head, “She’s one of my best friends in the world. Please don’t make me break that confidence.” She lingered on Becky’s jade green eyes and found them sympathetic to her cause. “I can respect that. If there’s something personal she needs to tell me, I want her to be ready.”

A feeling of relief washed over her knowing she wasn’t going to have to get into a sticky conversation about Alyssa’s past. Then, “Did you sleep with her?” Ali closed her eyes as the question punched her in the gut.

Letting out a long sigh, Becky breathed out, “That’s what I thought.”

In a panic, Ali quickly leaned closer, “No, wait. It’s not like that.” Glancing out into the kitchen, she stared silently. “Do you know she’s in therapy? Has she talked about anything?”

Becky had finally stopped staring Ali down and was lost in thought. She seemed to be connecting the dots in her head. When she finally focused back on Ali, she seemed more concerned, “She reached out to you about the abuse…” There was a pained expression on her face as she began to realize what bonded her friends. She was becoming visibly emotional as a hint of tears gathered in the corners of her eyes, “You never touched her, did you?”

Ali subtly shook her head no.

“Babe, do you want some cookies,” Alyssa called from the kitchen. Waving her hand, Becky smiled and wrinkled her nose. “I feel like a shit,” she whispered. “I’m always making sexual comments. I’m constantly trying to touch her and…”

Taking her hand and holding it, Ali shook her head, “No, no, no…Becky, you can’t change the way you are with her. She really likes you. If she didn’t want to be in this she wouldn’t be. She used to be such a mess. She had a crush on me and thought it was the end of the world.”

Halfway through the doorway, Alyssa stood watching, “What are you doing?” She sincerely had no idea about what level of trust had been breached between them and she questioned with her eyebrows.

Sitting back, Becky scooted over and patted the sofa beside her, “Just girl talk.” Alyssa smiled and quickly filled the space she’d offered. Becky’s stare fluttered past her girlfriend for a fraction of a second to convey to Ali her compliance.

Suddenly aware of the silence, Megan came into the room and tossed the remote control on the table. “Thank god,” Alyssa rolled her eyes, “I don’t know what channel that was but those were some freaky Christmas songs.”

Ali let out a laugh and noticed Ashlyn come into the room behind Megan. She was still wearing one sneaker. Standing, she crossed the room and asked the pair, “So who won?”

Pulling Ali closer using the hem of her tee shirt, she whispered, “I always win.” Ali leaned closer against her and slowly raised up on her toes. They began a magnetic attraction that pulled them together and Ali closed her eyes as Ashlyn leaned in.

“Violation!”

Jumping back, Ali took in a sharp breath and turned angrily toward Megan. The giggling that erupted from the pair on the sofa made Ashlyn snicker. Picking up a throw pillow on the closest chair, Ali never broke her glare as she started after Megan. Backing up a few steps, she was caught off guard when Ali lifted the ruffled decoration over her head and began swatting at her with it. Falling back and onto the floor when she tripped over her own feet, Ali took advantage of her vulnerability and connected the pillow with her repeatedly as she chastised in short bursts, “If…you…ever…yell…vi-o-la-tion…at…me…a-gain…”

Shielding herself from the blows, Megan screamed, “ALRIGHT! Dude, call her off!” Ashlyn was laughing so hard, that while she tried to stop Ali from her pillow punching frenzy, she couldn’t seem to catch her rhythm to stop her. Finally, she gained enough self control to grab the brunette’s wrists and held her back.

Out of breath and exhausted, Ali couldn’t deliver another blow with Ashlyn holding her back so she dropped the pillow and kicked it at Megan. Through her uncontrolled laughter, Ashlyn was able to warn, “I don’t know if I can hold her much longer, you better beat it.”

Alyssa had her face buried in Becky’s lap laughing so hard that she was slapping her hand on the sofa as she wheezed uncontrollably. Megan pushed herself to her feet and brushed herself off, “You’ve both got anger issues.”

Becky was nodding, displaying a sophisticated golf clap, “Well done, Ali.”

Turning and looking up at Ashlyn, Ali reached for her face with the palms of her hands to hold her. Then, she raised up and kissed Ashlyn’s lips and silenced her laughter. Reaching around her waist, the blonde lifted her up and spun her around in a circle as they kissed. When she set her down, Ali looked back at Megan who held her hands up defensively, “It’s cool. Nice kiss. Very sexy.”

When Ashlyn’s glare fixed on her, Megan backed out of the room slowly, “I’m gonna grab my coat and then I’ll be down. I think we need to get out of this house.”

Biting her bottom lip, Ali turned back to Ashlyn, “Now I know why you chased her.”

*

Seated around a table, the conversation began light and hovered around Ali’s possible pro boxing career. When a waitress appeared, Megan took control of the situation, “Howdy ma’am. We’d like three pitchers of beer and a bunch of menus if you’d be so kind.” Ending her speech with a wink, she smiled and announced, “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna cruise the joint.” The waitress lingered a moment on Megan, most likely making sure she was serious. After they both stepped away, Alyssa returned to the table and slid into the booth beside Becky. The waitress returned with the pitchers and some menus. “I’ll give you some time to look over everything.”

Ashlyn poured her and Ali a mug of beer and Becky did the same, sliding one to Alyssa. “I’m not twenty-one,” she whispered. When Becky hesitated, Ali leaned over, “We weren’t twenty-one at those house parties, were we?” Wrapping her hand around the cool glass, Alyssa gave Ali a smile. Then they all lifted their mugs and held them together in the air, “Cheers.”

Setting a bowl of pretzels on the table, Megan nodded, “Not a bad scene. Snacks compliments of the bartender, Frankie. Dude, if you’re willing to trade Ali, we can score some free pizza rolls.”

Megan raised her mug at the blonde behind the bar who blew a kiss into the air back at her. Ashlyn craned her neck to see the proposition on the table and then glanced down at Ali who was batting her eyelashes accompanied by her best pouting lips. Over the loud music that had begun to play, Ashlyn shook her head, “Naa, I’m good. I’ll stick with what I got.”

Waving her friend off, “You’re no fun,” she mumbled as she headed off again. “Kill joy.”

The DJ enticed the patrons to take up some space on the dance floor and played another mashup that has Alyssa tapping her fingers as she listened to the music. “Do you want to dance?” Alyssa looked from Becky to the crowded dance floor and contemplated. “Come on,” she nodded as she began scooting Alyssa out of the booth.

Alone at the table, Ashlyn found Ali smiling as she finished off her beer. As she refilled her glass, she asked, “Are you having fun?” When she looked up, she smiled wide, “Very much. We’ve never been out like this…socially.”

Taking a long swallow, Ashlyn asked, “So what do you think?”

Her lips curling halfway on one side, Ali nodded, “You’ve got a great personality.” Leaning over, she added, “And you’re cute, too.” Ashlyn smiled at the brunette who was starting to relax.

Standing, Ashlyn began to exaggeratedly dance tableside. She held her glass in her hand and took a swallow as she scanned the people on the dance floor and were scattered around the edges. Ali’s head was beginning to spin and watching Ash she felt herself begin to unwind. She finished her drink as she laughed at Megan who was now dancing with two different women. Alyssa was practically grinding on Becky’s hip, with her hands on her waist, pulling her seductively closer and lost in each other’s eyes.

Ashlyn poured herself another drink and made eye contact with Ali in question. When she nodded, she refilled her glass as well. Then she leaned in closer, “I’m going to the ladies’ room.” Ali mostly figured out what she was saying by her gesture toward the other side of the room. She smiled and Ashlyn began to navigate the crowd. Standing with her drink, she began walking around the club watching everyone dance. Realizing she was in an LGBTQ environment, she watched all the women couples dancing together, holding hands and the public displays of affection. Leaning back and sitting halfway on a barstool, Ali watched two young girls in the corner against the wall of the bar. They were leaned in close, talking to one another as they held hands. Watching them together made her feel warm inside. It felt amazing to be around so many people that felt just like her. The bartender interrupted her thoughts when she set down a drink in front of Ali, “Hey there, little button. On the house, compliments of a secret admirer.” Ali tried to protest, and the young blonde shook her head, “Already paid for, it’s a cinnamon toast crunch. Sweet, like you.” Stopping and meeting her stare, Ali questioned, “Frankie?”

“Yes,” she smiled and leaned over the counter a little too close. “Now give it a try.”

Lifting the glass to her lips, she tasted the rim that was dusted with a cinnamon and sugar mixture. After a small swallow, she felt the alcohol in the drink invade her chest and stomach giving it a warm sensation. By the time she set down the empty glass, Frankie had another one on deck.

Sliding it across the counter, Frankie asked, “Did you like it, little button?” Feeling herself dip into a heaviness that accompanied the alcohol, she reached one of her arms along the bar counter to steady herself. She attempted to focus on the blonde and ended up watching her mouth that was decorated with bright red lipstick. “Why do you keep calling me ‘little button’?”

Leaning herself up and hanging across the bar, Frankie explained, “Well, first off, you never told me your name.” Lingering a moment, she glanced down at Ali’s mouth and then back up to meet her soft brown eyes, “Second, I think you’re just as cute as a button.”

Feeling her cheeks burn with color, the brunette crinkled her nose around her embarrassment, “I’m Alex. And does the line usually work on girls?”

Sliding back to her side of the bar and smiling, Frankie nodded, “Like a charm.”

*

By the time that Ashlyn came into view from the opposite side of the bar, Ali was drunkety-drunk. If she tried to stand, she was sure that the world would be tilted to one side. She watched Ash talking to some blonde for a while before returning to her shameless flirting with Frankie. Sliding another glass across the counter, Frankie nodded, “I’ve known Megan for like six months now. She’s a character.”

A hand rested on her shoulder briefly before the chair beside her was filled. Alyssa looked over at Ali and smiled, “You doing alright?” Becky had her arms around her waist from behind and as she spoke with Ali, she took the opportunity to place gentle kisses on her neck. As Alyssa did her best to focus on her friend, it was obvious to see she was grossly distracted. At one point, she briefly closed her eyes and leaned back against Becky.

Ali smiled, “Yep. Frankie here make me an incredible drink.” Looking back, she asked, “Can I have four more, one for me and three for my friends.”

Nodding, Frankie smiled, “Hello, friends.”

Holding out a hand, “They call me ‘Lys. And this is my girlfriend.”

“Rebecca,” she nodded back.

Setting up four shots, the bartender waited for approval. “Hey, Frankie, can we get some love down here?” From over her shoulder, she called back, “Sorry, I was done an hour ago.”

Lifting her heavy eyes, Ali questioned, “An hour ago?” Then sliding one of the shot glasses, she said, “This one’s for you. Thank you for the company.” Frankie blew her a kiss from across the bar, “No problem, little button.” Ali smiled back and tried to keep her smile to a minimum.

“That was amazing.” Becky set her glass down.

Tapping her nose lightly, Frankie smiled, “No worries. It was good company, Alex.”

Alyssa had taken Becky’s hand to hold it lightly, “That was an awesome drink.”

Reaching underneath the counter, the bartender found her coat and purse, “Now that your friends are here, I’m going to head home. You girls stay safe and tell Megan to give me a call. Good night.” She gave Ali a wink and turned for the other side of the bar.

Sitting beside Ali on a stool, Ashlyn leaned in, “How you doing, killer?” When Ali glanced over, she smiled and put a hand on her shoulder for support. “I’m good.” Standing, Ash put an arm around her and held her close as she rested her head again the taller woman’s shoulder and closed her eyes. “You’re drunk, baby girl.”

Appearing between the two couples, Megan held up a handful of quarters, “Donkey Kong tournament in the back, ladies. Loser pays for the Uber.” Everyone’s attention focused where there was a row of video game machines lining the wall along the back leading to a game room.

Gathered around the machine, Ashlyn cleared the first screen and high fived Megan who was cheering her on as she made her way to the top to save the princess. Ali laughed at the relationship between the two as they kept switching between players and still helped one another to make sure they avoided any pitfalls. Ali leaned on the wall, her eyes heavy, and she focused on Becky and Alyssa again.

Alyssa was sitting on a bar stool and Becky was standing in front of her between her parted knees. She had her arms draped over Alyssa’s shoulders and leaned her head against her forehead as the two spoke to each other.

They both seemed intoxicated but not out of control. Alyssa looked like she was very emotional and Becky was trying to calm her. She would caress her face every few minutes followed by her tilting her chin up so she could see her face. Then Alyssa would nod or acknowledge whatever Becky had told her.

Eventually, Alyssa looked up at Becky and halfway smiled. She reached her arms up and around Becky’s waist and pulled her closer. Leaning on one another, they were moving slowly together to their own rhythm still whispering softly.

As Ali watched them moving together, she saw something change. Alyssa reached up and took Becky’s face into her hands and held it. Meeting her eyes, she could see Alyssa say ‘take me home’. It wasn’t out of intoxication or unhappiness. There was a desire in her movements that Becky could see and then her hands slid down and she put her fingers through the belt loops of her jeans and pulled her into her.

Feeling like she was watching a slow motion movie from across the room, Ali blinked heavily. The couple began trading soft kisses and before long were getting their things together to go.

Becky turned and saw Ali and waved to her. Meeting halfway between the dance floor and the tables, her friend pulled her closer so she could talk to her, “I’m taking Lyssa back to the house.” Nodding at Megan and Ash, who were laughing uncontrolled at one another’s performance, she asked, “Will you let them know?”

Smiling at the display, Ali rolled her eyes and promised, “Yes.” Before she could turn, she took a hold of Becky’s wrist and asked, “Is everything alright? Do you need anything?”

Meeting her brown eyes, Becky made sure she spoke soberly, “I think maybe she wants to talk. She got real serious on me and asked if I’d take her home.”

Nodding, Ali gave her a hug.

Turning, so she could return to the games, Megan was halfway across the room already calling her name, “Ali,” she reached for her arm, “Come on, I won. You play me.” Almost dragging her along behind her, Megan started the next game. “You can go first.” Watching the large gorilla steal the girl and climb the ladder, Ali giggled at the visual. She was clumbsy with the joystick and made it halfway up the first ladder when a barrel from above landed on her head and she screamed at the loss. She laughed at her inexperience and stepped aside for Megan. Watching her climb the ladders and jump over the barrels, she began warning her of upcoming obstacles and jumping in place when they rolled after Megan.

Ashlyn returned to the machine and began laughing at Ali’s antics. When she saw her score of 100, she laughed even harder. Handing her a drink, Ali was lost in the competition and put her arm around Ashlyn’s waist to pull her close as she began coaching Megan, “Watch out, it’s coming back on fire!”

Megan hissed at the machine when she died before she could reach the top and Ali was laughing so hard she leaned her head against Megan who had pulled her in to cry foul. Ali was trying to focus on this turn as she began a commentary on her crusade, “That’s right little princess, I’m on my way. I’ve got my eye on the prize. You stay right there……”

Megan leaned back around her shoulder as she played to look at Ash who was biting her lip trying not laugh. When a flurry of barrels and a grease fire flame challenged her skills, Ali was practically jumping in place as she warned, “Don’t come at me like that, get out of the way…no!”

Ashlyn was laughing so hard, she’d backed up against the wall for support. When Ali looked to Megan, she comforted soberly, “Don’t worry, Ali. There’s another life left. You’ll get her.” Ali nodded, “OK, you go get her.”

The exchange rendered Ashlyn weak with laughter. She couldn’t tell if Megan or Ali were serious or not and it completely broke her. She sat back on a chair as Megan started her turn and the commentary was just as funny. Megan began using her swagger to coax the barrels into behaving. She began sweet talking them, hoping to negotiate, “Come on now, help a girl out, you don’t need to come my way. That’s right, you go down that ladder…the other way, no, leave me alone….fuuuuuuuck!”

Ashlyn was completely done. She’d slid herself to the floor, weak with laughter, and Ali’s last turn didn’t help. She was pleading with barrels on behalf of her unrequited love of the princess as she practically jumped every time an obstacle came too close. When she climbed the final ladder and reached the top, her victory dance was the cherry on the proverbial cake. She high fived Megan who was so elated she felt the need to strut like Mick Jaggar around the machine while she chanted, “Who got the girl? Ali got the girl! Who got the girl?”

Answering the question for her, the brunette sang, “Ali got the girl!”

Racing back to the machine for the second level, she voiced her displeasure for the stupidity of the princess for being captured again so quickly, “What is this all about? He’s got her again? This bitch is a little too high maintenance for me…”

In the middle of a swallow, Megan ended up spitting beer all over Ali in laughter, who ended up dying on her last life. “Serves her right,” she scowled. Megan lost it and beer began dripping out of her nose when she doubled over.”

Ali turned and saw Ash in a heap on the floor and wiped beer off her face as she took a swallow of her drink and started laughing at Megan who was leaning on the machine for support. “I just can’t, Ali…”

The trio returned to their booth wiping tears from their eyes until Ali asked, “Wait, so who lost? Who gets the Uber?”

There was silence and then suspicion in everyone’s eyes as they scanned each other. When Ali and Megan both found each other, they simultaneously nodded and pointed, “Ashlyn!”


	3. Lost In Love

**Chapter 3**

**Lost In Love**

The Uber ride was mostly quiet. Alyssa had her head rested against Becky’s arm and every few minutes she would look up and out the window to see where they were. Once home, Alyssa unlocked the front door and closed it behind them. Then taking Becky’s hand, she navigated them through the dimly lit house until they crossed the kitchen and came to her bedroom.

Once inside, she turned on a small desk lamp that provided just enough dim light. She watched Alyssa hang her coat in the closet as she shed her own and folded it over the back of a chair. Then, standing with her hands tucked into the pockets of her jeans, Becky waited for Alyssa to look up as she stood motionless by the closet.

Turning slowly, she kicked off her sneakers. Countering her, Becky pushed off her loafers and swiped them aside with her foot. Nervously switching her stance from one foot to the other, Alyssa took a couple slow steps closer and loosened the skinny black necktie. Once she let it drop to the floor, she began unbuttoning Becky’s dress shirt. Pushing it back over her shoulders, she let it fall onto the floor and rested her hands on her waist. The tank top underneath revealed the chiseled muscular arms and shoulders that were defined so well. Running her fingers up along them in unison, she finally met with Becky’s patient and compassionate eyes.

They’d been here so many times before. And Becky had never once questioned her need to stop or the reason behind so much fear. As much as Alyssa wanted to initiate, it never flowed. When Becky would try to keep things moving, Alyssa stopped her. She needed it to be her.

Pulling her tee shirt over her own head, she dropped it onto the floor. Becky could see her breathing pick up. Standing there in her sports bra, this was the furthest she’d come before pulling the plug. Becky rested her hands on her waist and Alyssa let her. Then, Alyssa whispered, “Maybe I should clean up.” Before she could back up, Becky hooked her fingers in the beltloops of her jeans and halted her pulling away. When she met her stare, Becky subtly shook her head and said, “It’s you.”

Unbuttoning the top of her jeans, she reached for Becky’s hand and placed it there. Then she stepped closer and reached around her shoulders to pull her into an embrace. Pulling the zipper down, Becky placed little kisses against her neck and shoulder as she used both hands to slide the jeans down over her backside and onto the floor. Alyssa didn’t stop her.

Her hands ran across her stomach slowly and she felt it tighten. Taking a step back, Alyssa reached for Becky’s hand and laid back on the bed, pulling her to lie on top of her. Placing kisses on her neck, she trailed them down to her chest and could hear Alyssa sigh with pleasure at her touch. Finally, Becky lifted her head up and found her lips, ready and willing to trade soft gentle kisses.

When things began to become heated, and Alyssa demanded more with her tongue, Becky pulled back and met her eyes that had darkened. Then lifting her body slightly, she glanced down between them and whispered, “Relax your body a little so we can feel each other.”

Alyssa’s breaths were fast and deep and she wanted more too. First, she reached down and felt the bulge between Becky’s legs underneath her jeans. As she ran her hand over it, Becky closed her eyes and whined a little under her breath. It was the first time she’d acknowledged her aesthetic addition. The feeling empowered her and made her insides glow with a warmth that spread across her belly and into her center. Alyssa relaxed her posture and spread her legs to allow Becky the room to melt against her body so they could feel one another’s pulse points.

Once Becky adjusted on top of her, Alyssa reached around her and pulled her tank top up over her head. She wasted no time running her tongue over a nipple and it immediately hardened in her mouth. The sensation drew Becky’s hips down against Alyssa’s and it created a pressure that caused her to suck in her breath sharply.

Forcing herself to pause, Becky questioned through her own breathlessness, “Are you alright?” Raising up, she studied the face that was flushed with desire.

Licking her dry lips, she shook her head no. Sitting up and back on her knees, Becky rested a hand on Alyssa’s stomach. “What’s wrong?”

Sitting halfway up, Alyssa whispered, “I want more.” Not breaking her gaze that was fixed on Becky, she reached down and popped open the button on her jeans. Watching her for another moment, Becky backed off the bed and stood. She went to the shelves beside the desk and flipped on the radio and set the volume on low. It was enough to be heard but not intrusive. She smiled at what was playing, thinking about the irony and the effect Alyssa had brought to her life.

_I realize the best part of love is the thinnest slice_

_And it don't count for much_

_But I'm not letting go_

_I believe there's still much to believe in_

_So lift your eyes if you feel you can_

_Reach for a star and I'll show you a plan_

_I figured it out_

_What I needed was someone to show me_

_You know you can't fool me_

_I've been loving you too long_

_It started so easy_

_You want to carry on_

_Lost in love and I don't know much_

_Was I thinking aloud and fell out of touch?_

_But I'm back on my feet and eager to be what you wanted_

_So lift your eyes if you feel you can_

_Reach for a star and I'll show you a plan_

_I figured it out_

_What I needed was someone to show me_

_You know you can't fool me_

_I've been loving you too long_

_It started so easy_

_You want to carry on_

_Lost in love and I don't know much_

_Was I thinking aloud and fell out of touch?_

_But I'm back on my feet and eager to be what you wanted_

_You know you can't fool me_

_I've been loving you too long_

_It started so easy_

_You want to carry on_

_Lost in love and I don't know much_

_Was I thinking aloud and fell out of touch?_

_But I'm back on my feet and eager to be what you wanted_

_Now I'm lost, lost in love, lost in love, lost in love_

_Now I'm lost, lost in love, lost in love, lost in love_

_Lost in love, lost in love, lost in love_

_Lost in love, lost in love, lost in love_

Alyssa had pulled down the sheet and comforter. Slipping back into bed, she pulled her sports bra up and over her head. Becky noticed she left the dark blue boy shorts on when she pulled the covers up over herself. Crossing the room, she unzipped her jeans and slid them down over her hips and onto the floor. Standing beside the bed in only the grey boxer shorts that sat low on her waist, Becky gave Alyssa a moment to look at her and she used the time to mentally prepare to be naked in front of her girlfriend for the first time. Sliding the boxers down, she stood up feeling vulnerable without the secret strength of her confidence that Alyssa had acknowledged.

Feeling as if her swagger would waiver enough that Alyssa would want to flee the scene and not feel comforted by her inadequacy, she finally met her brown eyes from the security of the bed. Drawing from their bond, Alyssa threw back the covers and went to her. Running her finger along the light brown braid that hung over her shoulder, she brushed it away and kissed her shoulder lightly. She realized that Becky was just as frightened to proceed under the guise now that she was the supposed lead.

Her arms around her waist pulling her close, Alyssa whispered, “My protector, take care of me.” She buried her face into Becky’s neck and held her close. Running her hands down Alyssa’s back, she felt the chills it created underneath her fingertips. Pulling back, she found Alyssa lips and kissed them. She guided her back to the bed and slipped themselves underneath the covers as they tangled around each other and fumbled for position.

Becky’s kisses quickly took control and ended with her kissing underneath Alyssa’s bellybutton. The sensation halted her breathing and created ripples along her taut abdomen. When she reached for the waistband of her boy shorts, Alyssa immediately lifted her hips to help. Then, suddenly shy, she rested her hand between her legs to cover herself.

Becky kissed her hand softly and kissed the soft flesh on her inner thigh. Her coaxing relaxed Alyssa enough that her hand fell away revealing the small circular scars to her outer labia that were most likely burns. Without so much as a heartbeat of hesitation, Becky kissed the scars delicately and grazed her tongue over her center. Alyssa sniffled and quickly reached for Becky’s hand for comfort. Their fingers laced together, she promised, “I’m alright. Please don’t stop.”

Using her tongue first, Becky then experimented with her mouth and lips, enjoying hearing the noises that she created as Alyssa relinquished all inhibitions. Losing track of time and completely unaware of her surroundings, Becky lost herself as she made Alyssa feel good. Hyperaware, however, of Alyssa’s feelings, she was able to pinpoint the moment the subtle change occurred that would ultimately lead to her orgasm.

Alyssa began writhing underneath of Becky’s efforts as if she was unaware of what was to come. The feeling confused her when the entirety of her genital region began to tighten and tingle. As the feeling grew stronger, Becky reached underneath her to maintain contact. Finally, Alyssa’s back arched and she raised up as she let out a cry and released liquid waves of herself that Becky drank so willingly. Using her lips to tease out as much as she could, she gently sucked on her center until Alyssa made noises sounding as if it might be too much stimulation.

Sliding a finger down through her moisture, Becky pressed lightly on her center and then held it there. Climbing up to rest beside Alyssa, she kissed her lips and asked, “Are you ok?”

Her body was still sensitive from the overload of emotions that coursed through every nerve ending. Nodding silently, she reached up and grasped Becky’s bicep and held it. When her hold on her arm tightened, Becky leaned in and kissed her lips again, “Hey, what’s happening?”

Her body began to spasm and buck against Becky’s hand before she let out a soft whine. Still watching her closely, she felt the strong pulsing against her finger and her eyes were closed tightly. “Please don’t move,” she whispered. Her head leaned against Becky’s and her body stiffened again before releasing her hold on her arm. Reaching down, she intertwined her fingers with Becky’s and looked up at her, “I didn’t think it was going to stop.” Leaning in, Becky kissed her lips one more time and smiled, “It didn’t sound like that was such a bad thing.” Alyssa smiled and laughed a little, “Definitely not a bad thing.” Reaching her arms around her for comfort, Becky pulled her in, “I feel so close to you.” Looking up suddenly, Alyssa questioned, “Are you going to stay with me tonight? Will you…stay with me?” It was a rule they didn’t break often, save for safety, and it had never been to offer emotional support post sex. This was uncharted territory between them.

Becky was thinking. She was playing with a handful of Alyssa’s hair and let out a breath, seemingly defeated. “If you don’t think it will confuse things…I want to wake up with you like this.” She was still clinging to the promise she’d made to Alyssa months ago to not give her false hopes by playing house with her. It was the sole reason she turned down the offer to take up residence in the vacant room when Megan had offered. Alyssa initially felt hurt that she wanted to maintain separate spaces, however Becky made it clear that if they rushed a new relationship, it would surely kill anything long lasting that could ever be between them. And Becky housed her own demons that she was still making every effort to keep from effecting Alyssa’s mental health. Now, as she stared back into her light brown eyes that were pleading silently, Becky nodded. Leaning in to kiss her lips for reassurance, she whispered, “I’m not going anywhere.”

*

On the ride home, the effects of the alcohol kept the commentary lively. Ali had straddled Ashlyn’s lap, facing her, and was listening to Megan criticize her gameplay of Donkey Kong. When she’d finally heard enough, she broke away from Ashlyn’s hypnotic eyes and shook her head, “You know, for someone who didn’t make it past the first level, you’ve got an awful lot to say.”

“I’m just saying, you suck at the game.”

Pausing a moment, Ali met Megan’s stare and said, “You know what? I’m just saying, if I had a dick, right about now is when I’d tell you to suck it. I’m just saying.”

Returning her attention to Ashlyn, who’d lost complete control of herself laughing, Ali bowed her head a bit.

Megan smiled and nodded, “You know, I think I really like ‘drunk Ali’. I’m going to splash a little vodka in her morning orange juice. We could all benefit from a daily dose of ‘drunk Ali’.”

Without looking away this time, the brunette warned, “I think there’s a huge violation coming. You might want to avert your eyes.”

When Ali leaned in to kiss Ashlyn’s lips, Megan watched with a happy grin on her face until Ashlyn reached out and turned her friend’s head to shield the couple from her prying eyes. The radio in the background softly played ‘Lost in Love’ by ‘Air Supply’ and Megan smiled to herself as she listened.

I realize the best part of love is the thinnest slice

And it don't count for much

But I'm not letting go

I believe there's still much to believe in

So lift your eyes if you feel you can

Reach for a star and I'll show you a plan

I figured it out

What I needed was someone to show me

You know you can't fool me

I've been loving you too long

It started so easy

You want to carry on

Lost in love and I don't know much

Was I thinking aloud and fell out of touch?

But I'm back on my feet and eager to be what you wanted

So lift your eyes if you feel you can

Reach for a star and I'll show you a plan

I figured it out

What I needed was someone to show me

You know you can't fool me

I've been loving you too long

It started so easy

You want to carry on

Lost in love and I don't know much

Was I thinking aloud and fell out of touch?

But I'm back on my feet and eager to be what you wanted

You know you can't fool me

I've been loving you too long

It started so easy

You want to carry on

Lost in love and I don't know much

Was I thinking aloud and fell out of touch?

But I'm back on my feet and eager to be what you wanted

Now I'm lost, lost in love, lost in love, lost in love

Now I'm lost, lost in love, lost in love, lost in love

Lost in love, lost in love, lost in love

Lost in love, lost in love, lost in love


	4. Chapter 4 or 3.1 (Lost in Love)

As the trio arrived, Megan stood talking with the driver, who waited patiently for Ali and Ashlyn. The couple continued with their PDA and seemed to have no plans of stopping until Ash scooted closer to the door and opened it. With Ali in her lap, she wrapped her arms around her and stood, holding her in her arms.

Once they reached the front door, Megan turned her key in the lock and then pushed back against Ash who had leaned back when her and Ali started up again. “Dude.”

Once inside, Ashlyn tugged on Ali’s tee shirt and whispered, “Come upstairs.” Her hands on the blonde’s waist, Ali looked to her own bedroom and shook her head, “We’re right here.” Taking the steps slowly, Megan turned and began climbing them backwards watching the power struggle downstairs.

When Ashlyn didn’t budge, Ali pulled her tee shirt up over her head and let it drop to the floor. Rustling her hair, she smiled and motioned to Ashlyn, “Come and get me.” Ashlyn followed her halfway and pulled her into a kiss that ended with Ali topless and on top of her on the sofa. When more clothing began to shed onto the floor, Megan actually laughed out loud and turned for her bedroom.


	5. A Girl Like You

Holding the remote control in one hand, she turned up the volume before setting it down. Sitting sideways in the recliner with her feet hanging over the side and left to dangle, Megan had one eye on the television and one eye on the couple asleep on the couch. Sitting back with her bowl of cereal, she waited for the inevitable to happen.

Ali readjusted herself lying halfway against Ashlyn and halfway on the sofa. The throw blanket was draped over them providing a minimal amount of cover. “Turn that off,” Ali mumbled.

Ashlyn was lying on her back, holding Ali in her arms, trying to hold onto sleep when she shook her head annoyed, “Turn what off? What is that?” The television seemingly, on cue, cut to a commercial that was ridiculously loud and scared the hell out of both of them.

Ashlyn sat up so quickly that Ali ended up rolling onto the floor. A hand on her pounding head, the blonde’s eyes were closed and she was trying to steady herself. Megan choked on her cereal laughing and snorted on milk that dripped out of her nose. Ali sat up slowly and looked around confused.

Ashlyn wrapped the throw around Ali’s shoulders and glared across the room at Megan who was lost in her amusement. Standing angrily, Ash stepped over Ali and swiped the cereal bowl from her hand and dumped it on her head. Laughing too hard to care, she held her stomach as she rolled off of the chair and onto the floor beside Ali.

Alyssa’s bedroom door slowly opened and Becky took a few steps into the kitchen. Faced with everyone in various stages of their own chaos, she nodded and hoped that was the end of it as she went to the cabinet. She wore her jeans from the night before and the white tank top. Her long light brown hair was not in its usual braid or pulled back the way it usually was and the visual caught everyone’s attention. “Aren’t you handsome,” Megan commented. Blushing slightly, Becky smiled halfway as she started the coffee pot.

Megan stood and climbed the stairs to her room. Pulling her clothes on, Ali stood and looked into the kitchen at Becky, raising her eyebrows a little in question. Biting her bottom lip, she shrugged and nodded. Looking away embarrassed, she set two mugs on the counter. Holding up a third, she looked to Ali. Nodding, she came into the kitchen and took the cream out of the refrigerator. Setting a spoon beside it, she whispered, “You ok?” Becky looked down at herself and took a breath, “I’m not sure. I didn’t think I’d feel like this.”

“Like how?”

Giving Ali a side glance, she whispered, “I feel like I took her innocence.”

“Becky, don’t feel that way. Someone else hurt her a long time ago. And I’m pretty sure you didn’t take anything from her.” Reaching her hand out, Ali took Becky’s and held it, “I think you gave her something she’s needed for a long time. Hope, that someone can love her and make her feel good about herself. You’re a good person, you’ve changed.”

“I want to believe that.”

“Hey,” Ali made her turn to face her. “Stop that. Lys loves you. What on earth could possibly make you think you don’t deserve her?”

Lowering her voice, Becky asked, “What if I can’t take care of her the way she needs?”

Pursing her lips, Ali took a step back with her hands on her hips, “What is it with you guys all thinking you have to solve all our problems? We just need you to be there. You know, support?” Leaning in, Ali questioned, “Do you think she can’t take care of herself? She’s been to hell and back and she’s still here. That counts for something.”

Biting her lip to keep it from quivering, Becky shook her head at herself, “I can’t believe I’m the one who caught feelings.”

Giving her a tap with her shoulder, Ali smiled, “That’s cause you love her.”

When the bedroom door slowly opened, Alyssa appeared in Becky’s dress shirt. Going to her side and leaning close, she kissed her lips and whispered, “Morning.” Pouring herself a cup of coffee, she made her way back to the bedroom as she waved, “Hi, Ali,” before closing the door again.

Ali watched her leave the kitchen then looked to Becky who was still fixed in the same place, staring where Alyssa had been. She had a smile curling the corner of her mouth and there was a sudden rush of color in her cheeks. When she realized Ali was watching her, she began pouring coffee for herself and Ali, “Stoppit.”

Ali giggled a little and Becky splashed some cream in her cup, “I mean it.”

“Rebecca, my dear. You’ve got it bad.” Ali spooned a little sugar in her cup and as she passed by, she added, “Real bad.” Walking around the kitchen island and toward her bedroom, she called back, “Thanks for the coffee.”

*

When Becky returned to the bedroom, she asked,” Did all that noise wake you?” Shaking her head, Alyssa took a sip from her cup and rested back against her pillows. “I didn’t feel you beside me and I was afraid you left.”

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Becky put her cup down and looked to Alyssa, “I wouldn’t do that to you. I got up because I didn't sleep.”

Warming her hands on the cup, Alyssa hid shyly behind it and lowered her voice as she spoke, “Are you sorry…”

Leaning closer, the muscles in her bare arm flexing, Becky warned, “Don’t even suggest as much. I haven’t been sorry for even a minute since I met you.” Her conviction made Alyssa smile. It oozed of a self confidence that gave her chills and as Becky leaned in still staring, Alyssa needed to touch the strong arm in front of her and run her hand over the definition.

As stern as her statement was, Alyssa’s touch immediately softened her face. Shaking her head, she tried not to smile, “How do you do that?”

Her hand had climbed to her shoulder and rested there. “Do what?” she whispered.

Taking the cup from her and setting it on the bedside table, Becky leaned over her and kissed her lips, “How do you make me feel this way?”

Resting on top of Alyssa, Becky settled herself and reached her arms around her. “I think I’m in love with you, Lys. You take me as I am and you’re happy.” Her hand rested on Alyssa’s knee and then ran it up along her thigh until it stopped on her hip. Meeting her light brown eyes, she asked, “Do you love me, Alyssa?”

Without hesitation, she whispered, “I love you, Rebecca.” Reaching down between them, she felt for Becky’s secret that she used as her strength and added, “I love everything about you. You’re strong, confident and I know you can take care of me the way I need.”

*

Ali checked herself in the mirror one last time. She’d chosen a long sleeved red dress that Ashlyn was going to love, most likely, taking off of her later after dinner. She had such a great time the night before hanging out with everyone but coming home so late and somewhat intoxicated, put a damper on any extra curricular activities. They both passed out before anything was able to happen. Thinking about last night, she felt like she was a kid again. Like she’d picked up a long lost piece of her childhood that had been misplaced and she loved how it felt. But, it had been such a long time since the couple had been able to spend some time together. The morning that Ashlyn proposed had kept her warm with good memories to get her through to graduation but also charged her up for wanting to see her again.

She spritzed a hint of her perfume and she was ready to go. Opening her bedroom door, she walked through the kitchen and into the living room where she could hear the fireplace crackling. Hearing movement she thought was Ashlyn, she noticed Becky sitting on the arm of the sofa. Standing, she turned and smiled, “Hi.” At first glance, Ali’s breath caught in her chest, “Oh my gosh.”

Becky looked behind her, confused by the reaction. Ali started with, “I didn’t know you were here.” Then, taking a few steps further into the room, she shook her head in awe, “You look…amazing, Bex.”

Her hands casually in her pockets, she was wearing a crisp, white, long sleeved dress shirt that was collarless. Her pepper grey suit pants were tailored to fit her lean muscular body that was offset by a matching vest that was cut to fit her trim body perfectly. Sitting back on the arm of the sofa again as Ali scanned her from top to bottom and shook her head, “I’m serious.” Becky’s hair was pulled back and tied into her usual braid but topped off with a grey newsboy cap. “You look very handsome.”

Becky smiled humbly and nodded, “Thank you, Ali. And you look really pretty. It reminds me of how you looked at the awards ceremony in France last summer. The pictures were gorgeous, like now.”

Ali glanced back toward the kitchen and bedroom door, “You have plans with Lys?”

Becky nodded, “Neither of us are going home for the holiday so I asked if she wanted to spend Christmas Eve with me.”

“Same with us. We’re just going to dinner.” Ali turned when she heard movement upstairs and watched Ashlyn coming down the stairs. As soon as she saw Ali, she announced, “Well, Merry Christmas to me.” Meeting her beside the sofa, she slid an arm around Ali’s waist and pulled her close to kiss her. “I’m going to enjoy unwrapping you later.” Feigning injury when Ali threw an elbow into her side, Ashlyn smiled, “Hey, Becky. Good to see you again.”

She nodded subtly at Ashlyn, “Hey.”

When Alyssa came into the room, wearing a knee length Kelly green dress, Becky stood and smiled happily. They greeted one another and complimented on everyone’s dress attire. While Ash helped Ali with her coat, Becky leaned closer to Alyssa, “You look gorgeous. I can’t believe you did this for me.”

Alyssa smiled and followed Becky into the kitchen where she stood on the opposite side of the island counter in the center of the room. Coming to her side, she whispered, “I’m glad you like it.”

Becky’s face filled with color, “I definitely do.”

Never breaking away from the green eyes that watched her with such desire, Alyssa whispered, “And as soon as they leave and we’re alone, I’m going to get on my knees and service you the way you deserve.”

Surprise halting her words, Ashlyn came into the kitchen before she could respond, “We’ve kinda got some open ended plans for dinner. Do you guys want to join us?”

Answering for Becky, Alyssa shook her head, “No, thank you. We appreciate the offer.” Going to meet Ali, she kissed her cheek and hugged her before she left, “Have a great time.”

“You too.”

Once they were alone in the kitchen, Alyssa returned to her side and leaned back against the counter. She leaned her palms on her chest and ran her eyes over her from top to bottom until she reached the polished dress shoes on her feet. “Do you have any idea what you’re doing to me. You look so good.”

Reaching around her waist, Alyssa pulled them closer together. Grinding against her, she used the perfect amount of pressure where they urgently needed it. Without looking away, Alyssa reached down and began unbuckling her belt followed by the button on her pants. Sliding the zipper slowly down, she used her hands to lower the slacks until they pooled at her feet. On her knees in front of her, she reached around to cup her toned ass with both hands when she could see Becky wavering. She lightly ran her fingertips teasingly down the inside of her thighs and then back up to the waistband of the black bikini briefs that securely held the pair of rolled up socks in place between her legs.

Looking up to meet Becky’s watchful stare, she took down the silky panties. Reaching around her again to gain some balance, Alyssa leaned in slowly and buried her face into the sensitive moist folds. Letting out a low moan, Becky’s knees buckled before regaining her composure. Her head was tilted slightly upward as Alyssa ran her tongue achingly through her center that was making her throb. Her eyes closed, she let out a whine that made Alyssa smile against her body.

Alyssa was using her tongue to provide soft slow strokes up along her center that were sending shockwaves through her body. Becky quickly found herself anticipating every stroke and leaning into her for more. The sighs that escaped her lips were pushing Alyssa to apply more pressure to coax out more pleasure. The more she listened to the subtle moans that Becky was trying to stifle, the more her tongue searched for the spot that was driving her crazy.

When a door slammed from the upstairs, Alyssa held her tighter to keep her from pulling away. Halfway down, Megan saw Becky standing behind the kitchen island, “Hey, I didn’t realize you were here. You waiting for Lys?”

Becky nodded quickly, “We have...dinner plans.” She was struggling to focus as she felt Alyssa’s tongue slide up higher and then her lips began to pull on her swollen clitoris.

Checking her cell phone for the time as she descended the last few steps, Megan smiled and shook her head, “Good luck with that. I hope the reservations weren’t for eight o’clock.” Pulling on her jacket, she turned for the door as she waved, “Have fun.”

Her hand found the back of Alyssa’s head and gripped a fistful of hair. As her tongue found a combination of the perfect speed and pressure that was creating a warmth between her legs pulling her toward something she’s never felt before, the fingertips from her other hand rested on the counter in front of her.

Becky’s body began to spasm when Alyssa sucked on her swollen anatomy catapulting her into her orgasm that made her cry out. Alyssa finished her off by pushing her tongue up into her to taste every last bit she could. Becky was moaning out with every pleasurable sensation that Alyssa discovered she could create.

When Becky opened her eyes, Alyssa was still on her knees, looking up in question, “Is there anything else I can do for you?”

Taking her hand to help her to her feet, Becky leaned closer and found her lips to place a soft kiss on them. Reaching under her dress, she slid the lace panties down her legs and helped her step out of them. Lifting her up and setting her on the edge of the counter, Becky slid two fingers down through the moisture that had collected between Alyssa’s legs. Her other arm around her waist, her fingers moved easily in and out with her thumb circling over her clitoris.

With one of her legs around Becky’s waist, Alyssa had both of her hands wrapped tightly around the sculptured biceps as she edged closer to bliss. At the moment Becky felt her insides clenching, Alyssa whispered, “Kiss me.”

Their lips barely touching, Alyssa’s body responded to Becky’s touch until her muscles had exhausted themselves and she rested her head on the shoulder of her lover. Kissing her neck, Alyssa looked up and held her face lightly with her hand. Becky smiled at the glow of her flushed face and whispered, “That was the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.”

Alyssa shyly smiled back with Becky’s arms around her securely until she began to spasm and her grip tightened on her upper arms again. “Ohh…” Becky listened to another wave of her orgasm cause her body to twitch before she finally slumped again her breathing heavily.

Pulling her hair back and away from her face, Becky lightly kissed her neck and caressed her skin with her fingertips until she’d settled herself. Then, she bent down to retrieve her clothes. She pulled up the zipper, leaving the button open and her belt unfastened. When she was done, she picked up Alyssa’s panties and tucked them into her pocket. Picking her up from the counter, she slid an arm under her knees and carried her back to her bedroom with Alyssa’s hold around her neck.

*

Walking to the car, Ali handed the keys to Ashlyn. “Really?”

“Well, I don’t know where we’re going.”

Ashlyn opened the door for Ali and helped her climb in. Seated on the driver’s side, she warmed the seats and turned up the heat. Leaning across to her, she whispered, “I really do love that dress on you.”

“Thank you,” Ali shivered a little. “I thought you would.”

As Ashlyn drove, Ali commented, “I’m a little worried about Becky.”

Quickly looking over, the blonde questioned, “Really, I was gonna say the same thing about Lys. Why do you say that?”

Thinking to herself, Ali began, “It’s hard. I don’t want to break confidence with anyone, but you know, we’ve all got our demons. And I’m afraid she’s going to get inside her head and have problems.”

Glancing over as she made a turn, “I don’t know how to respond then. I need context.”

“You know that her and I both acted poorly at that tournament. You, Becky and I are probably the only ones who know the truth.”

Smiling a little, Ashlyn remembered the events, “You mean when you got her a red card?”

Ali nodded, embarrassed. “There really wasn’t any other way around her. I didn’t know what else to do.”

Ashlyn was still smiling, “It took everything inside of me to not respond when I looked at you. I remember we locked eyes for a second and I had to turn away. She was so pissed. I’ve never seen someone go off like that on the pitch.”

“Yeah, well, her name was glaringly absent when the package came from that team. So, when I took that summer thing in Europe, I really wasn’t happy when I found out she was there. And I was more than displeased when they roomed us together because we were the only Americans and they figured we’d like it. That and the fact she’d isolated herself from everyone on the team the previous summer.”

Ash shook her head. “I never recognized her until you two were playing in the final.”

“The two of us were at each other’s throat for weeks. Little jabs at one another, she sabotaged things and made me late. I ran so many laps…” Resting her head back, she was thinking again, “I couldn’t see past my own anger to see what was really going on with her. We had things down to a science, so we barely had to see each other. We trained at opposite times, went to eat with separate groups and I was happy with it.”

Shaking her head, Ashlyn mused, “I still can’t believe she’s the same person.”

“Tell me about it. I had to go back to our flat one afternoon because of a field change and now I had time to kill. I didn’t know she was there. I walked in on her in the bathroom…” Ali’s voice had changed. She was straining to be objective. “She was cutting herself. I was more surprised than anything to see that. I apologized, shut the door and ran out of there.”

“What was she cutting herself with?”

Hesitating, Ali began, “It looked like, maybe…I don’t know, Ashlyn. Focus.”

Giving her a side glance, the blonde slowed the car and pulled onto the shoulder. Putting the car in park, she sat staring out onto the road until Ali called, “Uhm, babe?”

Scratching the back of her neck, the blonde took a breath and began, “Appendicitis, my hand through a window, studs up….and my favorite…” Stopping her, Ali had a hand on her shoulder, “Please. I don’t want to hear anymore. I’m sorry.”

“It was a gateway. I was traveling down the road to suicide. That was the worst summer of my life and I didn’t know how to deal. Especially when your mother listened to the same screams as your father.”

Ali had squeezed her eyes shut in the hopes it would take away the mental images of Ashlyn’s rape flashing through her head.” Sliding across the front seat so she could be closer, she whispered, “I really was a selfish bitch to you. It was always all about me, wasn’t it?”

Meeting her soft brown eyes that were so sincere and without malice, Ashlyn reached an arm around her shoulder and held her close. She half smiled and kissed the top of her head, “Ali, don’t do that. It’s apples and oranges, it’s pedophiles and rapists.”

Pulling away and slowly looking up, she whispered, “That’s not funny.”

Wrapping both arms around her, Ashlyn laughed a little to herself and apologized, “I can’t help it. My warped sense of humor is my coping mechanism.” Ali was staring back so intensely that she wasn’t blinking. Squeezing her affectionately, Ash prodded, “Come on.”

“Were you really going to kill yourself?”

Sighing, she took in a breath to make a joke and stopped when she saw the anxiety and concern in her eyes. “Yeah. I was all about that for maybe a year.”

Taking a protective hold on her arm, Ali asked, “And now?”

Lifting her chin to enhance her sensitivity on the subject, she lowered her voice, “I still feel about that the way you still feel about Lou. Every day I have to set it aside so it doesn’t become a roadblock. Is that fair?”

She nodded. “I didn’t realize…”

Kissing her lips delicately, Ashlyn promised, “It’s ok. I think this is more of the ‘us getting to really know each other’ you were talking about. We made it out, together.”

Ali leaned her head against the blonde as her mind jumped from thought to thought. “Are you alright?” She noticed she’d become very still. She had one of her hands tightly wrapped around Ashlyn’s tie as she just stared.

“Did you ever get to the point that you were going to do it?” Her voice was very monotone.

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore. You’re dwelling on something I’ve…”

“Because I did.” Her interruption stunned Ashlyn. Taking a hold of her shoulders, she looked directly into her eyes and questioned, “What?”

Her eyes seemed hollow and heavy when she started to speak, “When you and I broke up because of what I’d done…I was so ashamed. I never meant to hurt you but I needed to be honest. I trusted you with everything and I wanted you to feel the same way. I was so torn with telling you, only because I didn’t want you to hurt like that.”

“What did you do, Ali?” Ashlyn thought back over the time they were apart and realized that her friends had tried to help. She realized why Alyssa had put herself in the position that she had at camp. She thought about Megan’s conversation about her giving her life to science interview and how she’d encouraged her to check in with the important stuff. “Everyone else knows about this, don’t they?”

Her cheeks burned with embarrassment and she nodded, “Yes. They’ve been protecting me.”

Ashlyn caressed her cheek lightly, “Tell me what happened…”

Tears slid from the corner of her eyes and down her face. “When you said we shouldn’t speak anymore, I felt like I was going to throw up. I was utterly disgusted with myself. I couldn’t stop thinking about what I’d let happen and it made me sick. I went to the roof on one of the science buildings that I knew like the back of my hand. I stood there on the edge, crying, thinking about how you altered the course of my life when you stopped Jeff from killing me. I thought if I killed myself, maybe it would set back everything I’d disrupted by still being alive.”

“You were serious.”

“I never heard Alyssa come up onto the roof behind me. When she called my name, I looked back and saw her face, she was scared to death. She reached her hands out and begged me to come away from the edge. I watched her terrified expression as she inched closer pleading with me not to jump. When she took a hold of my hands, she squeezed them so tight that it hurt. Then she screamed for a security car that was driving by, she flagged them down and they radioed to the building.”

“Once she knew they were coming, she just looked into my eyes until they came to get us, never letting go of my hands. The only thing she said, before they reached the roof, was that she cared about me too much to let me do that to myself. Once we were sitting outside the Dean’s office, I told her to tell them what happened so she wouldn’t get into trouble. She told me to shut up and that she would never betray my trust but I needed to pull my head out of my ass and get my shit together.”

Wrapping both of her arms around the brunette, Ashlyn had no words. Her hands soothing up and down her back, she shook her head to herself. She didn’t know what to say.

Then, Ali whispered, “She was using a straight razor.”

Meeting Ali’s eyes, she frowned, “She was serious too.”

“That’s what I thought. I stood in the hall leaning on the door and thought about that. I was afraid for her and I felt bad. So I went back in and I got her to talk. She had anger issues as you can imagine. She really wasn’t easy to get to know. She pushed everybody away and she was good at it. We started practicing together and running drills. Because we worked together so much, we started running games like sharks. She’s the only person who’s ever been able to pace me on the field.”

Pulling back out on the road, Ash laughed, “You two really did mug the other teams together.” As she drove, she kept an arm around Ali’s shoulder holding her close. Ali took her hand and held it against her as she leaned in. They drove in silence for a while until Ali asked, “Are you unhappy with me?”

Ashlyn thought for a moment and said, “No. I think the word that comes to mind is disappointed.”

“In me…” She bowed her head, “I understand.”

Tightening her grip around her shoulder, Ashlyn corrected, “I’m disappointed in the sacrifices that we both had to make so we could survive. Especially after finding out that there were times it almost broke us. Together and apart.” Quickly kissing the top of her head, Ashlyn added, “But these are some of the things we’re learning to work through together, as a couple, right?”

Ali agreed, “Yes.”

“Nothing can come between us. Not even your shameless flirting with Megan’s girlfriend.”

Shooting a look up at the blonde, Ali was questioning with her eyes.

“Yeah, Frankie is Megan’s main squeeze, she just thinks I don’t know. She was keeping an eye out on you just in case things got a little crazy. It happens.”

When Ashlyn slowed to pull the car over on the side of the road to park, Ali kept her hold against the blonde. They sat quietly until Ashlyn began, “I’m not sure I want to know the answer to this but where do you see us in five years?”

Ali sat up and looked over. Meeting her eyes with a sternness, she asked, “Ashlyn Harris, are you questioning my honor?”

Looking away to avoid her, Ash shrugged slightly, “Not really.”

“Well, if it’s five years from today and it’s Christmas Eve, I hope I’m somewhere sitting beside you like this, holding your hand, loving you the same way that I am right now.” She waited for Ashlyn to look at her. “I’m not sure if I’ll be your wife but at the very least I hope I’m still your fiancé.”

Pulling her up to sit in her lap, Ashlyn smiled. “I like the way you think.”

Resting against her chest, Ali closed her eyes and let out a breath, “Can I change my answer?” Wrapping her arms around the brunette and running her hands slowly up and down her back, Ashlyn smiled to herself, “Sure.”

“I’d rather be right here, in your arms.”


	6. Fallen

Becky was sitting on the edge of the bed when Alyssa came back into the bedroom. She’d freshened up and was standing in the doorway watching. “Are you alright?”

When Becky looked up at her, barefoot, leaning against the door frame, she smiled halfway and nodded. “I’m good. Can I cook you some dinner?” Standing and taking a few steps closer, Alyssa met her halfway. Shaking her head, she whispered, “You’re not going to stay, are you?”

Becky looked away, “It’s not about you. Please don’t think that it is.” Buttoning her pants and fastening her belt, she met Alyssa’s sad stare, “We might be able to find someplace to eat if you want.” The way her unruly hair fell over her shoulders was coupled now with her guarded stance. She appeared wounded and hurt as she folded her arms over herself for emotional protection. When the nineteen-year-old didn’t answer, Becky turned again to face her, “We don’t live together, Lys. This is why sex confuses things. Nothing about my feelings for you have changed. You’re making me feel like an ass.” Gently taking her shoulders, Becky leaned in slightly and bowed her head, “Do you still care about me or has something changed?”

“I still care,” Alyssa whispered. “I just don’t want you to leave. Why is that wrong?”

Becky needed to hesitate. She could feel her hormones pulling on her emotions to give in to the desire housed in Alyssa’s eyes. Kissing her lips tenderly, she tried, “Honey, it’s not wrong. It’s just…” Taking a breath, she confessed, “It’s me. I don’t want to hurt you.”

Alyssa was focusing on trying to understand the logic behind Becky’s actions. “Lys, I don’t want us to end up like Ali and Ashlyn.” Looking up surprised, Becky continued before she could question her, “They’ve been ‘together’ for like six years, right? You’d think by now they’d have it all figured out. They started living together after a week and that went on for four months. The only times they saw each other after that was when they had sex. Even you told me that ever since she got here, they’ve done nothing but fight. It’s a volatile relationship based on a fantasy. How much do you think they really know about one another? Or else, why wouldn’t Ali want to get married?”

“I want to get to know you, Lys. I want to know everything about you…more than just the sex stuff. I want you to trust me so that you’ll want to share everything with me.” Taking her cap off her head and placing it on Alyssa’s, her lips curled into a smile on one side slightly in an effort to relax her. “And I want you to get to know me…the good and the bad. I’m not always the best person.” Kissing her forehead, Becky sighed, “You make it really hard to be tough.” Alyssa’s face softened slightly. Pulling her into an embrace, she wrapped her arms around her to comfort, “Can I still come see you in the morning?”

Stepping back and looking up, Alyssa nodded, “I’d like that.” Reaching for her hand, Becky laced their fingers together and turned for the door. They walked slowly, neither wanting to separate for the evening. Stopping beside the warm fireplace, Alyssa watched it for a moment as it crackled and eventually popped, making her jump nervously. Laughing at herself, she asked, “Will you text me when you get in? It’s late and it’s started to snow.”

Walking together to the front door, Becky promised, “I will. Will you promise to go get into bed and stay warm?”

Alyssa nodded and smiled before leaning in closer. Becky followed her lead and brushed her lips lightly, “I’ll see you in the morning, alright?” Pulling on her black leather jacket, she zipped it halfway before looking back up at Alyssa for a final goodnight kiss, “Merry Christmas.” They shared a lingering moment that left Becky stalling in her retreat before she turned.

Alyssa watched from the window until Becky reached her car and was seated inside. From the soft glow of the nearby streetlight and the illumination of the snow on the ground, she could see her sitting very still in the front seat, quietly, debating and unsure of her actions. As easy as Becky had tried to make it look to leave, Alyssa knew that right now she was in her car doubting herself, willing for the strength to not relent and come back inside. Thinking about how upset Ali was the morning after her graduation, she decided she didn’t want to have that tension between her and Becky. She didn’t completely agree with Becky’s opinion regarding Ali and Ashlyn’s relationship but she could definitely see they both weren’t always on the same page.

When the headlights appeared against the night and the hum of the engine sounded, Alyssa’s stomach fluttered with discontent. She forced some semblance of resolve and turned from the window. As she walked back into the living room and stood in the warmth of the fire again, her mind was littered with unanswered questions and uncertainty.

Standing in the kitchen doorway, her stomach tightened thinking about what she’d done with Becky. Chewing on her bottom lip, she closed her eyes and shrugged off pleasant chills thinking about how easily the intimacy between them flowed once their nerves had settled. She couldn’t stop her mind from replaying Ali’s promise that when it was with someone she really cared about, she’d feel differently. And she was right. No matter whether she called it sex, intimacy or lovemaking, Alyssa still felt the same way about Becky. Nothing had changed for the worse. One thing she did know, she liked their interaction and the role that she’d assumed. It wasn’t as frustrating to be with Becky in comparison to Ali’s personality and opposition. Becky seemed to know right away how to talk to Alyssa in a way that fulfilled her needs. She brought a certain forcefulness and confidence that made her insides immediately strum to her frequency. It was something she couldn’t explain or put into words, and when she tried, she knew that the cheeks of her face burned with the same fire that Ali’s had when she asked about Ashlyn. Thinking about the way Becky’s touch affected her, she blushed as she realized it had happened twice now, that her body had tumbled into a second and third orgasm without much effort. She didn’t know how it happened or why it would continue on for so long but her body responded to Becky’s touch in a way she couldn’t explain. The feeling was unlike anything she could have ever imagined even if a definition had prefaced the actions between them.

Closing her bedroom door behind her, she leaned back against it, just thinking. Her eyes wandered over to her bed and she worked at stifling her smile. She couldn’t remember the last time just the thought of someone brought such an uncontrollable smile to her face. Sitting on the edge of her bed, she leaned back and threw her arms up over her head. If she let herself, she was sure she could lie here lost in her own thoughts for hours recounting every movement between them.

When her cell phone chimed, she rolled onto her stomach and quickly reached for it. After she read the text, she rolled onto her side and just stared at the screen. She wanted to send back a response but she couldn’t decide on anything that didn’t make her nauseous. She bit her bottom lip and took in a deep breath before typing:

_Thanks, Dad. Merry Christmas and my love to mom_

She set the phone down and prayed that would be the end of the conversation. The familiar sound echoed itself again as a second message came in right behind it. Her stomach tightened as she looked at the response and tried to fix it:

_I’m sorry I couldn’t make it home for Christmas I’ll do my best to work something out soon_

Rolling onto her back, she hugged the phone against her chest, praying for an end. The sound of her phone made her chest feel full. Sitting up, fearing the hot sour in the back of her throat would rise, she opened the next message.

Exhaling, a smile crept across her face when she saw Becky had sent her a selfie, showing her that she was, in fact, home safely. She was almost sure she could smell a hint of her lingering scent and it immediately eased her anxiety. Raising her phone over her head, she smiled and sent back a photo to prove she had gotten back into bed. Becky responded with the promise of holding her in her arms again soon. They traded sweet goodnight wishes and Alyssa turned off her phone before it could make another sound and kill her mood. Holding a pillow against her in her arms, as her eyes grew heavy, she was sure this time that she had caught Becky’s faint scent.

*

The restaurant was what appeared to be a row home along the street. Once inside the red brick building, it was warm and lit with soft lighting accented by the flicker of candles overhead. They were quickly greeted by a young woman who smiled as they approached. Ashlyn had her arm around Ali and held her close, not caring who might be watching. The feeling of security made her lean a little closer to the blonde as she felt herself relaxing.

“You must be Miss Harris,” she smiled. “It’s very nice to have you both here with us this evening. Please follow me.” They followed her through what still appeared to be a cozy lived in home. The only difference was that each of the rooms were set up with a single table for dining to comfortably fit two people. It was very elegantly arranged with polished flat wear; delicate china sets and decorative flowers in a vase. If Ali was honest about it, it was almost intimidating.

The blonde hostess pulled a chair out for both of them and excused herself, “I’ll only be a moment.”

Ali put her linen napkin in her lap and leaned across the table. “Ash, this is too much. I don’t know what to do,” she whispered in a panic. Returning to the table, she introduced, “My name is Grace.” Setting down a pewter bucket filled with ice that was chilling a wine bottle, she quickly removed the cork with a loud pop and began to pour a glass for Ali, “This is our finest of this year’s sparkling cider.”

When she began pouring a glass for Ashlyn, Ali caught her eye and they both smiled. “You worry too much,” the blonde mused. Her eyes darted from one ornate decoration to another. There were pictures, photographs, curios that were placed around the unique woodworking and trinkets set along those.

Ashlyn reached across the table for her hand and held it lightly, “Merry Christmas, love.” Blushing, Ali squeezed her hand, “Merry Christmas.”

“It’s just you and me tonight. This is our very own dining room.” Ali smiled, “It’s amazing, Ashlyn. Thank you.” When she saw the hostess returning, Ali pulled her glasses out of her clutch and put them on. Ashlyn smiled to herself and tried not to get caught. When Ali wore her glasses, it drove her wild.

Grace returned with a tray that she set down and began delivering items. She gave them both a garden salad with a side of ranch dressing. The salad was garnished with cucumbers and cherry tomatoes. “I’ll let you both get started. Just let me know if there’s anything I can get you.”

Pulling her lower lip in to softly bite it, she narrowed her eyes a bit as she watched the blonde. It became obvious that the evening had already been very carefully planned out. When Ashlyn looked up, she smiled, “Is everything alright?” Ali bowed her head a bit before she nodded, “Everything’s perfect.”

When Grace returned to the table, she lifted the bottle and questioned, “Can I refill your glasses?” Ali looked up at Ashlyn questioningly with a hint of playfulness. Taking her lead, the blonde nodded, “Go ahead. I’m driving.”

Ali giggled a little at her humor and took another sip of the cider. Grace stepped aside as the chef brought out the entrée and set it down on the table. “I trust everything is to your liking?” he questioned. They both smiled and nodded, “Thank you.”

Ali was smiling from across the table and Ashlyn asked, “You still like manicotti, right?” Her happy smile gave Ashlyn a feeling of content because she had pulled off being able to surprise Ali by recreating their first official date.

By the time Ali recognized the music that was softly playing overhead, it was halfway through ‘Fade Into You’. She remarked at how beautifully romantic the song was as it brought back wonderfully intimate thoughts. When ‘Sway’ by Bic Runga began playing, Ali quickly looked up. “This is our playlist,” she whispered. Ashlyn’s hazel eyes were lit up with a mischievous delight, “Whenever I hear any of this music, I think of dancing with you that night.” She watched the brunette’s face change to a color of embarrassment that was her favorite. “Dance with me, Ali.”

When she bowed her head a little, her smile answered for her. Placing the napkin on the table, she reached for her glasses when Ashlyn stopped her, “Leave them on, for me?”

Crinkling her nose, she took Ashlyn’s hand and stood. Her arms around the blonde’s neck, gazing up into her hazel eyes, Ashlyn wrapped her arms around Ali’s waist and they fell into familiar movements as they swayed to the music together. As the tracks played, it brought them back to a time when the security of being in one another’s arms was enough to protect them from all the evils of the world. The songs made Ali feel like an insecure child again, pretending that everything in her life was just the same as everyone else’s as she hid the horrors of her home life. Ashlyn could almost recognize the familiar anxiety that plagued her about going off to college early, living on her own and leaving behind the one thing in her life that suddenly mattered. Almost simultaneously, the couple smiled back at each other as they realized how much they had saved the other.

“Did the age difference between us ever bother you?”

Tilting her head slightly, Ali frowned playfully and shook her head, “What age difference?” She was lost in the music and the comfort of Ashlyn’s embrace. “I never looked at us that way.” Curling her fingers around long blonde locks, Ali looked back up at her, “Besides, I’m twenty-one now. Does anyone care?”

Ashlyn lifted her up and spun her around once before setting her back on the ground. Then, she leaned closer, “I’m so in love with you. I’ll wait until you’re comfortable and you feel like we both are in a place to make decisions as a cohesive couple.”

Pecking her lips quickly in return, Ali smiled, “Yeah, you will.” Taking a step back, holding Ashlyn’s hands in hers, she led her back to the table. “Let’s finish eating.”


	7. Wonderful Christmastime

The pale blue light coming from the windows cast enough illumination to see around the room. As Ashlyn’s eyes adjusted to the light, the surroundings became more familiar. The warmth of Ali’s body tangled against her own made her smile. They’d spent hours loving each other before their bodies demanded sleep. Even now, as she held the brunette tightly in her arms, she still felt a desire unlike any other. As she looked down at Ali, asleep in her arms, she thought about how silly it had been to push for marriage. It made no difference whether she wore a ring on her finger or held a piece of paper in her pocket stating that they were legally bound to one another. As long as she held her heart, there wasn’t another thing she needed. The way her father always demanded repeated confirmation of his insecurities, inevitably led to fighting that ended in the most undesirable outcome.

Ali was placing soft kisses against Ashlyn’s neck. Trailing her fingertips down the brunette’s back, it countered the pleasant chills. Kissing the top of her head, Ashlyn whispered, “Did I wake you with my loud thoughts?” She could feel Ali smiling against her skin.

Lifting her head, she placed the palms of her hands on Ashlyn’s face as she held it gently and kissed her lips. Sitting up slowly, Ashlyn put on a pair of shorts and pulled a tee shirt over her head. When she stood, Ali whined, “Don’t get up. Where are you going?” Holding the sheet against her chest, Ali sat up and watched her cross the bedroom to her desk. She clicked a switch that lit up the tiny Christmas tree that Ali had decorated and placed on her fireplace mantle years ago for their first Christmas together. Strings of tiny white twinkle lights also lined Ashlyn’s bedroom making it appear the room was aglow with icicles.

When the blonde turned around, she shrugged, “We never really got to this part last night. I wanted it to be a surprise.” She leaned back and sat on the opposite edge of the desk with her arms folded and added, “Merry Christmas.”

Ali sat staring at the lights above her head, “Oh…Ash…wow.” Meeting her eyes, she asked, “When did you go back for your tree?” Walking back to the bed, Ash reached for Ali’s hand. Wrapping the sheet around her waist, she followed her back to the desk, “You mean our tree. This is ours.” Ali stood in front of the decorated tree smiling. It brought back such happy thoughts. The tiny little Christmas balls, the bits of tinsel and a few scattered figurines that were themed for the season. She remembered spending two whole dollars on everything for the tree at a ninety-nine-cent store one afternoon. It was money she didn’t have to spend so frivolously that day, but she knew it would make Ashlyn happy. The home they had created together was worth so much more than money.

“This is amazing.” Turning to the blonde, she met her eyes that were filled with love, “You’re truly amazing.” Ashlyn stood behind her as they watched the lights on the tree twinkling. It felt magical. Wrapping her arms around her, she kissed her neck softly and whispered, “It looks like Santa was here.”

Ashlyn nodded to a small box wrapped in silver paper with a tiny bow on top that was tucked under the tree. Ali turned slightly and held her arm against her as she questioned silently. Ash picked up the box and led her back to the bed to sit, “I didn’t want to give this to you in front of everyone else later. It means a lot to me and I think it’s too special.”

Tucking some of her hair behind her ear, Ali met with Ashlyn’s sincerity as she spoke. “I want you to know how much I thought about what you’ve said about us needing to know each other better. It makes sense for us to be on the same page about making decisions that will affect both of our lives if we really do want to stay together.”

Taking her hand, Ashlyn leaned close, “I want to stay together with you.” Kissing her lips deliberately, she added, “I want last night every night.” Ali blushed and smiled back. “But Ali, it’s also about what you want. I know you think you’re broken…” Lifting her face with her hand gently under her chin, she went on, “It was wrong for me to think I can make everything better and I want to be realistic. Everything might not be perfect but l don’t care what my world looks like as long as you’re in it.”

Handing the little box to Ali, she promised, “I love you so much.”

As she held it in her hands, the brunette leaned up closer and kissed Ashlyn’s lips, “You’re so sweet…and with everything you know, you still love me.” Stopping her from interrupting, she went on, “And I love you. I’ve never stopped loving you for a second since the moment that I kissed you.” As she looked down into her own lap, she admitted, “I know I had a hard time saying how I felt. When you tell me that you love me,” she looked back up into Ashlyn’s eyes, “It’ll always be the most expensive thing you could ever give me. Because I know the cost we both paid to say them.”

Ashlyn tried to look away as she sniffled back a little. When their eyes met again, Ali leaned in slowly and put her arms around the blonde’s neck as she gazed up, “I love you.”


	8. Blurred Lines

Ali sat on Ashlyn’s lap at the counter as they indulged in a soft slow kiss that they reluctantly separated from when Alyssa’s bedroom door opened. Glancing back over her shoulder, Ali smiled and quickly stood, “Morning.” Picking up her spatula from the counter, she mixed some more batter, “Can I make some pancakes for you and Becky?” She poured some batter onto the griddle and looked up questioningly. Shrugging her shoulders, Alyssa pursed her lips as she avoided their stare, “No thanks.” She made her way past the couple and into the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

Ali met Ashlyn’s look from across the kitchen and then they both craned their necks to peer into Alyssa’s bedroom. Ali turned back quickly and whispered, “She’s not in there.”

“Do you think they had a fight?”

“We didn’t have a fight,” Alyssa answered. As she walked back into the kitchen, to stand beside Ashlyn who now sat with her face scrunched and her eyes closed, she looked over to Ali, “She’ll be here in a few minutes.”

Taking a few steps closer, she pulled open the refrigerator door and reached for the juice. Ali handed her a glass and offered, “I just assumed…”

Meeting Ali’s stare, Alyssa finished the thought, “Well I’m not you.”

Standing, Ashlyn defensively yelled, “Hey!”

Immediately regretting her comment, she apologized, “I’m sorry.” Reaching for her hand, she squeezed lightly, “I didn’t mean that.”

Ali watched her carefully a moment, never breaking their gaze before asking, “Are you alright?”

Alyssa blushed a little and nodded. Filling her glass, she stole a side glance and saw Ali wasn’t letting her get away with her response. Letting out a breath, Alyssa sighed, “She’s not easy, you know?”

Letting out a laugh, Ali nodded, “Yeah. I know.” Holding their gaze, Alyssa challenged her brown eyes, “What’s that all about?”

Crinkling her nose, Ali asked, “Really?” Using the spatula, she pointed it at Alyssa and the front door in light of Becky’s absence and questioned, “Do you guys really not feel the need to talk about this? Because it really isn’t fair to have you both asking me to explain ‘why you are the way you are’ to the other.” Flipping the pancakes, she continued, “Hell no.” Taking a swallow from her glass, Alyssa nodded, “You know, you’re right, Ali. It must be nice to not have any dark secrets or mental health issues weighing on your shoulders. Tell me, what’s that like?”

When Ashlyn snorted out a laugh, both girls slowly turned to leer at her before she slowly stood with her hands out in front of her defensively, “I’m just gonna go shower while you girls chat.” As Ashlyn put her plate in the sink, she quickly kissed Ali’s cheek and thanked her for breakfast as she made her retreat to the upstairs.

Ali returned her focus to her cooking, shaking her head to herself, until she noticed Alyssa staring, “What?”

“Can you shed a little light?”

Turning off the burner and handing her a plate, Ali shook her head, “Honestly, I can’t.” Placing the pancakes in a stack then sliding them off the spatula, she added, “Everything is implied. She’s never really told me anything definite. I mean, I know what I saw and she never denied….”

“What did you see?”

Stopping to think, Ali turned and sat on one of the barstools. “Well…” She hesitated and caught Alyssa’s impatience as she banged the plate down on the counter. “She really was not a nice person. You were there, you remember what she did to me. You saw what she did to all the teams.”

Staring out at nothing in particular, Alyssa was thinking.

“She was the same way in the summer league. She made sure she pushed everybody away, including me. But I saw something that made me realize why.” Ali leaned in and lowered her voice, “You know she’s my friend and I love her. I don’t want to betray her trust.”

Alyssa rolled her eyes, “That’s bullshit, Ali.”

Sitting up defiantly, the brunette asked, “Would you be embarrassed around her if I actually said the words to her and you found out about it?” Narrowing her eyes in thought, Alyssa slowly slid her plate closer and didn’t look up. She was very still as she listened.

Ali seemed to hunch her shoulders and her voiced dropped even further as she spoke, “You and I haven’t even really confirmed to each other the things that have happened to us. We tap dance around the insinuation because it’s so horrible. If I told Becky that…” Ali stopped when she noticed Alyssa gripping the counter with her hands. She could see beads of perspiration on her forehead and decided to abandon her soapbox when it began to physically hurt her friend. Instead, she turned the direction back on herself, “Ash still doesn’t know that my step-father would take all the towels out of the bathroom while I was in the shower so I would have to walk through the room while he watched. Now, I have a problem being naked in front of my girlfriend, and I know she thinks it’s her fault.”

Ripping off a piece of the pancake, Alyssa took a bite of it. Ali folded her hands on the counter in front of her and softly sighed, “I hate when you sulk.” Another side glance, before Alyssa began ripping pieces of the pancake into smaller bits on her plate.

Sitting up straighter at the counter, Ali nodded, “Alright. I’ll give you one. Only because it’s not a big secret but I know it’ll help you.”

Another side glance upward, Ali smiled subtly, knowing she’d piqued her interest. “Becky doesn’t sleep. Not like, as in, ever. But she has a really hard time. And when there’s someone in the room, it’s almost impossible.”

Her hands stopped moving and Alyssa finally met Ali’s brown eyes directly. “She has awful nightmares and I’m pretty sure she sleepwalks.” Ali shrugged as she spoke, “It started to make sense why she pushed everybody away. Teams get funny when they hear stuff like that. And she already had a reputation.”

Alyssa started to speak and then stopped herself. Biting her lip, she shook her head and then mumbled to herself, “Wow.”

“Does that help?” Ali was silently pleading that what she’d divulged wasn’t going to hurt their relationship.

The things that Becky said and did suddenly started to unfold and string together. Initially, Alyssa had taken it personally and initially felt hurt that she wanted to maintain separate spaces, however Becky made it clear that if they rushed a new relationship, it would surely kill anything long lasting that could ever be between them. Now, looking back, she understood why. Becky needed to take things slowly because she was trying to make it work.

Most recently, the night they were all at the bar, the couple was slow dancing by themselves and the mood suddenly changed. Alyssa accidentally felt the rolled up pair of socks that Becky wore and her stare lingered. She didn’t know why but it turned her on in a way she couldn’t explain. She remembers leaning in and telling Becky ‘take me home’. Fearing something was wrong, she had pulled her in close and coaxed her into an embrace to make sure. The sweet gesture only forced the words to tumble out of Alyssa’s mouth before she could stop them, “Let’s make love together.”

Her ‘first time’ was every bit as romantic and tender as she could have ever wanted. They fit so well together that it brought out emotions she didn’t think she was capable of feeling. She remembered falling asleep once Becky had completely exhausted her. When she woke in the morning, alone in her bed, she worried that Becky had rethought her decision and decided to leave early, avoiding a confrontation. Picking up the shirt from the floor, that she’d discarded, she realized she was still there. And when she revealed her fears, once they were alone, she remembered that Becky had promised to not leave her. Only now, did she pay attention to the other detail that she’d attributed for getting out of bed. She actually said that she ‘didn’t sleep.’

It seemed insignificant at the time, especially considering they had been up so late. But now, her rationale, ‘it’s not you, it’s me’, seemed even more desperate to convince her that she had no shortcomings to burden herself with.

Meeting her friend’s gentle and comforting smile that was nervous with anticipation, she nodded back, “It does. It really does.”

Both of the girls looked through the archway as they heard a door close from upstairs. They watched Megan descending the steps with a little dance as she sat on the railing and gracefully slid the last few feet to the ground. As she hit the floor, a knock on the front door had her whirling around to answer it. They watched Megan follow Becky into the living room with a box that she set down beside the tree. Then, as they both came into the room, they watched her take some wrapped packages out and place them underneath. When Becky stood and saw Alyssa, she smiled but it was suddenly obvious that she waited to see if she was still welcome.

Ali gave her a tight hug and received one in return. Alyssa’s smile immediately found the fear that was housed in her eyes and vanquished it. Becky held up a finger and asked, “Can I give you your present now?” Nodding, she stepped back when she quickly darted from the room and picked up another box that was sitting beside the front door.

Ali sat on the sofa and pulled her legs up underneath her watching. She stole a glance at Megan who was trying to avoid giving anything away. Ashlyn was leaning against the banister watching from the second floor as Becky picked up the brightly colored box and asked, “Can you meet me halfway?”

Alyssa took a few steps and saw the box had no lid as Becky carefully approached her. Setting it on the back of the sofa and holding it steady, she looked up, “Merry Christmas.”

Her voice caught in her throat when she saw the curled up beige, still sleeping in a fuzzy blanket. Tiny little paws were poking out from under the warmth it had nestled and a tiny tail with a bit of black on the tip began to stir.

Covering her mouth now, to stifle any noise that might frighten the fragile life, she looked up into mystifying green. “Pick her up,” Becky whispered, “She still misses her momma.”

As she plucked the chihuahua puppy out of the box, large brown eyes appeared followed by huge cream colored ears that immediately raised like sails on a boat. Alyssa lifted her tiny body and nuzzled it against her. The soft puppy whines caused her to cradle it closer as she coaxed quietly, “Shhh. You go back to sleep, sweetheart.” Without realizing she had done so, she began pacing the room as she lightly patted the bottom that curled into her arms. Alyssa quickly glanced up and whispered, “She’s so tiny.”

Becky set the box down and retrieved the blanket. Then, helping to rewrap the little body that Alyssa held close, she looked up and stopped when she couldn’t quite decode the emotion watching her. “Is this alright?”

Adjusting the bundle in her arms, Alyssa studied the insecurity that was searching for approval. Feeling vulnerable, Becky shed her leather jacket that left her in a white tee shirt that had the short sleeves rolled up around her muscular biceps. Draping the coat over the back of the sofa, she nervously looked to Alyssa again, whose smile instantly calmed her insides, “You’re so sweet.” Becky held a smile back and leaned closer, “You talking to me or the puppy?”

Alyssa used her free hand to caress her cheek lightly to coax the embarrassment along, “That hardness you keep throwing up at me isn’t working anymore.” Becky’s face turned a shade darker and Alyssa leaned in to kiss her lips that were frozen with emotional fear. “You’re so sweet,” she repeated. The goose bumps that had raised on her arms betrayed her desired appearance and she quickly looked away.

Ashlyn came down the steps holding an armful of wrapped packages that she placed underneath the tree along with some things that Megan had slipped in between spaces as well.

Reaching into a stocking with Becky’s name on it, that was hanging along the fireplace, Megan fished out a small box and handed it to her. Holding it in the palm of her hand suspiciously, Becky glanced up.

“Dude, I hope you don’t get the wrong idea but…I love you. I really want you to have this.” Megan patted her shoulder and Becky narrowed her eyes a little to leer back.

Ali covered her face with her hand and shook her head, “Do you have to make everybody so uncomfortable?” Standing, the brunette asked, “What are you doing?”

Becky cracked a smile at the engagement ring size box and style. Avoiding any eye contact, Becky popped open the top and drew in her lips to crinkle her nose with sarcasm. Lifting out the content of the box, she held it up and met Megan’s accomplished face. There was a collective laugh when everyone realized she was holding up a copy of the front door key. “Like I said, I love you but please stop knocking. It makes me feel like the Federales are coming for me.” Holding out her arms to the room, she requested back up, “Am I right?”

Ashlyn went to Ali’s side and nodded while Ali confirmed, “Yes.” Meeting Alyssa’s eyes that had already answered the question, she still nodded, “You’re welcome here.”

Wrapping her arm around Alyssa carefully, Becky tried to swallow back her emotions but her voice cracked anyway, “Thanks, guys.”

Clapping her hands, Megan announced, “Alright…did I smell Ali’s famous pancakes?”

As soon as the sound pieced the room, Alyssa sucked in a breath to comfort the sudden jump and then nervous shaking that occurred to the bundle in her arms. Taking a step closer to Megan and away from Ali, Ashlyn grumbled, “When are you going to cut that out?”

Ali took a few steps closer and reached her hand out to massage behind the ears that were now up like radar, listening for another possible assault. The brown eyes slowly closed again and nuzzled nose first against Alyssa’s chest.

“Why don’t we set the dining room table for everyone and I’ll make some more…” Looking to Megan, Ali asked, “Can you put on some appropriate holiday music?”

Nodding, Megan excitedly searched for the remote, “You got it!” Immediately, holding her hand out with apology, she repeated in a lower tone, “You got it.”

*

Seated around the table, the majority of the conversations were fixed on preparations for the holiday dinner they’d planned. Everyone had pledged a piece of the meal to make things easier. When the doorbell rang, everyone quickly looked to Becky who immediately responded, “Well, it can’t be me. I’m sitting here.”

Laughing, Ashlyn poised to stand when Megan interrupted, “That’s for me. I invited a guest. I hope you don’t mind.”

From the foyer, everyone heard Frankie’s familiar voice. When they came into the dining room, hand in hand, Megan asked, “You guys all know Frankie, right?” Pulling out a chair for her, Megan sat beside her and made her a plate.

The pleasant conversation was interrupted by another knock on the door that had Ashlyn standing again, “I’ll get it. This one’s for me.”

Ali turned in her chair when she thought she heard a familiar voice. Then, she heard another voice she didn’t recognize and stood by her chair. When Ali saw Chris following Ashlyn into the dining room, she quickly threw her arms around him warmly, “Oh my gosh.” Holding her in return, he smiled, “Damn, look at you.”

Ashlyn punched him in the head from behind and he snorted out a laugh, “Can you blame me?” Ali smiled shyly and saw a woman standing beside Ashlyn that she immediately knew was her mother. They had the same eyes; the same features and she could see that her presence was an unwelcome surprise.

Stepping over, she introduced, “This is my brother Chris.” Her hesitation spoke volumes, “And much to my surprise, my mother.”

Backing up a little, Ali watched the woman survey the room. Her eyes narrowed a bit as she inspected everything and then settled on the blonde. “I missed you, mom.” Ashlyn’s tone was strained. She reached out and they exchanged a stiff embrace that left the room feeling the uncertainty.

Bringing over a couple extra chairs, Chris sat beside Ali and his mother sat beside him. “So would someone introduce me,” she asked with a bit of an edge. Ashlyn nodded, “Yeah, mom, these are all players on the team. We share the house together.”

“ALL of you,” she questioned with an eyebrow raised.

Standing from the chair, the blonde shook her head, “Well, no…but we all play. You met Megan, she was the team captain at school.” Megan waved, “Hi, again.”

The look of uncertainty finally registered when she realized the circumstances under which they previously met. “This is her friend, Frankie.” Pointing, she continued, “Alyssa and Becky…and that’s Ali.”

Scanning the table, she settled on the brunette beside her son, “You were local, right?” Nodding, she shrugged a little, “I went to high school with Ashlyn.”

“I remember reading about you. Your mother had an accident…”

“Mom…” Cutting her off, Ashlyn shook her head to halt the commentary.

Ali picked up her plate and gathered a few things from the table. “Can I make you some pancakes? We’re just having a casual brunch.”

“That’d be great,” Chris looked to his mom. “Great,” she nodded.

When general conversation picked up, Ashlyn went to Ali’s side and whispered, “He didn’t say she was coming. I didn’t know.”

Resting a hand on hers, Ali subtly nodded, “It’s ok. It’s your mom.”

Ashlyn’s strained face relaxed only slightly. “It’ll be fine,” she reassured. “Now I can say I met her.” Ali was reaching down deep to put any anxiety aside but Ashlyn could see this was going to be a struggle.

When another knock on the door sounded, everyone basically sat silent, unmoving. Standing, Megan held up a hand, “Let me,” she announced. “I was expecting a band of locusts.”

With her head in her hands on the kitchen counter, Ali held in a laugh that had been building through the nervous tension. It was unbearable. Ashlyn ran a hand over her shoulder and squeezed, “She’s gonna be the death….” She halted her comment when she noticed her mother watching. Pulling back her hand, she felt a spark inside her ignite. She could feel anger welling up from the pit of her stomach. She suddenly realized she had to stop touching Ali the way she was. Her interaction needed to change.

Standing Alyssa brought her plate to the sink and stood beside Ali, “Can I help you? We’ve got dinner to get started, right?”

Ali stood up straighter and met her friend’s offer with a smile, “Yeah. Let’s get started.” A hand affectionately on her arm, she nodded, “Thanks.” Becky followed behind and offered, “Tell me what you need, girls. I’m at your service.”

Glancing over her shoulder, Alyssa pursed her lips a little, “Service?” Raising her eyebrows subtly, the suggestion she repeated made Becky blush even more, “I could use your service.” Alyssa smiled at her seductively, their placement in the kitchen, mirroring the night before where Alyssa was down on her knees. The silent flirting between them meant so much as Becky finally regained her usual color and smiled back. She suddenly saw the glimmer of an uninhibited girl that she could definitely see herself spending the rest of her life ridiculously happy with. And as quickly as it had opened, Becky watched her eyes dim and her smile fade, her stare pushing past them and into the living room. Her left eye twitched slightly and her breathing had become rapid.

Ashlyn tried to take the plate from Alyssa when she and Becky both turned to see a couple following Megan into the dining room. Ali looked over her shoulder and took in a quick breath that was audible to those around her. Placing a hand on her back, Ali whispered to Alyssa, “Are you alright?”

Feeling her body begin to shake, Alyssa squeaked out, “Hi mom…dad.” Ali took what she was holding and set it aside for her.

“Hello, sweetie. Your mom and I thought we’d surprise you. We couldn’t let our little girl go though the holiday without us.” Her father smiled at her in a way that was understood he expected full compliance.

The couple smiled and stood side by side as they greeted everyone around them. “I hope we’re not interrupting?” her mother apologized.

“Alyssa, why don’t you take a ride with me. We can chat.” Her father wasted no time attempting to separate her from the group.

She hesitated and began, “I’m helping with…dinner. We have food to prepare here.”

Waving off the comment, he insisted, “Your mother can stand in for you. We won’t be gone long. We’ll get some dessert while we’re out. Come on.”

When he reached out and took a symbolic step toward her, Becky took a step closer and put her arm out to shield Alyssa as she protectively ushered her behind her. His confusion angered him and he asked, “What’s this all about?”

Becky had her chest puffed and her jaw set firmly as she reached behind her for Alyssa’s hand. Shrugging one shoulder, she added, “I think she’s good.”

Narrowing his eyes a bit, he leaned and searched Alyssa’s face for a response, “Lys?” He questioned, “We haven’t seen you in almost a year.” Taking a higher hold of Becky’s arm, she gripped it tightly as she answered with her eyes lowered, “I’m not coming back.” Becky turned to Alyssa who still couldn’t bear to look up and it pained her to witness the fear.

Impatience taking control, he raised his voice and Alyssa flinched a little, “Excuse me?”

Shaking her head, Ali answered, “She doesn’t want to come and I think you should leave. This is our home.” Ashlyn put an arm around Ali to calm her nervous anxiety and comfort her. Her position closest to the couple, Megan nodded, “Yeah. Sir, I think it’s best if you both go. She’s not coming with you. There’s obviously some tension here and I don’t think this is the best venue for a debate.” Holding her hand out toward the door, Megan nodded again, “So if you don’t mind…”

Alyssa’s mother took a step back and pulled on her husband’s arm. “I love you, Lys.” Her father stood his ground a moment, waiting for a chance to speak. Then clearing his throat, he raised his voice, “Alyssa Michele, look at me, right now.” His voice commanded attention. “Is this what you want?”

Suddenly standing from his chair, Chris came to the kitchen island that separated them. His hands stretched out on the counter, he gave Alyssa a side glance to survey her position. Once he’d made his decision, he looked over, “Mister, I don’t know much but when a woman can’t look a man in the eye, it’s usually because she’s afraid. She definitely shouldn’t be afraid of her father. I’m gonna need you to go.”

When he abruptly turned and left the kitchen, Chris stood with readiness. Ashlyn felt Ali pull back a little when his quick movements frightened her and she cradled her for comfort. Alyssa closed her eyes and rested her head against Becky’s arm that she still tensely grasped with both hands.

Her mother followed behind slowly, as she glanced back, wishing that she could hug her little girl. Becky leaned in, “Do you want to say goodbye to your mother?” Alyssa didn’t look up but she shook her head no. Wrapping both of her arms around her, Becky held her close, “Then you don’t have to.”

When they heard the door close from the other room, Alyssa let out a breath that she’d been holding before she started to cry. She buried her face against her arm and Becky reached around holding her close as she led her back to her bedroom away from prying eyes. Closing the door behind them, she concretely promised, “You never have to go through that again while I’m here. Whatever that was….it’s over.” Her conviction gave Alyssa strength to slowly look up, tears still streaking her face, “I promise you.” Wiping away moisture with her thumbs, Becky pulled her closer into her arms, “Talk to me, Lys. Say something.”

In barely a whisper, Alyssa began slowly, “He made me think no one would ever love me.” Becky pulled back angrily to look at her. “I was so screwed up in my head…” She paused and looked away, “I forced myself on Ali. I’m the reason they fight so much. She told Ash and she didn’t trust her for such a long time. She tried to kill herself because of what I caused.”

Becky took a deep breath and concentrated on focusing what Alyssa was saying to her. “I’m an awful person. I loved my father. I didn’t know it would turn into something like this. I didn’t know I liked girls.” Her speech became rapid and her thoughts rambled, “I let him. I let him do things to me. He…he would…” Stopping her, Becky shook her head, “It’s over.” Holding her face gently in her palms, she whispered, “It’s over. Alyssa, look at me.” Reluctantly meeting her eyes, tears fell in streams. Becky let out a breath and smiled sympathetically. Tilting her head a little as she spoke, she reminded, “I love you.” Studying her face, she nodded to reassure herself of her feelings that she voiced as well as Alyssa’s, “I love you. I do.”

Sitting herself back on the bed, she pulled Alyssa onto her lap and wrapped her arms around her. They both glanced over at the sleeping bundle that was surrounded by pillows beside them. “We’ve been pretty intimate.” Taking Alyssa’s hands and holding them tightly, Becky added, “You’ve seen me naked.”

Alyssa nodded and looked back at her.

“You’ve seen my leg.” Running her fingers softly over Alyssa’s, she summoned some strength before continuing. “My mother home schooled me. I didn’t have any idea it was as wrong as it was.” Taking her hand and interlacing their fingers, she said, “When I don’t cut myself, I have really bad night terrors. Sometimes I get violent. I break things…like in a rage. I recorded myself on my phone one night.”

Alyssa seemed to be thinking. She listened to Becky bare her deepest darkest secrets and most vulnerable insecurities. “How old were you?”

Becky shook her head, “I can’t remember a time when it wasn’t happening. When I was eleven, my mother died and I hated myself for being happy about it. I’ve tried to forget that any of it ever happened but it just doesn’t work that way.” Pulling some hair away from Alyssa’s neck, Becky placed her still lips against her warm skin while she thought. “I was a really angry kid. My therapist told my father it might help if I played some kind of sport. I took a lot of aggression out onto the field and it’s how I played.”

Kissing Alyssa’s neck lightly, she whispered, “That’s why I’m afraid to sleep with you. I don’t want to hurt you. I’m not sure what I’ll do.”

When faint puppy cries began, Alyssa picked up her tiny addition and cradled her in her arms. “I was terrified I was going to fall asleep last night with her alone in my apartment.” Becky ran her fingers over the tiny head and smiled at the delicate life.

Seeing Becky smile, Alyssa’s face relaxed and her body melted back against her.

*

“Do you think she’s alright?” Ali was still standing in the kitchen by the sink watching the door. Megan nodded, “Becky’s got this.” Ashlyn went to her brother’s side and leaned in, “Thanks.”

Chris waved his hand at her, “S’nothing.”

Standing, Ashlyn’s mother asked, “So I guess you need some help cooking, right girls?”

Megan and Frankie had somehow disappeared, leaving the group alone in the kitchen. “Mom, no. Relax. We can take care of this.” Ashlyn didn’t really know why but she wanted to keep her from getting too comfortable. She didn’t want to let her guard down for even a second.

Without a fuss, her mother sat back down and asked Chris to retrieve something from a bag that she’d brought. Then finding a glass, he opened a bottle and poured some vodka to about halfway. Handing it to her, he sat down at the table and began, “So that guy was a dick.”

“Christopher!”

“Sorry, mom.”

Ali kept her head down and began mixing a dough to bake biscuits. Ashlyn watched as she put her glasses on to read the directions and it made her smile. When Ali glanced up, she realized the reason for the smile and smiled back coyly. Returning her attention to her task, Ashlyn noticed her mother watching and she quickly turned.

With a myriad of items on the counter in various stages of preparedness, Ashlyn finally turned, frustrated and asked, “Why do I feel like this is an ambush? Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”

Having nearly finished her drink, her mother had settled comfortably in her chair and glanced up, “Enough time hasn’t gone by? You don’t want a relationship with your mother?”

The somewhat terse response caught Ashlyn off guard and she hesitated. Taking advantage of the silence, her mother went on, “Is that what this is? Some kind of ‘fuck you’ to the people who raised you? Do any of you have any respect?”

Her thoughts stalled; Ashlyn was still.

Spooning another biscuit onto the tray, Ali rested her hands on the counter and listened. “Was I ever going to hear from you again?” Her mother stood and leaned a hand on Chris’ shoulder. Her intoxication was a familiar and unfortunately common expectation, “Why did I have to ‘ambush’ you?”

“So it is an ambush?”

“If it feels that way, maybe it’s guilt.”

Slamming a bowl onto the counter, Ashlyn angrily turned, “What should I feel guilty about, mom? What have I done? I graduated at the top of my class and earned a full scholarship to college. I graduated with Latin Honors and play for a professional soccer team and have signed a contract with the WNT, and I won a gold medal in the Olympics. Do I sound like a lazy, unmotivated drain on society?”

There was a long pause as her mother steadied herself then reached to refill her glass, “What does any of that have to do with how you treat your mother?” Setting down the bottle and picking up her glass, she seemed to be waiting for a response.

Looking up from the counter, Ali turned and met the woman’s challenging stare with her own curiosity. “What do you think about all this?”

Meeting Chris’ side glance, Ali lowered her eyes and shrugged.

“Do you know how long it’s been since Ashlyn has spoken to me?”

Nodding, Ali whispered, “About six years.”

Raising an eyebrow, she smiled halfway, “Very good. How do you know that? Did she tell you?”

Leaning back against Ashlyn, she looked up and their eyes met. She smiled slightly and Ashlyn’s face softened. Her subtle nod back, comforted them both. As she bit her bottom lip, she took a breath before her eyes briefly settled on Chris, who was already smiling at her.

“Well?”

Ali met her question with the response, “That’s how long we’ve been together.”

The confusion in her mother’s eyes led Ali to continue, “I’m her fiancée.”

Standing slowly, Chris smiled wide and stepped around the kitchen island, “When did this happen!” Reaching out, he pulled Ali in for a hug and threw a punch at Ashlyn’s shoulder. Then he threw it around her as well, “Congrats, guys.” Pulling back out of his aggressive hold, Ashlyn frowned, “Thanks, can you let go of her?” Leaning away and out of Ashlyn’s reach, Chris drew out his retreat and he kept his hug around Ali who was laughing uncontrollably with her arms around his waist. When he released her, Ali leaned her head against his shoulder and looked up, “She asked me as soon as we both got back from Europe.”

Reaching for Ali’s hand, Ashlyn coaxed her closer into her embrace, “We hadn’t told anyone. She needed to graduate and sort out some things.”

“Fiancée?” Ashlyn’s mother set her glass down and squinted her eyes a bit. “Really?” She seemed to be thinking before she finally put a hand on her hip, “Hmpf. I guess that makes sense.”

Quickly turning, Chris questioned, “Huh?”

Fixing her gaze on her daughter, she studied her a moment before letting her eyes wander over to Ali. “You asked her to marry you?”

Pulling Ali closer and into her arms, Ashlyn nodded with some caution. Then, looking to the brunette, she questioned, “Your family knows?”

Smiling, as a subtle blush colored her face, she nodded, “Yes, they do. They’re very happy.”

Her face frowned slightly and she asked, “Are you going to keep me in the loop?” Their gaze on each other was steady until Ali bowed her head a little to focus on her mother’s face. Disarming the anxiety and easing the tension in the air the same way she could with Ashlyn, the woman cracked half a smile. Then, nodding a little, she continued, “Yeah. I think you’ll be a good daughter-in-law.” Her smile widened and she reached out her arms, “Well, come on, give me a hug. Seeing as I’m the last to know, it’s the least you can do.”

Ali took a couple steps around to meet the older blonde as she pulled her into an embrace. Taking advantage of the situation, Chris announced, “Well I need to get in on this too.” Wrapping his arms around Ali from behind and looking to his sister to agitate her a little more, he laughed when she lurched around the counter. The group swayed a moment until Megan stood in the archway asking, “Did I just enter a room from an alternate universe?” Glancing back into the living room, she shook her head, “I’m so confused.” Leaning her chin on Megan’s shoulder from behind, Frankie smiled, “I think I like this room better.”

*


	9. Bad Romance

**Chapter Nine**

On the bed, both girls were lying on their side, facing the other. Curled between them, mostly against Alyssa, newly named, Rae, lie sleeping as the two talked. They took turns petting her head, scratching behind her ears or running a hand along the length of her little body for comfort. “I’m really glad you like her. I wasn’t sure, you know?”

Alyssa looked up at Becky suspiciously, “How could I not?”

Not meeting her curious stare, Becky focused on Rae’s sleeping face. “I didn’t know if you could care about something like this.” Looking up slowly, she confessed, “I don’t know if my heart is capable…”

Placing her hand over Becky’s, Alyssa was listening. It seemed that whenever she felt the most vulnerable, she said the stupidest things. “Sometimes I think you’re foolish for caring about me. I’m just going to end up hurting you.”

Alyssa was trying to make sense of what she was saying, “Do you want to hurt me?”

Looking up suddenly, Becky’s words stuttered, “No, no, Lys…” Sitting up and leaning on an elbow, she tried to explain, “I don’t… I’m not trying to…” Sitting up all the way, she shook her head, “I don’t know what I’m doing with you. I’ve never felt this way. I’ve never given a shit about anything.”

Alyssa smiled slightly, confusing Becky, “Why are you smiling?”

Sitting up a little, Alyssa began, “You might be a lot of things but I don’t think a liar is one of them.” Nestling Rae on a pillow and placing her beside her desk, she returned to the bed and stood looking down at Becky’s faux-stern stare. Climbing onto the bed and straddling her, she pushed back and then relaxed down against her waist, pinning her. Her hands reaching for Alyssa’s hips, she held them as she relinquished control. “You told me you loved me.”

Hypnotized by the eyes that rendered her powerless, her words failed her when her heartbeat quickened its pace. Nodding dumbly, Becky mumbled, “…love you.” Her stare wandered along the length of the long brown hair that cascaded over Alyssa’s shoulders and tickled her arms as she leaned closer. Meeting her eyes, she then found herself staring at her full pink lips that were asking again when she hadn’t heard it the first time, “That wasn’t a lie, was it?”

A subtle shake of her head, Becky felt a chill when her body responded without her consent. Brushing her lips lightly, Alyssa whispered, “If this is what foolish feels like, I’m good with that.” Regaining some composure, her hands found their way up into her hair and pulled into fists lightly and she nodded along, “…foolish.”

Reaching up and taking one of her hands, she placed it over her breast and asked, “What do you feel?”

Becky blushed slightly and Alyssa let out a laugh, “My heart silly. Can you feel my heart beating?” Flattening the palm of her hand, she looked back up to meet her soft eyes and she whispered, “I feel it.”

“It’s beating for you.”

Embarrassed, Becky tried to look away. Then, taking her hand from her own chest and placing it down over Becky’s, she asked, “Do you feel that?” When her heart began to race, Alyssa smiled down at her, “That’s what your heart is capable of.”

*

As the aroma of the cooking meal warmed the house, Ali sat beside Ashlyn on the sofa as she waited for the video call to connect. The screen changed colors and it focused on the wide smile as it greeted the brunette happily, “Ali!”

In his excitement, Jacob dropped the phone and there was a pause while he retrieved it and searched for her again, “Hi, Ali.”

Just seeing him on the screen, she felt a wave of emotion wash over her that she did not expect. Clearing her throat when her first attempt failed, she repeated, “Hi, Jacob.”

He was still wearing his thermal pajamas and she immediately felt an ache for home. He walked around the family room with the phone showing Ali the plate that only had crumbs remaining. Then, he looked into the screen with a serious expression and shook his head, “Santa ate the cookies.” There was an animated pout followed by a flurry of several emotions that he was trying to convey in a rush that blurred them all into one flash, “It’s Christmas.” His eyes spoke with an overwhelming spirit that made her smile watching him. He settled finally on the floor so he could watch her as she questioned him about his morning. He intently listened as she spoke and would quickly spin through his response in such a hurry that Ali had to cover her mouth with her hand to hide her smile. His speech, when he was excited, always blended into an almost melodic sound. It had only been a few days but she already missed him so much.

As he spoke with her, she was keenly aware that one of his hands clutched a part of coveted Championship MVP trophy that he knew was so very valuable to her. She could tell that the only way he could express his feelings about the gift was his gesture because the words he wanted to use most likely didn’t exist in his vocabulary. As their conversation volleyed, he would stop at times to reassure himself with the visual of its presence, before looking back at her. There were times she could see what he wanted to say by the twitch of his nose followed by a breath that he would take.

Eventually, his emotions began to crest and she asked him about the other present she gave him, “Did you like green box?” Tilting his head, his child-like happiness accompanied the personality that she fell in love with when he nodded, “Ali,” closing his eyes as he spoke, “I love the new soccer ball.” She giggled with him, happy the sentence had flowed so easily, and his eyes fluttered a bit as he delicately kissed the screen.

Sitting on the chair beside Jacob, Ali saw Jackson smiling in the background. She knew he wanted to talk, so Ali asked, “Jacob, Santa ate all the cookies?”

His eyebrows raising and then he nodded and showed her the plate again. Pretending to think really hard, she finally leaned in close and whispered, “Can you keep a secret?”

Quickly, he whispered, “…secret.” Then, he put his finger to his lips to shush his own voice.

Pretending to look over her shoulder and then around the room, she whispered through her cupped hand, “Look under my bed.” A smile creeping across his face, he closed his eyes to keep it his secret and he nodded, “Ok, Ali.” Standing slowly, he handed the phone to Jackson and he made his way through the kitchen to the stairs.

Once they were alone, his scholarly demeanor had her bow her head a little as she questioned with a smirk, “Wh-aat?” Unable to hold his ground, a smile broke through and he shook his head, “Alex, you shouldn’t have.”

Sitting beside Jackson, Paul leaned closer and greeted, “Hello, sweetie. You had your father a mess this morning.” Jackson frowned at Paul who waved him off, “You should have seen him. Tears and blubbering…”

Ali smiled with approval, “Good. I want you both to know how much everything that you’ve done for me really means. I just don’t know…” Her voice trailed off and she cleared her throat. A hint of tears in her eyes, she tried again, “I don’t know where I’d be today without both of you.”

Coming back to the room carrying a tray of individually wrapped chocolate chip cookies, Jacob showed his parents. There were rows and each was labeled with a day of the week. She could see him nodding as he was adding it into his daily routine. He pointed to ‘Monday’ and said it aloud and nodded, “One cookie on…Monday.”

She sighed with relief that he recalled the words they were working on and told him, “Yes. But only after dinner.”

Climbing between Paul and Jackson, he promised, “Tues…”

“Don’t worry,” she smiled. “We’ll help you.”

Resting his head back, it wasn’t more than a few minutes before he was asleep.

“You spoil him.” Paul scooped him into his arms and announced softly, “And there’s a well earned nap. I’m going to put him down in his bed.”

Looking at the organized tray, Jackson shook his head, “Why didn’t I think of this?”

“No more arguments over cookies.”

Meeting her eyes, he returned to his original stare but she denied him the opportunity, “No. You both deserve it and I don’t want to hear another word about it.”

Contemplating the logistics, Jackson took a deep breath, “You really put a lot of thought into this.”

“It’s winter break. There’s no school and Jacob will stay with me while you both sun yourselves for the week in Hawaii. End of story.”

Raising an eyebrow, Jackson noticed the chain around her neck. Leaning in a bit, he asked, “Is that a globe?” Her hand on her chest, she found the charm and held it closer between her fingers, “Yes.” He could see the detail of the blue and green contrast that was highlighted by gold that gave it a puzzled appearance.

“It’s a kintsugi world.” She gave him the opportunity to inspect it before her hand wrapped around it protectively and she explained, “Ashlyn always wants to give me a perfect world that just doesn’t exist. So she made sure that this one has all the best pieces…” Her voice trailed off and she took a breath. “If you look at it magnified, each individual piece has something special written on it…something or someone that matters to me. She had it made.” Looking beside her, she smiled and rested her head on Ashlyn’s shoulder. “Our pieces fit together to make a perfect world.”

Nodding, Jackson acknowledged, “Miss Harris.”

Ashlyn smiled and nodded, “Mr. Russell.” A laugh escaped her then she asked, “Do you think you’ll ever use my name?”

“Do you think I’ll ever stop being ‘Mr. Russell’?”

In thought a moment, she nodded, “Fair enough.”

*

Becky came in through the back door with Alyssa who held Rae in her arms. Sitting on the floor by the hearth of the fireplace, she set down her bundle who was now ready to play. Becky watched her playing with her a moment before she said, “I’ve got some supplies and food in the car for her. She must be getting hungry.” Megan had descended the steps and stood on the landing, “Do you need help?”

Shrugging, she shook her head, “I should be ok.” Becky quickly closed the door behind her to keep out the cold and Megan hovered so she could at least open the door for her return. She watched Alyssa a moment and then glanced out the window.

Taking in a sharp breath, she rushed through the door and out onto the porch. Becky stood on the top step motionless watching Alyssa’s mother who had stopped halfway up the sidewalk to the house. They were both silent when Megan came to her side.

“You can’t keep me from seeing her.” The two had already exchanged unpleasantries and Megan could see a fire building behind Becky’s eyes. When she took a couple steps closer, it provoked Becky to ball her hands into fists and Megan could see the muscles in her bare arms flexing with tension.

Glancing at the front door that hadn’t closed all the way, Megan put herself in front of Becky and yelled, “Alyssa, somebody, help me now!”

Not breaking her stare on the perceived threat, she reached her arms out to distance herself from Megan and tried to step around her. Ashlyn opened the door and Chris reached the porch first. Alyssa’s mother had reached the bottom step and was repeating, “I want to see my daughter...”

Becky was pushing past Megan when she looked to Chris, “Dude, a little help.”

He hesitated and tried to reach for her arm to avoid a physical altercation but Becky quickly shrugged him off angrily. Alyssa’s mother took two steps up and Becky took two steps down despite Megan standing in her path. “I know what you are,” she chided.

Becky had her hand stretched out holding Megan at bay with one hand while she came down to meet the woman at the same level. Chris was trying to get around them to intervene as Becky questioned, “And what am I?”

A look of disgust captured her face as she scanned her from top to bottom and explained, “We’ve tried to protect her from people like you who have no respect for anything sacred.” Turning suddenly, Megan questioned, “What the hell does that mean?”

Chris put a hand on Megan’s shoulder as Alyssa raced from the house and onto the porch. “Mom, stop!”

Seeing her daughter, she started to push forward. Raising a fist, Becky drew her arm back and threw it out as Chris reached out. Catching her fists forward movement, he pulled back and secured her arms from behind and took her to the ground.

Alyssa came down the steps and quickly went to Becky’s side as she laid on her side with her head resting in the snow. She continued to struggle against Chris’ hold as he called for help, “Jesus Christ, she’s strong. Somebody get over here.”

Ashlyn knelt in the snow beside them and tried to catch her legs that had clipped Chris in the shin, forcing him to release an arm. Alyssa leaned in close, trying to calm her as her mother pulled on her arm begging for her response. Megan climbed out and away from the group.

As Becky struggled, Alyssa begged, “Please calm down.” Her mother pulled on her from behind and when Chris took an elbow to the chest he let go and fell back. Her open hand raised and smacked Alyssa across the face, knocking her off balance.

Pushing up onto her hands and knees, Becky took in a panicked breath when Alyssa fell to her side. Her mother immediately cradled her head in her arms and Becky’s eyes met Ashlyn’s as they welled with tears. Her face flushing with anger and embarrassment, she stood and started to run from the house.

Ashlyn jumped to her feet and took a few steps with the intentions of following her but stopped. She exchanged glances with Megan who shook her head then nodded, “I’ll go.” She sprinted off down the street in the hopes of keeping the girl from hurting herself.

Alyssa slowly sat up with her hand covering her cheek. Tears streamed from her left eye and it stung from the impact. Ashlyn helped Chris to his feet and he mumbled, “What kind of truck was that?”

Brushing snow from his back, Ashlyn whispered, “Yeah, I’ve seen it.”

“No joke,” he answered.

Blinking her eyes, Alyssa pushed herself to her feet. When her mother began brushing away snow, Alyssa shrugged her angrily, “Would you just stop?” Backing away to distance herself, she screamed, “What have you done?” Staring off in the direction that Megan had chased Becky, Alyssa sighed sadly on the verge of tears. Shaking her head, her hands combed back through her hair and she turned to her mother angrily, “It didn’t work ok? You and Dad didn’t save me. I’m queer. I’m going to hell because I love that girl.” Breaking down, she let out a sob and continued through her emotions, “You can either accept that and be a part of my life or leave me alone. I’m happy here.” Doubling over to cry, she put her hands to her face to cover it, “Why can’t you be happy for me?”

Coming to her side, Ali whispered, “Lys, here. Hold Rae.” Looking up at her friend, Alyssa met her brown eyes and then glanced down at the puppy she held in her arms. She took a deep breath and felt the tension leaving her body when she realized what Ali was doing. Transferring the pup to Alyssa’s hold, Ali placed a hand on her arm for support. She settled Rae and looked to Ali and silently mouthed ‘thank you’ before she started up the walk toward the house.

Everyone had come back inside the house and Alyssa stood at the window watching her mother who stood motionless before turning and going back to her car. As the car pulled away from the curb, she kissed away a few tears that had soaked the fur on Rae’s head. Leaning closer against the glass, she searched up and down the street for any sign of Megan or Becky.

*

After Ashlyn’s mother and Chris were gone, Megan said goodbye to Frankie, Ali sat beside Alyssa and asked, “Do you want to come have some dinner?” She’d been staring into the fireplace and watching Rae sleep beside it underneath the blanket she’d covered her with. Turning to look at Ali, she questioned, “Where are they?”

“You know Becky, she had to cool off. She was upset.”

In the kitchen, she watched Ashlyn pull her phone from her pocket when it must have vibrated. She glanced at it briefly and put it back into her pocket. Alyssa watched her come into the living room and lean close to Ali and whisper something before she headed for the door. Springing to her feet, she chased after the blonde, “I’m coming with you.”

Stopping suddenly, Ashlyn turned and pleaded, “Stay here. I’m bringing them home.” She hesitated to make sure Alyssa wasn’t going to follow her.

When she returned twenty minutes later, Ashlyn came in followed by Megan. Alyssa stood, impatiently waiting, “Where is she?”

Megan went to her and put a hand on her shoulder, “She doesn’t want to come inside. Go talk to her, let her know you’re ok. She’s beating herself up over what happened.”

Picking up her black leather jacket, she went to the door and opened it. Becky was sitting on the bottom step shivering. Alyssa wrapped her jacket around her shoulders and sat beside her but she refused to look up. Kneeling on the ground in front of her, Alyssa bowed her head a little and took her hands into her own to hold them. They felt ice cold. “Becky, look at me.” Rising up on her knees so she could be closer to her, Alyssa wrapped her arms around her neck and hugged her, “I’m so sorry.”

Backing away, Becky asked, “What are you sorry for?”

Finally able to see her face, Alyssa whispered, “I’m sorry that you don’t know how much you mean to me. No one has ever protected me that way.” Becky met her eyes and Alyssa continued, “It felt really good knowing you’d take care of me. I felt safe.”

Caressing her cheek, Becky whispered, “I didn’t mean to hit you.”

Smiling halfway, Alyssa reached up and pulled her closer, “I know that. You’d never try to hurt me.” Curling into her and sitting on the step, she leaned back so Becky could wrap her arms around her. Holding her hands against her to warm them, she whispered, “This feels nice.”

Pushing her arms into her jacket, she wrapped it around Alyssa from behind and pulled her closer to keep her warm. Kissing her neck, she promised, “I’m never going to let anyone hurt you.”

Looking back over her shoulder, Alyssa asked, “Will you let me take care of you tonight?” Her hand gently against her cheek, she said, “I want to give you a nice hot shower, wash your clothes for you and put you to bed.” Kissing her lips, she then asked, “Would you like that?”

Becky couldn’t help letting herself smile at the thoughts it elicited in her head. Before she could answer, Alyssa whispered, “Maybe then you could take care of me…” The swagger in her eyes made Becky shiver off a chill down her spine that settled deep in her belly. It was a confidence that turned her on and made her want everything Alyssa was suggesting. As domestic pictures of romantic evenings together filled her head, she couldn’t seem to think of a single reason that would possibly make sense to keep her from being a part of all of it. Becky lost herself in Alyssa’s eyes and when she suggested they go inside, she nodded along, holding her hand as she led her into the house.

Alyssa led Becky into the kitchen still holding her chilled hand. Ashlyn had lifted Ali up and she was perched on the edge of the counter where they were leaned in close trading kisses together. Ashlyn had her arms around her waist and when the couple entered the kitchen, Ali smiled. Becky lowered her eyes and apologized, “I’m sorry for my behavior.”

Ashlyn was silent a long time watching Becky standing beside Alyssa with her head down, most likely embarrassed and feeling ashamed of herself. “Hey,” Ashlyn finally called. “No, you’re not. Let me tell you something…” Ashlyn came halfway across the kitchen and called her name, “Becky, look at me.”

Alyssa frowned, unsure of what Ashlyn was going to say and leaned in closer. When Becky looked up, Ashlyn nodded with conviction, “Don’t you ever be sorry for a single second that you had the forethought and the balls to protect her.” Pointing to herself, she then added, “I didn’t do what you did. I handed her over knowing very well what was going on. I’m the reason he beat her half to death.” Reaching her hand out and placing it on her arm, Ali whispered, “Ash, that’s not true.”

Becky was watching Ash talk and noticed how she tensed when Ali tried to comfort her about that night. Ali honestly didn’t feel that it was something that she could have stopped and held no grudge against her but Ashlyn hadn’t forgiven herself. Then, pointing to Alyssa, she asked, “How would you feel right now if you’d let her go with that man and he did unspeakable things to her?” Sucking in her bottom lip with her teeth, Becky looked over at Alyssa standing beside her and imagined him burning her in her most intimate places. The thought made her sick to her stomach. “Not a single day goes by that I don’t wish I could go back and stop it.”

Tearing her gaze away from Alyssa, Becky looked to Ash and asked, “Would you tell your brother I’m sorry. I got a couple cheap shots in.” Her face lightening, the blonde nodded, “Sure.”

Turning and returning to Ali’s side, Ashlyn whispered, “Now, where was I?” Leaning in, she softly kissed her lips and asked, “There?” Ali smiled and nodded. “Yeah?” Trailing some butterfly kisses down the side of her neck, she shook her head, “You sure it wasn’t here?” Ali placed the palms of her hands gently against Ashlyn’s face. The way she was silently looking into the blonde’s eyes, Becky watched as they communicated on levels she’d never imagined possible. Ashlyn was begging for her forgiveness and Ali was pleading for her to let it go. Once they’d come to a mutual understanding, Ali smiled slightly and questioned, “Are we all ready to eat now?”


	10. Take Me To Church

Seated around the table, the conversation was light. Becky had her head down, quietly, thinking to herself. Eventually, Alyssa leaned in when she noticed her pushing her food around the plate instead of eating it. “Are you alright?” When she looked up into Alyssa’s eyes, Becky smiled a little and nodded. Then, she looked across the table and began, “Ali, I owe you and Ash an apology.” Raising her eyebrows in question, Ali shook her head, “No, it’s…”

Interrupting her, Becky went on, “I thought your relationship was a train wreck…and I didn’t think it was the way I wanted our relationship to be. But I have to admit that I don’t know shit. I only hope that we can be as open and honest with each other the way you both are.”

“It takes a lot of time,” Ashlyn confessed. “And a lot of fighting.”

Ali laughed a little and nodded, “I’ll say.”

Megan reached for another roll and asked, “Ali, do you want to come to the complex tomorrow and get in a workout. We could all use another player in the mix.”

Wincing, Ali glanced up, “Yikes. I forgot to tell you…” Turning to Ashlyn, “I got an email from my management team. They said my graduation/holiday is over. Time to do my promo and showcase for the draft. So I have to go there tomorrow for pictures and they’re going to make a highlight video. So I was going to ask if I could tag along with you.”

“Ok, perfect.” Megan glanced over at Becky, “You’re game too, right? Get to know the team…if any of them are there. Start getting ourselves together.”

Nodding, Becky answered, “Yes. I want to get out there.”

Becky set her fork down and leaned toward Alyssa, “I’m just not hungry.”

“Come on,” Taking her hand, Alyssa led her toward the bathroom. Once they were inside, she closed the door behind them, “Why don’t you get into the shower.” Reaching inside, she turned on the hot water, “I’ll get some supplies for you.” Becky was leaning against the sink watching her as she took a towel and washcloth out of the linen closet. Setting them aside, she opened the cabinet door and took out her soap and shampoo. Turning with it in her hands, she asked, “Do you need anything else?” Reaching up, she caressed her cheek that still had a bit of redness. Stifling a smile, she shook her head, “No. That’s just what I need.” Blushing a little, Alyssa placed everything inside the shower and then held out an arm, “Give me your clothes and I’ll put them in the wash.”

She’d stripped off her jeans and pulled her tee shirt over her head as her feet independently pushed off the sock of the opposite foot. Alyssa watched her trying to unknot the hairband that held the base of her braid together as she blindly struggled with it. When she stood to look into the mirror, Alyssa was watching from behind at the muscles in her shoulders and back through the sports bra and form fitting boxer briefs that sat low on her hips and hugged her waist.

Seeing her frustration, Alyssa stepped closer and took her hands from the knot and pulled at the bunch that was binding it. Almost immediately it loosened and Becky’s hair fell over her shoulders and down her back. Turning slowly, she shook her head, “I’m a mess.”

Setting the hair band on the sink, Alyssa smiled, “I like mess.”

Hanging her robe on the hook behind the door, she gathered up the rest of Becky’s clothes and pulled the bathroom door closed behind her.

*

As the hot water soothed her body and relaxed her muscles, Becky thought about Alyssa’s generous spirit and sound decisions. She was beginning to think she really wasn’t as screwed up as she liked to think she was. She also realized that it seemed very easy to let Alyssa persuade her into whatever it was she wanted at the time. For all the big talk and hardened speeches she’d made, Becky ended up folding quicker than she could have ever imagined. And she had this heightened need to completely protect her at all cost. When she’d come out onto the porch and saw her mother standing there, waiting for Alyssa, her mind blanked out. She went into overdrive as her mind flashed what the absence in her life would look like without Alyssa. An overwhelming feeling of suffocation choked out all rational thought and she wanted to make it stop at all cost. She’d completely lost control and when she smacked Alyssa’s face, she didn’t think she could bear the embarrassment.

Yet, somehow, she made it alright. Megan had stopped her and made her listen. She told her that if Alyssa truly cared about her that this would not be something that would stand between them. And she was right. Becky had convinced herself that Alyssa would surely never want to see her again after she’d hit her but it wasn’t even a factor. She never even gave her the opportunity to feel like she could get out an apology.

Stepping out of the shower, she toweled off her body and then wrapped it around her wet hair. Pulling Alyssa’s robe around her, it encircled her in a rush of her scent that made her body immediately respond. Her blood rushed and gave her a warm sensation.

Tapping lightly on the door before she opened it, Becky peered through and saw Alyssa pacing the room slowly with Rae in her arms snuggled against her chest. Smiling back, she whispered, “I’m going to put her down. Ali said she’d take her tonight.”

When she returned, she handed Becky a mug. “I made you some tea with a little honey in it. Help warm your insides.” Straightening up a few things around her room, she explained, “I fed her and took her out while you were in the shower. Your clothes are in the dryer now.”

When she finally stopped, she turned and looked to Becky questioningly, “Do you feel a little better?” Alyssa had changed into a comfortable oversized tee shirt and sweatpants. Her hair hung in unruly waves over her shoulders and as her hands fidgeted with one another, Becky smiled at what she could only describe as a feeling of complete infatuation. Nodding, she confirmed, “Yes. I feel better now.” Pulling the towel from her damp hair, she added, “Thank you.” Taking the towel from Becky, she dropped it into her clothes hamper and then returned with some folded clothes. “I have a tee shirt and sweatpants that will definitely fit you if you’d like.” When she reached out for the clothes, Alyssa pulled them back out of her reach, “But I also have something else that I think you might like better.”

Dropping her hands, Becky narrowed her eyes a bit, watching Alyssa set down the clothes and go to her bedside drawer. She kept her back turned to her as she seemed to be adjusting something. Then she bent down and helped Becky step into the leather holder. Fastening it around her waist, she went back to her drawer and retrieved a phallic appendage that slipped into the chamber and she locked it into place. As her hands worked at adjusting it, Becky had to bite her lip to avoid letting herself moan at the precision of the placement. It applied pressure perfectly where she would have already had her fingers working. Letting the front of the robe fall closed once she’d finished, Alyssa looked up shyly, “Do you like it?” The sincerity in her eyes wanted nothing more than Becky’s approval. “I thought that you might like to have the feel of the real thing…” Stepping closer, she reached around Becky’s waist and pulled her against her, “You look sexy as hell.” Becky’s eyes fluttered closed at the overall feeling of having Alyssa leaning against her with the knowledge that not only did she approve but she’d given her the permission to embrace her need. It made her feel complete and accepted.

Alyssa reached her hand through the front of the parted robe and grasped the appendage closer to the base which stimulated Becky to the point she gasped. Alyssa quickly looked up, “Did that hurt?”

Sucking in her bottom lip, her eyes closed, Becky shook her head and whispered out, “No. God, no.”

Her face colored a shade darker and Alyssa asked, “Is this too much?” Stepping back, she looked away embarrassed, “I just thought you wanted…”

Reaching for her shoulders, Becky smiled and began, “Hang on. You have to give me a second.” Feeling the way her movements caused it to adjust, she felt her arousal increasing. A fire was building in her belly that she’d never felt before. Lowering her voice, Becky was almost whispering, “I’ve never told anyone about this…I’ve never let anyone know.” Tugging on the hem of her tee shirt, she pulled Alyssa closer to her, “I can’t believe you did this for me.” Her hands resting now on her hips, she looked up into Alyssa’s eyes, “I can’t believe I met you and…” Her cheeks filled with color as she spoke, “…that you want me this way.”

Alyssa narrowed her eyes a bit and questioned cautiously, “What way?”

Motioning to herself, Becky answered, “Like this. As I am. I’m a freak.”

Her hands reached into the robe and teasingly trailed across Becky’s breasts, causing an immediate response. Alyssa could feel her nipples harden under her fingertips. Pushing the robe back and off her shoulders, she warned, “Don’t talk about my girlfriend like that. I really love her and she’s not a freak.”

Pulling her tee shirt up over her head, Alyssa smiled shyly and slid her sweatpants down to her feet before sitting on the bed to kick them off. Reaching for Becky, she coaxed her into bed with her. The covers pulled up over them, Alyssa whispered, “You’re ok with all my freakiness. What’s the difference?”

Her arms slid around Alyssa’s waist and she shyly answered, “You make everything you do look beautiful.” Taking advantage of the hesitation, Becky leaned in to kiss her lips and whispered, “I’m still trying to get used to this feeling that someone knows and it’s alright.” She paused before she continued, “There have been times that I was terrified someone would notice and I’d have to defend myself.”

Curling herself against Becky’s chest, Alyssa shook her head slightly as she spoke, “You don’t have to worry about my not approving of anything about you. Your swagger and the way you carry yourself is so sexy. Just the way that you speak to me and the way you treat me…” Her voice trailed off and she became quiet.

Pulling away, Becky asked, “Are you alright?”

Looking up and meeting her concerned stare, Alyssa’s face was flushed with color when she answered, “I’ve never wanted something so much.” Reaching her hand down to grasp Becky’s addition, she told her, “Be comfortable with who you truly are.” Lying back, she whispered, “Take me. I’m all yours.”

She was unsure how to proceed but the gentle pressure that Alyssa had applied and the subtle suggestion had Becky leaning closer to brush her lips against her own. They began trading slow gentle kisses back and forth until they deepened with their tongues flirting playfully.

Becky settled herself down a little and placed a kiss on the corner of Alyssa’s mouth before spilling them down her neck and then began nibbling on her shoulder. With her head thrown back, Alyssa’s breathing had deepened and her grasp on Becky’s arms tightened as she softly begged, “Please.” Her back arched and she raised her hips up to meet Becky’s waning hesitance and the contact created a renewed electricity between them.

Becky was placing little kisses across her belly when she suddenly stopped. Her lips were still against Alyssa’s skin and her hands had frozen themselves around her waist. Looking up slowly, she whispered out, “I’m nervous. I’m unsure…”

Alyssa sat up and met the unsettled stare. “It’s only me. And if you don’t really think this is you or what you want…” Presented with the possibility that Becky no longer wanted to possess the assertion or the dominance in the way she always had, she pressed her lips to the warm skin again and reached for her hips to pull her closer.

Alyssa giggled and Becky smiled back as she ran her tongue across her belly. The sensation quickly sobered her and she whispered, “Oh, that feels nice.”

Resting herself beside her girlfriend again, Becky caressed Alyssa’s face and nodded, “Thank you.”

Her smile relaxed them both and Becky confirmed, “This is me. You helped me find myself.”


	11. Angel of the Morning

**Angel of the Morning**

There was a light tapping somewhere off in the distance. Alyssa strained to hear what direction it might be coming from as it grew louder. When she opened her eyes, the light from the sun that found its way between the curtains forced her to squint.

She realized someone was softly knocking on her bedroom door and then she heard Ali call, “Lys, are you awake?”

“Yes…” Her voice betrayed her and she responded coarsely, revealing her lie.

Silence and then a slight hesitation before she continued, “Everybody wants to leave by ten.”

Glancing over at the clock, Alyssa saw it was almost eight. “Ok. Thanks.” Resting her head back against Becky’s shoulder, she took a deep breath and her eyes closed again. As the events from the night before flooded her memory and heightened her senses again, she smiled. Her body tingled with a satisfaction unlike any other she’d ever known. Becky had known just what to do and just how to touch her and it drove her wild. Alyssa’s positive response was enough to provide Becky with the confidence to experiment and improvise when she felt out of her comfort zone.

Suddenly, in a panic, her eyes were wide and she quickly looked up at Becky. Her face was relaxed and her breaths were still even and deep. Some of her hair fell across her face and cascaded over her shoulder as she slept. One of her arms was carefully draped over Alyssa’s waist, securing her against her.

She watched her chest rise and fall subtly and held back a smile. They’d made love together three times before Becky wrapped her arms around Alyssa and they began talking. It was one of those conversations that never stopped flowing back and forth as they traded details about one another that they had never thought to reveal before. It sounded silly at first but eventually, the stories they exchanged felt more intimate and meaningful than them having sex. Becky talked about falling in love with the book ‘Charlotte’s Web’ as a child and that most of the time it was the reasoning behind her not choosing meats at mealtime. It was then that her choice in Christmas gifts to Alyssa made much more sense.

Confessing to a secret love of classical music because deep down it reminded her of her grandmother’s house, Alyssa remembered it was always a safe place for her to go as a child. Her grandmother didn’t hold the same bias against her as her parent’s did.

Alyssa’s story reminded Becky of the sweet scent of cinnamon that would fill the house when she would bake with her father on Sunday mornings. It was something she enjoyed doing as a little girl that she’d never revealed because it sounded as if it went against the image she was trying to uphold. She missed it and making holiday cookies with Alyssa had created a familiar family bonding feeling that stirred something deep inside her.

The conversation never wavered and all of it felt significant in a way that went beyond meaningful. She couldn’t seem to remember the last thing they were talking about, nevertheless, at some point, much to Alyssa’s surprise, they both fell asleep with great ease. She didn’t remember it being a restless night and couldn’t recall any tossing or turning that had kept her awake. In fact, it seemed that Becky was still in the exact same position she had fallen asleep in.

Alyssa watched as eventually, Becky’s breathing changed and then finally her eyes fluttered open. As soon as Becky smiled, Alyssa mirrored her happiness, “Good morning. How did you sleep?”

Alyssa’s question made Becky realize what had happened. Sitting up quickly, she stared off in thought, searching for any hint in her memory of having acted foolish. Then, looking back to Alyssa, her eyebrows raised questioningly, “You’re ok?”

Smiling back, she nodded, “I’m ok.”

Becky’s expression of concern, relief and happiness pulled her emotions all over the place but in the end she settled on leaning over for a quick kiss, “I could get used to this.” Relieved that Becky had made a positive statement about last night, Alyssa agreed with her. She was just happy that Becky was finally on board.

“Everyone is leaving for the complex at ten.”

Pulling a tee shirt over her head, Becky stared at the alarm clock for a moment in thought. “I guess I should get going then. I can meet you all there.” Looking over at Alyssa, sitting on the edge of the bed, Becky felt the pit of her stomach tighten at the thought of leaving and she laughed, “I think I understand what you’ve been feeling lately.”

Looking up questioningly, Alyssa pulled some clothes on, “What do you mean?”

Becky looked away embarrassed and worked at pulling her socks on her feet, “That first night that we were together after we came home from the bar…I remember how much you didn’t want me to leave. I don’t think I truly understood what you were feeling and why. I mean, I had these feelings for you but they were sort of severed and I didn’t really let myself get attached. Sine then, it’s been this flame that’s been growing inside me and I can’t seem to get away from it.”

Alyssa was listening to what she was explaining and said, “You really didn’t want to love me.”

Becky became nervous and stood. As she shook her head no, she came around to the other side of the bed and sat beside her. Resting her hands on her shoulders, she apologized, “I’m sorry. I’m not explaining this very well. I didn’t know it was love. I didn’t know what it was. I was terrified.”

“I know you were.” Leaning closer, Alyssa whispered, “It’s alright.” She pressed her lips gently to Becky’s and smiled in a way that should have made her feel better. But she hadn’t gotten her point across the way she wanted.

Becky studied the sympathetic eyes that were fixed on her and finally said what she’d been trying to get out. “I don’t want to leave you. I’m only going home to shower and get my things so I can meet you at the field in a couple hours but it feels like a lifetime.”

Alyssa smiled, understanding now that she was explaining how vulnerable she felt. Knowing that her next words would be a generous helping of her own brand of self-coping, she reached for her hand and held it. Becky leaned closer and connected their lips as she rested Alyssa back on the bed. She quickly slipped her hand down the front of her sweatpants and dipped two fingers into an already waiting pool of moisture between her legs. It’s no more than maybe ten seconds before Alyssa’s head is thrown back and her hands are tightly clasped around Becky when her orgasm grips her body. Her eyes closed, a second wave of spasms tugged at her insides as she bit her lip in an attempt to quiet herself when they heard activity from outside the bedroom door. Her fingers were stilled, buried in the throbbing warmth, and her thumb still pressed lightly against her swollen anatomy. Becky kissed her neck softly and whispered, “Look at me this time.” Her hold on Becky’s arm tightened again and she settled on her beautiful green eyes as her body tumbled once more into an involuntary spasm of pleasure. The emotional connection stirred something between them and Becky felt her eyes well with moisture. “Beautiful,” she whispered. Alyssa blushed and Becky shook her head at herself, “I can’t believe I was fighting this.”


	12. This Is The Day

**This is the Day**

Ali sat her bag beside Alyssa and kicked off her sneakers. “Ok, out with it.” Sitting on the grass beside her, Ali coaxed, “Come on. I want to hear all the sordid details.” Her cheeks burning with color, Alyssa stifled a smile and asked, “What do you want to know?”

Ali’s mind was racing and her questions blended into a string that barely made sense. “Why didn’t she stay Christmas Eve? Why did she stay last night? What did you two do? And how many times?” Trailing off when a few players walked by, she lowered her voice, “Are you guys alright…”

“She didn’t stay because she didn’t want to blur lines. She was afraid it would confuse things if we started acting like we lived together.” Ali bowed her head a little as she watched Alyssa talking and when she looked up, she added, “She was trying to be respectful.”

Shaking her head slowly, Ali leaned closer, “How hard was that?”

“I felt a little silly once she explained it but things ended up getting complicated anyway.”

Leaning back on her elbows, Ali asked with more decorum, “So how was it?”

Her gaze fixed on images that only she could see, Alyssa smiled to herself as she blushed, “Amazing. I never felt anything so…” Stopping, she looked over at her friend, “I don’t have the words.”

Smiling shyly, Ali nodded, “I know what you mean. It’s sexy as hell watching Ash.”

As she was lacing up her shoes, Alyssa was more talking aloud to herself when she breathed out, “I couldn’t see her to watch but she was so gentle with me.”

Raising an eyebrow, Ali glanced over curiously and just listened. “She bent me over my desk and took me from behind and used her fingers at the same time. It was incredible.” When Ashlyn and Becky came to their place on the sideline, Alyssa looked up and smiled. Becky set a bag down and shrugged a little, “Sorry I’m late.”

Alyssa quickly stood and put a hand on her shoulder, “You’re fine.” They're gaze silently lingered on one another.

Pulling her gloves from her bag, Ashlyn asked, “Lys, drills?” Motioning toward the far end goal, she took a step, “I got us a spring net.” Her eyes briefly met Becky’s and she nodded, “I’m coming.” As she passed by, she smiled again, leaving Becky watching her jog across the field with Ashlyn.

Ali glanced back at Alyssa and then at Becky just watching quietly with a smile curling one side of her mouth. She looked at the way she stood, feet apart, taking up space. The sleeveless tee shirt she wore was perfectly fitted and Ali could see the ripples of her abdominal muscles through the top. Her shoulders and arms were so sculptured that their definition was almost chiseled. She almost broke her gaze when she glossed over her waist and she thought she caught a sight she couldn’t place. The way she moved and the way her shorts hung, it looked like she had something in her pocket. If her shorts had pockets. The visual opened up thoughts and possibilities that Ali had never entertained and it was intriguing. Pushing herself to her feet, she looked at Becky again and could definitely see Alyssa’s attraction. She was seeing Becky in a way she never had before.

“You want to run the field with me or are you…scared?” Becky’s bold proposition startled Ali out of her thoughts and made her laugh. Raising an eyebrow, she shook her head, “Are you really gonna try me?”

Becky nodded toward the grass and threw her hands out, “I’m right here.” Using the tip of her shoe, Ali skipped the ball up and Becky caught it while she waited for Ali to zip up her bag. They walked across the field to the far end as they made idle chatter. Becky saw the crew setting up in the back and asked if they had a time set up. Shaking her head, she told her she had to wait for her management to get there.

As they stood at the corner, they both did some light stretching. On the opposite side of the field, pockets of players who had shown up individually, were working on their own drills and workout routines. There were no organized practices yet so it was all very casual. Alyssa and Ashlyn had begun working until Megan called her away for something.

Alyssa sat on the edge of one of the bleachers waiting until she saw her recruiter. He waved and walked over to say hello. “How you making out?” Sitting on the level below her, he glanced out at the various players beginning their warm up.

“Good, I’m excited to get started this season.”

He was scanning and nodding as he most likely remembered each recruit he’d spoken with over the last year. “You found housing through the team?”

Wrinkling her nose, Alyssa shook her head, I knew some girls and I rent a room.”

Suddenly, Ali and Becky began an almost coordinated volley on the field. Becky was juggling the ball downfield with Ali pressing her defensively. The intensity and precision they played off one another was unmatched. There was subtle banter between them on the field, prodding the other to respond with obligatory trash talk in response. They were coasting downfield at a very close proximity as Ali seemed to be able to anticipate Becky’s moves with ease. Ali had her hands stretched out in front of her as she ghosted her silhouette while they moved.

The conversation wasn’t what drew the attention nor the sudden silence that the performance commanded as they made their way down the field. Becky aggressively tried to meg Ali which was denied with a thunderous slap against her shoes as she stopped it. They continued on and Becky made several more attempts to juke and break away with enough space to find the back of the net. At one point, Becky tried to punch two kicks through and the echo they created when they were stopped by Ali’s defense made Becky grunt out of frustration.

Drawing all focus, including the recruiter, he leaned closer to Alyssa, “Who’s that with Becky?”

“That’s Ali. She was Becky’s teammate in Europe last summer. They won the Tournament.”

“Oh, I do remember her. I thought she was still in school.”

“No, she graduated last week.”

Turning his attention, he looked to Alyssa, “You know her?”

Nodding, she laughed, “She was my roommate in college.”

As he watched them go head to head, he leaned over, “She have any interest in staying local?”

Realizing this was her chance to give Ali a shot at being drafted here, she nodded, “I’m pretty sure that is exactly what she wants.”

One final attempt to score on Ali and the shot was blocked and both girls fell on top of one another exhausted. They lie in a heap, breathing heavily, unable to whisper another word of smack to the other and they started to giggle, completely out of breath.

Once they’d caught their breath, they both stood. Now it was Ali’s turn to try and score on Becky. They took a few minutes to shake off their limbs and start up the trash talk again. Neither was able to keep a straight face as they made pseudo-derogatory commentary about the other.

Standing at the corner, Ali dropped the ball and looked up at Becky, “You ready?” She had leaned in and placed a hand on Ali’s waist as she waited for her to start. Swatting her hand away, Ali grumbled, “No cheating.”

Becky let out a laugh and threw her hand out again, “Somebody’s scared.” When her arm pushed off from Becky’s body, it fooled her into thinking she was breaking in the opposite direction. Sprinting to catch up, she chased after Ali anticipating the sudden break and followed her along the sideline. The play on the field was the same however the footwork was unmatched as the two challenged each other.

At one point, Ali attempted a kick that almost made it past Becky and drew an audible reaction from those now along the sidelines watching. Persevering through, Becky blocked the shot with her body and kept her pace, shadowing Ali.

Juggling the ball, Ali’s steps created enough of a distraction that Becky could feel her shot on goal was imminent. Then, suddenly, Ali kicked up the ball and headed it in, finding the back of the net. Losing her balance, Becky pitched forward onto her knees and Ali tumbled over her, laughing hysterically.

Her arms giving out, Becky lay face down, her laughter coming in bursts. Ali was lying across her in an uncontrolled heap. Pushing her sideways and rolling over, Becky mumbled, “Boy, did you get lucky with that dog and pony show.”

Ali sat up halfway, “Wow. Sour grapes.”

Sitting Indian-style, Becky narrowed her eyes, “How long have you been planning that?”

Shrugging her shoulders with a mischievous smile pulling at the corner of her mouth, Ali pushed Becky backwards and jumped up to give herself a head start. Racing after the brunette, she paced her down the field.

Alyssa smiled as she watched the two chasing each other and realized that it was the first time she’d seen their friendship in action. She also noticed the completely unguarded demeanor that Ali had brought out in Becky. She laughed as they teased one another and loved watching how her smile came so easily. It felt good to see that she was capable of letting go with such ease and caught up in the moment.

She noticed her recruiter had found a very important phone call to attend to and Alyssa scanned the complex for Ashlyn. Stepping down from the bleachers, she noticed Megan skulking around the front gates and walked toward her.

When Megan saw Alyssa, she started to walk toward her with the obvious hopes she’d follow. “What are you doing over here and where is Ash…” Her voice trailed off and she stood watching Megan continue in the opposite direction.

“Come on, Lys. This way.”

Megan glanced back and realized Alyssa wasn’t taking the bait. Turning, she began walking back toward the main fencing. Standing at the gate, she looked out across the parking lot at the cars. She saw groups of people either on their way to the lot or on their way to one of the many fields.

When she saw Ashlyn talking to a young girl by the batting cages, she folded her arms over herself and watched. The shorter blonde was standing a little bit too close to Ashlyn as they spoke and she would randomly reach out and place her hand on Ash’s arm.

Ashlyn wasn’t reciprocating in quite the same way but she also wasn’t doing anything to stop it. When Megan came to her side, she glanced over and raised an eyebrow. Shaking her head without meeting Alyssa’s eyes, Megan warned, “Don’t even get me started. I told her to handle this.”

Looking back out at the couple as they talked, Alyssa responded, “If Ali catches wind of this, she’s going to handle both of them. How serious is this?”

“I’ve seen her hanging around the stadium. She comes to the all the games. End of last season, she followed us to the car and asked for an autograph. Now she’s stalking the complex.” Leaning back on the fence, she went on, “The last time we came here I saw her but she didn’t see us. When I noticed her, I went to get Ash to tell her to sort this out before it becomes a problem.”

Waving her hand awkwardly as she spoke, Alyssa asked, “She’s not going to do anything with her, is she?”

Finally, Megan met the young girl’s questioning brown eyes and answered, “I can’t answer that. You’re seeing what I’m seeing.”

Huffing out a breath, Alyssa shook her head, “This sucks.”

Standing, Megan put a hand on her back and tried to lighten the mood, “Let’s not paint the red A on her yet.” Alyssa took in a breath and turned away from watching them.

“How’re you and ‘the Beckster’ making out?” Megan gave a few light punches and smiled, “It seems like you’re both happy.”

Alyssa nodded and bit her bottom lip before she answered, “I’m in love with her. She’s made me want things I didn’t know existed.”

Megan tried not to let her smile get too wide. “I think you two are good for one another. Just take your time.” Alyssa studied her friend for a moment before she asked, “What does that mean?”

Shrugging a little, Megan weighed in her mind the best way to impartially phrase it without offending her, “Don’t rush into anything.”

Narrowing her eyes and glancing out at Ashlyn again, Alyssa casually asked, “Do you think I’m impulsive?”

“No. I just want you to think things through.”

When the shorter girl leaned over and pulled Ashlyn in for a hug, Alyssa stiffened and took in a sharp breath. They watched her place a kiss on her cheek and then walk away with a painfully slow swagger in her step that made Alyssa breath out a sigh of impatience, “Seriously.” They both watched Ashlyn take the bait and stand motionless until she turned toward the complex. She kicked up to a light jog and stopped where Alyssa stood waiting. “Sorry about that.”

The icy stare made Ashlyn look to Megan in question, “What?”

Throwing her hands up defensively, Megan shook her head as she turned, “Girl, bitches be loco. I don’t want any part of this.”

Once they were alone, Ashlyn looked away embarrassed, “I’m not doing anything. Honest.”

When their eyes met, Ashlyn flinched a little when Alyssa raised her hand. Holding it still a moment, she reached up and used her thumb to wipe away a lipstick smudge from her cheek. Her jaw set firmly and she turned her back on Ashlyn and she returned to the practice field.

While Ali did some film shots and talked a little with her management, Becky climbed the bleachers and sat at the top to catch her breath and take a break. She took a mouthful of water and wiped her face with her towel.

Suddenly aware of someone watching her, Becky bowed her head a bit and then glanced beside her. There were two girls sitting two rows lower than her chatting. Every few minutes, they would look up at her. Giving a quick nod, Becky acknowledged them.

“You played on Luxembourg, yes?” The raven haired girl had such a thick accent, she had Becky questioning if the words were in English. With hesitation, she eventually nodded, “…yes. And you are…?”

“Marie.” Pointing to the blonde beside her, she nodded, “Ellen.”

Watching them judge her for a moment, Becky felt an uncomfortable uneasiness about their company. “So, are we teammates? Are you on Sky Blue?”

Marie stood and answered, “Teammates.” Holding out a hand, she extended it to Becky to shake, “Good luck.” Standing quickly, she returned with a handshake that challenged her strength when they both locked eyes.

Stepping almost between the two, ending the silent power struggle, Megan greeted, “Hello, ladies. Met my roommate, I see.”

Ellen stood beside Marie and nodded, “Yes.” Then she took a few steps down until she reached the bottom with Marie following behind.

Both girls watched them cruise the sideline as they made their way around ‘Field Three’ and studied Ali as they passed by slowly. They made several motions toward various other players as they walked around the far goal. Stopping when they saw Ashlyn and Alyssa, they watched for a moment before they began speaking to one another. Ashlyn smiled and waved and they exchanged pleasantries. Becky’s arm tensed as she watched an exchange of words take place that made Alyssa turn suddenly.

Megan reached her arm out across Becky’s path and whispered, “Not here.”

When she realized Becky wasn’t hearing anything but the buzzing of her anger in her head, she took a fistful of her tee shirt and tugged on it. “Not here,” she repeated a little louder.

The muscles in her bicep flexing nervously, she met Megan’s stare briefly. Ashlyn had stepped closer to the pair and began to negotiate while motioning with her hand for Alyssa to stay back. Becky took a step down and Megan pulled tighter on the tee shirt. Looking down at her hand that was clenched around the fabric, she soberly spoke, “Move your hand.”

Letting go, Megan watched as Marie and Ellen finally continued passed them and walked over to the next field. Becky had taken three more steps closer to the bottom where she stopped and stood silently with her hands perched defensively on her hips.

“Our coaching staff and trainers are all here. We don’t need to start off the season breaking up a fight with them.” Megan was hoping that their departure to another field would fizzle Becky’s temper.

Ashlyn stood talking to Alyssa who was angrily bouncing the soccer ball and pacing her workspace as she listened. When Ali approached, they all chatted for a minute before packing up their belongings.

“Who the hell are they?” Becky was still watching the pair make their way around the complex. Even though she had asked the question, it was more of a territorial display to let Megan know she wasn’t letting this go.

Coming to her side, Megan stepped closer so Becky would look at her. “You need to get this under control. They’re just worrying about the competition. There’s a lot of new faces and now they’re scared.”

When Becky tried to break their gaze, Megan added, “Don’t let them get in your head and fuck things up, alright? They’re part of the reason we came in dead last and they know it.”

Meeting her eyes again, Becky’s tone changed, “Don’t ever put your hands on me again.”

Megan had seen enough to recognize Becky’s response to feeling threatened and she was also familiar with her defense mechanism. “I was trying protect you. You know I’m not your enemy, right?”

Letting out a breath and relaxing her shoulders, Becky seemed as if she had shaken off her impulsive response enough to apologize but her words halted. Her eyes begged forgiveness that Megan knew she would never ask for. Smiling slightly, Megan motioned with a head nod, “Let’s go get the rest of the gang.”

Making their way around to the other side of the field, Ashlyn stood watching Ali have photos taken and headshots for commercial and promo stills. Alyssa came to her side to watch until Megan and Becky met them on the sideline. Alyssa smiled as Becky approached her, “What did those two say to you?” Setting her bag down, Alyssa looked to Ashlyn for help. Turning halfway, Ashlyn glanced over her shoulder, “They wanted to know if she was a keeper.” Looking to Megan, she added, “Those two are hot about the new signings.”

Ignoring the seemingly idle chatter, Becky stepped closer to Alyssa, “Are you alright?”

Ashlyn answered for her, “They were just being bitches. It was harmless.”

Still looking to Alyssa for confirmation, Becky held her eyes a little longer. Stifling a smile, Alyssa nodded a little and lowered her voice, “I’m alright. Promise.”

When Ali was done, she was stopped by a man who wanted to talk to her. They stepped aside and began a conversation. After a few minutes, he handed her a card and they parted ways. Ali made her way over to the group with an excitement that had her skipping the last ten yards. “Ohmygodyouguysdoyouknowwhothatwas!”

When everyone nodded and smiled happily, she rolled her eyes, “Ugh, of course you do. He said they’re interested.” Ashlyn wrapped her arms around her as they all began making their way back to the cars. Once they reached Megan’s truck, Becky tugged a little on Alyssa’s shirt and motioned with her head to her car.

Reaching her hand out and resting it on Becky’s waist, Alyssa called over to Megan, “I’m going to ride home with Becky. I’ll see you guys there, ok?”

Tossing all of their bags into the back, they climbed in Megan started the car. Her arm around Ali’s shoulders, Ashlyn leaned in, “Are you happy? Sky Blue wants you…”

Resting her head on her shoulder, Ali smiled, “Can you imagine?”


	13. Love Is In The Air

**Chapter Thirteen**

**Love Is In The Air**

Turning the key in the lock, Alyssa opened the front door and stepped inside. Becky followed behind carrying her bag to the bedroom. Rae was already waiting when the door opened and began crying for Alyssa to pick her up. “Thank you.” Reaching for her bag, Alyssa looked up when Becky pulled her arm behind her to keep the bag out of reach. Dropping it on the floor, she slid her arms around her waist and pulled her closer.

“Are you tired?”

Alyssa thought for a minute and shrugged, “I’m ok.” Reaching up to feather back hair from Becky’s face, she questioned, “What about you? Do you still feel like you had a good sleep?”

Smiling, she nodded, “I do.”

Rae’s cries became more impatient and Alyssa turned to pick her up. Holding her close, she kissed her head and whispered, “Hello, sweetheart.”

A smile spread across Becky’s face watching her shower the pup with affections. Scratching behind her ears, she leaned closer, “I’m going to take her out.” Reaching for Becky’s hand, she coaxed, “Come with me.”

Rae walked around the yard and Becky sat on the edge of the picnic table watching Alyssa slowly follow her. When she would glance over, Becky couldn’t help but smile. Eventually, Alyssa walked closer. Putting a hand on Becky’s shoulder from behind, she leaned over and pressed her lips to her neck. “Do you want to stay? I’ll make you something to eat after I feed Rae.” Her warm breath on her skin was comforting. Taking a hold of her hand and lacing their fingers, she raised them so she could kiss it gently. “You still have the clean clothes that I washed here.” The invitation was more than tempting. Becky was wrestling internally about whether or not she should extend the amount of time they spent together today. When there was no immediate answer, Alyssa came around and stood in front of her. Studying her face a moment, she questioned, “What’s wrong? Why are you afraid to spend time with me?”

Becky looked away embarrassed, trying to buy time as she formulated an answer. Watching Rae as she began chasing a few leaves that were caught up in the wind, Becky looked back to Alyssa who had placed a palm on her cheek and questioned, “What are you afraid of?”

“I don’t know, Lys.” She took in a deep breath and shook her head a little, “I feel like if I admit to myself that I want to be around you all the time then I’m not me.”

Turning and leaning back against her, Alyssa let Becky wrap her arms around her, “Why does wanting to be around me make you not you anymore?”

Her arms tightened around her waist and she rested her chin on her shoulder, “You make me look like I’m a good person.” Her voice lowered, “That’s not who I am.”

Realizing that Alyssa was beside her, Rae began crying for her attention. Picking her up and holding her close, Alyssa sat beside Becky on the table. Resting a hand on the inside of her knee, Becky squeezed lightly, “I can’t control myself.”

Alyssa was removing pieces of leaves from Rae’s fur and scratching her head, “You said you used to talk to a therapist. Have you ever thought about doing that now that you’re older?”

Pulling away slightly, Becky narrowed her eyes a little, “Do you think that little of me?” Her voice became strained as she spoke, “Do you have any idea how many therapists I’ve spoken to over the years? That includes the self-sought out as well as court appointed…”

Alyssa was thinking. She met Becky’s almost angry stare and asked, “Court appointed?”

Nodding aggressively, Becky repeated, “Court appointed, because when I was a kid, I was very quick to punch. When I was fifteen, I punched a teammate and when the coach tried to pull me back, I punched her in the face.” She hesitated as she gathered her words, “I was a discipline problem that my father couldn’t handle. No matter how talented I was, there wasn’t a college in the whole country who would even look at me.”

Becky was waiting for that to sink in before she continued. Looking away from Alyssa, she went on in a lower, more embarrassed tone, “My first year in Europe, I didn’t want a roommate. By then, I was really spiraling. I was cutting myself every day to keep myself under control.” Bowing her head, she almost whispered, “I threatened my teammates over there. I told them to move out or I’d kill them.”

When Becky looked back up with a hint of tears in her eyes, she was met with Alyssa’s compassion. Her stomach ached with regret thinking about the things she’d said and done, “I’m an awful person. There’s times I can’t stop myself.”

When tears fell from the corner of her eyes, she tried to blink through them. Taking a breath, Alyssa leaned over and kissed them away before placing her lips softly against Becky’s. “Awful people don’t regret what they’ve done.” Resting her hand over Becky’s, Alyssa asked, “If I’m alright with who you are, why can’t that be enough?”

Sliding her hand higher along her thigh, Becky smiled slightly and met Alyssa’s pleading eyes. She was silent a moment before she answered, “I’m trying. I’m really trying.” Pulling her closer against her for comfort, Alyssa kissed her forehead and smiled, “Maybe don’t try so hard.”

*

Ashlyn came down the steps, hair still damp and walked over to Ali who was seated at the dining room table. She had her laptop open and was sorting through some papers. Sitting beside her, she asked, “Whatcha doing?” Tucking her glasses on top of her head, Ali leaned closer for a quick kiss and then explained, “I received three actual contracted offers for the patent. The legal department of these companies submitted them to my lawyer and I’m reading through their intentions and proposals.”

Glancing out the back window, Ash noticed the couple sitting on the table. “What’s going on out there?” Looking up, Ali shrugged, “I think they’ve got Rae in the yard.” Ashlyn stood and went to the window, “Did you and Lys talk?”

“About what?” Ali was half reading an email and half sifting through some papers.

Coming back to the table and sitting at her side, Ashlyn shrugged, “Nothing special.”

Looking up, remembering earlier, Ali raised an eyebrow, “As a matter of fact, we did talk.” Leaning in, she lowered her voice, “What’s all that about?” She held Ashlyn’s stare for a moment waiting to hear her thoughts. Her words were halted as her mind spun, wondering what the pair had talked about. Glancing out the back window again, Ashlyn shrugged, “Well, what do you think?”

Crinkling her nose as she spoke, Ali blushed a little, “It seems kind of kinky. I know I’ll never look at them the same way again.”

Wanting to find out more but relieved that Alyssa hadn’t sold her out, Ashlyn let it drop.

Ali looked up smiling, “It felt good to get back out there. I had a good run with Becky today. I forgot how much we used to push each other.”

Ashlyn watched her reading until a chime alerted her of a new email. When she read it, she covered her mouth to hold back a shriek. Pointing to the screen, Ali exclaimed, “Sky Blue, they have interest.”

Ashlyn put her arms around her when she leaned closer and rested her head on her chest. “I’m so happy.”

“It’s a good day.” Ashlyn smiled as she hugged her tighter.

Ali smiled back. “I’m going to shower and then I have to make the final decisions on the estate. I received all the paperwork.” Setting her glasses beside the laptop, Ali gave Ashlyn a quick kiss before standing. “I’ve got so much to do before Jacob arrives.”

After Ali was gone, Ashlyn began scanning the websites regarding top prospects for the draft and their ranking. Ali had been at the top spot for the last year but the gossip on where she might end up changed weekly.

Becky slid open the back sliding door and waited for Alyssa to come inside carrying Rae. Once she closed it behind them, she noticed Ashlyn and nodded, “Hey.”

Setting Rae down, Alyssa smiled at Ash and quickly pulled on Becky’s arm before she walked away. Turning, she looked into Alyssa’s eyes and fought to stifle her smile. They challenged each other silently before Becky lost the battle and was half smiling.

Ashlyn bowed her head a little and watched the couple end up in each other’s arms and then share a passionate kiss between them that made her look away. Becky had her arms around Alyssa and dropped them to her waist before grabbing her ass and pulling her closer.

Rae started to make her way toward the couple before Ashlyn scooped her up and whispered, “Why don’t you come see your auntie for a little bit.” Kissing the puppy’s head, she stole a glance over at the couple who was still locked in an embrace. Becky’s hands were underneath Alyssa’s sweatshirt and she could clearly see where this was headed. Clearing her throat, she waited for them to acknowledge her. “I’m sorry,” Alyssa apologized. She turned and reached for Rae, “I’ll take her.”

Cuddling her a little closer, Ashlyn gave her a pseudo-frown, “No, you guys go ahead. I’m going to spend a little quality time with my girl here. Make sure you’re raising her up right.”

Smiling shyly, Alyssa nodded, “Thanks.” Taking Becky’s hand, she pulled her along behind her toward the bedroom, closing the door behind them.

Shaking her head to herself, she went to sit on the sofa with Rae and found how deeply intoxicating it was for her to have her belly rubbed. She passed out on her back in Ashlyn’s arms in a matter of seconds.

Becky smiled as Alyssa leaned against the door. “You’re not embarrassed?” Becky questioned.

“About what?”

Taking a few steps closer, Becky pulled on Alyssa’s tee shirt, closing the space between them, “That Ashlyn is on the other side of that door knowing very well what I’m about to do to you.”

Before she had a chance to respond, Becky had pulled her body against her and whispered, “She knows just how worked up you are right now.” Pinning her body against the wall, Becky leaned in close enough for Alyssa to feel her hot breath on her skin.

Her hands were lightly resting on Becky’s shoulders as she took in a sharp breath when she felt hands trailing achingly across her stomach. She whispered in her ear, “Shhh, don’t make a sound.” Her fingers slid underneath the waistband of her sweatpants and compression shorts and edged them down her waist. Her breath caught in her chest, Alyssa closed her eyes and bit her bottom lip to keep a sigh from escaping her lips.

With Becky down on her knees, she ran a finger teasingly through the center of Alyssa’s folds, barely grazing her center that was slick with moisture. Her head dropped forward and her fingertips pressed firmly against her shoulders when a low whine escaped her. Her finger traced down lightly before plunging deep inside her body.

Alyssa’s knees buckled before she regained her stance and she heard Becky teasing her in a soft whisper, “Quiet…very quiet.” A second finger inside her now, she could feel the tension building inside Alyssa’s body. Resting her other hand on her hip for balance, she snaked her tongue around her belly button and then kissed gently.

Becky smiled to herself when she could feel her insides tightening. Then trailing her tongue down, she used it to separate the soft flesh and sucked on the swollen bundle of nerves that was throbbing with warmth. Alyssa let a cry escape her when gentle waves began pulling her from the inside that pushed Becky into applying more pressure as her lips tugged in rhythm. Both of her hands buried into Becky’s hair and clenched, guiding her direction, as Alyssa’s body tumbled toward an uncontrolled orgasm that made her weak.

By the time Alyssa slid to her knees, Becky’s arms around her for support, there was music playing from the living room speakers. Letting out a laugh, Becky kissed Alyssa’s forehead and whispered, “I think she heard us.”

*

Ashlyn was almost nodding off with Rae snuggled against her on the sofa by the fireplace. She wasn’t sure how long she’d had her eyes closed but when she heard an obvious noise coming from Alyssa’s room, she turned on some music. Thinking about the evolution of Becky and Alyssa’s relationship, she felt a little envious of the opportunities they now had that she and Ali didn’t. She had to admit, she was jealous of how they’d reached a point in their relationship that they’d never been able to. As soon as the intimacy between them happened, they were cut off in such a harsh way. They should have been able to explore and discover and grow as a couple the way that she saw Becky and Alyssa’s relationship unfolding.

Ashlyn’s friendship with Alyssa had become something she never imagined she’d care about as much as she did. She was much younger than Ali and under the circumstances, couldn’t believe she enjoyed her company or valued her thoughts and opinions.

Alyssa was young, awkward and unsure of herself. However, she was kind, funny and one hell of an aggressive athlete. Ashlyn had to admit that her respect for Alyssa had begun on the pitch once they began practicing together. From the moment she’d seen her in goal, never once did she consider disrespecting her game or thinking of her as a child. Once they started living together, they developed a mutual respect for one another.

When she heard someone, again, through the closed door, she rolled her eyes and turned the music up a little. She thought about the magical yet awkward first night that she and Ali slept together and then ended up being apart for almost 2 ½ years before they saw each other again. She began to wonder if they hadn’t been supporting a long-distance relationship if things would be different between them. Would their bond be stronger or would it have ended them? The outcome in an alternate universe could be possible in a thousand different ways, but none of it mattered, because this is where they were.

Ashlyn thought about the cold looks Alyssa gave her once she came back from talking to Linda. She really needed to talk to Ali before it became something more than what it was. In the little bit of time that she’d played for the team, she’d amassed quite a fan base. She could see the interest growing every week and had culminated at the end of the season with a lot of personal interaction that included photos and autographs.

It hadn’t really occurred to her that there was anything out of the ordinary until the girl had followed her and Megan to the parking lot after the playoffs. It felt a little awkward at first but then Megan intervened, and it was over. She’d since met the girl on two other occasions. Megan spotted her at the complex that morning and gave her the option of finding her and talking to her before anything happened while Ali was around. Unfortunately, things had gotten complicated a couple weeks ago when she now realized that it might not have been such a chance encounter while she was out shopping. Before Ali’s graduation, Ashlyn was in town and stopped at a local coffee shop for a sandwich and never saw the girl at the counter. She brought Ashlyn a cup of coffee as sat across from her at the little table and smiled happily. It had caught her off guard and before she realized it was an issue, they had already been talking for a half an hour.

The whole afternoon left her feeling unsettled and reflective. She found herself thinking about herself and where she might be as far as her relationship status if she and Ali weren’t together. Would she have discovered her feelings on her own? How long would it have taken? Then she found herself thinking the very thoughts that she’d accused Ali of after she found out about the night of the party with Alyssa. She started to question if she felt some sort of responsibility to be with Ali because of the circumstances in which they’d met and bonded.

If Ashlyn had never gone to the pier that late afternoon, god only knows what would have happened to Ali. Jeff might have raped her. He might even have killed her. It certainly wouldn’t have been the first time that Ashlyn had heard about a body being found on the beach. Beyond that, there was most definitely the possibility that Lou would have done something to her. At the time they met, Ali was at a crossroads where something had to give. She’d been leading a dangerous lifestyle and flirting with the possibility of devastating outcomes for quite a while.

Thinking back, she searched for what her true feelings for Ali were before they’d spoken. Considering all their interactions, she was pretty sure she could honestly say she really disliked her. She didn’t dress like a fashion queen and wear lots of make-up, but she was pretty. It was a natural pretty that drew attention and Ali found a way to use that to her advantage. Whenever she could, she worked the system.

After thinking about it, she wondered if maybe she really did notice her for a reason. For someone she disliked, she seemed to remember an awful lot of little details.

Most of that afternoon, Ashlyn sat in her car in the parking lot of a McDonald’s, just thinking about what she thought she knew. Ali was comfortable and familiar…and safe. Talking to Linda had made her understand what Ali had been trying to explain. It wasn’t that her love for Ashlyn had wavered, but the distance had forced her to grow. She merely recognized that the subtle changes in them both could end up being barriers in a marriage that would never work because of them. Her suggestion, now, to wait to get married, made much more sense.

Her eyes growing heavy again, she nodded off.

*

When Ali came out of the bathroom, she stopped halfway through the kitchen to try and figure out why the music was so loud. Hands on her hips, in her bathrobe, she frowned a little when she didn’t see anyone. Standing in the doorway to the living room, she saw Ashlyn with Rae sleeping on her chest and a smile spread across her face.

Reaching into the kitchen, she picked her cell phone up from the table and took a few pictures of the two snoozing. When Ashlyn’s eyes opened a little, she came a little closer and sat beside her. Leaning her head against her arm, Ali whispered, “I’ve never seen anything so sweet.”

Cocking her head a bit, Ashlyn asked, “Me or the puppy?”

Ali crinkled her nose as she met Ashlyn’s dimpled smiled and answered, “The puppy of course.” Her lingering stare betraying her playful response, she followed up with a question, “Why is the music so loud?” Ali reached for the remote and lowered it before Ashlyn could stop her.

Looking to Alyssa’s bedroom door, Ashlyn shook her head, “You might not like the background noise.” Raising an eyebrow, Ali looked over at the door until the lightbulb went off. Covering her mouth to hide a snicker, she laughed and waved her other hand, “Please, I’ve heard it before. You forget I roomed with both of them.”

“Seriously?” Ashlyn was half sitting up.

Glancing over her shoulder, Ali nodded, “Sometimes it was a headphones kind of night.” Laughing a little, she leaned over to look at Rae. Her little nose twitched as she slept. Lowering her voice, she shook her head, “I can’t believe how tiny she is. She’s like an infant.”

Pulling the throw pillow from behind her, she set it on the floor and placed Rae on top of it. Then, she leaned back and met Ali’s brown eyes that were settled on her. “I really missed you.”

Resting her head back on the sofa, Ali blushed, “I wasn’t in there that long.”

Ashlyn ran her fingers through her damp hair and then met her eyes again, “I meant living with you. I really forgot how nice it was falling asleep with you. We’d kiss all evening then I’d fall asleep with you in my arms. I always loved waking up to the scent of your hair.”

Stifling her smile, Ali looked away embarrassed. “You’d tuck your head up under my chin and curl your body against my chest. One of your hands was always twirling some of my hair as you slept.”

Reaching her hand out, Ali took a long gather of hair and began running her fingers through it, “I don’t know what it was, but it always relaxed me.”

Brushing her lips lightly, Ashlyn confessed, “Kissing you always relaxed me.” As she leaned over further, Ali rested back against the sofa cushion and they fell into a familiar rhythm of playful kisses that led to needing more.

Nuzzling open the front of Ali’s robe, Ashlyn placed kisses on her neck and softly used her lips to create a gentle pulling against her skin. Little goosebumps raised on her and Ali grasped her hands around Ashlyn’s blonde hair as she whined under her breath for more.

Hands began roaming until they settled on her hips and Ashlyn’s mouth was resting against her stomach that was taut with tension. Ali’s breathing had become labored and their mutual hesitation teetered upon indecision.

Ashlyn finally made the most subtle movement suggesting her intentions and Ali barely whispered, “Don’t…” Kissing her stomach, Ashlyn countered with, “Why?” Dragging her tongue across her skin, she continued, “They’re busy.”

Glancing at the closed bedroom door, Ali dropped her head back when Ashlyn trailed her fingers slowly down the inside of her thigh, “And apparently you’ve all become familiar with such sounds.”

Ali started to smile when Ashlyn assaulted her pussy with an aggressive pressure that made her moan wildly. Her legs pulled up and her back arched with every heavy lick that Ashlyn lashed against her clitoris. Face buried between Ali’s thighs, every stroke edged her closer and closer until the blonde found the spot she’d been looking for and Ali let out a pleasured cry.

Gentle licks brought her down from her orgasm as she flicked teasingly with her tongue until Ali began pulling at Ashlyn’s hair, “Please,” she whispered, “It’s too much.”

Ashlyn reached up with both her hands and laced their fingers together and held them away from her body. Her tongue continued its steady pattern against her anatomy and Ali felt a heavy pressure building inside her again. Her hands falling back, she felt a warm tingling that spread out across her hips and into her thighs. When Ali began to orgasm a second time, Ashlyn put her hand over her mouth to quiet her screams that she knew would be along shortly.

When the inevitable began, Ashlyn slid two fingers inside her and Ali’s body spasmed and then raised up a few inches before paralyzing in a locked position. This time, Ashlyn let her down easy. Her warm mouth still attached, she teased lightly until Ali tried to escape her. Sitting up, the blonde rested a hand softly on her belly. When their eyes met, Ali put a hand against her cheek, “What’s gotten into you?”

Ashlyn took her hand and kissed it, “You.”


	14. Our House

**Chapter Fourteen**

**Our House**

Alyssa stood in front of the stove and tended to a pan of sautéed vegetables. She kept them at a low flame and made sure they were cooking evenly. Once Becky returned from the shower, she stood closely behind Alyssa and held her hips with her hands. Her hair was swept to one side and she would periodically press her lips lightly to Alyssa’s neck and shoulder. Every so often, Alyssa would turn and return with some gentle kisses forcing them both into smiles.

At the dining room table in front of her laptop, Ali focused on taking notes and reading some of the contract paperwork. Ashlyn held back a smile watching Ali who wore her reading glasses as she funneled through pages and then wrote notes. In a chair at the table with her, she still held Rae who was taking full advantage of the attention and was sleeping comfortably in Ashlyn’s arms.

Looking over again at the couple by the stove, Ashlyn watched them interact as Becky would tease Alyssa with distracting kisses that would eventually win her attention. Becky reminded Ashlyn of herself. Her focus was completely and genuinely on everything about Alyssa’s being. She could clearly see the unconditional love she held in her eyes.

The first time Ashlyn saw Becky, she watched her walking through the crowds of people as she surveyed who she was going to play against like a predator. She had intentional movements. She watched her push her way through people to incite reaction. There were times, in fact, that during games, she would push someone or tackle them for the sole purpose of hurting them. It was hard to believe she was the same person.

Ali changed Becky’s life. Not because she wanted to but because that’s just who she is. She displayed compassion for someone who needed it and in turn set forth a chain reaction that altered her direction. Becky and Alyssa’s relationship made sense. Alyssa could see the same needs that Becky had and it came naturally. Her gentle nature was something Becky craved. Watching her from across the room, her movements were purposeful and filled with protective instincts. As foolish as it might seem to anyone watching from the outside, Becky’s hotheaded temper and quick to hit persona was a direct result of her deep seeded loyalty. She’d bonded in a way that would push her to lay down her life to protect what she loved and believed in.

Feeling a finger poke her side, Ashlyn looked over at Ali who shook her head subtly and silently mouthed the word ‘stop’ to keep her from staring. She hadn’t realized she’d been watching them for so long. Ali gave her a smile and it immediately refocused her. Leaning closer, she kissed Rae’s head and asked, “Am I being replaced over here?”

Opening her bright brown eyes, Rae looked up at Ali and made a low melodic whine that sounded pleading. It immediately had her crinkling her nose and softly biting her lip to keep from smiling so wide. She looked up at Ashlyn and shook her head, “I’ve never seen something so sweet.” When Rae chirped out a delicate bark again, Ash held her out, “I think she wants you to hold her.”

Trading the bundle from each other’s hold, Ali closed her eyes when Rae adorned her with kisses in the form of a tiny pink tongue against her cheeks and face. Ashlyn smiled at the exchange and glanced over at the couple in the kitchen again. Becky had her arms around Alyssa’s waist and her head rested on her shoulder from behind. They were subtly swaying together as if they were the only ones who existed in the world.

Watching Ali again, Ashlyn suddenly had thoughts entering her mind that had never occurred to her before. Marriage had never been something she thought she wanted. Now that being a part of stable committed family was something she could see in her future, the rest of the package seemed to become visible. “Do you want children?”

The question stunned the brunette and she met Ashlyn’s eyes with surprise. The expression on her face was unreadable. It was apparent it brought up images and possibilities that Ali had never contemplated.

“I don’t know,” she finally answered. “I don’t think I’ve ever honestly thought about it.” She seemed to be trying to put together ideas in her head that would hopefully give her answers. “For the longest time, I had it in my head that getting pregnant would be the end of the world. I never once thought about actually having a baby because I wanted to be a mother.”

“Well, how about now? Do you see us with kids?” Ashlyn was interested in where her mind was on the topic.

Ali took her time before answering and shook her head again, “I really don’t know. You’re talking about me carrying a child?”

Nodding, Ashlyn answered, “Yeah.”

Looking down at Rae and scratching her head, Ali asked, “Have you ever thought about carrying a baby?”

Her eyebrows raised, Ashlyn shook her head, “Not once.” Thinking a moment, she continued, “With you, I want to raise a child.” Their eyes lingered a bit until Ali looked down again. Ashlyn let a few moments go by before she impatiently asked, “Ali?”

Her eyes fluttered closed and Ashlyn could see her internal struggle. Not wanting to hear the answer or looking to push further, the blonde reached for Rae and stood, “Take your time. I didn’t realize it was long division.”

The words cut sharply and even though she didn’t mean it that way, Ashlyn was hurt that Ali wouldn’t immediately want something together solely based on the fact that it was just the two of them. Before she left the room, she looked back into the kitchen at Becky and Alyssa who were kissing again. The way they were looking at one another could balance the injustices of the world’s problems in an instant. It seemed that simple.

As Ashlyn walked towards the steps, she felt her stomach tightening at the thought of beginning another argument with Ali. She didn’t even know why it had to be an issue right now. It wasn’t like it was something that was pressing on them in the immediate future. Before she closed her bedroom door, she peeked over the railing downstairs. Ali was still sitting sideways in her chair the way Ashlyn had left her. She had her hands in her lap with her head down. She couldn’t see her face but she was sure she was not happy with how things were left.

Her attention drew to the kitchen when Becky had pulled a large serving plate from the cabinet and placed it beside the stovetop. Alyssa called in to Ali, “Are you hungry? I’ve made plenty for everyone.”

Standing, the brunette began packing her things up from the table, “Yes. How can I help you?”

Asking quietly, Alyssa looked to Becky, “Can you get her a large bowl?” Her answer came in the form of a sweet smile and a feather light kiss to seal the deal.

Alyssa looked to Ali, “I have brown rice in the cooker that you can put in the bowl.” Becky placed everything in convenient locations as they all brought everything to the table then asked, “Is Megan upstairs? I’ll go let her and Ash know dinner is ready.”

Quickly looking up, Ali shook her head, “Megan is out…”

“Ok.”

Becky raced up the steps and knocked lightly on the door that was slightly ajar. Lowering her voice, she called, “Ash, dinner’s ready.”

Sitting at her desk with her feet propped up on the countertop, she had leaned back with Rae. Meeting Becky’s stare, she dropped her feet to the floor. The hesitation caused Becky to stop from turning in the doorway, “Is everything alright?”

Ashlyn could feel the atmosphere building into an uncomfortable crescendo. Her hand on the doorknob now, Becky took a step into the room. She was studying the blonde with a hypervigilance that bordered on aggression. Looking down at the tiny animal she held in her arms, she asked, “Ash?”

“How come you never hit on Ali?”

Her face dropped in surprise and Becky let go of her grasp on the door. “What?” She knew she heard the question but she just couldn’t believe it.

“What’s the difference between Ali and Alyssa?”

Quickly, she shot back, “Why didn’t you ever come on to Lys?”

Standing, Ash nodded, “Every time I looked at her, all I could see was her face buried between Ali’s legs. That pretty much killed the mood.”

Running a hand back through her hair to keep herself from clenching her fist, Becky took a long deep breath and asked, “What is this? What are doing?” Anger rising in her chest, she stared back now, demanding an answer. “Do you want a fight?”

Dropping her eyes to Rae, she took a few steps toward Becky and apologized, “No. I’m sorry.” When she reached her side, she looked up and put a hand on her shoulder, “It’s me.” Continuing past her, she started down the steps with Becky following slowly behind.

With everyone seated around the table, Rae stared up curiously and tried the occasional whimper to test the waters. Taking a biscuit from the plate, Alyssa handed it to Becky. Ali had spooned herself some brown rice before handing off the bowel to Ashlyn. Pouring some iced tea into her glass, she filled Becky’s and Ashlyn’s.

Becky folded her hands in front of her and broke the silence, “Lys, how did you and Ali end up in bed together? I need to know and apparently, so does Ashlyn.”

Her face flushing with color, Alyssa met Becky’s stare quietly. Taking her hand, Becky softened her tone, “I’m not trying to embarrass you. We need to clear the air.”

Stealing a glance across the table at Ali, Alyssa cleared her throat, “We both passed out drunk. Ali sleeps naked so she took her clothes off during the night.” Bowing her head, she confessed, “I tried to kiss her a couple times and she stopped me.”

When Alyssa stopped talking, Ali began, “It was stupid. It didn’t mean anything.”

Slowly looking up, Alyssa asked Becky, “Are you angry about this?”

Standing from her chair, Becky went to the counter and leaned back against it. Folding her arms over herself, she began, “The way I see it, none of us really knew each other. Honestly, I hadn’t played with Ali yet, so I didn’t know Ash or Lys. I personally can’t be angry about something that happened back then. So, that removes me. Ali, do you have feelings for Alyssa?”

Ali looked from Becky to her friend and shook her head, “Not romantic.”

Sitting beside Alyssa, Becky met her burdened brown eyes, “Do you still have feelings like that for Ali?”

Shaking her head, Alyssa was silently pleading to remain in Becky’s heart.

Becky looked across the table at Ashlyn. “I need to know if there’s any resentment. I need to know where we stand with you.”

Ashlyn took a breath and stood. She met Alyssa’s light brown eyes and freckled face that was staring back nervously. “Do you want to know what I resent?”

Balling her fist on the table, Becky quickly nodded, “Yeah.”

Standing behind Ali’s chair at the table, she put her hands on her shoulders and began, “I resent that my relationship was put on hold the way it was. You were right to call us a train wreck. And the way that you fight for her,” nodding toward Alyssa, Ashlyn smiled, “I’m jealous.”

Ali reached a hand up and covered Ashlyn’s with it. “I don’t think I need to say it but I’m going to anyway. Ali and I didn’t have anyone to lean on or talk to. There wasn’t anybody to let us know that things would be ok if we stuck together. You’re both sort of in the same situation.” Twining her fingers with Ali, she promised, “If you need to talk, we’re here for you. We’re not your enemies.”


	15. What You Won't Do For Love

**What You Won’t Do For Love**

The next couple days, more and more of the players became acquainted with each other. There seemed to be a mix of personalities and backgrounds from all over the globe. Ellen, the quiet blonde who had been sitting with Marie, was not only a keeper, but she was the close friend of many of the Luxembourg team members. At this point everyone knew who Ali was and that Sky Blue had their sights focused on her. Marie refused to work with Ashlyn when Alyssa was there because Becky was always right there beside her.

None of the practice sessions were mandatory or organized yet but all of the coaches and trainers were available for assistance and were paying close attention to how everyone interacted. Ali had become acquainted with a small group that Megan practiced with and they blended well together. Ashlyn and Alyssa continued working together until late beyond when the rest of the players had gone. The sessions were relaxed and friendly but there was an underlying subtext that suggested the urgency to perform well. There were going to be cuts that ran deeply through the roster. The impending draft also put pressure on any veteran player that didn’t bring enough to the table.

Most of the week, Ashlyn stayed home. She felt enough cold symptoms that she decided to take it easy. Alyssa kicked the ball around a little by herself until Becky arrived and the couple ran some drills on the field together. Eventually, one of the trainers approached Alyssa and asked if she wanted him to run through some exercises with her.

Becky nodded and took the opportunity to stretch on the opposite field. She never saw the girl that sat down near her until she spoke, “Hey.”

Looking up suddenly, Becky nodded.

After more silence, the girl leaned over by lying on the grass to extend a hand, “I’m Kelley. You wanna run some?”

Shaking her hand ceremoniously, Becky shrugged, “Sure.”

They both stood and Kelley leaned in with her hand around her ear, “And your name is…”

Stifling a smile, she rolled her eyes, “Becky. Sorry. My manners are in my ass today.”

Raising an eyebrow, Kelley eyed behind her and shook her head, “I see you pack light.”

Snorting out a laugh, Becky shook her head to herself. Kicking the ball up and juggling it a few times, Kelley tipped it out of alignment and away from Becky, “Come on, newbie. One v one.”

Becky found that Kelley was a worthy adversary and she was able to work with her at a furious pace that allowed her to get in a good strenuous workout. They’d spent most of the week working together and they were a good match up. A bonus was that Kelley proved to be her sarcastic equal.

Alyssa had been doing quite well and the trainer called Marie over and asked her to work with her on form. They had some drills they could do together. The raven-haired girl used mostly demonstration rather than words. The two were able to get done what was needed with little effort. After a couple days, Marie actually spoke. “You are young.” It was more of a statement than a question so Alyssa shrugged a little and nodded. Pulling off her gloves and walking over to her bag, Marie pulled out a towel and wiped her face. Sitting down beside the net, she used a water bottle to cool her head and neck. Looking up at the keeper who was standing awkwardly holding the ball under her arm, Marie patted the ground beside her. She wasn’t quite sure what it was that bothered her but the imminent conversation didn’t seem as if it was going to be genuine. Her sudden forced smile was a warning sign that she was digging for information.

Sitting by her but not so close that their words would be private, Alyssa laid back and tossed the ball in the air and repeatedly caught it as a distraction as she waited for the interrogation to begin.

“You live with Megan?”

“Uh-huh.”

“And Ash?”

“Yep. And Ali too.”

After a hesitation, Marie asked, "Becky?"

Alyssa glanced over and shook her head no.

Even though she focused on tossing the ball into the air, she could feel Marie watching her with great interest. When the questions stopped, Alyssa asked, “You live with Ellen?”

Not hearing an answer, Alyssa held the ball poised to throw it again but waited. Then, glancing over her shoulder, she met Marie’s icy stare. Annoyed with her silence, she called, “Hello?”

“You still need mommy to pick you up after practice.”

The amused smile irritated Alyssa enough that she rolled onto her side and asked, “What’s with you?”

Tapping the ball out of Alyssa’s hands, Marie quickly stood with it and taunted, “You are little girl. And now I know your game. You are weak.”

Anger flashed across her face and she pushed herself to her feet and slapped the ball out of Marie’s hands, “What the hell is your problem?” Her chest out and maintaining her angry stare, Alyssa began backing Marie up into the net, “ANSWER ME!”

Marie’s eyes were wide and she began shaking her head in confusion and threw her hands out, “I don’t understand.”

One of the coaches stepped between the two keepers and asked Alyssa to calm down and back up. Marie batted her eyelashes sheepishly and a sneer curled the corner of her mouth infuriating Alyssa but she took a step back and turned away from them. Shaking her head to herself, she pulled off her gloves and kept walking. She needed to cool off. Knowing she shouldn’t, she still ventured a look back at Marie and saw that a couple of players had gone to her side along with one of the coaches. Marie was doing her best impression of poor confused foreigner, complete with tears.

Once the drama died down on that end of the field, Alyssa had started a pick up game with a few of the girls. It was mostly them trying best each other and if they could get a shot off, Alyssa would try to stop it. She didn’t totally know everyone’s name but she knew that Ellen was one of them. They were both watching one another with a suspicious eye as game play carried on.

Everything seemed good natured and fair until play stopped and it was obvious a water break was needed. Alyssa had pulled off one of her gloves when she heard the sound of a boot to a ball and before she completely turned around, she threw herself back as a ball whizzed past her head catching some of her pony tail in its wake.

When she fell back, she felt the sting of the pole on the back of her head. Her head ached and when she sat up, she felt herself sway a little as if she were on a boat. Closing her eyes a moment, she steadied herself and when she looked up, she saw Ellen standing nearby. “So sorry,” she pouted.

Alyssa jumped up so quickly that her knees skidded across the grass in an attempt to move faster. She charged Ellen at full speed and pushed from behind. Falling on top of her, Ellen threw an arm back and caught Alyssa’s lip with her elbow.

Before the two could organize themselves to fight, they were separated by opposing sides and escorted to the sidelines by staff. Wiping blood away from her face with her sleeve, Alyssa glared at Marie who was already at Ellen’s side. Megan reached the bleachers where Alyssa sat with ice on her lip and the back of her head. Ali quickly ran to her and knelt in front of her, “Are you alright?”

Alyssa nodded and Ali looked up at Megan who was watching the separate group of players. Kelley and Becky were coming from the far side with a different group when they noticed the commotion. Her attention drawn away from Kelley, Becky’s smile faded when she saw the serious atmosphere around her. As she scanned the scene, she saw Alyssa and her feet began propelling her at an exaggerated rate.

Megan tried to pull Alyssa up by the arm to walk her towards the exits but she’d dropped her ice and sat very still. Ali tried to help her to her feet but stopped when she could see Alyssa’s hesitation. Looking up, she met Megan’s eyes with her own concerned stare.

“Lys, are you ok?” Ali sat beside her friend and put an arm around her. Meeting her brown eyes, Alyssa nodded, “I’m good. I just needed a minute.”

Ali smiled back sympathetically and asked, “Can you stand?”

Leaning on Ali a little, she let her friend pick up her bag for her. When Becky reached her side, she was stuttering out fragments, “What, …how…Lys?” Looking to Ali, she just questioned with her worried green eyes.

Alyssa finally looked over, “I’m alright. I just got my bell rung.” Her stoic expression was worrisome. Ali handed her off to Becky and they slowly walked toward the end of the complex. When she turned back, she went to Megan’s side and whispered, “What happened?”

Her stare still fixed on the group at the other end of the stands, Megan responded, “Let’s put a pin in this for now. I want to make sure she’s alright.”

Finding their way to Becky’s car, Alyssa sat sideways in the passenger seat with her feet planted firmly on the ground. She was leaning forward so Becky could feel the lump on the back of her head. Her hand clasped tightly on the doorframe; Alyssa winced a little when she touched it.

When she saw Megan, Becky stepped back immediately. “Look at me.” Megan met Alyssa’s eyes one at a time and carefully evaluated. Coming to Megan’s side, a tall red-headed man set down a duffel bag and asked, “Well?”

Staring back into Megan’s eyes, Alyssa promised, “I’m alright.” With a little more conviction, she added, “It just hurts.”

Ali stood watching as the man reached into his bag and introduced, “Hello, Alyssa, is it? I’m Jimmy, one of the trainers. Can you tell me what day it is?”

Scrunching her face, Alyssa questioned, “Monday? December 30th?” She narrowed her eyes a little as she thought.

“Who’s the president?” Shining a light into each eye, he watched carefully.

“Elizabeth Warren. Joe Biden had a heart attack.”

Becky was standing quietly at her side paying close attention. She was evaluating Alyssa’s answers and completing her own assessment.

“Can I feel the back of your head?” he questioned.

Closing her eyes, she leaned forward for him and asked, “Go easy, ok?”

Taking her hand and holding it lightly, Becky asked, “Do you think she has a concussion?”

When he was finished, he began, “Ok, Alyssa, you can sit back now.” He paused before he spoke again, “I would go and get checked out. The last thing you need hanging around is post-concussion syndrome.”

Alyssa looked up and tried, “It’s not that bad.” Stepping closer to the car door, Ali whispered, “Lys, look at me.” They stared silently and unblinking at each other until Alyssa conceded, “Ok. I’ll go.”

*

They’d spent much of the evening in the emergency department with Alyssa waiting for her to get scans done and then waiting for the results. Once she’d been diagnosed with a mild concussion, they decided to keep her overnight for observation when she became nauseous.

Becky refused to leave Alyssa’s side from the moment she said she’d go. She held her hand and made sure that her every need was met in an attempt to make her more comfortable. Alyssa didn’t ask for much other than a blanket and for Becky to put her arms around her. The lights in the room were turned down to a dim glow. After the nurse started an IV, she gave Alyssa something for the pain in her head and the feeling that she was going to be sick. Soon after that, Alyssa’s reaction to the medication had Ali smiling a little.

She spoke in a soft whisper although it wasn’t clear if she knew why other than the room seemed subdued. Most of her sentences were left unfinished when she’d become distracted before she could finish them. The extended melody in which she spoke even had Megan smiling.

“I’mmm aaaaaaalright, guys.” Her eyes were heavy with the effects of the medication and she tried with futility to make some sense. Her head resting sideways, she looked at Becky’s hand that was wrapped around her own and smiled, “My hand is aaaaaall sweaty.”

Ali rested a hand on Becky’s shoulder for comfort but she never broke her gaze on Alyssa who now had her eyes closed. Drawing her hand back, Becky laughed out nervously and wiped the moisture from her palm on the sheet. Then, she reached for her hand again and sniffled.

“Bex, she’s going to be fine.” Ali reached her other arm gently around Becky from behind and hugged. Responding to her gentle touch and letting it relax her, she softly whispered, “…thanks.”

A nurse came into the enclosure and began checking the IV and then wrote down Alyssa’s vital signs. “How is our patient,” she softly questioned. Ali nodded and Megan answered, “She’s comfortable. Less restless.”

Adjusting the head of the bed, the nurse suggested, “Why don’t the three of you take a break. Go and get some coffee.” When Becky didn’t move, the nurse added, “I’m going to get her ready to go upstairs to a room for the night and I need to put in a catheter.” Meeting Becky’s worried eyes, she went on, “You don’t want to see that.”

Sitting up a little Becky asked, “Will it hurt her?” She tightened her grip on Alyssa’s hand as she waited.

Before the nurse could explain, Ali pulled on her arm lightly, “No, it’s not that. I had one when I hurt my kidney. It’s just embarrassing. Let’s give her some dignity.” Watching Ali for a moment, she nodded to make her point, “Come on.”

*

Standing outside the hospital, Ali pulled out her phone when a text came in. Going to the end of the block, she disappeared around the corner before returning a few minutes later carrying a bag. Becky had her sweats pulled up halfway over her calves and shivered in her sleeveless shirt as she leaned against the building. Unzipping the top, she reached in and handed Becky a sweatshirt, “Here, put this on. You’re shivering.” Unfolding it, she added, “I had Ashlyn bring it. It’s Alyssa’s.”

Watching Ali, she then took out a few baggies and said, “There’s some cheese cubes, some crackers and carrots.” Handing the bag to Becky, she shrugged, “I figured you weren’t coming home tonight.”

Becky lowered her voice, met Ali’s brown eyes and whispered, “Right there. That’s why I love you.” She smiled halfway and reached around Ali for a hug. Megan smiled as she met Ali’s stare briefly from over Becky’s shoulder.

“They’re not going to let us all upstairs in her room.” Megan nodded a little, “C’mon, Ali.”

*

Ali sat on the floor in front of the fireplace with Rae in her arms. She seemed unsettled with discontent. Every sound provoked her ears to stand at attention before her bright brown eyes would scan the present company in the hopes of finding Becky or Alyssa. Megan was leaning forward in the chair beside Ali, “I’m not sure but I feel like this wasn’t an accident.”

Ashlyn sat back on the sofa and handed Ali a cup of tea, “Last week frick and frack were giving Alyssa shit.”

“Yeah, they were posturing with Becky before I got there. It’s wasn’t going to be pretty if I didn’t step in.” Megan shook her head, “I’m going to have a conversation with the team leaders after the holiday.”

*

Standing in the living room, Megan adjusted her watch on her arm and looked back over at Alyssa. She was halfway resting against Becky on the sofa with a soft throw over her legs. “So the four of you are just going to have a quiet New Year’s Eve together? Do you need anything?”

Ashlyn carried in a large bowl of chips and pretzels and set them down on the coffee table. “Naa, go ahead. We’ll play cards or something.”

Grabbing her jacket, Megan nodded, “Ok, I’m glad you’re home, Lys.”

Waving her hand, she called, “I’m fine.” Watching her a moment, Megan finally turned and left.

Setting a few beers on the table, Ashlyn sat on the opposite end of the sofa. Her arms around Alyssa’s waist from behind, Becky rested her chin on her shoulder and whispered, “Do you need anything?” Caressing her cheek lightly, she pressed her lips to her skin. Alyssa sat up a little to readjust herself and shook her head no. Then she very subtly brushed Becky’s hand away.

“Do you guys want to play fish?” Ali held a deck of cards and smiled questioningly. Becky nodded and Ashlyn agreed, “Sure.”

Dealing the cards, everyone fanned them out and began play. The light conversation and the simplicity of the game had Ali laughing uncontrollably when Becky robbed Ashlyn of most of her cards. Before she could cry foul again, on the third round, Ashlyn took all the cards back for win. They all seemed to be having a fun evening. Halfway into the second game, everyone waited for Alyssa to make a play when she suddenly threw the cards across the room. Huffing out her anxiety, she rested her head back and shook it from side to side, “I don’t want to play.”

Becky tried to take her hand for comfort and she pulled it away angrily. Gathering up the cards, Ali soothed “It’s alright, we don’t have to play.” She made eye contact with Ashlyn and asked, “Anyone need another drink?”

Holding out her hand, Becky answered, “Yes, please.”

Turning halfway, Alyssa huffed out another breath and asked, “Really? I didn’t realize you were getting drunk tonight.”

Waving off the beer, Becky raised her eyebrows a little and conceded, “I don’t need it.”

Dropping her hands, Alyssa grumbled, “I guess I’m a bitch now.”

Becky began shaking her head no and reached for her but Alyssa pushed herself up and screamed, “I’m not stupid. Just leave me alone.” She stomped across the room and into her bedroom then slammed the door shut.

Her hands still poised in the air, Becky narrowed her eyes and glanced at Ali before turning her head, “Well, damn. I thought I was the hothead.”

Choking on a swallow of beer, Ashlyn asked, “You know that’s not about you right?”

Taking a breath, she nodded, “Yeah. I know.” Looking to the closed door, she sighed, “Its been quite a day. When we were leaving the hospital this afternoon, the doctor said not to take anything personally. She snapped at me for getting her shoes from the bag and handing them to her.”

“Have you had any sleep?” Ali was watching Becky who looked completely exhausted. Under her eyes were darkened shades and it was obvious she’d spent every moment since Monday morning with her, making sure she was safe and comfortable.

“I’m alright.” Her voice betrayed her when she spoke and her heavy eyes settled on the crackle of the fire. Picking up Rae, Ali leaned over and placed her on Becky’s lap. Immediately her fingers began combing through her soft fur and it wasn’t long after that before both were snoring softly.

As Ashlyn stood, she covered Becky with the throw and took Ali’s hand as they headed for the stairs. Once inside her bedroom, she closed the door and told Ali, “That dog is like a drug.”

Ali smiled and shrugged as she laughed a little, “Yeah, I knew she wouldn’t take the suggestion to get some rest.” Picking up one of Ashlyn’s sweatshirts, Ali pulled it over her head, “I wish she would have because I hated leaving the fireplace.” Wrapping her arms around the brunette from behind, she questioned, “Do you need me to keep you warm?”

Putting on some music to play softly, Ali turned and asked, “Are you offering?” She smiled at Ashlyn and reached her arms up around her neck. The shared a slow kiss that made Ashlyn sigh and hug her tighter.

“Can I just say, I know I’ve only been here a little over a week but I love living with you.” She pulled back and met her hazel eyes, “I want to talk about children.”

Ashlyn started shaking her head, “I’m sorry about that. I’m always so quick to demand answers from you.” Ali pressed her lips to Ashlyn’s and whispered, “I know you. Your mouth moves quicker than your thoughts.”

Ashlyn's face colored with embarrassment and before she could turn away, Ali whispered, “It’s not okay but I’m not complaining.” She smiled and added, “We can work on the fine tuning.”

Ali sat on the bed and laid back. “I think I have everything I need for Jacob on Thursday.”

Sitting beside her, Ash asked, “Is he excited?”

Ali looked over and smiled, “He could hardly find his words.” Lost in her own thoughts for a moment, Ali added, “My house is gone. Officially.” She was silent a while before she went on, “There’s nothing connecting me to them anymore. The car, the possessions….it’s all gone.”

Lying beside her, Ashlyn rested her arm over her waist, “How do you feel about that?” Watching her expressions change, she started slowly, “It’s a strange feeling. Like I don’t know where I even belong anymore.” She looked over at Ashlyn, “Once Jacob goes home, I’m going to see a therapist.”

“I thought you said you were happy living with me?” Ashlyn quickly sat halfway up.

Placing a hand to her cheek, Ali tilted her head a little and pouted, “I am, sweetie. It’s not you. I put things on hold as long as I can.” Leaning in to kiss her, she repeated, “It’s me.”

Ashlyn put her arms around Ali and said, “I need to know one thing. Are you alright? Do you need something right now that maybe I can do for you?” Pulling her closer, she added, “You aren’t thinking about hurting yourself, are you?”

“I promise. No. I’m ok right now. I just need someone to talk to.”

“I’m here.”

“I know you are. But I think it has to be someone outside of you and me. It’ll be alright.”

*

Opening her eyes suddenly, Becky sat up. She startled herself awake when Rae readjusted on her lap. Orienting herself to her surroundings, she looked around and realized she was alone. Looking to Alyssa’s bedroom door, she picked up Rae and slowly stood. She didn’t want to bother her but she didn’t want to leave Rae alone. Tapping lightly, she listened. She wasn’t sure she heard any movement so she decided to go inside, leave Rae with her and go.

The light on the lowest setting cast soft shadows on the wall. Rae was scanning the room in the dim light with apprehension. She set her on the bed lightly with the hopes she’d snuggle in with Alyssa. She seemed to be resting quietly and soundly but Rae was in no mood to settle down.

"Come here," she whispered. Quickly picking her up off the bed again, she kissed her head and set her in her bed on the floor. She turned for the door and took a few steps.

“You’re going to leave?” Alyssa was asking.

Peering over her shoulder, Becky shrugged a little, “I don’t want to upset you.”

“Please don’t leave. That’ll upset me.” Alyssa sat up a little and apologized, “I didn’t mean what I said to you earlier.”

Half smiling, Becky dragged her foot around the floor in a circle, “I know. I just want you to feel better.” Pushing herself up and sitting against the headboard of the bed, Alyssa wrapped her arms around her legs and leaned her chin on her knees. “I’m sorry I treated you that way.”

Going to the bed and sitting beside her, Becky put an arm around her, “It’s ok. Promise.”

When Alyssa’s phone chimed that she had a message, she ran both of her hands back through her hair and rested her head against Becky’s shoulder. “Do you need anything?”

Before she could answer, her phone chimed again and she looked up at her girlfriend with pleading eyes, “Could you maybe make that stop?” A tear slid from the corner of one of her eyes and she rested her head against her again.

Becky looked at the phone on the bedside table and could see there were messages from her parents. Putting her other arm around her, she pulled her closer. Kissing her head, she whispered, “Happy New Year.”

Looking up, Alyssa tried to smile, “Please stay.”

Becky watched her face, anxious with expectation. Each eye held a world of hope amid the possibility of desertion she felt might happen at any moment. Her stomach suddenly ached at the thought of the internal turmoil she’d most likely caused over her own insecurity. Every time she cut short their time together, she was creating unnecessary friction, doubt and distrust between them. She was sending the message to Alyssa that she might not be able to count on her and for what reason? Resolving herself, right then and there, as she held Alyssa in her arms, she made her a promise. “Honey, there isn’t anywhere else I want to be. I’m never going to leave you.”


	16. Where'd You Go?

**Where’d You Go**

Early the next morning, Becky and Ali stood at the stove in the kitchen preparing breakfast. Ali watched as she turned sausage links with a hint of a smile curling her mouth. She didn’t seem to be paying attention to anything in particular and Ali finally nudged her a little and whispered, “What’s with you?”

Startling Becky out of her daydream, she casually glanced over, “Huh?”

Her lips pursed to stifle her smile, Ali shook her head, “Don’t give me that. Spill it.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about…” Her voice trailed off as she spoke and Ali realized that she didn’t think Becky was even aware of how she was acting.

Ashlyn sat with Alyssa who was holding Rae. They were taking turns running a finger back along her nose and up over her head. The pup would close her eyes and her ears would roll back as she anticipated the pleasant feeling of affection. Alyssa would giggle at the response and kiss her head before Ashlyn repeated the same action. “I’m glad you’re feeling better.” The blonde smiled and scratched Rae’s head. It was good to see her smiling. Then, she announced, “Ladies, this represents the last of the ‘no carb left behind’ meals. After today, we get serious again.”

“As long as I get some of Ali’s biscuits today,” Alyssa announced, “I’ll promise you anything tomorrow.” A fresh batch was cooling on the serving tray and Alyssa waved the scent toward her.

Once they’d finished cooking, they placed plates of bacon, sausage, scrambled eggs and toast on the table. Ali set down the butter along with a knife in front of Alyssa who was drizzling honey over a half biscuit. Becky wiped off the counter then retrieved a carton of juice. After she closed the refrigerator door, she turned and stood watching Alyssa. Her unruly hair cascading over her shoulders and down her back and Becky couldn’t stop herself from smiling. Her eyes wandered down to her bare feet and traveled up her legs to her knees where the soccer shorts began and she shook her head to herself. Ali was right, it was noticeable. Alyssa was the most beautiful soul she’d ever seen and she didn’t want to waste another moment being apart from her for her own superficial and egotistical reasons.

Filling Alyssa’s glass, she sat down at the table beside her and just watched her laughing. Standing quickly, she announced, “I’m going to take her out real fast before we eat.” Pushing her feet into her sliders, she disappeared out the back door with Rae.

When the doorbell rang, Ali made eye contact with Becky as Ashlyn jumped up from her seat, “I’ll get it.” The brunette kept her stare steady on her until Becky whispered, “I want to ask her to live together.” Leaning closer, she whispered, “Do you think she’ll say yes?”

Her mouth hung open a moment before she rolled her eyes, “Are you kidding me right now? Do I think…” When Ashlyn came back in the room, she fanned out a bunch of overnight express folders from FedEx. Dropping them on the table, she said, “National Team contracts.”

Ali looked back to Becky, “Maybe you got one at your place. Wouldn’t that be great?”

Nodding, she smiled halfway and took a piece of toast and started ripping it into bits before dropping them on her plate. When Alyssa came back to the table, she sat down, “What did I miss?”

“Looks like they’re calling you back up, Lys.” Ashlyn nodded to the overnight packages as she buttered some toast. A smile finding its way on her face, she thumbed through them, “Really?” Narrowing her eyes a bit, she asked, “Why are there two?”

Ali leaned closer and read, “One’s from Sky Blue…”

Pulling the tab and ripping the envelope open, she pulled out some papers. As she read the first few lines, her cheeks filled with color and then her eyes with tears. She covered her mouth with her hand and looked away as her emotions took over. Sniffling away more tears she stood and went to the window. She held the papers tightly in her hand as she took a deep breath and cleared her throat. Sniffling again to ensure she spoke clearly, she took another breath, “…I’ve been traded.”

Going to her side, Becky put her arms around her, “It’ll be ok.” Breaking down at the feeling of her touch, she began to cry.

Ashlyn stood and questioned, “Where to?”

Taking the papers from her hand, Becky read them and whispered, “Louisiana?” Looking over at Alyssa, she felt the heartbreak. The season hadn’t even begun. She’d yet to play her first professional game and she was already being shuffled around.

She met Becky’s sad stare with her own then looked over to Ashlyn. When she met Ali’s brown eyes, she stared for a long time in silence before she started to shake her head, “I can’t do this.”

“What can’t you do,” Ali asked as she went to Alyssa’s side.

Her words caught in her chest and she shook her head, “I don’t understand. I feel …like a loser.”

Ashlyn sat down at the table and mumbled, “I kinda see her point.”

“Ashlyn!” Ali turned angrily and scolded.

Alyssa looked to Ali and asked, “How would you feel if Ashlyn got traded to San Jose tomorrow after trying to get together all this time?” Then she looked at Ashlyn, “And Ali ends up here.”

Reaching up for Becky’s other arm that was still around her, she held it tightly with her hand. “This is my life.”

Rushing in from the front door, Megan burst into the kitchen and stopped at the table, out of breath. She looked at everyone’s face and then at the FedEx envelopes. Meeting Alyssa’s eyes, she apologized, “I didn’t know. I swear I didn’t know.”

Shrugging, Alyssa nodded, “It’s better this way. It’s not like there was anything you could have done.”

Kissing Alyssa’s neck from behind, Becky whispered, “I love you. I love you so much.” Tears began falling from Alyssa’s eyes when she looked away and bowed her head. Becky sniffled back her emotions and Megan apologized again, “I’m so sorry, Becky. But at least it’s still in our division.”

Snapping her head up, Alyssa questioned, “What?” Looking to Megan, she asked, “What do you mean?”

Meeting everyone’s confused stare, Megan slowly answered, “Philadelphia Liberty Belles. They’re still in our division. It’s not that far away.”

Turning slightly, Alyssa questioned, “I thought I was going to Louisiana?”

The shocked look on Megan’s face had her shaking her head, “I don’t understand.”

Handing Megan the contract and letterhead, Becky questioned aloud, “Maybe I should go home?”

“Take me with you?” Alyssa was pleading.

Becky smiled and laughed a little before she kissed Alyssa’s shoulder and hugged her, “Don’t forget Rae.” Tilting her chin and bringing her lips up to meet her own, she whispered, “We can’t go home without Rae.” Their eyes settled on one another for a moment before Becky’s smile put Alyssa at ease enough to smile back.

Alyssa disappeared into her bedroom and Becky pulled on her leather jacket before looking back up at her friends. She was internally fighting how she felt and she knew she wasn’t hiding it well. “There’s an offer from the National Team waiting for you in your email. The contract should be at your place too.”

Nodding a little, Becky smiled halfway, “Thanks.”

Alyssa returned to the kitchen wearing jeans and a sweatshirt, holding Rae close to her chest. “Let’s go home.” Becky smiled and held out a hand for her as they left the kitchen together.

The front door closed and Ali silently sat at the table with tears in her eyes and looked up at Megan. Ashlyn huffed out a breath and asked, “Is this because of those two twits and their bullshit?”

Megan shook her head slightly and looked to Ali.

“What?” she questioned.

Shifting her weight from one foot to the other, Megan looked down at the food on the table. As she sat, she pushed away plates of food and said, “Apparently Lys had a conversation with her recruiter. She thought she was helping Ali and she let on how much she’d love to sign with Sky Blue.” Leaning her head in her hands, she said, “It didn’t take the guy too long to figure out a way to make the right trades to make sure it happened.”

Megan looked up solemnly, “It was either Becky or Ali. They chose Ali.”

Ashlyn lowered her voice, “What about Lys?”

Megan thought for a moment, “I guess the math adds up. You can’t have all three of our keepers pulling double duty. Marie’s on Germany’s National Team. The two of you just came off the Olympics. I’m guessing they got something nice for Alyssa. She’s the hot new nineteen-year-old goalkeeper that’s worth every bit as much as Ash. I’m guessing we got a lesser replacement and then something shiny to fill our holes.”

“I feel like a shit,” Ali mumbled.

Megan raised her eyebrows, “Well, don’t. You can’t be some of the best players in the world and have teams fighting over you and then cry ‘poor me.’ Tough love time, kiddos. This is the game and these are the rules. You either play or you don’t.” Making sure she connected with both of them, she added, “You can’t take any of this personally. It’s how it is.”

Taking Ali’s hand, Ashlyn shook her head sadly, “I can’t believe they both went to separate teams. It’s just something I never thought about. If we didn’t live together, I wouldn’t have blinked.”

“I feel sick,” Ali whispered. Her hand unconsciously running across her stomach, she went on, “She was going to ask Lys to live with her.”


	17. Down With The Sickness

**Down With The Sickness**

Everyone decided it would be best if they brought Jacob to the house rather than Ali meet them at the airport. They were pretty sure it would be enough excitement taking the trip. Ali had set up an air mattress in her room beside her bed. She’d made sure to have plenty of familiar comfort items in view to make him feel at ease.

She’d placed some chocolate chip cookies on the table with a pitcher of milk, hoping it would alleviate any other tensions about being someplace new. Sitting on the edge of the sofa, biting a fingernail, she sat watching her phone for a message letting them know they were outside.

Her leg nervously bouncing up and down, she took an exaggerated breath to ward off her nerves. Ashlyn stood and went to the front window smiling to herself. It was interesting to see such behavior and wondered if this is what she was like during finals. “Don’t stare at him through the window.” Ali looked to Ashlyn and added, “And don’t go to him for a hug. Let him come to you.”

The blonde smiled and nodded in the hopes it would help avoid her feeling overwhelmed. Then, turning and looking to Megan, she shook her head, “And don’t put that music on so loud.”

“Al,” Ashlyn began softly, while using her hands to animate her need to bring it down a notch, “If you’re tense, he’ll feel that too. Relax.” Closing her mouth and staring wide, her mind raced at the possibility.

As her phone chimed, there was a soft knock on the door followed by the doorknob wiggling. The door opened a bit and Jacob’s face peered in a moment before a bright smile followed. “Ali!” He pushed open the door and ran to her, “Ali!”

Throwing his arms around her, he hugged and called again, “Ali!”

Gently returning his affection, she sat on her knees to mirror his height and let him tell her all about his trip. His breaths were fast and his hands were making erratic movements as she listened and tried to follow along with his excitement. “We’re home…and woooossh,” his hand imitated the airplane’s takeoff, “and we’re hiiiigh …and clouds, Ali, clouds are up high and I’m up high, so high…” He was almost out of breath, “I could touch the clouds, Ali.” When he stopped, he looked at her thoughtfully as if he was making sure she was actually in front of him, then he stepped closer and put his arms around her carefully for a settled down honest hug.

Then, placing his palms on the cheeks of her face, he closed his eyes as he spoke, “You live here now.” The pout on his face made her frown. “But you can come visit me anytime you want.” She smiled at him and he seemed to be deliberating whether or not that was a valid response. Then, he closed his eyes as he spoke, “Ok, Ali.”

Once his grudge had been settled, he looked to Ashlyn standing by the staircase. He almost raised one eyebrow in suspicion as he contemplated her presence. Then, he walked to her with his head raised and held out his hand to shake it in concession. Ashlyn quickly glanced over at Ali and held back her desire to smile at his bravado. As she shook the little boy’s hand, he stated more than questioned, “You’re taking care of Ali.”

Kneeling to his level, she nodded, “Yes, I am, little man.” His stern expression then suddenly became a vibrant smile and he threw his arms around her in affection. Hugging back, Ashlyn sighed, “I’m so glad you still approve.” When she stood, she looked to Ali, shaking her head, “I’m glad I didn’t ask him for permission to marry you.” Animatedly wiping the sweat from her forehead, she looked to Jackson and Paul who were bringing a suitcase through the doorway. Closing the door behind them, Ashlyn took Jacob’s case and Ali went to hug them.

Turning, the boy walked over to Megan and stopped a few feet in front of her. He smiled and gave her the cool guy nod. “Sup.”

Megan held out her fist and waited for him to tap it with his own. Once the greeting was complete, Jacob questioned, “Am I cool?”

Smiling, she tussled the hair on his head and confirmed, “You certainly are.”

Jackson and Paul followed Ali into the living room and Jacob stood in the enter of the room. He was evaluating silently then frowned a little and shrugged, “Where is …Alyssa and Becca?”

The silence lingered in the air until Ali answered, “They went to get the mail.”

Seemingly, Jacob approved of the answer and smiled at Jackson and Paul. Walking into the kitchen, Ali then asked, “Would everyone like an afternoon cookie break?”

His surprised face questioned his parents as he waited for their answer. Jackson removed his coat and looked to Jacob, “You have to ask Ali. She’s in charge this week, right? You have to mind what she says.”

Jacob went to Ali and asked, “Can I? Really? Before dinner?”

Following him into the kitchen, Megan repeated, “Me too, Ali. Can I have a cookie too?” As Jacob smiled at Megan’s reinforcement, he watched her sit down quietly at the table and wait patiently for an answer. Following her cue, he pulled out a chair and sat quietly with her.

Ali seemed to be thinking and then nodded, “How can I say no when everyone is so well behaved?” Placing a cookie on a plate and then pouring a small glass of milk, she made him promise, “You’ll still eat your dinner, right?”

Jacob took a bite of the warm cookie and nodded happily. Impatiently, Megan cleared her throat, “Uhm, are you forgetting someone?”

Before Ali could answer, Jacob broke his cookie in half and whispered, “We can share, Megan.” He set it on the napkin in front of her and she rested her chin on the table, “Kiddo, you’re everything that’s right in this world. Don’t ever change.”

Sliding a cookie across the table to Megan, Ali cursed herself and said, “Jacob, do me a favor? Remind me to give Auntie Megan a pinch later.” Smiling, he nodded happily. “You want milk too, Auntie Megan?” Her tone warned of playful ribbing between them. Clapping her hands, Megan nodded, “Yes, please.”

Ashlyn sat with Paul and Jackson and asked, “How was the flight?”

“We had no problems. It was a little bumpy on take off but he adjusted. Paul told him all about racing the clouds and he was enamored with who was winning the race. He’s come so far.”

Interrupting, Paul questioned, “Where’s your roommate?”

Nudging his partner, Jackson frowned, “Gossip!”

Ashlyn pressed her lips together in an attempt to stifle her laugh, “Alyssa was traded.”

His eyes wide, Jackson put a hand to his mouth, “Oh, dear. The young girl?”

Nodding, Ashlyn frowned, “Worst part, so did her girlfriend…to a different team…for Ali.”

As they both stared a moment, computing the equation in their heads, they both sighed. Ashlyn glanced over her shoulder to make sure no one else was listening, “Ali feels terrible. They traded away Becky and a draft pick to ensure they get her.”

“Beastly,” Paul mumbled.

“And just like that,” Jackson snapped his fingers, “the two of them are gone.” He shook his head and sighed. “I just don’t like the lack of morality in the way you girls are treated like cattle.”

Resisting the urge to agree with him and opening up a conversation that would do no one any good, Ashlyn nodded. “How long can you stay? Can I get you anything?” Leaning toward the kitchen, Jackson lowered his voice, “As long as he’s alright, we could leave now and get ahead of check in.”

Going to the doorway, Ashlyn made contact with Ali, “Your dad and Paul are ready to go. Jacob, would you like to say goodbye?”

Standing from his chair, he walked to the living room deliberately, “You’re going to the Why-He now?”

Jackson knelt down, “Yes. And we will be here for you in how many days?”

Thinking, he looked at his hands and frowned. Then looking up with a worried face, he asked, “Seven?”

Holding out his arms to invite the boy closer, he confirmed, “Yes, my darling. Seven.”

Jacob hugged them both and asked, “Promise?”

“Promise. And until then, you will spend all the time you want with Ali.” Coming to his side, she took his hand and asked, “We will have so much fun.”

They watched the car pull away from the curb and Ali’s cell phone immediately chimed. Paul was asking if their son was alright. She smiled slightly as she texted back that he was already at the table with Megan finishing their cookie.

As she sent off the message, she heard Jacob telling Megan to make sure she finished all her milk. It was something that Ali had told him so many times that she lost count.

Leaning her head on her hands, waiting anxiously, Megan questioned, “But, why? Why finish all my milk?”

“You will grow up,” raising his hand, he finished, “…big and tall.”

Picking up her glass, she took a final swallow and set it down, “I’m gonna be taller one day.”

*

While Ali helped Jacob unpack, Ashlyn and Megan sat at the kitchen table picking at the cookies on the plate. “Did you text either of them?”

Shaking her head slowly, Ashlyn didn’t look up from staring at the plate. “I don’t know what to say. I know it’s part of …this whole thing, but it upsets me. You know? I feel like it severed our friendship.”

“Who’re you talking about?”

Raising her voice, Ashlyn answered, “BOTH of them. The four of us finally made peace with our past and now this had to happen.” Looking up, she went on, “I really like Lys. She’s a good person and a hell of a baller. We’ve gotten close and I started looking out for her like she was my kid sister. How do I know that there won’t be a couple of nitwits on the team out there that’ll mess with her?”

“You don’t. You have to trust that she paid attention to you and if anything happens that she can take care of herself.”

Ashlyn sighed out of frustration. “What about Becky?”

“She’s a big girl.”

“I’m talking about emotionally. Those two have just reached a point in their relationship where they need to be around one another.” Thinking to herself, she took in a long deep breath. “I don’t want them to go through what Ali and I went through.”

Megan was tapping the table with her fingers as she thought. “I know what you mean. I think those two are good together…in their own weird way.”

Looking up, Ashlyn smiled a little, “I know, right.”

“But they’re so cute.”

Ashlyn confessed, “Yeah. They make me jealous and I don’t know why.”

“How so?”

“Probably their confidence.” Glancing around to ensure they were still alone, she went on, “They’ll be standing in a room together and it doesn’t matter with who but it’s like they’re the only ones that exist. They’re so into each another that they stand there kissing and wouldn’t notice if a train came through. Ali and I didn’t have that free feeling six months in. Not in public. Not in front of people.”

Megan smiled a little and said, “I’d like to think we had a little something to do with that by creating a safe space here.” Breaking another cookie in half, she went on, “A couple days ago, I came down to get something to eat at like midnight.”

“Color me shocked.”

“Bite me, now pay attention. Becky was sitting on the sofa. Alyssa was right next to her with legs across Becky’s lap and then she had the dog, right? Becky was doing something that made the dog follow her and then pounce on her hand like a cat. Every single time, the dog made this little grrrr sound and then Alyssa would giggle…then that made Becky laugh so hard that Alyssa would laugh again and snort the way she does and Becky would laugh even harder. Do you know I listened to them for twenty minutes while I ate my cereal, and by the time I was done, they had me laughing to myself in the kitchen.”

Ashlyn smiled at the image in her head.

“They just kept going like nothing else existed,” she finished with.

“That’s what I’m talking about.”

Megan agreed, “I get what you’re saying but what got me the most…listening to Becky laugh. Alyssa gets it out of her without trying. Whatever demons she wrestles with in her head, they don’t even exist anymore when Alyssa’s around. And that’s what worries me.”

“She can be a train wreck.”

“Would you guys mind not talking about them like they’re dead?” Standing with her hands on her hips, Ali was frowning.

“Sorry,” Ashlyn tried. “Where’s…”

Right on cue, Jacob ran through the room and into the bathroom. “Stop running.” Looking back to the duo, she explained, “He’s brushing his teeth after the cookie.”

“Boy,” Megan mumbled, “She’s tough.” Then she asked, “Have you talked to either of them?”

Shaking her head, Ali answered, “The way I see it, Becky told Alyssa ‘let’s go home.’ She said it twice. Not ‘my apartment’ or ‘my place’. And I told you she said she was going to ask her to live together. I think this settled it.”

“Well they can’t live together now.” Ashlyn stopped when Jacob came back into the kitchen.

“Ali, can I play soccer in the yard? I need to practice.” He was very serious.

“Yes. Stay in the yard like at home and I’ll start dinner.” He watched her a moment and then shyly asked, “Can I use the best soccer ball? I’ll be careful.”

Ali smiled and nodded, “You know where it is?”

Wrapping his arms around her waist, he answered, “Yes. Thank you.”

*

Opening her eyes halfway in the dim light of her bedroom, Ali shifted slightly and felt that Jacob had crawled into bed beside her. She smiled a little to herself until she heard the same noise again that woke her. Sitting up, she listened until she heard movement. Her bedside clock illuminated two-fifteen in the morning.

Slipping out of bed as quietly as she could, she reached for the umbrella that was leaning against the wall and opened her bedroom door. Taking a couple steps out of her room, she saw Alyssa trying to half carry Becky to her bedroom. Rae was following slowly as she watched the struggle.

When she realized who it was and what was happening, Ali closed her door and rushed to Alyssa’s side. Tripping over her own feet, Becky’s feet or a combination of the two, they both collapsed onto the floor. Yelping with fright, Rae ran behind the sofa for protection.

Closing the front door that was slightly ajar, Ali went to the couple on the floor. Becky was passed out cold on top of her and Alyssa was pinned underneath. “Are you alright?” Ali was whispering. Lying on her back, Alyssa’s eyes fluttered closed a moment before she opened them to look at Ali, “I think I just broke my wrist.” Her attention became focused on the ceiling for a distraction and she bit her bottom lip before looking over at Ali.

“Are you serious?”

Nodding, she let out a soft whine. Lifting Becky’s head carefully so she could see her face, Ali explained, “Let’s try and roll her toward me.” Using her shoulder as leverage, Alyssa tried to help move her. When she saw Becky’s face, she panicked, “Ali, I don’t think she’s breathing.”

“What?”

Pulling harder, they rolled her over onto her back and Ali sighed out, “Dear, god. Yes, she is. Don’t do that to me!”

Alyssa put a hand on her cheek and pleaded, “Please wake up.”

“Is she drunk?” Ali was feeling for her pulse.

Meeting her eyes, she called, “Lys…”

Shaking her shoulder, Alyssa was still trying to rouse her, “Becky…” There was a desperation in her voice.

Ali watched her then turned when she felt someone behind her. Looking up at Megan standing over them, she breathed out, “You scared me.”

“What’s going…”

“Call 911. I don’t know what’s wrong with her.”

*

When the paramedics arrived, Alyssa sat back and watched them take are of Becky. One EMT gave her oxygen, took her blood pressure, and ran a portable EKG to check her heart. A smelling salt forced her eyes open and she gasped at the offensive odor. A pen light intrusively flashed across her pupils that were pinpoints.

“Becky, can you hear me?” Her heavy eyelids closed again and one of the paramedics was waving the smelling salt under her nose when her head dropped. “Becky, I need you to tell me what you took?”

Questioning Megan, Ali and Alyssa, the second paramedic asked, “Do we know the drug, ladies?”

Retrieving a syringe from his kit, the first EMT quickly injected a solution into Becky’s arm and rolled her onto her side, holding her steady. Almost immediately, Becky’s eyes flew open wide and her body moved in a convulsive manner once before she vomited.

Rolling onto her stomach, she coughed as she pushed herself up on her hands and knees in a panic. Then, falling onto her side weakly, she cried a little at the way her body was torturing her. “What did you give me?” She croaked out the question without really wanting a reply.

Crawling closer to where she was laying on the floor, Alyssa pulled away hair from her face. She was sweaty and washed looking and made no further attempt to get up.

Inflating the blood pressure cuff again for another reading, the EMT answered her, “Settle down, now. You’ve had some Narcan to stop that junk in your body.” When he got a new reading, he spoke aloud, “Now that’s a little better.”

Alyssa looked up at the man and asked, “What do you mean Narcan? Like overdosed?” As she waited for his response, she ran her fingers though her hair soothingly.

“It would appear so,” he continued as he attempted to use his pen light again to examine her pupils. She wasn’t quite as cooperative this time around and his actions felt invasive. She began shaking her head back and forth to avoid him and her eyes instinctively closed. “At least now we know it was an opioid.”

Lying on the floor beside her, Alyssa whispered, Becky?” She wasn’t quite sure that she understood what the EMT had just told her.

“We need to take her to the hospital now. She’ll need to be monitored.” Moving the stretcher closer, one of the EMT’s finished placing an IV and the other was kneeling beside Alyssa. He rested a hand on her shoulder and asked, “Are you alright?”

Cradling her arm slightly, she wiggled her fingers and nodded, “Yes.”

“Becky, it would be really helpful to us if we knew what you took.”

“Percocet.”

“Do you have any allergies?”

Becky shook her head no.

“What’s today?”

She really wasn’t sure and she shrugged.

“Becky, I need to hear a yes or a no from you. Did you try to hurt yourself tonight?”

They’d lifted her onto the stretcher and one of the paramedics was covering her with a sheet and raising the head higher. After the safety belts were fastened, both men adjusted the stretcher to about waist height when the same man moved a little closer to her. Becky really didn’t want to look up at anyone in the room. “Honey, I need an answer so we can help you.”

Slowly looking up at him, she nodded her head.

“I need to hear you…”

“Yes.” She connected with his watchful stare, “I took the pills on purpose.”

Looking to Alyssa, who quickly rose to her feet; she stood beside him with a combined expressed of hurt, shock and resentment. Her mouth hung open in disbelief and before she could stop herself; her face flashed in anger and she’d balled her hand into a fist and launched it at Becky.

The sudden outburst caught everyone off guard and before they could stop her, she connected squarely with Becky’s left eye. Alyssa was shouting in an uncontrolled fit of rage as the EMT pulled her arms back behind her and gently brought her to a face down hold on the sofa. She only struggled for a moment but her crying continued about how selfish Becky’s actions were.

Megan stepped closer to paramedic when she saw a police car pull up out front. She leaned over Alyssa and asked him, “Dude, ease up, please.” Nodding toward the porch, she added, “She doesn’t need to go to jail tonight. I got her. She’s ok.” Her hand was buried in Alyssa’s hair, massaging, trying to comfort and calm her down as she cried softly.

Ali rushed to Becky’s side and protectively put her arms around. Everything had spiraled out of control so quickly. “Why would you do that?” Backing up, she shook her head a little, “Why?”

Ashlyn was coming down the steps two at a time and stopped halfway when she saw the scene that had unfolded. Turning her attention back to her friend, Ali leaned in closer with raised eyebrows and waited. A hollow ambivalence had returned and settled behind her green eyes that Ali recognized from long ago. She had been able to slowly chip away at it over time, but in an instant, it had buried the vulnerable parts of her heart that Alyssa had fallen in love with.

“It’s better this way.” She briefly connected with Ali before she coldly looked away. Her words were emotionless. Her hands on Becky’s shoulders, she squeezed lightly and leaned a little to keep her stare. Their eyes met again for a brief moment and Ali pleaded, “Don’t, Becky. Don’t do this.” The dull flicker of contemplation wavered and then disappeared from her eyes and she shut down. When she looked away this time, Ali knew it was over. She’d made her decision and her relationship with Alyssa and most likely all of them was done. Standing angrily, she huffed out a breath and resisted the urge to throw her own punch.

The medical staff secured the stretcher and prepared to leave. The EMT closest let Ali know, “They’re going to put a hold on her and she’ll need an evaluation.” Nodding, she thanked them both.

When the officer entered the house, he began questioning her and surveying the surroundings.

Alyssa still sobbed softly into the sofa cushion while Megan held her. She could see them through the doorway, loading Becky into the back of the ambulance, her expression still and distant.

Ashlyn went to Ali’s side and listened. At times, her head jerked up to ensure she’d heard the statement correctly and make sure that no one was pulling her leg. The entire thing seemed like wild fiction and Ashlyn was torn with whether or not to be angry or sympathetic with Becky.

As Ali and the officer spoke in calm low tones, Ashlyn’s adrenaline level began to plateau and then level off before returning to a resting state. It was then, that subtle movement beneath the window, rustled the curtain and caught her eye.

Narrowing her eyes, she saw Rae’s tiny tail flit back and forth before it disappeared completely behind the fabric. Stepping around Ali, she knelt beside the chair and called softly, “C’mere Rae.” Pulling the curtain away, she gently reached her hand out to soothe the shaking pup. When her hand raised, Rae bowed her head in fear and her eyes closed as she shook nervously. Laying her hand on the floor in lieu of forcing the issue, she let Rae open her eyes and then she cautiously nuzzled Ashlyn’s fingers with her nose. It wasn’t long after that Rae had tucked her head underneath her hand in an attempt to coax Ashlyn into picking her up.

She held her close against her chest and sat on the floor with her back leaning against the wall. There wasn’t going to be any coming back from this. The fallout would be catastrophic for both of them.


	18. Don't Go Breaking My Heart

**Don't Go Breaking My Heart**

Ashlyn had added some wood to the fire and the temperature of the room quickly warmed up. It was a little after four am and Megan was on the sofa beside Alyssa. She had her arm wrapped around her shoulder and tried to soothe her into calming down. Her head rested against Megan’s body and she’d settled down enough that she was only sniffling every once in a while. After the police were gone, Ali sat on the opposite side of Alyssa and hugged her.

When she began crying again, Ali promised, “It’ll be ok.”

“How?” Her voice was broken and low. “How can you think that any of this will ever be ok?” Alyssa sat up and looked at Ali knowing her friend had the best of intensions.

“I just don’t understand what happened.”

Looking away sadly, Alyssa shook her head, “I don’t want to talk about it. It’s over.”

Ali raised her eyebrows in surprise, “You can’t be serious. You’re ending things?”

Megan gave Ali a stern frown and subtly shook her head.

Alyssa’s voice became strained again as she spoke, “I’m not ending anything. She did this. She did it on purpose. She’s forcing me to end things.”

Looking back at Megan, Ali threw her hands up, “I don’t understand.”

Alyssa’s cell phone began to ring and she could see the caller ID displayed the number of the local hospital. She only stared at it blankly before Megan answered it.

“Hello?” After listening for a moment, she responded, “Sure, one moment.” Holding the phone out, she began, “They want to talk to you.” When she didn’t respond, Megan took her hand and put the phone in it, “You don’t shut down when things get rough.”

Alyssa sat up a little and put the phone to her ear. “Hello.” She was listening intently and unconsciously nodding along as someone on the other end of the line spoke. Then, she paused and responded very softly, “Yes, I am.”

She was listening again, biting her lip nervously and nodding until she answered, “I can do that. Alright.”

Setting her phone in her lap, she looked to Ashlyn, “Can I have Rae?” She took the puppy into her arms and held her against her chest. Kissing her head, she whispered, “Megan, would you drive me to the hospital to get her? Please.”

Handing the puppy to Ali, she asked, “Will you take her for me?”

Reaching for Rae, Ali questioned, “They’re letting her go?”

Again, Megan frowned at Ali and shook her head.

In a quiet voice, from the doorway, Jacob called, “Ali,…” Taking a few steps closer, he saw the puppy and stopped. His posture became stiff and he looked to Ali for an explanation. Sitting down in the lounge chair, she began softly caressing Rae’s head and smiled, “This is Rae. Would you like to meet her?”

Hiding behind Ashlyn, he subtly shook his head no.

Alyssa stood and reached for her sweatshirt. Jacob saw her and smiled, “Hi, Alyssa.”

Pulling the clothing over her head and down around her, she knelt down to greet him, “Hi, sweetie. It’s good to see you again.” Jacob went to her slowly as he kept one eye on the puppy. He put his arms around Alyssa for a hug and asked, “Where’s Becca?”

“I’m going to get her,” she explained. Reaching her hand out, she stroked the soft fur on Rae’s head and then kissed it gently. “This is my little girl, Rae,” she looked back to Jacob. Rae’s bright brown eyes opened and her ears raised as she listened to Alyssa’s voice. “Can you help Ali take care of her for me while I’m gone? She’s just a baby.”

Taking a step closer, Jacob questioned, “A baby?”

“Yes, a baby. She needs lots of help.” Alyssa kissed her head again and said, “She needs lots of love. She’s afraid of everything.”

Jacob went to Alyssa’s side and inspected Rae a little closer. “Is she scared now?”

Using a finger, to stroke her nose, Alyssa whispered, “A little bit. She doesn’t know you.”

Frowning, he looked to Ali, “Does she think I’ll hurt her?”

Standing, Alyssa let Ali continue the conversation with Jacob and turned to Megan. Following her to the door, she closed it behind her and stood on the porch before she started to cry. Putting an arm around her shoulder, Megan asked, “You alright?” Alyssa nodded and took a breath.

*

The drive was quiet. Once Megan parked the car, she asked, “Should I wait here?”

Looking over, she shrugged, “I think I should only be a minute.”

Following directions that the nurse on the phone had given her, she found reception and punched in a code on the keypad and waited. The door buzzed and she heard it unlock. Pulling open the heavy door, she walked down a hallway until she saw Becky sitting on a plain plastic chair on the opposite side of a plexiglass wall. She had her arms folded defensively over herself and she was listening to a man who was holding a clipboard. He was asking her questions to which she was mostly shrugging her shoulders in a disinterested manner. Her body language displayed complete annoyance with his very presence. When he was done, he had her sign a paper and then handed her something. Once he left the room, Alyssa could see her unravel her shoelaces and begin to put them back into place.

She stood outside watching until Becky finished tying her sneakers and noticed Alyssa standing there. They’d also taken the bands that would have normally held her hair back. For some reason, the disheveled appearance suddenly made her look vulnerable and small. Under her right eye had already begun to turn purple and maroon. Alyssa was torn with her own anger that made her want to throw another punch for upsetting her so much and at the same time she wanted to go to her and put her arms around her for comfort.

Alyssa pushed open the heavy door that separated them and took a step inside the room. Becky stared back silently for a moment and then looked away in embarrassment. She avoided looking up and mumbled, “I’m sorry.”

When there was no response, Becky peered up at Alyssa who was still staring. “Did you hear me?”

“I heard you.”

Standing defensively, Becky shrugged a little, “What are you looking at?”

Alyssa shook her head and answered, “I’m looking at you and wondering how I could have been so blind. All this time I thought I was in love with someone completely different. I don’t know who you are.” Alyssa’s words sucked the wind out of Becky’s chest and paralyzed her. “How could you do this to me?”

Her shoulders dropped and her voice lowered as Becky began explaining, “I wanted this awful feeling that’s inside me to stop, Lys. Things just kept spiraling out of control and I couldn’t do anything to stop it all from happening. The last thing I ever want is to see you hurt. All I can see in your eyes is disappointment and I can’t fix it.”

Alyssa’s eyes softened slightly as she listened to the inner turmoil Becky had placed on herself. “I wanted to try living with you. I thought just maybe we could be happy together and it might work out.”

Becky’s mind was straining to compose words that were emotionally charged and honest. The purity in her thoughts exposed feelings that she’d most likely never revealed to another person in her life. “I wanted to take care of you and…” The sentence trailed off and she cleared her throat before starting again, “No matter.” She hesitated and turned halfway so Alyssa could no longer see her face. “It’s all turned to shit now.”

Her hands sat firmly on her hips and in the cool chill of the early morning, Alyssa watched tiny goosebumps form on her sculpted arms. No doubt, not from the temperature of the air but from the emotions she was suppressing to maintain the hardened outer shell she used as protection.

Placing a hand on her arm lightly, Alyssa could see the reaction her warm affection on Becky’s taut skin immediately elicited. It created a deep ache inside her to know the pain that she was experiencing, nonetheless, it was an erratic action that Alyssa couldn’t forgive. Turning slightly and glancing over her shoulder, Becky met Alyssa’s eyes and her chest ached with regret.

Alyssa’s hand tightened on Becky’s arm as she reached her other hand out and pulled on the waistband of her sweats, “Did you once stop to think about how your death would affect me? Do you have any idea what it was like for me to see paramedics revive you from an overdose?” Alyssa ran her hands affectionately up and down Becky’s bare arms that were cool to the touch. Meeting her burdened eyes, she went on, “I don’t understand why it was so easy for you to decide our relationship was over without even consulting me. You were prepared to take your love away from me and I’d never know why.”

Becky’s arms raised in unison a few inches as if she was debating pulling Alyssa into a hug but then dropped them to her sides again. As much as Alyssa wanted to be in her arms, the visual of the indecision infuriated her. “I love you so much, Becky. I don’t think I’ll ever feel about someone the way that I feel about you.” A subtle smile spread across the blonde’s face and she’d poised her arms to reach around Alyssa’s waist and pull her closer. “But I can’t forgive you. You need help.”

Becky tried to pull back out from Alyssa’s hold but she wouldn’t let her, “Look at me.” She reached her hands up and put them on her shoulders, “I’m not ok.” Rolling her eyes at herself, she half laughed, “I don’t know if I’ll ever be ok but I work at it. I work at it really hard. Every week when I talk about the abuse…and the way it almost ruined some of the most important relationships in my life, I realize I made the right decision.” Becky was trying to make Alyssa move away, “Why can’t you care about yourself enough to get help?” Tears were starting to form in the corners of her eyes and she tried looking anywhere but at the brown eyes that were making her insides tight, “Was that a big lie that you wanted to live together?”

Meeting Alyssa’s face as it searched for the truth, Becky stopped and answered, “I’ve never told you a lie in my life.” Sniffling back her emotions, she shook her head and leaned in to try to kiss Alyssa’s lips. When she backed away, Becky’s anguish took over and she let out a low whine. A hand delicately on her cheek, she whispered, “If I’d known, that because of my actions, that I’d never kiss your lips again…” Running her hand back through her long brown hair that cascaded over her shoulder, she let her fingers travel lightly across her breast, that immediately caused her nipple to harden and respond through the thin fabric of the tee shirt. Meeting her eyes again, “The thought of you refusing me as your lover…” Alyssa took her hand into her own, she smiled a little and promised, “I’m always going to love you, Rebecca. Even though we’re not together. You’ll always be my first.” Lacing their fingers together, Becky’s defeated expression conceded, “I love you, Alyssa.”

They walked out to the car together, holding hands. Becky opened the rear passenger side door for Alyssa and then slid in beside her. Pulling it shut behind her, she looked to Megan, “Thank you for driving her to get me.”

Megan tried to maintain an even coolness but her worry broadcast like a beacon, “You feel alright?”

Becky nodded a little and looked away embarrassed. Then, she reached over and put a hand on Megan’s shoulder. Their eyes met briefly and all Becky could say was, “I’m an asshole.”

Megan stifled a smile and turned back to the road as she started up the car, “I know.”

On the drive home, Becky held Alyssa’s hand tightly knowing in her heart that it was the last time. Alyssa rested her head against Becky’s shoulder, her eyes growing heavy in the grey light of the early morning. Her other hand softly caressed the defined muscles in the arm that comforted her and she felt a loss deep in the pit of her belly. The lights from the passing traffic and the buildings that were waking from the night illuminated the street as the car rushed past.

When the car was parked and the couple was alone on the sidewalk, Alyssa asked, “Are you alright to drive or do you want to come in and sleep a little?” Her hesitation prompted her to reach up and place her palm against Becky’s face, forcing her to look at her, “Are you alright?”

Glancing up at the house, Becky’s face displayed the feeling of loss she was still wrestling with. She knew there was nothing else she could do or say to change the way things had ended up. Meeting Alyssa’s soft brown eyes one last time, she smiled slightly and nodded her head. She took Becky’s keyring from the pocket of her jeans and put it in her hand. Their hold lingered briefly and it amplified the cold surrounding them. Leaning forward, she gently kissed Alyssa’s forehead and took a step back before turning and walking to her car.

Alyssa watched the car pull away from the curb and she let out an uneasy breath that made her heart hurt.


	19. Bizarre Love Triangle

**Bizarre Love Triangle**

** NWSL In Review -Week One **

**This week saw the return of Women’s Soccer in a big way. The long-awaited start of the season kicked off with the inaugural game of the Mississippi Mudhens who fell to the Liberty Belles of Philadelphia. In the off season, the team made some dramatic moves that put them at a substantial advantage after acquiring Rebecca Sauerbrunn in an unprecedented trade involving draft picks and roster moves with three other clubs. All that homework paid off this week when the new recruit scored six goals in the first twenty-nine minutes of the game and collected five assists. During the second half, she scored two more goals before picking up her first red card of the season, after a nasty tackle, effectively taking her out of Saturday’s loss against the Orlando Pride.**

**The powerhouse of the southwest and reigning champions, the Arizona Allegiance, dropped their home opener to the recently constructed Louisiana Landsharks. Arizona wasn’t able to get anything past the new keeper between the posts, young Alyssa Naeher, who was recently acquired in a last minute trade involving draft picks and allocation money. The nineteen-year-old, who signed out of Penn State after her sophomore year, is certainly going to be a force to be reckoned with if teams don’t pay attention. Naeher batted away 41 shots on goal, which kept her pretty busy. The defense that the Landsharks played this week also dropped the hammer on the Dallas Metros who never stood a chance. Both games recorded ‘clean sheets’ for Naeher to start the season.**

**Portland gave Sky Blue a run for its money this week when their home opener included the first appearance of the number one overall draft pick, rookie phenom, Alex Krieger. Krieger found her groove on the field right away and owned the back of the net eleven times before the end of regulation. In case the offensive fireworks weren’t enough to keep you glued to your seat, the goalkeeper, Ashlyn Harris was able to deny thirty-five of the thirty-six shots on goal. Sky Blue took the W 15 – 1. Then, Harris was just as impressive blocking twenty-five of the shots on goal attempts, helping the team blow passed the Red Stars. Again, Krieger and Pinoe found their way down the field in a display that can only be described as ‘ready for the post season’ form. Krieger logged another eleven goals and six assists.**

*

By the end of June, the teams were all poised to play their final games before the All-Star break. Voting had been cast and the results would be announced by the weekend. Many of the players looked forward to the three week vacation before the second half of the season was underway but to most it was a barometer for playoffs and end of the year award predictions.

On the drive to the stadium, Ashlyn noticed Ali had been favoring her left leg. When she reached down and unconsciously massaged her thigh for the second time, the blonde nodded to her leg and asked, “What’s going on?”

Wrinkling her nose, Ali hesitated, “It’s tight.”

Leaning over from the back, Megan questioned, “What’s this now?”

Ali gave Megan a side-eye and then shook her head, “It’s nothing.” Pulling up to the gate, the guard peered into the car and then waved them through to the player’s lot. Ali jumped out of the truck and immediately dropped the keys on the ground. Rolling her eyes, she bent over to get them and realized her shoe was untied. Megan climbed out the same side, stopping first to make sure she was alright.

On the other side of the car, Megan stood beside Ashlyn as she retrieved her and Ali’s bag from the backseat. When she turned, she stepped into Linda who was waiting with a big smile, “You’re harder to find than a needle in a haystack.” Ash hadn’t been avoiding her but had discovered her gameplay significantly increased her fan base this season. “Hi, Linda.” Glancing around the parking lot, Ashlyn realized she was in a situation that would most definitely create a problem if she didn’t cut it off quickly. Meeting Megan’s glare, Ashlyn warned, “If that guard catches you, they might ban you from the stadium.”

Rolling her eyes, Megan shoved her bag into Ashlyn’s stomach and huffed out, “Really? That’s what you come up with?” Holding Megan’s bag, she watched her take Linda’s hand and coax, “Come on with me. I’ll sneak you out.” As Ali came around the front side of the car, Megan called back angrily, “Sort your shit out.”

Making their way across the lot, Megan led Linda through the opposite exit. Ali came to Ashlyn’s side and asked, “Megan’s fan club?” She smiled up at Ashlyn as they began walking toward the player’s entrance.

Starting slowly, Ashlyn admitted, “Actually, it’s mine.”

Ali giggled and nudged her with an elbow, “I can’t really blame her.” When they reached the door, Ashlyn pulled it open for Ali and held it. Stepping inside the doorway, she tugged on Ali’s tee shirt and then backed her up against the wall using her body. Suppressing her smile, Ali let Ashlyn lean in and flicker light kisses across her lips until they heard a door close in the hallway corridor. Her hand defensively pressed against Ashlyn’s chest and they both jumped apart for fear of someone discovering them. 

Letting out a breath, Ashlyn took a few steps and peered down the corridor. Looking back, she nodded, “It’s ok.” They made their way to the locker room without saying another word.

It was still early and most of the players that arrived were in the lounge chatting or talking with trainers. Megan was laid back on the gravity chair talking with one of the coaches. Ali hopped up on one of the tables and opened a jar of tiger balm. Slathering a generous helping on the back of her thigh, she massaged it into her skin and then used a roller to smooth the muscle. While she lightly stretched, she listened to Kelley talking with the backup goalkeeper they’d acquired in exchange for Alyssa. Amy had been around the league for a long time and unfortunately, she was friendly with Marie. Once Marie sat beside the pair, the conversation changed. Leaning in, Marie giggled, “Did you see the latest on ‘psycho watch’?” Ali instantly knew they were talking about Becky and rolled her eyes. Amy fell onto her back laughing and could barely get out a complete sentence, “Oh…my…God, right. After being suspended for three games, they benched her so she could play in the final this afternoon. She’s ridiculous.”

Kelley shook her head and was counting, “IF she plays today…she’s only played half the games this season.”

“That’s nuts,” Amy laughed out again. “But can you imagine…had she played two games in a row without getting a yellow card. God only knows what her numbers would look like.”

Marie was smiling at the dissention she’d created. “She was here at the complex before she was traded.” Amy sat up quickly and questioned, “What was that like?”

Marie was shaking her head but before she could speak, Kelley responded, “She was kinda cool. I liked her.”

Smoothing her shorts, Marie added, “I wouldn’t want to be trapped in a locker room with her.” Both players looked to Marie for more. Lowering her voice, she whispered, “She likes girls.”

Amy frowned a little and asked, “How do you know that?”

Dropping her legs over the side of the table, Ali folded her arms over herself and waited to hear the revelation. Kelley raised her eyebrows and asked, “Well?”

“Never mind.” Marie didn’t seem to like the way the tone had changed and decided against her big reveal. Shifting gears on the conversation, she commented, “Do you think her team will win today or Louisiana?” Amy began tabulating stats in her head again, “If Becky plays, they have a really good shot at it but that keeper for Louisiana is unstoppable. It’s honestly going to be one of the best matches so far.”

Kelley nodded, “That’s another one that I wouldn’t have minded having as a teammate.” She thought for a minute and added, “I never got to talk to her when she was here.”

Marie rolled her eyes, “You didn’t miss much.”

Slowly standing, Kelley gave Marie an unimpressed look and commented, “You’re really narcissistic. Do you hate everyone?” When she noticed Ali, Kelley asked, “Wasn’t Alyssa your house mate?”

Ali nodded.

“Well, was she nice? She seemed cool.”

Marie stood in a huff and walked into the lounge. “We also went to college together. She’s one of my best friends in the world.” Ashlyn came to Ali’s side and asked, “Who, me?”

Ali shoved the blonde a little and laughed, “No. Lyssa, you big goof. Talking about the game today.” Turning on the TV with the remote, one of the girls asked, “Do you mind if I put on the pregame? I want to hear the stats.”

At the sound of the announcers, the majority of the room filled up with players anxious to watch. They started off talking about the final day of games before the All-Star break. They began recounting the first half of the season and the twenty-four games that led up to this point. There were highlights on different players and events that had the room cheering whenever they made mention of Sky Blue.

Eventually, the talk boiled down to the league leaders in scoring. Since the more than doubling of teams and expansion, the forty-eight-game season had pushed the boundaries and possibilities. The impact of Ali’s play, however, had changed the rules entirely. Going into the half, with Ali and Becky still to play this afternoon, Ali had amassed eighty-seven goals. The room erupted with high fives and excitement until the camera focused on Becky who was on the field warming up.

The announcers began talking about the win in Europe the previous summer that had garnered enough attention for the NWSL to give her a second look. It was then, in a last minute off-season trade that led her to the Philadelphia Liberty Belles. They began showing footage of the games this season and the actions that had been taken so far. In her first game, Becky scored eight goals before they showed her a red card. They went through each game and dissected how many fouls she’d accrued and exactly where she stood with the league going into today’s game. By the time they reached the end, the graphic on screen displayed the timeline. Ali had heard things through the grapevine but a lot of it had come by the way of Marie spreading the worst parts of it.

At one point during the story, Ali bowed her head in disbelief at the complete breakdown that had occurred. Ashlyn took her hand gently into her own and squeezed it for support. She knew that what she was watching was hard. Meeting Megan’s eyes from across the room, they knew they all shared the same sadness over the fallout. It was obvious to them that Becky had absolutely no support on her team and was spiraling. Ali had seen it all before.

After receiving a red card, Becky was suspended a game. Then, her first game back, she received another. When she returned from that, she received a yellow and the league suspended her for a game based on accumulated total.

The next game, Becky played clean and it appeared that she had a handle on things. But on a road trip out west, she logged a yellow card in all three games and again the league stepped in and suspended her for two games. It had, at this point, become a joke to see how long between cards that Becky could remain on the field.

As time went on the league began to make attempts to curb the behavior with more stringent punishments. Her next three games each came with a yellow card and she was suspended for three games. They continued showing footage of the fouls, and at times, Becky’s temper. At the start of the nineteenth game, Becky traded harsh words with one of the officials over a call before she shoved her. It was then, she was escorted from the field with an automatic red card. She was suspended for three games because of her actions with a final warning from the league that another yellow would end her season pending further review.

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Why, the announcers began, would a team want to keep a player like this? Assuming that Becky was going to play today, as evidenced by her presence on the field, she would have played half the regular season games that Ali had and still scored sixty-two goals. Any way you sliced it, that was a feat that could not be overlooked. Hoping to end the season on a high scoring positive note against one of the toughest teams in the league, the Belles sat Becky out a game to get her here. They couldn’t risk her getting another card and not playing. The Louisiana Landsharks were defensively unmatched, and their goalkeeper didn’t seem to be letting up on the intensity.

As they began reviewing stats, Ashlyn’s blocks and clean sheet numbers were ultimately compared to the Landsharks new goalkeeper, Alyssa. Due to circumstances beyond anyone’s control, this was the first time this season that the two teams met. As they were going to commercial break, Megan came to stand by Ash and Ali and their silence spoke volumes. They realized Becky was going to have to score on Alyssa who would have to defend. The camera focused on Alyssa who was running drills by the net and talking with a trainer. She looked good. Ali watched her talking a moment and finally whispered, “I miss her.” Megan nodded and added, “I miss that girls cooking.”

The room buzzed with conversation and Kelley asked aloud, “If Becky gets a card, she’s done for the rest of the season?”

Someone else answered, “Yep.”

When the broadcast returned, there had already been an alteration between Becky and one of her own teammates. They had apparently begun exchanging unpleasantries before they needed to be separated. The intensity on the field could be felt throughout the room. Everyone watched with anticipation. The camera panned the players on both sides and everyone was already on edge.

The whistle blew, the ball dropped and it had begun. It wasn’t long before Becky brought the ball down and took a shot that Alyssa dove in the opposite direction to stop. She batted it away and landed hard which gave Becky’s teammate the opportunity to rebound the ball and loft it over Alyssa’s head and off the cross bar above the net. The keeper stood angrily and had words with the girl before the official stepped closer and began talking to Becky’s teammate. Apparently she had seen what Alyssa was appealing or was attempting to investigate. The camera replayed the events in slow motion and caught what appeared to be the girl giving Alyssa an elbow before the first shot. Becky came closer and was listening with her hands on her hips as she looked from one person to the other. The conference ended with no ramifications and game play resumed. It was a heated game that volleyed back and forth until they went into a scoreless half.

During the break, there were rumors of a possible mid-season trade in the works between multiple teams for undisclosed players. The lack of details left everyone disinterested and when the game resumed, they were already talking about rumored all-star selections.

The scoreless game suddenly took a turn when there was a blocked shot on goal that resulted in a foul. Becky was sending in a corner kick that came across the front of the net and after a flurry of blocks, it ended with Alyssa who’d tumbled in the air and landed upside down with a sickening thud on her shoulder. The forced air that came from her on impact left her motionless on the ground. Before the thick of people moved, Becky came running from the opposite side of the net and dropped to her knees and skidded into her teammate, blindsiding her, before she immediately popped back up on her feet. She’d only taken a few steps from the scene, glancing back in disgust, and the entire stadium began a barrage of both boos and cheers.

“What the hell just happened?” Kelley stood from her chair and was asking, “What did she do that for? It’s her own team?” The official on the field called for a trainer as she stood over Alyssa who still hadn’t moved. As a separate official approached the girl who was lying flat on her back, she also waved in trainers. Becky went and stood by the net watching. She grasped one of the goal posts tensely with a hand and when Alyssa finally responded verbally, she exhaled a sigh of relief.

Leaning closer and taking Becky’s arm, the official was having a discussion that forced her to move her in closer when she started to pull away. Everyone in the stadium was shouting and no one knew why. Her free hand had traveled to her pocket and everyone realized if a card came out, Becky was done.

The official tucked things into her pocket further and then she and Becky nodded at one another. The teammate was helped to her feet and deemed capable to resume play. The official immediately gave her a red card and the whole place lost their minds wondering what had happened.

They were able to roll Alyssa onto her back but she still cradled the ball tightly in her arms and refused to let it go. Becky watched until Alyssa let the ball roll out of her arms and they did some range of motion. She was able to bend both her arms and then they helped her sit up. They made her rotate her shoulders back and forth until from behind, Becky could see that Alyssa was nodding that she was ok.

Becky remained by the goal post until Alyssa was on her feet and standing solo. She watched her take a drink from the water bottle and when their eyes connected, Alyssa smiled subtly and then Becky turned away.

The rest of the game seemed to flow uneventful and ended in a draw. After seeing all the footage examples and watching the whole game, as the two teams met on the field, the camera found the moment that Becky and Alyssa briefly met center field. As they walked by one another, tapping hands in passing, Becky’s smile reminded the trio in the room of the possibilities that once existed.

*

After their own game, the players stayed on the field signing autographs until the official announcement of the All-Star representatives. The promise of staying in a resort by the ocean for a week, after playing one game, didn’t seem too bad. The voting was primarily done by the fans as an opportunity to support their favorite players and see them play in a concentration of league leaders.

Ashlyn always found herself by the supporter’s section surrounded by adoring fans that just happened to be women. Ali glanced over and smiled as she watched her taking selfies and signing jerseys. She quickly had her attention drawn back to her own group of fans.

Ali was signing shirts and she could see a younger child was standing behind a wall of people, hoping to see her. Every once in a while there would be a break in the crowd and she could see her trying to get closer. What she kept her eye on was the disinterested man sitting nearby who was growing impatient with the stall. Stepping back, Ali motioned to the security personnel that usually stood within close range when players were on the field. She asked him to bring the child over to the player’s bench on the field for her.

Slowly tearing herself away from the crowd and edging loser to the bench, she finally saw the guard with the girl who appeared to be maybe nine. She was thin and unkempt looking with a short pixie haircut. In her arms, she cradled a soccer ball that made her appear twice as small.

Ali walked over to the little girl who peered up with bright brown eyes and a cross between a frightened and awestruck expression. The girl wasn’t sure if she wanted to laugh or cry. She noticed the man standing nearby and knelt down so she could be closer to her as she spoke, “Hi, there.” Ali spoke softly and smiled. The girl clutched the ball and stared wide-eyed. “What’s your name?” Meeting her stare, she introduced, “My name’s Alex. But I think you knew that, didn’t you?” The girl started to soften and a hint of a smile was finding its way on her face. “I’m guessing you like soccer, huh?” The girl nodded slightly and whispered, “Soccer.” The way she spoke suddenly reminded her of Jacob. Her eyes went directly to the child’s wrist and she saw the medial alert bracelet she wore that gave her name and emergency contact information. “Do you play soccer, Emily?”

A smile broadened and she nodded. Reaching her hand out, she coaxed, “Let’s go play. Will you come with me?” The child took Ali’s hand and they walked out onto the grass in the center of the field. Taking a few steps away, she nodded, “I’m ready when you are.”

Emily dropped the ball and juggled it a couple times on her knee before kicking it toward Ali. They began to volley back and forth as they made their way around the field. Ali encouraged the girl who mostly needed the emotional nurturing to continue. Her footwork and skill was far from lacking talent. A few of the girls made their way closer and eventually began taking turns.

One of the trainers approached Ali and gave her a signal that they needed to assemble for the All-Stars announcement. Ashlyn had been standing near the group, watching the interaction, and her chest filled with emotion. Ali was so kind and patient. She knew in her heart that it would be a crime if she never experienced being a mother.

Kneeling again, Ali bowed her head a little as she spoke, “I had fun. Did you have fun?” Emily nodded and laughed a little. Using some animation, she then said, “I have to go now. But I’m so happy I played soccer with you.”

Emily looked down at her ball and smiled, “I’m happy.” Then, looking back up, she added, “Thank you.”

Seeing Ashlyn, Ali made a scribble in the air, hoping she had a marker. Ashlyn was already holding it out knowing what she wanted. Pulling her jersey over her head, she wrote her name on it and handed it to Emily, “Now remember, when you play soccer, what are you going to do?”

The child smiled and confidently responded, “Have fun.”

Ashlyn came to her side and asked, “Is this yours?”

While Ali talked with Emily, the team had signed her ball and Ashlyn handed it to her. “We wanted to remember when we all played soccer together.” Emily looked at the team and let Ali pull her jersey over her head and straighten it. As she handed her the ball, Ali leaned in close. She made eye contact with the man waiting at the edge of the field as she spoke, “Don’t ever let anyone tell you what you can’t love.”

Emily whispered back, “I love soccer.”

They waved as security returned her to her father and Ali watched. Ashlyn handed her a warmup jacket and never said a word. As she made her way to the sideline with the team, maternal thoughts entered her mind. As she stood with her team and a stadium full of fans, she waited for the final word on selections and watched Emily’s happiness in the stands.

As the large screen displayed the picks for “East Meets West Team Selections, the crowd would cheer or boo, based on their approval with the choices. There was varying support as the names of those on the roster for ‘West’ were named. Then they began calling out the positions for ‘East’.

It wasn’t a surprise when Ali, Ash and Megan were named. The crowd was more than pleased to be sending them as representatives along with Alyssa. Interestingly enough, when Becky’s name was called, there was more than a fair share of support for her.

*

It was close to a week later when the representatives of ‘East’ and ‘West’ all met at restaurant in Malibu for the ‘Meet and Greet Mixer’. There was a generous buffet dinner and open bar for all the participants. During the course of the evening, team members arrived, some with family or spouses, some without. Many assembled at tables with those they were familiar with and some sought out opportunities to meet those they admired.

Megan took her time making her way around the room to say hello and talk with as many people as possible. She never stopped. Ashlyn was sampling as much of the local cuisine as she could while Ali nursed an iced tea and made pleasant conversation with others in the league. When she finally grew impatient with the time, she texted Becky, “Are you coming tonight or no?”

Then, she texted Alyssa, “It really hurts my heart that we don’t speak. I was really looking forward to seeing you tonight.”

Angrily setting her phone down, she scanned the room for Ashlyn and once she saw her, she shook her head with disapproval. She was on the dance floor with not a care in the world. She felt completely unsettled and disconnected until her phone finally lit up.

_Lys- im sorry ali, its not like that. im trapped in a photo shoot and interviews for a couple days. rookie of the year rumors. ill be there later in the week. promise._

Before she could respond, Becky texted. “I’m here. I’m at the bar.”

Ali looked up from the table and focused on all the people around the counter. It was crowded and there were too many moving pieces. Standing beside her table, she still didn’t see her and was ready to send a text when she did a double take. Becky was standing at the far end talking to the bartender. Her hair was down, styled and even had a bit of a curl to it. At first glance, from where she was sitting, Ali didn’t immediately recognize her. She had on a feminine dress shirt that was neat and tailored but still able to accentuate her muscular physique. The pleated pants sat low on her waist revealing a portion of her chiseled bare midriff.

Becky turned briefly and looked into the crowd for Ali but stopped when the bartender tapped her shoulder to call her attention back to the counter. She talked with him for a moment before handing him a credit card or some form of payment. Then she turned to face the crowded main floor again and scanned the tables. She watched her check her phone for the time and then look back to the bartender. She was frustrated. After a minute, she began texting and as soon as the bartender set a large bag on the counter for her, she slipped her phone into her back pocket and looked out at the tables again.

Feeling her phone vibrate, she opened the text from Becky:

_Bex: im sorry ali, I have to go. can we have breakfast tomorrow?_

Ali sat staring at her phone until she quickly looked up, but Becky was already gone.

*

When her cell phone started to ring, Becky had her eyes still closed when she softly answered, “…hello.” Half smiling, she eventually interrupted her friend, “Ali, it’s way too early and you’re way too happy for me right now. Do you think we could do lunch? I’ll reserve us a cabana?” After she hung up, she quickly used the bathroom, splashed some water on her face and lowered the room temperature to 68 degrees. Then she quietly slipped herself back into bed and pulled the covers up higher. Reaching her arms around Alyssa’s waist, she lightly pressed her lips to her neck and shoulder and pulled her close. She draped her arm over her waist and rested her hand against her abdomen below her belly button.

“Who was that?” Her voice was still weighed with sleep.

“Ali.” Pulling her closer, she whispered, “I’m sorry if I woke you.” Becky pressed gentle kisses to her skin and Alyssa melted her body further into the hold of her arms. “I reserved a cabana for lunch where we can meet them.”

Rolling over to face Becky, Alyssa opened her eyes halfway. Reaching up and running her fingers through her blond hair, she smiled, “I love waking up with you.”

*

Pushing the light curtain aside, the hostess waved them through, “Your party has already arrived.” Ali stepped inside and saw Becky was sitting at the table with Alyssa beside her. Standing when she noticed them, Becky smiled, “Hi.” Ali reached out for a hug and began in surprise, “It’s so good to see you.” She kept her arms tightly around Becky, forcing her to actually put her arms back around Ali. It was then, she whispered, “I’m glad you’re here. I miss you.” Becky blushed a little and stepped back putting a hand on Alyssa’s shoulder. Their eyes met and Ali felt a flutter in her stomach. It had been too long that she hadn’t seen her friends. Leaning closer, she put her arms around her and hugged, “God, Lys, I’ve missed you. I thought you said you weren’t getting in til later in the week.” Ali sat in the space that Becky had vacated on the bench and smiled as she studied her friend, “You look different.” A quick glance up at Becky before meeting Ali’s stare again and the brunette knew she’d hit on something. She looked scrubbed up and fresh; her hair down her back freely. She wore a dark green tank top that was trimmed with delicate white lace accentuating her toned body but highlighting her feminine side. Alyssa smiled back finally and shook her head a little, “I missed you, Ali. I’m sorry how we left things.”

Nodding, Becky met Ashlyn’s watchful eyes, “Hey.” Silent a moment, the blonde narrowed her stare before she smiled and returned with her own nod, “Hey.” She then stepped closer and put an arm around Becky lightly, “You doing alright?” Walking to the opposite side of the table, Becky sat on the other side of Alyssa and asked politely, “Do you guys mind if we ask you to turn off your cell phones?”

Looking away from Alyssa, Ali shook her head, “I didn’t bring mine. Why?” Ashlyn retrieved hers from her pocket and shut it off, “Everything ok?”

Becky’s stare wandered out the back of the cabana and toward the ocean. She was watching the waves and nodded, “Everything’s fine.” A smile found its way around her mouth and she wrinkled her nose a little when she turned back toward them to stifle her smile. Peering out toward the curtain, Alyssa asked, “Is Megan still coming?”

“She said she was.” Ashlyn sat beside Ali on the bench and noticed the beautiful view the cabana offered. “This was a nice idea, Bex. It’s peaceful.” Realizing the privacy it also offered, Ashlyn felt an anxiousness tightening her insides.

Alyssa looked down at her watch and then over at Becky who was beside her. “Did you guys see the game Sunday?” Alyssa looked to her friends curiously. They both nodded and she distracted herself with the fruit on the table in front of her. Pulling grapes from the bunch, one by one, she plucked them from their stems and dropped them on her plate.

“You had an amazing game,” Ali commented.

“Thanks.” Smiling shyly, Alyssa flickered her eyes up at her and then back to the plate. “I took a pretty hard hit.”

Immediately, Ali began scanning her for injuries. She didn’t see any bruising and wasn’t wearing any ace wraps or braces. “What happened? Did you really have to stay for a photo shoot or…”

The curtain to the cabana quickly swiped sideways and Megan stood in the entrance way unmoving. Ashlyn turned and questioned silently at her expectant expression. She was looking at Alyssa in a way that she couldn’t decipher. She took a step closer and then shrugged her arms with her hands outstretched in confusion and shook her head.

“I didn’t want you to find out this way,” Alyssa apologized. “You should have been here before the release went out.” Ali turned back to Alyssa and studied her. Then, she bowed her head a bit before quietly asking, “What is it…” The sudden gravity in the room gripped her chest and insides.

“I really felt fine after the hit,” she began slowly. “But they wanted me to get a scan anyway.” Rolling grapes around on the plate she stopped and looked up. “When it came back they said they wanted to compare it with the one from Christmas.” Shrugging slightly, she went on, “I figured they were looking at concussion protocol. You know, how much more brain damaged I am now.”

Reaching over and taking her hand, Becky shook her head a little, “Don’t do that.” Squeezing lightly, she reinforced, “I’m right here with you.” Then she slid closer and put her other arm around her waist for comfort.

Letting out a nervous laugh, Alyssa said, “It’s stupid really. They found a tumor at the base of my brain. It’s something that they rarely ever find because it’s slow growing and not something you look for.”

Ali was subtly shaking her head ‘no’ to herself and finally asked, “What does that mean?”

When Alyssa looked up, her eyes had begun to tear. She took in a deep breath and answered softly, “It means I can’t be a professional athlete anymore. It affects all the systems that would compromise my endurance and metabolism.” She sniffled a little when she met Ali’s compassionate brown eyes, “It means I can’t have children.”

Becky lightly kissed her shoulder and whispered in her ear, “Are you alright?”

Nodding a little, Alyssa looked into her favorite green eyes and tried to smile. Before she looked away, she added, “I stayed so they could confirm what it’s affecting so I could begin treatment.”

When she looked back at Ali, she told her, “I’m done. I retired. They held the release until noon. And then it went out.” Looking up at Megan, she apologized, “I honestly wanted to talk to you first. Because I don’t say why and I didn’t want you to worry.”

Megan took slow deliberate steps toward Alyssa and when she reached her side, she reached for her hand and pulled her up, “Come here, kiddo.”

Alyssa stood and nervously asked, “Tough love time?”

Megan let out a strained laugh and shook her head. Wrapping her arms around her in a warm affectionate hug, she said, “I got nothing but love for you, kid. It’s all good.” As she held her in her arms, Alyssa rested her head on Megan’s shoulder. Rubbing her hands up and down her back soothingly, Megan questioned, “You’ll always be elite. You know that, right?”

Sniffling, Alyssa answered, “Yeah.”

“Are you frightened?”

Pulling back, Alyssa looked to Megan and shook her head no. Megan raised an eyebrow and Alyssa looked over at Becky. Standing slowly, she ran her fingers lightly under Alyssa’s chin, “I got this. I’m going to take care of her.”

Megan smiled at Becky’s bravado, “I have no doubt you’re in good hands.”

“After the game, she never left my side. She went to the hospital with me and stayed through it all.”

When Becky reached for her hand and intertwined their fingers, Ali finally noticed and stood slowly. “You guys got married.” The matching gold bands caught a bit of the sunlight and reflected off the glass table. Alyssa nodded and confessed, “We didn’t want to wait. There was never going to be a perfect time.”

Reaching her arms around her waist from behind, Becky rested her chin on Alyssa’s shoulder and looked down embarrassed, “I know what you guys must think of me but I wanted her to know I was serious. And I didn’t want to wait. It wasn’t an impulsive decision that we made lightly.”

Megan waited for Becky to look up and then furrowed her brow in thought. Looking to Ashlyn, she laughed, “Did you get a load of that? Becky knows what we think of her.”

Ashlyn smiled. “I’m glad she knows. I know it would embarrass her for us to have to say how badass it is to know when to step up and take care of the woman you love.” Looking over and meeting Becky’s eyes that sought approval but would never ask, she added, “I know you’ll be able to provide her with whatever it is she needs. Because you’re a good woman, Rebecca. Don’t ever let anyone tell you different.”

Ali took a step and asked teasingly, “Is it alright if I have my friend for a minute so I can congratulate her?” Becky kissed Alyssa’s cheek and whispered, “I love you.” Then she relinquished her for her celebration.”

Megan looked to Ashlyn and commented, “Dude, she took the vows.”

Becky tried her best to not smile but she knew the playful kidding was their way of setting her at ease over a stressful situation. “She’s going to be alright.” Watching Alyssa as she was talking with Ali, she spoke mostly to reassure herself, “I’m going to make sure of it.”

When the server returned to the cabana, she questioned, “Does anyone need anything?”

Taking the opportunity, Megan held up a hand, “Yea. I got this. We’d like two mimosas and three beers for starters.” Stepping closer to the waitress, Megan continued talking.

Becky and Ashlyn stepped out onto the balcony overlooking the water. They were quiet for a few moments before Ashlyn glanced over at the girl. Her hands planted firmly on her hips in the sleeveless tee shirt; no one would ever know how much emotion was housed inside the heart of the chiseled hardened exterior.

Ashlyn had seen the worst of her. She’d also seen the best she could be. In so many ways, Becky was ahead of her when it came to accepting who she was and not caring about appearances. But then there were other demons she still wrestled with where she was struggling.

“What are the realities of everything involved?” Ashlyn wanted to know. Becky’s breathing changed as she thought. It was evident that the answer brought up serious conflict inside her. “It’s a lot of medication management and making sure you maintain a consistent lifestyle. She has to pay more attention to her body.”

“It looks like she’s lost some weight.”

Becky nodded and turned to face Ashlyn, “That’s one of the first things the doctor noticed. They figure the team overlooked it because it was the first really rigorous training at this level for her and it almost always happens where you drop a little bit. But because they had the scan, they were able to put the pieces together faster.” Folding her arms over herself, Becky leaned back against the railing and peered into the cabana at Alyssa who was fidgeting with the fruit in front of her as she spoke. “They said it might otherwise have taken years for them to find out what was at the root of all this.”

“Where does she stand now?” Ashlyn was afraid to hear the answer but she wanted to know.

“She’s diabetic.” Becky answered immediately and looked over at Alyssa again. “My mother was diabetic. She died when I was eleven.”

“Is it that serious?”

“Yeah. It’s that serious.” Her attention was keenly focused on the two women chatting until Megan brought them their drinks. Becky took a few steps closer and just watched.

In an attempt to lighten the mood, Ashlyn asked, “How’d marriage come into the picture?”

“After the doctor came to her room and told her what was going on, she seemed stunned. So I stayed with her until she was discharged and then I took her home with me and we spent some time together. The attraction was still there but I respected where she left things. I told her that I was there for her no matter what she needed. Even if it was just for emotional support.”

“I laid down beside her that night and we started talking. We started trying to figure out how she was going to manage everything including the medications. We started talking about what she still needed to do as far as the team. That’s when she got upset. I tried to comfort her, told her not to worry… I hate it when she cries.”

Nodding, Ashlyn mumbled, “I know the feeling.”

“I went to get an extra blanket to cover her and told her we’d figure it all out in the morning because it was getting late. She grabbed my hand and asked me to stay. One thing led to another…” Becky was blushing as she spoke about her night with Alyssa. Ashlyn wasn’t sure she could ever remember having a conversation with her where she spoke so open and honestly.

“In the morning she apologized for how she treated me the night we broke up.” Becky laughed a little. “Do you believe that? After what I did, she apologized.” Becky was shaking her head, “I deserved so much more than the black eye she gave me.”

Ashlyn smirked at the thought, “She really got you good.”

“Knowing what was happening, I knew I had to put it all out there. This was my chance to make things right. I told her that I loved her with all my heart and that I’d never stopped loving her not even for a second. I said that I’d never love another soul as much as I loved her and I’d feel that way until the day that I took my last breath on this earth.”

“She said she still loved me so much that it broke her to be apart. And then I said no matter what happened, I’d promise to stay by her side. I kind of got lost in her eyes from that moment on and then I just said ‘marry me, Lyssa.’ I closed my eyes because I was afraid hearing her say no or laughing at me was going to physically hurt. Then I thought maybe she didn’t hear me, so I said it again.”

“She made me look at her. She made me open my eyes and look at her. Then she smiled in the sweetest way and it gave me butterflies.” Ashlyn gave her a side glance at her use of such soft words and Becky took a swallow of her beer. “Yeah, I know. Therapy’s ruined me.”

Ashlyn laughed mid swallow and beer came out of her nose at the snarky reply. She coughed away the beer and then asked, “Well, what did she say?”

“My heart belongs to you, Rebecca.”

Ashlyn was smiling at her sentiment. She could see how much she was caught up in her own emotions as well as the ones Alyssa brought out in her. Becky was full on smiling as she watched Alyssa talking when she added almost under her breath, “I love when she calls me Rebecca.”

Taking another swallow of her drink, Becky side-eyed Ashlyn. The vulnerable feeling must have been almost paralyzing for her. She opened herself up and revealed more in the last few minutes than she had the entire time she’d known her. Attempting to counter, Ash said, “Sometimes I think Ali can see inside my heart and know exactly what I’m thinking before even I know what I want.”

The contemplation of her confession had Becky thinking which was the desired distraction. She didn’t want her to feel so exposed and shut down again. “Alyssa thinks I’ve got some good inside me. She says it all the time.” The way she spoke, revealed just how hurt and damaged she felt she was. “I think it’s just bits of her…that somehow found their way into my heart…lighting the darkness.”

Ashlyn was so choked up at the heartfelt words Becky used to describe their relationship and was fighting herself from stopping the tears that were falling from the corners of her eyes. In her best impression of someone trying to keep it together, she sighed, “I really want to hug you right now but I don’t want to violate your ‘bro code’.” She made the attempt at humor and hoped she still got her point across. Becky turned so quickly that Ashlyn took a quick step back. Her expression seemed pained and she was struggling to find the words she wanted. Finally, Becky huffed out a breath and met with the hazel eyes that had stripped away the last bit of armor she wore, “Fuck my code.” She tried to raise her arms to reach for Ashlyn and stopped herself. Her eyes fluttered closed briefly and then she pushed herself forward and hugged Ashlyn. Her body was stiff and awkward and Ashlyn wrapped her arms around her in the least invasive way she could until something clicked and Becky’s body relaxed enough that it was noticeable. Her grip tightened and she let the words tumble from her lips, “I love you, Ashlyn. And I’m really glad you’re in my life.”

When she released her hold on the blonde, she stepped back and apologized, “That shrink has ruined me. I’m sorry.” Ashlyn smiled enough to not embarrass her and squinted her eyes a little while she stared curiously. Becky raised an eyebrow and finally asked, “What…”

She never broke her gaze and then nodded to herself a little. Leaning in, she waved Becky closer and whispered, “I can see bits of you, too. They’re just as bright and beautiful.” Letting out a half laugh, half sob, Becky stumbled over the words, “Thank you. That means a lot.”

“So you married her…”

Shaking her head, with a smile, she corrected, “She married me. And that feels amazing.”

Carrying a second round of beer, Megan handed the bottles off. “Please tell me you’re ready to do some serious damage…”

Taking out her cell phone and turning it on, Ashlyn agreed, “Yes. First let me give them my name and we’ll run a tab. This celebration is on me.” Quickly throwing her hand up, Ashlyn pressed it against Becky’s chest and peered up at her. “Don’t get squirrely on me. This is your party and we’re your friends. I don’t want to hear another word about it.”

Taking another beer from Megan, Becky took a large swallow and asked, “What have we got in mind?” Her mischievous smile was refreshing and intriguing. “Aside from gratuitous day drinking…”

“How about hitting the beach,” Ali suggested as she came out onto the open-air balcony. “Look at that crystal blue water.”

“We have the cabana all day,” Alyssa explained. “I wanted us to be able to talk and take our time.”

Megan clapped her hands and announced, “OK, meet back here in fifteen minutes. We’ll enjoy some beach time.”

Ali and Alyssa walked out of the cabana together as they were talking and Ashlyn stood reading on her phone. Megan watched her, unmoving, until Becky started past them and Ashlyn reached out and held her arm. When she looked up slowly, she asked, “You wrote this didn’t you?”

Megan peered over Ashlyn’s shoulder and saw her reading the press release. Becky nodded and turned her back to them. Looking out over the water, she answered, “It was breaking her heart.”

Resting a hand on her shoulder, Ashlyn quickly told her, “That was beautifully written and very poetic. And don’t go blaming the shrink.” Turning halfway, Becky smirked a little before finishing off her beer. After she’d set the bottle down on the table beside her, she shrugged, “Ok, so maybe it’s a hidden talent.”

Megan downed her beer and put up a hand, “Hang on, I have a question. How in the hell did you get the official to NOT give you a card?”

Looking after Ali and Alyssa, Becky made sure they were far enough that she couldn’t be overheard. “There’s this girl, I call her J, on my team that I really don’t care for at all. For some reason, she doesn’t like Lys and said she was going to work her over. Before the game I told her I’d knock her head off if she touched her and we got into it on the sidelines. Early in the game she threw an elbow at Lys and I warned her. Then, that last collision was no accident. When Lys went down, I seriously thought something was either broken or she was unconscious. I lost my shit and swiped her. The official came over and pulled me in and I was ready to fight her. But she jerked my jersey and asked ‘what the fuck did you do that for’. She asked if I was trying to get thrown out. At that point I didn’t even care anymore. I flat out told her that my teammate just took a cheap shot on the woman I love and it was wrong. You have to play fair.” She looked at me real hard and said ‘don’t do that again’. I said ‘ok’, she said ‘ok’ and that was that.”

“Seriously?”

“She gave me a long look. But I couldn’t take my eyes off Lys. She knew I was for real.”

Megan nodded, “Damn.”

“Fifteen minutes,” she questioned.

“Fifteen minutes,” Megan responded.


	20. Catch Me I’m Falling

**Chapter Twenty**

**Catch Me I’m Falling**

It felt good to be together again. They chased each other around on the beach, played in the water and for a while, forgot they were even adults. There were times that the lighthearted laughter had them question what could have ever been so hard about living every day.

As the afternoon waned, Becky retreated to the cabana where she stood overlooking the beach watching her friends. She leaned over the railing with her hands folded, taking solace in the quiet. Her own thoughts were always more than enough to keep her busy. Megan and Ashlyn ended up standing on the water’s edge talking. They had ideas to discuss in light of the new information and it needed to be mutual. Ali sat beside Alyssa on the beach and peppered her with questions, wanting to know more. 

“How do you feel? Does anything hurt?” Ali had rested her hand on Alyssa’s arm nervously now that they were alone again.

Letting out a laugh, Alyssa shook her head. “No. It’s not like that. They said if they hadn’t accidentally found this, I could have gone for years before I noticed that anything was really wrong.”

“Then I don’t understand. Why do you have to stop playing?”

Alyssa looked away from Ali. “I don’t feel like me anymore. If I’m honest, I haven’t for a very long time.”

Ali was studying her friend as she spoke. “Then how do you know you don’t want to play? How do you know you didn’t rush into getting married?”

Alyssa glanced over at Ali and then looked away shaking her head. “Don’t you remember how you said you felt when you were apart from Ashlyn at school? The empty feeling inside? The hollow loneliness? That’s how I felt after we broke up. I buried myself trying to get over her.”

“I didn’t mean anything…I just…”

Putting her hand over Ali’s, Alyssa smiled, “I know. You just have to ask those hard hitting questions. That’s what make you…you.” Looking back over her shoulder, Alyssa smiled a little, “I don’t ever want to feel like that again. The only time I can really think clearly is when I’m with her.”

Ali wrinkled her nose a little and then scratched it nervously. Fidgeting for a moment, she finally said, “Can we talk about the obvious elephant in the room?” There was an uncomfortable silence between them and Ali mumbled, “Sex.”

Lying back on the sand, Alyssa put her hands behind her head, “What about it?” Looking over, she patiently waited.

“Are you able to separate the sex from how you feel?” She was speaking deliberately, not wanting to sound trite. “You’re a very sensitive and emotional person.”

Alyssa smiled at her friend. She was tap dancing around her feelings instead of saying what she really wanted to. “What’s that code for?”

Ali shrugged and started to say, “I don’t know…”

Alyssa gave her a stern frown and Ali blurted, “When you had a crush on me you were so sure that your feelings were genuine. I just want to make sure you’re actually thinking clearly.”

Looking back up at the sky, Alyssa ran her hand over her stomach as she thought to herself. “That’s fair. But to be honest, chasing you was so much work. I really did care about you, Ali. And I still do. I think I was learning who I was. When Becky and I met, it felt strange how easily we clicked. I assumed it was because we were going to be good friends. We had so much in common and we could talk to each other about anything. But it started to change between us pretty quickly. We went from texting to texting a lot. Then we started talking on the phone. After a while, it was getting ridiculous. One night, there was a break in the conversation and we both hesitated. I could hear her breathing on the other end and I asked her, ‘Are you nervous?’ Right away she told me she was. Then I just threw it out there and I told her I had feelings for her. You know Becky, she wasn’t going to give anything up easily.”

Ali giggled.

“She asked if I wanted to maybe get together for some coffee and see what happens.” Rolling her eyes, Alyssa went on, “If only I’d ‘spoke Becky’ back then I’d have known what that meant.”

Ali smiled at the mutual appreciation for Becky and the way she would talk. “Suddenly I had these butterfly feelings in my stomach. On the way up there, I started thinking about her and I realized I liked her way more than a friend.”

“As much as I liked you, I think it’s because I felt connected because we both had abuse in our past. And you didn’t feel the same way about me. In my heart I knew that. I took advantage of you missing your girlfriend. I still feel terrible about that.”

Ali was sympathetic to her confession knowing it was a two-way street because she’d allowed it. “We talked for a little before you passed out and I got the feeling you were curious about what it was like and that’s why I did that. I didn’t really understand your relationship or the physical side of it but I just wanted to be a part of it. It was a huge blow to my ego that I couldn’t get you off.”

Ali wrinkled her nose in embarrassment and looked down in her lap. Then, she reached over and held Alyssa’s hand. “Looking back, I guess I tried too hard and it proved that you just weren’t into me.”

“I never meant to make you feel bad.” Ali looked up at her friend and remembered how hard it was to tell her that she didn’t feel the same way about her. “At one point we’re all just a bunch of kids discovering sex. Ash was so terrified that it just didn’t happen the way she thought it would.” Alyssa was listening and Ali lowered her voice and added, “She has issues that are just as screwed up as ours.”

Peering over at Ashlyn, she questioned, “Really?”

Ali nodded. “She hasn’t gotten to the therapy place yet. She’s got a lot in common with Becky. I think it’s why they get along so well.”

Alyssa was watching Ashlyn talk with Megan and she sat halfway up. Looking back over her shoulder at Becky, who was standing on the overlook, she then asked, “Does Ash let you…” Hesitating, she took a breath, “…go down on her.” She said it as quickly as she could and covered her face with her hands out of embarrassment. Once the mortified feeling subsided enough, she dropped her hands and ventured a glance up at Ali. She was relieved that she wasn’t laughing at her or making light of her question.

Drawing from her tone, Ali nodded respectfully, “Yes. Becky doesn’t?”

Shrugging at first, Alyssa began, “Well, we only started sleeping together a week before we broke up. And the time that I did, I think I caught her off guard and that’s why it happened. But for the most part, she just likes taking care of me. So I don’t know if it’s a problem.”

“People are different. Maybe you should talk to her about it. Especially if it’s something you’re missing in your relationship. And what do you mean you caught her off guard?”

Hunching her shoulders, Alyssa tried to glance back at Becky without being obvious about it. Lowering her voice, she shook her head, “Don’t ever tell her that I told you. I think she’d be terribly embarrassed. Christmas Eve, when we were in the kitchen, after you and Ash left…I took her pants down, got on my knees and serviced her right there.”

Ali’s shocked expression coupled with her admiration for the ballsy display made it a little easier for Alyssa to not burst into flames on the spot. Then, Ali raised her eyebrows, “Megan was still home!”

Covering her mouth when she realized how loud she’d spoken, Ali bit her bottom lip and whispered, “I’m sorry.” When Alyssa’s color returned to normal, Ali waved her hand hoping for more of the story.

“Yea, she was. She came downstairs while I was still on my knees in front of her and she started talking to Becky.” Now Ali’s face was reddened at the thought and she closed her eyes as she shook her head. Then, looking back at Becky, she let out a tense breath, “I don’t think I could tell you my first name let alone hold a conversation.”

Alyssa smiled as she remembered Becky trying to subtly pull away. “I couldn’t help myself. She was enjoying it so much and so was I. Megan was talking and it just made me want to torture her more. There was this rush of adrenaline every time she made these little sounds and noises that I know she couldn’t help making.” She paused before finishing with, “It was so much easier than with you. I could feel her body every time it changed and I could tell right away when she was going to have an orgasm.”

Garnering the courage to ask about what had been gnawing away at her for months, Ali leaned closer and whispered, “What did you mean when you told me she bent you over your desk?” Ali met Alyssa’s eyes and they both realized they had completely different sexual relationships. What each of them considered the norm was almost the opposite for the other.

Alyssa furrowed her brow a bit in thought and said, “Well, you know, she likes to be…in charge. So, I got her what I thought…would make her feel more like that.” Alyssa was nodding to confirm her convictions on the topic. “Just thinking about her wearing that…”

Ali kept the connection between them, then it hit her, “A strap on?”

Alyssa nodded, “She really needs that. It makes her feel whole. And it really turns me on.” Looking up at Becky who was standing further back inside the cabana at the table, she smiled, “I know right now she’s only wearing those balled up socks.”

“Didn’t that…hurt?”

Lying back down, Alyssa was half smiling, “It was a good hurt. I wanted her so much. She was so gentle with me. Don’t get me wrong, at first, it was like…whoa, this is intense. I don’t think I’d ever even contemplated anything going back there. But then she reached around and started using her fingers on me and my whole body melted for her. She made me cum and then when she had her orgasm, she cried.” She had her eyes closed as she remembered how it all happened. “She collapsed on top of me and then I could feel her start to cry. She put her arms around me and we just stayed like that for a while. It was so emotional. I never felt so in tune with another human being. Even though that wasn’t our first time together, I know that’s when everything changed.”

Ali rested herself on her towel and shook her head, “Wow.”

“What, wow?”

“You guys have a whole other thing going on between you.” Ali was quiet for a moment and then said, “I feel like I have a boring sex life compared to you.”

“Why do you have to compare?”

“Not actually compare but we’re just so different.” Ali shifted a little and then said, “Do you know how many levels of embarrassed I was when my mother’s boyfriend put me in the hospital?”

Alyssa looked over at her friend and nodded subtly. Her voice low, she lowered her stare, “It kind of confirms that dirty things were going on behind closed doors. Things you don’t want other people knowing or even thinking about.”

Alyssa was looking at the parts of Ali’s body that weren’t covered by her red bikini. Even though the sun was bathing them in summer heat, she could see little goose bumps pop up all over her. She folded her arms over herself and went on, “It didn’t even seem real while it was happening. He went absolutely nuts. I really think it was because Ashlyn came to dinner that night.” A quick look at the shoreline to make sure they wouldn’t be overheard and she added, “After all that time I kept him at bay, him thinking I had boyfriends, I really believe he realized she was my lover and not just a girlfriend.” Looking back over at Alyssa, she seemed saddened by the thoughts of that night, “How did he know? How do people know?”

Letting out what almost resembled a laugh, Alyssa shook her head, “I’ve been asking myself that question for longer than I can remember.” Looking up at Ali, she rolled onto her side to face her, “Somehow my parents knew. I can remember being maybe six or seven and getting beat really bad because I wouldn’t tell Santa I wanted some doll for Christmas. We were at the dinner table and it turned into this huge argument. My mother asked me what I wanted and I said some sort of racing cars.” She smiled to herself as she remembered why she wanted them. “I had plans for a racetrack in my head where I’d have them jumping over obstacles and doing tricks.” Then, her smile faded. “My mother told me I’d like a doll and I said I wanted the cars. You know how kids can be. I kept it up until my father slapped my face and told me I was getting this princess doll. I started to cry and said I didn’t want it and he just snapped. He said he wasn’t raising a dyke for a daughter.”

Ali took in a sharp breath at the comment. “I didn’t know what that meant. I was just a kid. I figured it was somebody who played with race cars.” Ali bowed her head a little at the humor she interjected. “It really didn’t make any sense if you take the reason for his anger out of context. He was mad about gender specific toys.”

“He grabbed me and carried me upstairs to my bedroom and threw me over his knee. Then he pulled my pants down and spanked me. He never did that before. He’d never laid a finger on me. He always threatened but I was daddy’s little girl. I wasn’t a bad kid.” She was quiet and Ali could see that she was somewhere in her head replaying the events, dissecting them and trying to figure out what she’d done wrong. “He never called me his little girl again. At least, not until they came to the house Christmas day.”

“My parents were born again Christians and from that point on, I was a sinner that needed to be punished. Every morning, before breakfast, I had to pray to be healed. I prayed before meals and attended services three times a week and on Sunday mornings. Before I went to bed at night, I had to pray for forgiveness for my debaucherous behavior. I started playing soccer to get out of the house.”

“I don’t blame you.”

“I just happened to be good at it. My father really didn’t like that I was spending so much time around all those other girls. When I was eleven, they started taking me to this doctor once a month for a physical. My mother had to go in with me because he was checking to see if I was having sex.”

Ali looked away from her shaking her head. “How did you ever get them to let you go to Penn State?”

Her focus fell to the sand beside her and she started running her fingers through it and creating little highways with her thumb. “Ali, by the time I met you, I was playing their game as best I could. I knew what I was and I’m pretty sure they did too. He was beating me on a regular basis except he made me go outside and get a switch for him to use. I did it without argument or debate and that’s how it was until he was satisfied.”

“Lys, you know I don’t ask this with any judgement because I went through the same. Why did you let him?”

Alyssa stopped sculpting the sand and their eyes met briefly. “Sometimes I got mad because I’d had enough and I said no or tried to avoid them. They both decided that was my guilt trying to cover up being sneaky. So they said I’d need a reminder to keep myself pure and not indulge in sensual thoughts. Why did I let them beat me? Because if I didn’t,” resting her hand between her legs protectively, “They burned me. They made sure it was where it really hurt and took weeks to heal.”

Even though Alyssa was understandably embarrassed, Ali looked over into her eyes and spoke, “I hate that I’m saying I understand to you. You took the trade off.”

Alyssa nodded. “They did that to me three times.”

“This Christian College they wanted me to go to in Florida was more than I could handle. The campus outlawed coffee, tea, alcohol, gambling, possession of pornography, dancing, swearing, smoking tobacco, movie theatres, tattoos, body piercings, make-up, form fitting clothing, premarital sex, extramarital sex and homosexuality. You had to attend chapel twice a day and there were no women’s athletic teams. Handholding was frowned upon. After dusk, mixed groups were not allowed to fraternize without chaperones because having a group of friends including males and females alike is not normal psychosocial behavior – it is “improper” and apparently leads to premarital sex and dancing and other alleged affronts to Jesus. All of that applied to off campus as well as going to bars, clubs and parties. And I’m not even making this up. It’s on the website.”

Ali half smiled at her commentary. “When Penn State offered me a scholarship, they relented at the thought of all the money they wouldn’t have to spend. That’s the only reason they allowed me to go and play soccer.”

Sitting up, Ali pulled her knees up closer to her body and leaned her chin on them. “You know what, Lys? I’m not sorry about anything that’s happened. I don’t know about you but I feel like I fought my way out of quicksand and it’s gotten me here.” Looking over at her friend, she bowed her head a bit and said, “It might not have always seemed like we were going to make it but we did.” Alyssa sat up beside her and Ali reached for her hand and held it tightly. “I love you, Lys. I don’t think we could have ever found each other and become friends had we traveled down different paths.”

“I’m grateful for your friendship. If you hadn’t talked to me and encouraged me to keep going at that tournament, I might not have made it out.”

Before either of them could say anything else, Becky was calling Alyssa’s name. When she looked back at her, she was tapping her wrist with her fingers and then waved her to come to the cabana. Ali looked over in question, “What’s all that about?”

Pulling on a pair of shorts over her bathing suit, she stood, “I lost track of time. I need to eat something.”

Ali pulled a tee shirt over her head and followed Alyssa to the cabana. “She really loves you, doesn’t she?”

Alyssa smiled as they walked, “Yeah.”

“I’m so happy for you both.”

“Thanks.”

Becky was waiting at the top of the few steps for Alyssa, “You should have already had a snack by now.”

“I’m sorry. Ali and I were catching up.”

Sliding her arms around her waist, Becky kissed her neck lightly and whispered, “I’ll forgive you.” Alyssa smiled and let Becky place a delicate kiss on her nose.

Taking her hand and leading her to the table, she had some light snacks prepared. Pulling out a chair for her, she asked, “What do you want to drink?”

“Just water.” Alyssa was pulling her hair up off of her neck and tying it in a ponytail.

Becky poured her a glass from the pitcher on the table and asked, “Ali, can I order you a drink?”

“Iced tea is good, thanks.”

When she returned, she set the glass in front of Ali and sat beside Alyssa. “Is this good or do you guys want something else?”

Plucking some apple slices from the tray, Ali shook her head, “This is good. It’s nice and simple.”

Alyssa was breaking up a cracker into pieces on her plate when Becky leaned closer, “Lys?” She only broke her gaze from the plate briefly before her stare fluttered back down again. Straddling the bench, facing her, Becky called her name again with a little more tone behind it, “Alyssa.”

Snapping her head up, she smiled, “What’d you say?”

The concerned look on Becky’s face had Alyssa immediately complying with her wishes when she picked up a strawberry and said, “Eat this while I peel an orange for you.”

Ali was watching from across the table, debating on the level of concern. When Becky handed over some slices of the orange, she noticed Alyssa’s pale color. “Thank you.” Her movements had become deliberate and at an exaggerated pace to ensure completion. She was focusing as if she was defusing a bomb. After a bite or two, it appeared she was no longer consciously aware of herself and her movements had no intent. They were random and scattered.

Ali watched Becky evaluating until she dropped the orange on the table and put her arms around Alyssa. She smiled slightly at her touch but never looked up. She calmly looked over at Ali and in a low monotone directed, “Do me a favor? Pour some sugar in your tea and stir it up for me. Fast.” 

Turning the sugar upside down, she let it cascade out of the small dispenser and asked, “Let me know when it’s enough?” Alyssa leaned against Becky a little and mumbled, “I’m alright.”

Kissing her shoulder, Becky agreed, “I know you are. No worries.” Nodding at Ali, she let her stir it before she slid it across the table. Putting the straw to her lips, she asked, “Take a sip of this, will you? It’s good.”

Her hand reached up to steady the straw and she guided it to her mouth. Taking a quick swallow, she wiped the sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand and in a soft subtle plea, she whispered, “…Rebecca…” There was a hint of panic in her voice.

Her arm firmly around her waist with the palm of her hand resting against her stomach, she used the other hand to lift the glass to Alyssa’s lips again, “I’m right here. Take a drink of this…”

Ali watched tiny beads of perspiration dampen the crown of her head and face as quickly as it had taken her to realize what was happening. She took another sip of tea and then her hand grasped at Becky’s arm in fear. When she raised her head, there was a distant sort of stare in her eyes that seemed dulling. She looked at Becky and her bottom lip seemed to be on the verge of pouting. Raising the glass again, Becky smiled at her, “My beautiful bride.” Alyssa took a bigger mouthful and smiled back a little. Stirring up the drift of sugar that lay at the bottom of the glass with the straw, she lifted it to Alyssa’s mouth again. This time, she held the glass and put it to her lips and took two large swallows. When she set it down, she let out a breath and picked up a cube of cheese and slowly chewed.

Alyssa was fighting to continue on with her task. Ali could see how taxing it was for her to focus on the use of fine motor skills to pick up pieces of food and put them in her mouth. Wiping away sweat again, she reached for the glass and held it herself. Her fingers were white-knuckled and she clasped her hand around it.

Eventually, she let go of Becky’s arm and her hand slid into her own lap. Taking a long swallow from the glass again, she picked up the strawberry and popped it into her mouth. Suddenly aware of the silence, she looked over at Becky and smiled shyly. She took in a long deep breath and let it out slowly as the color began to return to her face. She placed a quick kiss on Becky’s lips before she stood, “I’m going to use the ladies’ room.” She placed a hand gently on Becky’s shoulder as she stepped over the bench.

Once she was gone, Ali let out a breath that she didn’t realize she was holding. Her heart was racing at the events that had unfolded in front of her. She marveled at the even tone that Becky had used to keep Alyssa calm, avoiding panic and bringing her out of the fog she was falling into.

But when she looked over at Becky, she realized her fast-acting game face had melted away and was replaced by her overwhelming fear of losing Alyssa. Her breathing had picked up and her face was flushed with an anxiety that must have gripped her insides like a vice. The stress had paralyzed her body, frozen in place, except for the terrified shaking that Ali could see remained.

She called softly to her friend, “Bex…” She’d poised to get up and go to her when she stopped.

Her eyes had fluttered closed and when she opened them, she held up a hand, pleading with Ali to give her some space as she stood and went to the railing with her back to the table. Ali could see her taking deep breaths most likely to alleviate the feeling of the adrenaline rush.

Standing slowly, Ali went to her side, “Has she done that before?” Becky was almost holding her breath as she nodded quickly and then looked away. As she struggled with her emotions, Ali imagined her, crying and vulnerable while she was alone with Alyssa during their most intimate moments. It became clear how much she honestly loved her. Through her tears, Ali could see the possibility of the person she might have been if life had not been so cruel to her. She hated that Becky never let her guard down enough to let anyone get close. It seemed that being with Alyssa had revealed her soft underbelly and now she could barely contain the feeling of exposure.

Finally overwhelmed, Becky looked over at Ali and sobbed out, “I don’t want to lose her.” Covering her mouth with her hand to hide her embarrassment, her grief forced its way through, “We should have our whole lives to look forward to being with one another.” Knowing she was taking a gamble; Ali reached an arm around Becky in an attempt to comfort her. She flinched slightly at her touch but didn’t pull away. It was a testament to just how much Alyssa had affected her life.

“What aren’t you telling us?” Ali spoke evenly and calmly.

Her voice low and controlled, she explained, “I know you’re not supposed to read stuff on the internet but I looked up some of the things the doctor told us because I didn’t really understand the words. It’s going to affect her blood pressure, her heart and even her vision.” Ali squeezed her hand a little and Becky added, “She might not even remember what just happened. It becomes a fuzzy memory.”

Eventually, her breathing slowed and her body had relaxed from its taut, nervous movements. Then, for a brief moment, her head rested gently against her friend, solidifying their bond. Softly, she whispered, “Thanks, Ali.” They watched the colors in the sky changing as the late afternoon clouds would soon become the evening sunset.

Giving her a subtle squeeze, neither broke the silence when Ali let go and backed up away from her to return to the table.

Alyssa came back out on the balcony of the cabana and spotted her standing by herself. Reaching her arms around Becky’s waist, her head rested against her body from behind as they moved together slowly to music that only the two of them could hear. Swaying, ever so slightly against one another, a warm breeze carried in the sweet scent of summer. Turning herself around, Becky hopped up and sat on the railing behind her. She took Alyssa’s hands and pulled her closer into her so she could wrap her arms around her. She ran her fingers back through her long brown hair lightly and then leaned closer. She was whispering things in Alyssa’s ear that only she could hear. Every once in a while, Alyssa would nod her confirmation and Becky would press kisses into her neck before she spoke again. One of her arms was firmly around her waist, holding her close as they moved together while the other hand trailed lightly up and down the bare skin on her back.

Feeling like she needed to take a moment to herself, Ali turned and walked into the restaurant to clear her head. There was too much to process and she felt like she just needed a minute. Sitting down at the bar, she told the bartender she wanted a double whiskey. When he set it in front of her, she stared at the brown liquid and silently asked it to please dull her emotions. She had a feeling that the afternoon was going to take a while to absorb.


	21. Let Go

**Chapter Twenty-One**

**Let Go**

Holding the glass for a moment, she finally decided to get it over with. Downing the liquid in one swallow, she set it down and closed her eyes when her chest began to burn. Her eyes popped open and she scanned the bar for something to smooth it out. Stealing a cherry from the tray, she chewed it and immediately grabbed another one. Before she could get it into her mouth, the bartender leaned over and whispered, “This isn’t a buffet.” He could see her eyes watering and set down a glass of water and a few packs of saltines. Ripping open the package, she stuffed one in her mouth and nodded, “Thank you.”

He smiled at her reaction to the alcohol and asked, “Boyfriend troubles?” Shaking her head ‘no’ she started on the other cracker. Setting down a strawberry daquiri garnished with several cherries speared on a plastic sword, he told her, “You’ll like this better. It’s on me.”

Ali sipped the drink and was happy it tasted so much better than the whiskey. However, she did feel a lot more relaxed, now that the alcohol was in her system. Sitting a moment, she continued to feel the effects of the whiskey. Leaning on her elbows against the bar, let out a breath. “Alex?” Glancing beside her when she felt a hand on her shoulder, she looked over at a young blonde.

“I’m Alyssa’s friend.” Straining, Ali tried to place where she knew her from. “It’s me. Emily. I met you last summer when you came to camp with Becky.”

Then she remembered, “Yes, hi. How are you?” Picking up her drink, she took another taste of the frozen strawberry.”

“Have you talked with Alyssa? I tried to check in with her after that last game but she never answered. The press release today has me scared.” Emily’s expression was very serious and she placed a hand on Ali’s arm, “Is she ok?”

The alcohol dulling her wit and sense of restraint, Ali shook her head, “I don’t even know where to begin.”

Before the conversation could continue, Ashlyn came to Ali’s side. Resting a hand on her shoulder, she asked, “You alright?” Her eyes were slightly reddened when she looked up at the blonde and Megan quickly leaned closer, “Is this drunk Ali? I LOVE drunk Ali!”

Ashlyn leaned closer and looked into her eyes for a better view, “Are you drunk?” Ali waved off Ashlyn and rolled her eyes, “Nooo, of course not.” The giggle that followed had Megan clapping her hands and then putting an arm around the brunette, “Did I mention I love her drunk?”

Ashlyn frowned at both Megan and Ali as Becky and Alyssa both arrived at the bar holding hands. When they saw Emily, Becky subtly pulled her hand back from Alyssa and stepped further away. Her friend immediately went to her, “Lys, are you alright?” Throwing her arms around her, she went on, “I didn’t hear back from you and then today you retire? What’s happened?”

Alyssa looked back for Becky and once they made eye contact, she took Emily’s hand and they moved away from the crowd so they could talk. Ashlyn sat beside Ali and questioned with her hands raised, “What are you doing?”

Again, Ali shrugged with a half goofy grin on her face and said, “I’m fine.” Attempting to lean on the edge of the counter that was further away than she realized, Ali stumbled and Megan caught her before she hit the ground. Megan looked up at Becky and laughed while pointing, “I love her drunk. She needs to be drunk for more time during the day.” 

Stifling her smile, Becky quickly looked over at Ashlyn and then went to the opposite side of Ali and helped her stand, “Let’s go back on the balcony and get some air.” Angrily paying her tab, the blonde slid some money across the counter and mumbled, “Keep the change.”

Before taking the money, the man behind the counter leaned over, “Hey, listen. She tossed back a double whiskey and I gave her a virgin daquiri to even it out.” Sliding the money back across the counter to Ashlyn, he added, “Something upset her. It’s on me.”

Sitting beside Ali, Becky quietly watched. Her hand on her head, the brunette took a deep breath and said, “I’m never going to hear the end of that.” When she looked up and over, Becky was still quiet. She seemed to be in her head somewhere thinking. Nudging her with her elbow, she asked, “Penny for your thoughts?”

Meeting Ali’s inquisitive eyes, she took in a breath and then let it out, deciding against her response. She was wrestling with how to answer. Looking over to Alyssa standing by the wall talking with Emily, she watched them and hoped that the conversation was productive. She knew they had become good friends last summer and were now teammates. Then, she tried again, “I never thought I’d fall in love with someone. And I never thought about it being something that I’d have to hide.”

Ali immediately knew what she was feeling. “How do you keep your relationship in check? When I just walked out there I was holding her hand. I didn’t think anything of it until I saw Em.”

“It was really hard for us at first. We were living together and still in high school where everybody is hyper aware of what everyone else is doing. So we had to focus on not getting too comfortable.”

Becky listened to Ali and then looked over at Alyssa. Then, she shook her head as she spoke, “I don’t want to hide how I feel about her.”

Ali sighed to herself, “I know. We’re just too afraid of what could happen. There was that guy in high school who…you know.” Becky nodded and looked away. There was something about the way she avoided Ali’s stare. So, she prodded, “Can you relate?”

The way she pursed her lips and didn’t look up, spoke volumes. “Before you were on the team that summer, I think things might have started to creep into the back of my head. There was an assistant coach who, looking back, had a thing for me. He waited for me outside of the locker room after a game one night. He wanted to get drinks and I just wanted to be left alone. He blocked my path at one point and put his hands on my hips so I clocked him.”

“Were you scared?”

Becky looked up and shook her head, “No. I was more pissed off that he kept touching me.”

Remembering how Becky used to be, Ali nodded, “Right. I forgot how bad you were.”

Snapping her head up, she angrily questioned, “How bad was I?”

“Do you remember when we bumped into each other in the middle of the night when I was coming out of the bathroom?”

Her face softening and letting on a bit of embarrassment, Becky shrugged up one shoulder, “Yeah. Sorry. I’m a mess.” Putting a hand over hers, Ali smiled, “You _were_ a mess. Back then you never would have let me put my hand on yours.” Looking down at their hands to prove her point, she added, “We’re all a mess.” Becky smiled at her friend. Her eyes wandering out to Alyssa, she leaned her chin on her hand and a smile found its way to her face.

“Look at you,” Ali mused. “What is it about her? What happened last summer?”

Her thoughts broadening her grin, Becky began to blush when she looked over at Ali, “You want to know the honest to god’s truth?”

When Ali nodded, she said, “We both sat with the whole team, played a little pick up and even spent some leisure time, right? She didn’t really ever say much but I noticed her. It didn’t seem like anything but that night you ‘disappeared’, I was sitting in the lounge and she came in. After all the other girls left, it was just me and her. Eventually, she said, “So what’s it like playing in Europe?”

“By that night, I was over the whole story telling thing. I ended up giving her a half sarcastic answer and she laughed. It wasn’t patronizing like a fan who wasn’t really listening. It was an honest little giggle and it did something to me. I felt this tickle in my stomach and I ended up smiling at her. I didn’t want to but I couldn’t help myself. It just happened. Something about her presence from that moment on, relaxed me…comforted me. She set me at ease and we talked. When we realized it was after curfew, I said I’d walk her to her room. It felt like a date. I think she felt the same way because she gave me her number and said we should keep in touch.”

“After a couple weeks, at some point we started talking on the phone and when I heard her laugh again, it took my breath away. Then, for some reason, she asked me if I was nervous. My heart was racing. I realized what I was feeling and then she told me she had feelings for me.”

Ali was smiling as she shook her head. “Do you know that you two are absolutely adorable together?” As soon as the words left her lips, Becky blushed uncontrollably and bowed her head. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I said that.”

Peering up, Becky answered, “Because you’re you.” When Alyssa walked out toward the table, she sat up a little straighter, “Everything alright?”

Sitting beside Becky, she linked her arm around hers and nodded, “I promised her we’d do dinner soon.”

“You told her everything,” Becky was curious.

“Yes,” she nodded. Narrowing her eyes a little, she added, “She said it didn’t surprise her. Well, I mean it surprised her it was you but not anything else.”

Her voice dropping a little, Becky asked, “Why was I a surprise?” She could see the doubt in her eyes, questioning whether or not she was good enough to be a part of Alyssa’s life. Resting her forehead against Becky’s, she watched her closely for her reaction, “She couldn’t believe I’d bagged such a stud.”

When Becky’s eyes met Alyssa’s, her cheeks had filled with color but her smile was disarming. “She said I had a good poker face. She had no idea I was seeing someone.”

Ashlyn and Megan returned to the cabana when Alyssa asked, “Does everyone want to meet for dinner?” Coming to the table and standing beside it, Megan questioned, “More importantly, is Ali still drunk?”

Swatting her hand at Megan, Ali half stood, “Stop saying I’m drunk or I’m going to chase after you. I’m not Ashlyn!”

Becky raised an eyebrow and asked, “Did I miss a meeting? Since when do you talk so much smack?”

Standing, out of frustration, Ali quickly stepped over the bench. Jumping behind Ashlyn for protection, Megan held out an arm, “It was just a question. I’m kidding.”

Shaking her head and letting out a sigh, Ali left the cabana and called back, “Let me know when you all decide what we’re doing.”

Ashlyn turned to follow Ali and asked, “Seven, in the foyer sound good?”

Megan called back, “You got it.”

When they were alone, Alyssa leaned closer, “Let’s go upstairs.”

*

As the couple stepped onto the elevator, Alyssa slipped her hand into Becky’s and held it. Resting her head against her shoulder, she whispered, almost to herself, “I love you.”

Without thinking, she brought her other arm around and pulled Alyssa into her. Lightly brushing her lips, she whispered back, “What was that you said?”

Leaning in closer, Alyssa repeated, “I said I love you.” Pressing her body against her, Becky backed herself against the elevator wall and pulled her hips tightly, “What a coincidence.” Alyssa smiled and Becky teased, “I was just wondering if you loved me.”

Frowning a little, Alyssa took a step back. Reaching her arms out, Becky took a step closer, “Hey, where’re you going?” Capturing her lips with her own, Becky washed her tongue over Alyssa’s and when she pulled away, left her breathless and wanting more. Feathering light kisses down the side of her neck, Becky nibbled her ear, smiling to herself when she heard her breath catch in her chest. “I love you too,” she whispered.

When the elevator doors opened, Alyssa pulled her along behind her, their hands clasped together. The hotel room door clicked closed behind them and Alyssa stood with Becky motionless in front of her. As soon as Becky tried to make a move, Alyssa stopped her.

Her hands found Becky’s hips and pulled her close. Alyssa’s assertive behavior gave her the upper hand and she grazed her lips and asked, “What do you want from me?”

Meeting her eyes, Becky narrowed her stare, confused, “What do you mean? I don’t want anything from you.”

Her hands rising up along her waist, slowly, Alyssa brushed her lips against Becky’s again, “Tell me what you need from me.” The drawl in her voice pulled at Becky’s center and she took in a sharp breath when she felt soft hands caress her stomach. “I…uhh…” Unable to find her voice, Becky stared.

“Demand from me.” Alyssa’s hands were pulling at the knot at the front of the board shorts that Becky wore. Dipping one of her hands down the front of the shorts, she found the balled socks and pulled them out. Then tossing them onto the floor, she repeated, “Make your demand.”

She watched her accessory roll away, then, out of frustration, Becky shook her head, “I don’t understand. Do you want me to disrespect you?”

Sliding her hand back into her shorts, she used a finger to separate the folds between her legs that were soaked with moisture. “No. I need to know that you desire me…that you want me to make you happy.”

Edging the board shorts down over her hips and pulling them to the floor, Alyssa looked up at Becky. Rising up on her knees, she rested her hands on her hips to steady herself and whispered, “I know what you want.”

Becky’s body began to take control as Alyssa looked up from her subservient position on her knees and it made her ache. Her stomach began to tighten and she could feel the pressure building between her legs. Breaking their gaze, Alyssa focused on Becky’s exposed anatomy and she felt a dull throbbing take over. Her clitoris had begun to swell and was beginning to peek out from between her folds that were coated with her need for release. Seeing the response, it frustrated Alyssa knowing that Becky refused to ask to be pleasured. Her own self esteem deemed her unworthy. In that moment, she wanted nothing more than to please her and fulfill her ache without making her feel weak for having the need. 

Alyssa glanced back up again and a sexy smirk filled with confidence curled her lips. She ran her tongue over her own lips, slowly, wetting them for display. The visual made Becky’s mouth run dry and she swallowed hard, unable to think. Then, Alyssa moved herself so close that Becky could feel her hot breath on her throbbing center. Slowly, her soft tongue found the tip of the exposed bundle of nerves and circled it teasingly. The feeling shot through her like a surge of electricity and she put a hand on Alyssa’s shoulder to steady herself. As she pulled back and slowly looked up again, Becky could see a bit of saliva and her own juices still connecting them. All intelligence drained from her and rational thoughts disintegrated before they formed.

Suddenly, she realized her answer. She started to speak but her voice failed her and she cleared her throat to try again, “…service.” It came out almost as a whisper. When Alyssa cocked her head to the side slightly and smiled a little, Becky’s heart began to race and she knew she’d chosen wisely. The thoughts and the images flashing in her mind made her lightheaded.

“What was that?” Alyssa questioned, forcing her to repeat the words that would most definitely push her to the edge. The context in which she was giving Becky license to use them would no doubt bolster her need to be in charge of herself and the situation, removing her fear of feeling inferior.

She took a step to broaden her stance and planted her feet firmly but further apart. Then, with confidence, Becky said it, “I demand service.” As soon as the words left her lips, her skin rippled with goosebumps. The sensation she felt was palpable and the way Alyssa smiled at her, let the words tumble from her again, “I demand service from you.”

Alyssa nodded very subtly and answered, “Yes, ma’am.” Her attention now focused in front of her, she used her fingers to gently part her delicate flesh. Her anatomy had deepened in color and was swollen to twice it’s size. Becky gasped at her touch. Her sensitivity level was almost unbearable. When Alyssa stole a glance up, Becky had her eyes closed and her head tilted back slightly as she began to whine in desperation. Refusing to let Becky escape into her head, Alyssa had her own demands to be a part of what she hoped would be a shared experience. “Look at me,” she whispered.

Her breaths coming in rapid panting, Becky met her eyes and their connection tethered when the tip of Alyssa’s tongue touched her. The cry she released sounded pained but Alyssa could see her body jolt with pleasure. Becky watched Alyssa bury herself as deeply into her as she could with the most gentle sensation she’d ever felt. When she used her lips and wrapped her mouth around her clitoris and sucked, Becky reached down and grabbed a fistful of Alyssa’s hair and held it tightly for support.

Her other hand on her shoulder, she forced breath out of her chest in bursts when she was overwhelmed with the sensation, “Oh, god…” Barely able to gather enough air to speak, she weakly cried, “…oh, god…”

Lightening her hold, Alyssa began to flutter her tongue over the swollen bud and Becky began a string of high pitched squeaks. Her hold on her hips then tightened when she could feel her body moving in involuntary ways that warned of her coming undone.

Becky’s other hand found itself balled around a tight fist of Alyssa’s hair and she was pulling in rhythm to her movements that were becoming more urgent. Ensuring that Becky was still focused on their intimate experience and not on the act itself, she quickly spanked one of her ass cheeks with a sharp whack. Their eyes locked on one another and her grip around her waist tightened. Using her tongue to strum with a little more pressure, Becky finally cried out and screamed Alyssa’s name that was now rooted at the very core of her orgasmic pleasure.

Slowly dropping to her knees in front of Alyssa, Becky leaned closer and let herself be comforted by her arms that wrapped around her. She would no longer associate her orgasms with feelings of guilt. She relaxed in her embrace and listened to the heartbeat of the woman that loved her despite her skewed perspective of herself at times. Once upon a time, she believed that she was broken beyond repair and destined to force herself through a world that had no place for her. But now, in Alyssa’s arms that caressed her so sweetly, she knew she’d found home.


	22. Fix You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did some subtle editing of "Fix You" because of a few things I noticed I missed in my revision which I feel are important to the story. You may or may not want want to read it again, it's just me being neurotic. I just wanted to explain the new publication date. The next update will have at least two chapters, possibly more. Depends on how much time I have to edit the final draft before upload.
> 
> I'm not sure things are going to be wrapping up at twenty-five like originally planned. So it may run a few beyond that. I wasn't able to cut enough out without feeling there were too many gaps left in the story. I apologize but I want to wholly bring this to a close.
> 
> Thanks.

Catching up with Ali at the elevator as she was waiting for the doors to open, Ashlyn asked, “What’s gotten into you?”

Stepping inside when the door opened, she mocked back, “Nothing’s gotten into me. Calm down, mom.”

Hesitating, Ashlyn debating letting the doors close without following her. The sarcasm was out of character but so was the attitude toward her and she knew better than to engage in perpetuating an argument. Stepping inside, she stood in front of Ali and stared down without speaking to her.

When Ali finally acknowledged her, she shrugged, “What?”

Ashlyn kept a straight face and answered, “You didn’t say ‘mother may I’.”

Rolling her eyes, Ali finally broke into a smile. “How have you not killed Megan?”

Ashlyn reached around her waist and pulled her closer and hugged her, “My dear, ours is a complicated relationship. One that’s been built and thrived on oddity. I dare not question it now, after all this time.”

Ali leaned against her and apologized, “Today was a lot to digest. It’s one of those things that makes you realize your own mortality and how fragile life is. It was exhausting emotionally and it took its toll on Alyssa. She had some episode, right there in front of me. And then, somehow, Becky knew what to do. It was really scary. As strong as Becky was for her, as soon as Alyssa walked away, then she fell apart. I felt so bad. I mean, something like this could happen to any one of us. She’s twenty years old and she’s washed up.”

Ali backed away a little and shook her head, “I’m scared for them.”

Ashlyn ran a finger lightly over her bottom lip and nodded, “I knew you would be. Megan and I talked about what’s really going on and how serious it is. Becky can try and pretend what a good grip she has on all this but she’s going to need help. You can’t be a caregiver twenty-four hours a day and not melt down. It takes a toll on you mentally.” Her smirk, that revealed a single dimple on her cheek, accentuated her humor, “Becky’s mental health is definitely not the picture of perfection.”

Ali laughed a little and added, “None of us are. So what do we do?”

Tapping the end of her nose lightly with her finger, Ashlyn went on, “Megan and I were thinking about offering them a room in the house. We know they’re a married couple but we figure, Alyssa isn’t going to want to travel with her all the time because she might not be up to it. Becky still has a job to do. She has to know she can trust us to take care of her…that is, if you agree. What do you think?”

Ali took a step back and began thinking. Her hesitation confused Ashlyn and she shook her head, “What are you thinking about? I thought you’d be jumping for joy and loving the idea?”

Smiling, Ali laughed a little. When the elevator doors opened, she stepped out and said, “I’m happy. I think it’s an incredibly generous idea but I’m also thinking about logistics. You didn’t see what I did. What if that happens when I’m alone with her? What if it gets worse? What if I don’t know what to do?” Stopping in the middle of the hallway, she turned and asked, “What did Megan say? She’s got a better understanding for all this stuff.”

“Megan said that if Alyssa isn’t paying attention and her sugar drops too quickly…”

Her hands up defensively, Ali begged, “Alright. Stop. I don’t want to hear it.” The anxiety she displayed over the subject was too much.

“Al, she’ll figure it out. This is all new. She’ll learn how to recognize when she needs to react and it’ll be alright.” Ali was still watching images and scenes play out in her head that were stressing her out. Unlocking the door with her keycard, Ashlyn pulled Ali into her arms, “Relax. We’ll figure it out.” Her body still awkwardly stiff, Ashlyn hardened her tone, “Alex?”

Suddenly looking up, breaking her concentration, Ali answered, “I know. We’ll deal with it.” She didn’t completely believe it was manageable but she nodded anyway.

*

Megan stood in the foyer of the resort, waiting for the rest of the group. She caught the eye of the hostess and let her know that they were there. It was then she noticed Alyssa and Becky getting off the elevator.

The couple stepped off to the side where Becky was instructing Alyssa to stay until she returned. She watched her carefully ensure Alyssa’s safety by securing her out of the way of the foot traffic of the many people that were coming and going. Before she turned, a subtle but loving hand to her cheek silently conveyed her intentions to protect her because she cared.

When Becky turned to make her way through the crowd, Megan marveled at her appearance that was almost unrecognizable. The way her hair cascaded over her shoulders and accentuated her femininity, it forced her to see her vulnerable side that she usually hid so well.

Acknowledging Megan with a nod, she made her way closer and leaned in, “Is everyone here?” Arriving at their side, Ashlyn and Ali both greeted with smiles. The hostess also reached them as they gathered and announced, “Your table is ready.”

Becky returned with Alyssa and pulled a chair out for her and then Ali when a stream of people cut off Ashlyn’s path. Leaning over Alyssa’s shoulder, she whispered something to her and then disappeared. With Ashlyn beside her at the table, Ali watched Becky leave out toward the front foyer and then glanced over at Alyssa, “What did you do to her?”

An eyebrow raised, Alyssa questioned silently.

Ali made sure Ashlyn was engrossed in her conversation with Megan before she spoke in a whispered voice, “The way she is right now is different…just looking at her. She’s different.”

Alyssa met Ali’s eyes and tried to keep her smile toned down, “That’s how she is when she’s truly happy. That’s the real Rebecca.” Color rushing into her face, she bit her bottom lip and then confessed, “I took care of her.” Wagging her eyebrows a little, she added, “She’s really happy.”

Covering her mouth with her hand, Ali giggled and bowed her head. Alyssa’s less than subtle innuendo was so out of character yet accurate that she could barely contain her laughter. She made the attempt at composing herself and it only led to her letting out a snort that had Alyssa laughing uncontrollably with her. The more the pair struggled to stop, the harder they laughed, falling all over one another.

Ashlyn curiously watched as the two eventually collected themselves and Megan nudged the blonde and asked, “Drunk Ali?”

Shrugging, she asked, “You two alright over there?”

Out of breath, they slowly calmed themselves down as Becky returned to the table and sat beside Alyssa. Still containing a giggle, Alyssa was trying to get herself under control. Her playfulness infecting Becky’s demeanor, she began smiling without having any idea why. Just hearing her laughter brought out a lighthearted atmosphere that Becky immediately responded to. She set two capsules and one tablet on her napkin beside her plate. “Don’t forget these,” she whispered.

She nodded a little and Ali started to giggle. The sound created a chain reaction that had Alyssa starting to laugh again and she weakly leaned on Becky’s arm. Looking up and across the table at Megan and Ashlyn, she asked, “Is this what they were like in college?”

Nodding, Ashlyn smirked, “Worse. There were nights when I listened to them giggling on the phone in the background more than I talked to Ali.”

Ali had leaned over and rested on Alyssa’s side to laugh and Alyssa was half resting on Becky who could only shake her head as she tried to refrain from letting them pull her into the chaos. She found herself quickly losing the battle as she settled her hand against Alyssa’s shoulder and caressing softly. The twosome had completely lost control and Becky was following close behind.

“Alyssa?”

The sound of the voice that called her name forced her eyes closed for a brief moment. Turning in her chair, Alyssa glanced back over her shoulder. Her fear in the sound of her mother’s voice paled in comparison to the sight of her father who was standing beside her.

Becky sprang from her chair, immediately shielding Alyssa from their line of sight. She stood in front of Alyssa, who was still seated, and directly in front of her father who was within inches, glaring at her with disdain. “Get out of my way,” he commanded. 

Broadening her stance, Becky folded her arms over herself and questioned, “Who do you think you are talking to me that way?” Taking a step to the side, Alyssa’s mother tried to make contact with her daughter. “You have no right to stand in my way.” His voice was cold and harsh. “For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” He nodded at her and added, “Proverbs.”

Her face seemed to soften and Alyssa could see her posture relax slightly from behind. One side of her mouth curled a bit and her eyebrows raised as she spoke in a clear controlled tone, “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her. John 8:7.” Becky let her bible verse fully impact his every sense. Once he comprehended that she’d responded in verse, he realized that she had challenged his very morality by accusing him of his vile transgressions against his own daughter. His speechlessness was worth every syllable that she had uttered. “And your last passage was Romans 6:23, not Proverbs.”

His anger colored his face when he answered, “Vengeance is mine said the Lord.” His tone had raised and threatened in every sense. He puffed his chest as he spoke, feeling superior and victorious, seeing no obvious avenue of challenge.

Alyssa reached for Becky’s hand and she very calmly responded, “You, sir, are not the Lord.” Megan and Ashlyn had come around to the other side of the table, close enough to step in should things become physical. Ali jumped from her chair to find a manager to call for help. 

Megan sighed and shook her head, “This is really getting old. She doesn’t want to see either of you. Where’s the disconnect?”

With a dismissive side glance, he ignored her comment and returned his stare to challenging Becky.

Alyssa’s mother was watching her daughter sit quietly, refusing to look up. “I’d like to speak with my child. We are her parents. I’m her mother and I am perfectly within my rights to...”

Slowly standing from her chair, Alyssa interrupted her, “For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret. Ephesians.” When she looked up at her parents, there was resolve. “What could you possibly have to say to me other than bible verses?”

“How dare you talk over your mother,” he scolded. Picking up where she left off, her mother questioned, “What’s happened to you? Why have you stopped playing?” Motioning to Becky, she asked, “Did she make you stop?”

Looking over into the supportive eyes of jade that had become her solace, Alyssa smiled slightly and shook her head, “Mom, dad, our relationship is over.” She let out a slow breath and looked to them both. “It’s clear to me that we have very different ways of thinking. As my parents, I respect you. You gave me life and raised me in the best way you knew how. For that I’m grateful. But the way you make me feel has to stop. And I’m stopping it. If you bother me or my friends again, I’ll file for a restraining order.” Her voice wavered a little and Becky squeezed her hand.

Taking a couple steps, Alyssa tried to reach for her mother to hug her, returning with a weak response and only a hand on her shoulder. When she looked to her father, he coldly averted his eyes. “I love you, dad. I’ll always be your little girl.” She took a breath and promised, “My wife, Rebecca and I will always welcome you into our home that is filled with love when you are ready to be a part of it.”

His eyes dropping to their clasped hands and the gold wedding bands, he found her gaze fixed on him and told her, “The wicked shall be destroyed.” At that point, Ali was back with a manager and two police officers that were ready to respond. Her parents silently left the building with their escort and Alyssa sat down.

In an attempt to diffuse the tension, Megan announced, “We all need a drink.” And with that, she turned and left the room to get some.

Becky had followed behind the police at a distance to ensure that there was no trouble and it was over. Once outside, a heated conversation began that had the officers most likely taking names and contact information. She watched as they no doubt plead their case and rational to no avail. She heard them say that she was an adult and her decisions would be upheld according to her rights. Leaning back against the building, Becky felt pangs of guilt in the pit of her stomach for the family that was being torn apart. She found herself nervously wringing her hands together when she eventually settled her sights on her wedding ring. Stretching her hand out, she ran her fingers over it, still not believing that it was real. She’d asked Alyssa to marry her, in the spur of the moment, never dreaming that she’d say yes. Her original intentions were to impress upon her how completely devoted to taking are of her she was. The night before, she’d promised that regardless of their personal relationship, Alyssa would want for nothing. She promised to unconditionally take care of her. She deserved to feel loved and secure and know that Becky would not desert her or pull a stunt like she had ever again.

The night they broke up in January, was the first time in her life that she’d thought or even cared about how her actions might affect another person. When she saw firsthand, how hurt and wounded Alyssa was because of her selfish act, she loathed herself for ruining something so pure. She never wanted to see that look of intentional hurt or disappointment that she’d created again. Her childish behavior was no longer an option.

When her parents pulled away and the patrol car had gone, Becky took a moment to clear her head. She wanted nothing more than for Alyssa to have a healthy relationship with her parents but it didn’t look like that was going to be a possibility. The scars that she’d discovered on her tender flesh were enough for Becky to support whatever decision Alyssa made.

*

_Becky thought about her father and the summer she left home. He had honestly tried to be the best parent he could for her. She loved him so much and her mother had made every effort to create a divide in their bond to avoid the possibility of being found out. She’d manipulated Becky into angry fits of rage and destructive behavior. So much so, that back when her father still tried to talk to her and understand why she did the things that she did, young Becky had no answer to support why she’d ever done anything. Eventually, the Sunday morning baking stopped, the Saturday afternoon trips to the park ended and his attempted interaction with her had basically ceased to exist._

_After her mother died, when she was eleven, it was just her and her father in the house. In an attempt to reach his daughter, he brought her to a therapist in the hopes it might help. It was her counselor who’d suggested sports as an outlet for her grief and anger. While playing soccer did seem to help immensely, her social skills were greatly lacking and it created a whole new set of problems._

_While still a student of the home school program, when Becky graduated high school, it wasn’t long after that she employed the services of an agent who found her placement on a team in Europe. It was mid-May, on a Sunday morning, that the seventeen-year-old approached her father in his study. She carried with her a few sheets of paper explaining the conditions of her contract and a release form that she needed signed to allow her to leave the country at her age._

_She stood in the doorway watching him for a few moments, as he shuffled papers and clicked the mouse on his computer. When he noticed her, he looked twice, unsure of her intentions. Becky remembered his worn and tired face that was unshaven and greying at the temples. When his wife died, he toiled endlessly, running the household, keeping his lucrative business afloat and trying to keep his only daughter out of jail. Her parents always seemed very much in love with one another. The picture of him kneeling at her bedside, holding her hand when she died, was the sole image that kept her from telling her father what she’d endured. She assumed that the relief she felt would have been enough to know that the abuse was over but it manifested itself into anxiety, night terrors and at times, a violent reaction to being touched. There would never be an end._

_Waving her closer, he reluctantly questioned, “What is it, Rebecca?” His tone wasn’t cold or unfeeling but of exhaustion for another court appearance, police complaint or damages and fines related to her behavior. She handed him the papers and patiently stood as he read the agreement. It was a three-year contract that would unconditionally allow for her to live, play and be paid as a member of the Euro-league. They provided housing, medical are and worked with a multitude of unions that had connections to showcases and leagues all over the world. He slowly looked up at her_ _and hesitated before he questioned, “This is what you want?” His dialogue with her over the years had become very short and to the point out of fear that a conversation would escalate into anger. As he stared up at her, she could see how much love he held for her in his green eyes that mirrored her own. She could she at times that his hesitation was to keep himself from becoming emotional and wanting to hug her. The last time he tried was when her mother died and it ended with Becky punching him in the chest. A regret that still haunts her to this very day._

_His long pause before his response was laden with fear, sorrow and uncertainty for what lay ahead for his only daughter. He still had the instincts to want to protect her but he was worn down. He sadly set the papers down on the desk and picked up his pen. He sighed as he read them again and then nodded, “Alright.” Looking over them, he asked, “When do you leave?” Feeling ashamed of herself, she whispered out, “Wednesday morning.” She wanted to tell him how sorry she was for everything that she’d done._

_Sitting back in his chair to look at her, he conceded, “I hope you’re happy there.” The silence between them was thick with regret, remorse and sadness. “Do you need anything else?”_

_In her head, she was pleading with him to offer her a ride to the airport but she’d effectively shunned him over the years from offering any sort of assistance. She subtly shook her head, and softly spoke, “I’ll take an Uber.”_

_Nodding as he contemplated, he looked back down at the papers. “Alright then.” He signed his name and initialed the paragraph where it stated that once she turned eighteen, his signature was no longer valid as guardian. She would be on her own. When he handed them back to her, there was an expression of disappointment, like he had failed her in some way. Oddly enough, she felt the same. She wished that she could cry in his arms and tell him how sorry she was for all the heartache she’d caused. She never wanted to be so burdensome._

_Standing on the porch, waiting for her car to the airport, she watched some of the animals running in the farthest pen. She did remember a time when her life here had been happy. Thoughts of her father lifting her up so she could see over the fence at the livestock they raised. The animals always made her giggle. They way they moved together, the sounds that echoed around the fields and especially in the springtime when the young ones were born._

_Her father had never wanted children. But once he and his new bride had spent a few years on the large ranch so far from the fast moving city, his wife began to talk about babies. He repeatedly voiced his concerns about having a child around in the midst of his busy lifestyle. She promised that she would shoulder the burden and it would be her responsibility so as not to interrupt his work._

_Wanting to make his wife happy, he relented. However, her pregnancy proved to be high risk and dangerous when she developed diabetes which became taxing after Becky’s birth. The lingering effects of the disease were cumbersome. Her father ended up taking more than a liking to parenthood when his wife wasn’t able to care for the newborn. He found that after a few months, he could never imagine a life without his precious baby daughter. Becky’s mother, on the other hand, became resentful of the toll it had taken on her health and jealous of the relationship that was developing. She felt left out and angry that her picture of parenthood was less than what she’d envisioned it would be. It was around the time when her father decided to home school her, in lieu of long bus rides and exhausting days away from them, the abuse began. Her mother’s hopes of having time away from the energetic four-year-old now seemed like a prison sentence._

_She resented that her life had become centered around teaching the child that absorbed all her husband’s attention. The assault on Becky’s confidence would be irreparable and her self-worth in the end, nonexistent._

_When her ride arrived, she carried two of her bags to the trunk and loaded them. When she turned, her father had carried the other and was standing at her side. Lifting it into the car for her, he adjusted it and then pulled down the hatch to secure it._

_It felt like he might have wanted to say something to her. Something to let her know that he still loved her and that she was still his daughter. Instead, he reached over and tucked a wad of money into her hand and folded her fingers around it. “Be safe.” Then, he turned and headed back to the house. She climbed into the Uber, feeling like she wanted to cry but replaced the emotion with anger. He’d given her one-thousand dollars but not a goodbye. She refused to turn and look back at the ranch as the car started down the long driveway. She was afraid the absence of her father on the porch, waving to her, would force out the tears that she was desperately trying to control. They haven’t seen or spoken to one another since that day._

_*_

Making her way back to the table through the dining room, Becky felt the same sadness creeping into her chest again. When she reached the back of the dining room, she sat beside Alyssa who was still laughing with Ali and she had no idea what about. Everyone had a drink in their hand and was enjoying the company. Alyssa had her head on the table, laughing uncontrollably, as her shoulders shook. Ali was slumped in her chair, unable to control herself as she struggled to get herself together. The laughter was infectious and without knowing why, Becky was smiling along with them and holding back her own.

The waitress returned to the table with a second round of drinks and set a glass in front of Becky. Smiling at the table’s antics, she explained, “They collectively agreed on this drink for you before they all lost their minds.”

Becky took the drink and smiled back, “Thanks.” She took a sip and looked over at Megan and Ashlyn who were lost in their own comical narration. When she put her glass down, she noticed the pills on the table. Frowning, she tapped Alyssa’s shoulder, “Lys, take your pills.”

Looking up, she nodded and sat halfway up. But when her and Ali made eye contact again, they were off on another run of laughter. Holding the pills in her hand, she called again, “Lys, would you take these?”

Suddenly standing beside her, the waitress asked, “What can I get you? They’ve already put their orders in.” Picking up her menu, she scanned it until something caught her eye. “How about the cheese ravioli?”

“I’ll have that up shortly.”

After she’d gone, Becky opened her hand and dropped the pills on the table. They were beginning to stick to the inside of her hand. “Alyssa…” Ali was still uncontrollable but Alyssa was now quickly fading. Becky could tell by the sweaty, pale color of her skin that she’d burned off too much and now she was sinking.

Lifting the glass in front of her, Becky leaned in close, “Alyssa, drink this…do you hear me, drink this now.” Her voice was low but there was an urgency that should have made Alyssa respond. The straw poked through her parted lips but there was no attempt to drink. The hollow far off look in her eyes was telling that she’d most likely reached a new level low. Becky stood in a panic and searched the pockets of her jeans. Drawing the attention of Ashlyn and Megan, they watched her pull out a tube. Twisting the plastic cap off the toothpaste size container, she put it to Alyssa’s mouth and began to squeeze out a soft pale pink gel. Again, Becky was leaned in close but Ali could hear her coaxing, “Swallow this, Alyssa, do you hear me? Swallow this, right now.” She was using two fingers to caress under her chin and down her throat, simulating a swallow reflex. “Come on, Lys, swallow it, dammit. Cut the shit. Swallow the sugar, right now.”

Becky was using her thumb to mop up the liquid that leaked out the side of her mouth and push it back in. Alyssa’s head had dropped forward and it looked as if she’d fallen asleep. Becky was getting frustrated and she used two fingers to pinch Alyssa’s skin above her left breast. When her head raised and her eyes opened slightly, she tried to say, “Ouch.” Taking the opportunity of her open mouth, Becky squeezed more gel out of the tube and pressed her forehead again Alyssa’s, “Swallow the fucking sugar.” At the same time, she pinched Alyssa’s skin again. Immediately sitting up straighter, she swatted Becky’s hand and she was able to see and hear her swallow a mouthful of the gelatinous substance.

Becky kept her voice low enough that they hadn’t attracted any attention from the surrounding tables. But for the party that sat watching the events, they began holding their breath. “Should we call someone,” Ali asked. Becky shook her head ‘no’ and kept on Alyssa, “Swallow this, let’s go.” Her tone was angry and commanding. When her head started to drift again, Becky pressed her lips against Alyssa’s ear, “Swallow what’s in your mouth or I’m fucking leaving you.” Pinching on her skin as she made the same threat again, Alyssa swallowed again and licked her lips. 

Becky closed her eyes and let out a shallow sigh of relief but didn’t let up. “Swallow it,” she commanded with all the force of a military drill sergeant. Using her thumb again to push back what had drooled out of her mouth, she made sure not to waste a drop. Massaging her chin and throat again to coax a swallow reflex, she continued to squeeze the tube, “Swallow the sugar…”

Finally, Alyssa’s lips subtly wrapped around the glucose container. “That’s good, baby.” Caressing her cheek lightly, Becky tossed the tube on the table and picked up the glass. Putting the straw to her mouth, she started again, “Take a drink, Lys. Take a drink of this.” Her constant flurry of direction was beginning to sink in as Alyssa’s brain began making the connection. She took the straw into her mouth and took a large swallow and then opened her eyes halfway. She sat for a moment in a fog feeling as if she’d just woken up from a nap. Then, she sat up straighter and used her hand to guide the straw into her mouth and finished half the glass. Her face scrunched and she shook her head away from the straw and grimaced, “That’s awful. It’s too sweet.” Looking over at Becky, she frowned, “I don’t want any more of that.”

Sliding an arm around her, Becky let her lean her head on her shoulder, “OK, no more of that.” Rubbing up and down her arm for comfort because she knew the ordeal always left her feeling cold, Becky promised, “No more.”

Alyssa took in a deep breath and then noticed Ali watching her. “What’s wrong?” Sitting up a little, her eyes wandered over to Ashlyn and Megan, “What’s happened?” Looking to Becky for help, she asked, “Did I nod off?”

Becky smiled at her and tightened her hold around her, “It’s fine. It was just for a minute.”

Her face filling with color, Alyssa apologized, “I’m so sorry. I hate when that happens.” She looked to Megan and narrowed her eyes a little in thought. Alyssa was always able to see the motherly concern on her face. Dropping her stare to the table, she saw the tube of glucose and ran her tongue over her lips. “Becky,” looking up and into her eyes, “Did I…” The tenseness around her eyes answered her question. Meeting Megan’s sympathetic stare again, she looked away embarrassed. Running her fingers over her chest, she probed when she felt a tender spot. Working at keeping her emotions in check, she let out a sigh.

Megan took advantage of the silence to question, “Lys, we all had an idea that we wanted to run by you both. We’ll totally respect your decision no matter what.” The waitress arrived at the table with another co-worker from the kitchen. Together, they delivered plates of food to everyone and then asked if everything looked alright. With nods of approval, they were alone again with Alyssa sitting up in her own chair and wiping her mouth with a napkin. She took several large swallows of water when she could taste the sickening sweet residue.

Cutting to the chase, Megan started, “We were thinking about when Becky’s away on road trips and you’re not with her. Instead of constantly having to be on the road with her, which might be hard on both of you, what if you guys moved back in with us? Becky can focus on trying to beat us in the playoffs and you don’t have to worry about being home alone for long periods of time.”

Becky was immediately offended at the possibility of them suggesting that she couldn’t handle taking care of her wife on her own. Alyssa felt her body tense up and reached for her hand and squeezed it lightly. She realized that her friends were concerned for both of them. Thinking about being alone in the apartment when her sugar bottomed out, she knew having them around would help. The first time it happened was a few days before her last game. She’d had a busy day and skipped lunch so she could finish her errands. She remembered carrying the mail into kitchen as she thumbed through it and then flopping back to sit on the sofa. Rae jumped into her lap and she immediately started to scratch behind her ears. She had a headache and she couldn’t decide if she was tired or feeling ill. Her whole body became heavy and it was difficult to move. When she tried to close her eyes, Rae began barking and tried to climb her chest. Unable to settle her down, she picked her up and frowned impatiently, “What’s wrong with you?” Setting her down on the floor, she sat back against the sofa again. Rae continued to bark and jumped up into her lap again. Letting out a sigh, she tried to pet her head and run her hand over her head in an attempt to soothe her. Spotting a peppermint patty on the table that her roommate had forgotten about, she tore open the wrapper and took a bite. Eyes closed with her head back against the cushion, she took another bite and chewed it as fast as she could as Rae continued to bark. By the time she finished, she definitely felt better but thought she was just hungry. Rae finally relaxed in Alyssa’s arms and the two fell asleep together. She never thought that there was something wrong, even when her roommate tapped her on the shoulder the next morning asking her if she’d slept on the couch all night. Rae never left her side.

Alyssa calculated in her head just how dangerous it might be and also how distracting she would be to Becky who’d been warned by the league about her behavior and accumulated cards.

Leaning over, Alyssa whispered, “I’m afraid to be alone. Let them help us.”

Becky couldn’t resist. Her eyes were pleading with her to find a way to keep her safe. Her face softened and she smiled slightly, “Alright,” she nodded. Looking back to Megan, she nodded again, “I don’t want to jeopardize her health.”

Returning to Alyssa, Becky kissed her forehead, “Whatever will help make you feel safe.” Hugging her arms around her, Alyssa rested her head against her and reinforced, “You make me feel safe because you make good decisions for me.” It was a shameless manipulation but Alyssa knew Becky couldn’t handle feeling helpless. Meeting Megan’s suspicious eyes, they both silently acknowledged what she’d done. They all agreed that after the All-Star Game, they’d help the couple move in.


	23. Yesterday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a double chapter upload. We have maybe 3 or 4 left. There was no way to wrap it up at 25. So I'll keep it as close to that as I can. Please provide any feedback on what you liked, what you didn't or thoughts in general. 
> 
> When this is done, I will be continuing with the "Blyss" story. I'll frame out a space and upload on that as soon as I'm able, that is if anyone is interested. Please let me know. 
> 
> I'll also be uploading more on 911 now that I'm back to that. 
> 
> Thank you for coming along on this one. If I feel I'm able to loosely put something together, I'll contemplate maybe doing a little  
> 'bonus' story focusing more on the dynamic of Ash and Ali after the end here.

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

**Yesterday**

At weeks end, after navigating a few impromptu practices, the team from the ‘East’ gathered in a conference room/club box above the stadium. Becky insisted that Alyssa stay with her until it was absolutely necessary to separate. Ali stood at the large panoramic window overlooking the field and watched them preparing any last minute details. Thinking about everything that had occurred in the last year, she felt a chill on her skin. She’d won a championship title with her college team, her Euro-league and been chosen as MVP respectively. She graduated from college as valedictorian with a master’s degree in three and a half years, developed and been granted a patent for her invention, lost her mother, chosen first overall in the NWSL draft and was now playing in her first all-star game. Not to mention she was engaged to the love of her life. 

She thought about how she sat at the top of the stands at a youth soccer game on her sixteenth birthday. It was an important game for the local U-11 team. Having treated herself to a hotdog, fries and a soda, she watched the game with great interest, remembering when she had played on the very same field. When she was eleven, she still felt that playing professionally was within her grasp. By the time she was sixteen, it had been years since she’d played organized sports. Her life was unrecognizable.

When she turned, she looked at the players from around the league that were in the room with her. Some were the greatest players the game had ever known. GOATS. She was humbled whenever any of the players talked about how they admired her skills. It was surreal. There were one or two who were most likely playing in their last all-star showcase. The were a number of players that were on the national team. It was a crowded roster right now and she hoped to make an impact if she was called to camp next month. She was more than happy for Ashlyn when in the spring, she was on the roster for the SheBelieves Cup. It was a short tournament of international games and there just wasn’t a spot for her this time around. Even Alyssa had an incredible start and it was beginning to look like they might be vying for the same role. They’d trained together, worked together and tirelessly pushed each other to get better. It was a symbiotic relationship that worked. Of course, the internet had them pegged as bitter rivals that took cheap opportunities to edge out the other at every moment. Ashlyn and Alyssa had hammed up the fictional rumor whenever they knew there were photographers and it fueled the stories of their unsubstantiated hatred. While the two goalkeepers were away at camp, they made snarky comments that would set the fandom ablaze with controversy. In reality, they were taking pictures for one another so they could fill in the gaps whenever a new detail emerged that had fans buzzing. At the end of the day, they were best friends. It hadn’t started out like that but it was where they were now.

Ali noticed Becky on her knees in front of Alyssa, adjusting a watch on her wrist. It looked like she was setting the time on it and then she would study the display with an intense concentration. As she watched them interact, Alyssa was swinging her legs back and forth underneath the chair. Becky would glance up at her after she set the watch and then she would shake her head. After the third time, Becky seemed frustrated and Alyssa made her take pause by caressing her face, forcing her to meet her eyes that relaxed her.

Walking over to them, Ali leaned over to look at the device. It had three zeros on the display and it was flashing. Looking over at Becky, Ali frowned with confusion, “Can’t you get it to set the time?” 

Glancing over, Alyssa shook her head, “It’s not a watch. It’s a glucose monitor.”

Letting out an exasperated breath, Becky grumbled, “Right now, it’s a piece of shit. Are you sure the sensor is on?”

Checking to make sure no one was watching her, Alyssa quickly lifted her tank top a little to show Becky the side of her abdomen. There was a flat white disc stuck to her skin. Running her fingers over it, she felt around the edges to make sure it was secure. Nodding, Alyssa confirmed, “It’s good.”

Sitting back on her legs, Becky stared at it, “Then I don’t understand.” She was going over a checklist in her head until she rolled her eyes at her own stupidity, “Sometimes I don’t know how my ears can find sound.” Holding one of the buttons, the screen flashed light green and then there was a singular beep. The display showed the number 125 in dark green letters. “I forgot to set it to receive.”

Ali looked to Alyssa, “125 is good?”

Nodding, she explained, “We set my comfort range from 110 to 200. The closer it gets to going out of range, the lighter the green will get until it’s bright yellow. It’s warning me. If it hits 110, it’ll start to turn red and an alarm will sound.”

“Then you need to eat something?”

She nodded.

“What if it goes to 200?”

“It won’t. The tumor is overstimulating my insulin production. It makes it drop.”

“If you hit 110, is that when…” Ali didn’t want to finish the sentence that had awful and scary things happening to her friend at those levels.

“No. We’re still figuring out that part. I’m trying to recognize at what number I start to feel like it’s affecting me. Because at that point, it’s too late for me to do anything. Becky said it happens fast.”

Ali shook her head, “It does. There’s a blurred line where I can’t seem to see when you go from ok to not ok.”

Becky stood and added, “I feel like it’s as simple as a pause or a subtle hesitation where it seems you might be thinking. Once I notice that change, you’re already gone.” She stared thoughtfully at Alyssa, no doubt formulating another line of defense to combat what was happening so she could protect her.

The overhead PA system began requesting all the players to report to their respective locker rooms and Alyssa slid down from the chair. “I better go.”

Deliberately waiting for everyone to leave the room, aside Ali and Ashlyn who was in the doorway keeping watch, Becky pulled a lanyard with a badge from the pocket of her warm ups. She put it over Alyssa’s head and then placed a kiss on her lips, “You’re in the box seat beside our bench. Will you root for ‘East’?”

Blushing at Becky’s teasing, Alyssa nodded, “I can do that.”

Walking to the door holding hands, they stopped at the foyer and Alyssa looked at her friends, “Good luck you guys. Make sure you tell Megan, too.”

“We will,” Ali promised. “As soon as they’re done with her interviews.” As Ali followed Ashlyn out of the room, she saw Alyssa reach around Becky’s waist for a hug.

“That’s an incredible little gadget,” she finally said.

Ashlyn nodded a little, “Becky spent half the day on the phone, on Tuesday, trying to get a hold of that thing. I’m pretty sure she ended up talking to the main manufacturing warehouse and the distributer who had them FedEx it here.”

Ali solemnly met Ashlyn’s side-glance, “She’s really scared, isn’t she?” Again, Ash nodded, “After what happened at dinner the other night, I’m scared.”

When they heard hurried footsteps coming up the hallway behind them, the couple changed the topic. Becky caught up to them and nudged Ali, “Lys made me promise not to get thrown out.”

“If they put us both on the field at the same time, we’re going to have some fun.” Ali gave Becky a mischievous smirk that made Ashlyn let out a laugh.

Trying her best not to smile, Becky questioned, “Yeah? You want to pull a turbo?”

Ali thought for a second as they walked and finally said, “I might have to do it. They’ll expect it from you.”

Shaking her head, Ashlyn asked, “I don’t want to know, do I?”

Finally smiling, Becky laughed a little.

*

In the tunnel, waiting to walk onto the field, Ali stood holding hands with a little girl who couldn’t stop staring in awe. Ashlyn smiled at her when she glanced over. The child that was standing beside Becky tugged on her shirt and when she leaned over, the girl hugged her. Ashlyn could see a softer side of her surfacing that seemed impossible to believe. She watched her lean in and give her a hug that sent the youngster over the moon with delight.

As they went through the motions for pre-game and the anthem, the crowd impatiently roared during introductions. During play, it was beyond obvious that the team from the ‘East’ completely outmatched ‘West’. Ali and Becky played the first half in tandem the way they had in Europe and were having so much fun they barely realized when time expired. Everyone left the field in such good spirits regardless of the score.

The players returned to the field slowly in small groups during the half. When Becky came back out, she immediately began scanning the club box for Alyssa. After she spotted her, she raised an eyebrow in surprise. Ash put a hand on her shoulder as she stood at her side, “We thought she might like some company.” Sucking in her bottom lip, she refused to make eye contact with the blonde. She did her best to remain unemotional and she nodded slightly, “Thanks.”

Alyssa sat with Ashlyn’s mother and brother in the two seats behind her. Megan’s girlfriend, Frankie, was seated beside her as they chatted about the game. When Becky approached the fence, she just watched for a moment as Alyssa was talking. She couldn’t help smile at the feeling of knowing that after the game, she’d be taking her home with her.

When she noticed her, she stood and went to the fence. “Hey, there,” she smiled. “That’s one hell of a scam you two are running.” Becky laughed and nodded, “Yea, we work really well together.” Becky nodded a hello to Frankie and Ashlyn’s mother as she smiled. When she met Chris’s face, she blushed and bowed her head a little. She lowered her voice and shrugged a little with embarrassment, “Hi, Chris.”

He responded with a lighthearted smile, “Hey, killer.” Taking a step from behind Alyssa’s seat and down the single step toward the fence, he playfully questioned, “Permission to hug, ma’am?” Reaching an arm around her without waiting for a response, he told her, “You and I…we’re ok.” When he pulled back, he nodded at her for confirmation. His validating words and the way he hadn’t forced a verbal apology out of her alleviated some of the anxiety and she finally put a hand lightly on his shoulder. She held it there a minute as she thought and then looked up at him. He could see there were words stuck in her throat that wouldn’t come out and he narrowed his stare and nodded a little, “Alright. We’ll start there. Deal?”

Reclaiming her speech, she answered, “Deal.”

Reaching for Alyssa’s hand, Becky glanced down at her wrist. When she looked up, she questioned, “114? Are you alright?” Taking both of her hands and lowering herself a bit to stare into Alyssa’s eyes for a better evaluation, she repeated, “Do you feel ok?”

One side of her mouth curling up into a smile, Alyssa nodded, “I could do some complex mathematics if you don’t believe me…”

Frowning, Becky leaned in closer, “Don’t be cute. I’m serious.”

Her smile broadening, Alyssa shook her head, “I can’t do anything about the cute part but I’m serious too. I feel fine. We might have to think about changing the low end parameter.”

Surveying the surroundings by her chair, she asked, “Have you eaten?”

In an attempt to redirect her line of questioning that was bordering on obsessive, Alyssa gently took one of her hands, “Rebecca…”

The gentle tone and subtlety of her voice made her look up.

“I’m fine.”

Holding onto Alyssa’s eyes for a moment longer, Becky raised her eyebrows in response to the nod that was reinforcing her statement. “Really, I am.”

When it seemed she’d set aside her concern and accepted her response, Alyssa then asked about the game, “Are you still in?”

Shaking her head, Becky shrugged, “She said Ali and I did enough damage in the first half. We’ll start the half then they’re going to give the ‘West’ a chance to make it look like a game.”

Chris immediately let out a laugh, “That’s an awfully cocky attitude.”

With a side glance, Becky nodded with self-confidence, “Sometimes the truth ain’t pretty.”

“Whoa! And she packs a wicked burn.” Chris nudged Alyssa with his shoulder and asked, “What’s with this character?” The color that rushed into her face was enough of an answer but she still smiled at Becky and told him, “She cleans up real nice.”

Folding submissively when faced with the flirty play, Becky displayed a scrunched up expression that wrinkled her nose in the hopes it would hide her uncomfortable blush. Before she could respond, Ali called to her, saving her from an embarrassing retreat. Their mutual smiles silently explained they’d pick this conversation up again later. Before she could back away, still lingering, Becky felt a tugging on the waist of her jersey, “Let’s go. We’ve got something to take care of out here.” A quick nod, Megan smiled, “Hey, Lys.”

Megan was still teasing with Becky when she suddenly spun around and swiped at Megan’s arm to disconnect it from her clothing. Weaving around behind her, Becky swatted at Megan’s hair, “Oh, you’re a little slow to respond there ‘cap’.” Spinning herself in the wrong direction, Megan turned the opposite way when Becky swatted at the hair on the top of her head again teasingly. Becky was laughing at herself, as she confused Megan, “Oh, where’d she go? There she is! No wait…” Becky spun around Megan a third time and buzzed the top of her head with her hand again as she ran by. Megan’s inadequate reach for the taller girl and initial confusion to steady her surroundings had her dizzy as she stumbled after her and out onto midfield.

Alyssa was laughing so hard at Becky’s free spirited antics that it caught her by surprise when her wrist began to vibrate and she heard a loud chirping sound coming from the device. Silencing the alarm, she looked out at Becky who was still tormenting Megan. The pair had begun chasing each other around the field while weaving through players and at times, using them as decoys and shields.

Eventually it seemed that Megan had given up her pursuit. She stopped altogether and waved her hand at Becky who was smiling at the victory her persistence had brought.

The display on the device read 109. She ran through a mental exercise to evaluate if she was thinking clearly and then lowered the parameter once she’d made her decision. She stared at the display a moment with a bit of hesitation before setting it.

“You alright,” Frankie whispered. Nodding, as she met her concern, Alyssa told her, “I am. I really think I’m good. I’m trying not to let this number make me panic if there’s no reason to.” Alyssa looked at the monitor again before confirming the new setting. When she looked up, Frankie was questioning, “What did you just do?”

“I set it to 103.”

With a bit of alarm in her voice, Frankie shook her head, “Is that a good idea? Isn’t that really low?” Glancing down at the device, she asked, “Are you sure?”

Alyssa nodded, “I’m sure.”

Frankie put a manicured hand over her face and began shaking her head to herself. The bright red apple earrings that she wore, swayed as they dangled furiously. When she looked at the field, she questioned aloud, “I’m torn between the wrath of my girlfriend or your wife.” Alyssa laughed and twisted the lid off of a bottle of ginger ale. “I could use a cool drink.” Taking a swallow from the bottle, she set it down intentionally and nodded, “That’s better.”

Frankie had pursed her lips that were framed with bright red lipstick and raised an eyebrow suspiciously. Alyssa gave her a wink and smiled again, “I’m alright.”

Returning their attention to the field as the second half was about to begin, the players stood in a group in front of the club box. Megan gave them a ‘pep talk’ that had everyone smiling as they tightened shoes and retrieved last sips of water.

Standing on the edge of the field, Marie handed water bottles to the players that needed them. When she handed one to Becky, she smirked a little. In an attempt to ignore her, Becky turned her back to her and looked at Alyssa and smiled. She was eating a hot dog. She instantly felt better knowing she was paying attention to the device. When she turned, she accidentally stepped into Marie who was still watching her. “Jesus, can you give me some space?”

“You want to fuck girls, don’t you?”

Her mouth dropped open in shock and she only stared. Ashlyn stepped in front of Becky to avoid an altercation. She leaned toward Marie and asked, “Are you mentally ill? What are you doing in the middle of a game? Not to mention…” Glancing back at Becky who was intently staring, “She’ll fucking rip you to pieces, you idiot.”

“Why does lesbian not have lesbian hair?” She was trying to get Becky thrown out of the game. Her antagonistic behavior was not uncommon but Ashlyn refused to let her ruin the day. The _only_ reason that Marie was there, was because of Alyssa’s retirement.

Ashlyn walked toward her and used her body to back her up until she was in front of the benches. She leaned in and whispered, “Sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up or after the game I will pluck your fucking eyes out with a rusty fucking spoon. Did you understand that?”

Marie sat on the bench behind her and stared at Ashlyn silently. Turning and going to Becky, she shook her head, “Just don’t. Look at your wife over there watching you.”

Becky saw Alyssa smiling, waving happily and Becky waved back. “You made her a promise, Becky. I know you have integrity.”

Putting a hand on her chest, Becky shook her head, “It’s alright.” Tapping her hand on Ashlyn’s shoulder, she turned and headed out to her spot on the field. Ashlyn stood a moment, unsure if maybe Becky hadn’t heard her or if she was putting her anger on hold. In any event, Ashlyn took her place between the posts until they began with the subs. They replaced her and Becky at the same time. As they made their way to the benches, the crowd demanded a response from Becky who didn’t even realize the reason for the increase in the sound level. Giving her a nudge, Ash nodded, “You better stand up and wave to your adoring fans.” Becky rolled her eyes and smiled at the blonde until she realized she wasn’t being sarcastic. They’d begun to chant her name, so she quickly stood and turned to face the crowd. With the intentions of a subtle wave, she stopped when she heard the cheers at her acknowledgment. She looked around the stadium and smiled a little remembering the feeling as she stood with Ali last summer after winning the tournament. As much as she enjoyed it, she assumed it was mostly for Ali. As her eyes scaled the crowds, she saw her jersey number in the stands. People were clapping for her and wearing her name proudly. The feeling overwhelmed her and she suddenly felt a rush of panic coursing through her veins and she didn’t know why. Ashlyn sensed the change and before she sat, she stood at Becky’s side and clapped a few times and nodded to the crowd, “It’s all you.” Throwing her arms up, she made a heart with her hands and then put a hand to her chest to say thank you to the crowd before sitting beside Ash.

When Ali and Megan were subbed out, Becky watched the same reaction from the crowd, only Megan was able to grandstand with more flair. Moving to the chairs, the group sat together as Marie immediately gave up two goals. Under her breath, Megan bowed her head and whispered, “Seriously.”

Ali gave her a side-glance when the out of character comment left her lips. Wiping her face with a towel, she looked out at Marie.

The celebration on the field was nothing less than joyous despite the fact that Marie allowed a total of 4 goals. Becky began gathering her things at the bench when Ali came to her side. Taking a hold of her arm, she leaned in, “What’re you doing?”

Pulling her warmup over her head, she questioned, “What? What do you mean?”

Gesturing with a nod toward the stands, Ali raised her eyebrows, “You absolutely _have_ to stay.”

When Becky looked up, she saw a steady crowd had gathered at the closest point of access and were looking expectantly for her to sign autographs. Her attention caused an immediate swell of cheering in the hopes she would oblige.

“Ali, they want you.”

Taking a few steps, Ali waved, “Then come over with me.” Waiting impatiently, Becky finally gave in and followed her to the edge of the field. The closer she got to the crowd, the more she realized she was hearing her name. As she approached, she looked over at Alyssa who was smiling at her.

When she reached the side, she was immediately met with calls to her from people holding out items that they wanted her to sign. She was overwhelmed. At first, she quickly scribbled her name across whatever items they held out, the fear in the back of her head they were mistaking her for someone else. She didn’t really look up until she began responding to ‘thank yous’ or comments that made her make eye contact. Eventually, Becky was smiling and having brief dialogues with random fans who were overjoyed to meet her. She marveled at the amount of young children who commented on her gameplay and she began to feel embarrassed about her bad behavior when she noticed some of their parents. She started to reinforce that you just had to play hard and play fair. She realized she was molding the youth of future players and the reality of her actions began flooding her senses.

“Becky, can you sign my hat?” Taking the cap from the girl, she then heard her ask, “Becky, when you were twelve, what made you want to play so good?”

Halting her actions, she stopped and looked up, “I wanted to make my dad proud of me.” Handing her the hat, the girl put it on her head and nodded, “Thanks.” It was an honest answer that she easily provided. She took a few selfies and was lost in enjoying herself until something caught her eye. A teen girl nearby was holding up a jersey from her team last summer. Just the sight of it made her smile. When she was close enough, she took the jersey and asked, “Did you watch this game?”

Narrowing her eyes in thought, she replied with a nod and a heavy accent, “Yes.” Pointing to herself, she added, “As student.”

Her eyes widening, Becky asked, “You were there in that madness?”

The young girl nodded. When Becky heard screams for Ali, she looked over, held out the jersey and called, “Ali, look?” coming to her side, she smiled, “Oh, geez. That feels like a million years ago.” Becky signed the jersey and asked as she gestured beside her, “You want this character’s signature? Since she’s standing here and all…” The girl nodded and smiled when Ali wrote her name across the fabric. Then she held out her cell phone, “Can we?”

Ali held the phone and pulled Becky closer so the trio could take a selfie together. Ali relinquished the phone and Becky handed back the navy blue jersey with the gold letters that she suddenly realized made her feel nostalgic and even a little homesick for a different time in her life.

“Girls.” One of the security members who was standing nearby, motioned for them, “We need to clear the area.” Becky nodded but before she could move, Ali leaned in, “He’s just giving you an out. You can stay if you want.”

Glancing up at the manageable crowd that remained, she smiled, “I will if you will.” Ali had already started signing a poster that had her name on it before giving Becky a side-eye and a smile.

Shaking her head at her friend, Becky started talking with fans again and taking selfies. She kept hearing her name and tried to make sure that she was addressing everyone until one girl questioned, “Would you tell me where you get your boots? I want to be able to do what you do?” Having put off deciding on a company sponsorship, she’d been wearing what was always most comfortable. Knowing the brand but unsure of the type, she looked down at her feet. After turning her foot a few times, she bent down and kicked them off. Laughing at herself for ‘Dory’ moment, she glanced up at the girl and said, “I didn’t even realize I’d been sticking with these for years. I like them a lot.” Handing one to the girl, she fumbled with the inside tag and then smiled, “I know these.” Holding it out for Becky, she smiled, “Thank you. I’ve been watching you all season and I really think you’re talented.” She met the girl’s appreciative eyes then noticed Alyssa standing beside her who gestured at the shoe. Becky nodded and then answered, “You’re welcome. Why don’t you keep it? For reference.”

“Really?”

Becky wrote something on the side of the shoe and then handed it to her, “Yeah, really.” Before she walked away, she scribbled quickly on the other one and called, “Here. You don’t want to break up a set.” Tossing her the other shoe, she turned to follow Ali to the locker room.

As they walked up the corridor toward the showers, Ali asked, “How’d you lose your shoes?” Becky shrugged, “Just one of those things.”

Smiling, Ali laughed, “Yeah, I lost a shirt to one of those things, too.”

When the pair heard yelling down the hallway, they looked at one other and started to run up the ramp. Once inside, they saw Ashlyn and Marie shouting at each other and several teammates somewhere in the middle holding them apart.

Reaching Ashlyn’s side, Ali was pulling on her arm, “What’s happened?”

When she saw Ali, she held her arm out and told her to get back. Marie was pushing her way through teammates, trying to get closer, when she noticed Becky. Then, she stopped and stared. With everything at a sudden silence, Megan asked, “Is this over?”

There were various glances and silent questions floating around the room, when Ashlyn announced, “I’ll end this…” Turning, she went to the counter where there was tape, lotions, cotton padding and medical supplies. Picking up a pair of scissors, she poised her hand in them. Megan took a panicked step closer and shook her head, “Ash, don’t.”

Turning them on herself, she took a section of her long blonde hair and cut it off. Letting it drop to the floor, she looked over at Marie. Gathering another section in her other hand, she chopped it off and again let it fall to the floor. Ali stood silently watching and then looked over at Marie who then met Ali’s accusing stare. When Marie looked back across the room at Ashlyn, she shook her head to herself.

“What’s the matter?” Ashlyn questioned. “Is this better? Do I look like what I am now? Can you tell the difference between us…” Marie looked over at Becky who was staring back, confused, unsure of what had occurred.

Looking away, embarrassed, Marie gathered her things and left the locker room. The majority of the team stood silently as they digested the events. Megan stepped over the clutter of bags and equipment on the floor and went to Ashlyn, “I shouldn’t have let this go on as long as I did. I’m sorry.”

Dropping a hand on her shoulder, Ash nodded, “All good, dude. It’s just hair. It’ll grow back.”

Lindsey, from an opposing team, added, “Personal life is personal life. It shouldn’t come into this locker room and suddenly be a factor. This is a safe space. We’re athletes.”

Kelley, who was sitting on one of the benches, apologized, “I’m sorry I let her use hate speech around me. It’s not ok.”

A few of the girls nodded in agreement. “This can’t go on,” Megan continued. “We’re a family. We all spend too much time together; some of us more than others. We need to support each other and work together.”

Closing her locker door, Katie picked up a large duffel bag and shook her head, “Good luck, guys. I can’t be a part of this.” As she walked through the room, she glanced over at Megan, “I knew I saw you coming out of that place.”

As she exited the room, Megan saluted her departure, in a military way. Ali ran her fingers through Ashlyn’s uneven hair and took the scissors from her hand, “Sit down. Let me fix this.” Turning slightly, the blonde met sad and sympathetic brown eyes. Ali was sorting through her feelings about what had just happened. When Ashlyn’s hazel eyes wouldn’t let her go, she bowed her head a bit and whispered, “I’m proud of you.” She raised up on her toes and pecked Ashlyn’s cheek.

The couple smiled at each other until they realized they were still in the crowded locker room. Wiping her eyes that were misty, Ali sucked in her bottom lip shyly and looked around the room. She took a deep breath and then saw Becky standing by herself, still in the doorway. 

Kelley stood slowly, walked closer to her and shrugged a little, “I’d still like to run drills with you if you’re free.”

Animatedly weighing her options, Becky nodded, “I could find some time to give you a few pointers.” When both girls smiled, Kelley threw her arm around Becky’s shoulder and joked, “You…give me pointers.”

Ali tugged on Ashlyn to sit so she could fix the uneven patches. The majority of the room returned to chatter and conversation that proved to be a little kinder. Snipping off the last of the eight-inch-long locks that remained, Ali nodded, “Now it’s halfway decent. You can figure out what to do with the rest.”

“Not bad,” Kelley mused. “I’ll bet you have better games between the posts now without all the hair weighing you down.”

Swatting at the girl, Ashlyn ran her fingers through it. “I don’t know why I didn’t do this on my own. I probably weigh less.”

Poking her side with her finger, Megan shook her head, “That does _not_ mean that you get to eat double dessert cause you found a sneaky five pound out.”


	24. What's The Name Of The Game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated 8/30/20 - I apologize but I did some subtle OCD tweaks on this chapter that were necessary if I wanted to sleep at night. When I do this, you may or may not even notice the changes but in my head, everything flows better. Thanks. ;)   
> *ALERT* If you're reading this early in the evening on Sunday night, I will be posting several chapters by midnight. 
> 
> Also, I have posted the space for Becky and Alyssa's story to continue.

**Chapter Twenty-four**

**What’s The Name Of The Game**

“This was a long day.” Ali sat on the edge of Ashlyn’s bed and dried the ends of her hair with a towel. Already lying back on a pillow in her sweats and a tee shirt, Ashlyn yawned, “But we got it done. They’re all moved in.”

“It helped that Becky still lived so close.”

Looking over her shoulder, Ali added, “That and the fact that she owns nothing.”

“She always been that way?”

Ali nodded, “No emotional attachments. I’m pretty sure she does it on purpose.”

Ashlyn smiled a little, “Not anymore. She’s emotional and attached.”

Laying back on the bed, Ali laughed at the thought, “Alyssa was like, fourteen, at that tournament. Can you believe the four of us were all on the same field that long ago and now…look at us?”

Ashlyn was quiet. Rolling onto her side, Ali looked up. The blond was lost in her own thoughts somewhere. Reaching over and brushing through Ashlyn’s short cropped hair, she smiled. The buzzed fade on the sides prevented her from curling her fingers around it. “It’s going to take me some time to get used to this.” Her eyes closed, enjoying the massaging sensation that Ali had adopted in lieu of the latter, she let out a long comforted sigh.

“Yesterday and today were so crazy. I didn’t get a chance to tell you much I admire what you did. Becky would have killed her.”

Running her hand back through Ali’s hair, Ashlyn shook her head, “Don’t sell her short. She’s getting there.”

Lying on her back, Ali laughed, “You’re right. She played a clean game. No cards.”

Pulling Ali closer and rolling halfway on top of her, Ashlyn leaned in and kissed her lips. She began to kiss her neck and her hands dropped to her waist. When she slid her hand underneath her nightshirt and between her thighs, Ali stopped her, “Don’t.”

Her hand, still resting on her thigh, Ashlyn pulled back a few inches, “Ali, I can feel you’re wet.”

Moving her hand away, she rolled facing away from her, “I know. I just don’t…I’m afraid it’ll happen again.”

Her arms around her from behind, Ashlyn rested her chin on her shoulder, “What does your therapist say?”

“We’re working on it.” Ali took her hand and held it, “You know it’s not you, right?”

Ashlyn laughed a little and told her, “I’m working on it. When your girlfriend cries in the middle of her orgasm, it’s a little bit of an ego blow.”

“But it’s not you.”

“Ali, it’s been four months. I’m dealing as best I can. Ok?”

Sitting up, frustrated, Ali let out an exasperated breath.

“What are you going to do?”

Standing, she didn’t turn around, “I’m going to sleep in my own bed tonight.”

Ashlyn shook her head to herself, “Ali? Don’t do that.”

When she started for the door, Ashlyn called again, “Ali!”

Flopping on the bed, Ashlyn stared at the ceiling.

Pulling the door closed behind her, Ali passed Megan on the steps, “Night, Ali.” She was struggling to get up the stairs with the soft cast on her ankle.

Stopping, Ali asked, “Do you need help?”

Megan shook her head, “Naa. It’s just a pain in the ass sprain. Anything worth doing is worth doing right.” She continued on down the hall toward her room with the crutches and Ali called back, “Let me know if you need something.”

Giving a quick wave, Megan promised, “Will do, Ali.”

“Night.”

Becky was sitting at the kitchen table holding Rae in her arms. “Hey,” she nodded. Sitting at the table beside her, she helped scratching behind the dog’s ears. Letting Ali take over the job, Becky mused, “What a life she’s got.”

Ali leaned over and kissed her head, “So sweet.”

The bathroom door opened and Alyssa walked into the kitchen carrying her towel, “Hi.” She leaned into her doorway to toss her towel in the basket when Becky called after her, “Ali just kissed your girl.”

Turning quickly, Alyssa stared with an eyebrow raised. Narrowing her eyes a bit, she warned, “You better be talking about Rae.” Pointing a finger, she added, “I know where you both sleep.”

Running her fingers gently along Becky’s neck, Ali asked, “Is that tight?” Her hand tracing where Ali’s fingers had been, she shook her head, “Is what tight?”

Smiling, Ali nodded, “That leash she’s got you on.”

Waving her off, Becky rolled her eyes, “Bah. Tighten your own leash.”

Setting glasses on the counter, Alyssa asked, “Ali, do you want some milk?”

Nodding, “Yes, please.”

Alyssa poured three glasses of milk and set them on the table. She opened a package of animal graham crackers and set them on a plate on the table then sat down.

“You been feeling alright?” Ali took one of the crackers and put it in her mouth.

Taking a swallow of milk, Alyssa nodded. “I’ve got this set at 80 as my low point and nothing. We’ve decided that it happens randomly when the tumor is activated.”

“And do you know when that is? What causes it?”

Becky shook her head. “Totally random.” Looking passed Ali, she noticed Alyssa teasing her again. She’d tugged her tee shirt down revealing a hint of cleavage. When Ali reached for another cookie, she let the fabric go and asked, “Ali, are you sleeping in your room tonight?”

Shrugging a little, she finally nodded, “Yeah. I just need a minute.”

“Are you ok?” Looking over at her friend, she asked, “You want some company? I could give you a loaner for the night.”

Glancing over at Becky, who was holding Rae, she asked, “Which one of those sad puppy dogs are you talking about?”

Handing her the puppy, Becky wrinkled her nose, “Sorry. I’m sold.”

Cuddling Rae against her chest, Ali asked, “You sure you don’t mind? You were away from her for a week.”

“You look like you need her snuggles right now.”

Ali stood and went to Alyssa. Kissing her cheek, she nodded, “Thanks.” Taking a few steps, she called back, “Night…” before closing her bedroom door behind her.

*

Taking Becky’s hand, she led her out of the kitchen and flipped off the light before they left the room.

Alyssa had been intentionally teasing her all afternoon. Her playful flirting was almost painful. It stirred something deep inside her that pulled in a way that forced her to acknowledge the feelings. On her best day, she could never ignore how it made her ache.

Leaning back on the door, Alyssa cocked her head to the side a little, watching Becky nervously push her hands into the front pockets of her jeans and then take them out and fold her arms over herself instead. Alyssa made sure to let her hair fall over her shoulders in the unruly way that drove her crazy and she refused to push it back and out of her face. Becky was biting her bottom lip so hard to hold herself back that Alyssa could actually see the painful restraint.

The sleeveless white tee shirt hugged her body so well that Alyssa would have shed any inhibitions that she’d had solely for the visual in front of her. The definition of Becky’s chiseled arms were enough to make her want to beg for her affections at any cost. Why Becky still couldn’t ask for herself, what she would surely demand should it be something Alyssa needed, was infuriating. The way she was standing, with a bit of impatience, revealed how wet and horny she really was. No matter how well Becky thought she was hiding her desire, her body had already betrayed her tenfold.

Taking a step closer, she slid her arms around Alyssa’s waist. In a low growl, she whispered, “I want to do things to you.” Trying to nuzzle gently, she nipped at her neck and then ran her tongue behind her ear. The sensation sent shockwaves between her thighs and she could feel moisture soaking through her panties. Before Becky could render her powerless, Alyssa reached her arms up and around her neck. She countered with the soft gentle kisses that Becky loved to trade with her. It immediately broke her focus and Alyssa maneuvered herself around until she had Becky pinned back against the door. Their kisses were slow and deliberate and definitely not helping the situation. She had an agenda.

Dropping her hands to her waist, Alyssa unbuttoned Becky’s jeans and slowly slid down the zipper. Without waiting for a protest, she pulled them down and stayed on her knees. She slowly reached for the waistband of her boxers and looked up so Becky could watch her.

Her hands traveled slowly up her thighs at an achingly slow crawl. Then she dragged her fingertips lightly down the soft skin of her inner legs. Alyssa lightly swiped her tongue down the center of Becky’s tender flesh and then looked up at her questioningly. The sensation made her tingling transform into a throbbing between her legs. “S-s-service…” Becky whispered with a bit of uncertainty.

Her hands grasped her hips tightly and Alyssa ran her tongue up and down the center of her folds again until she heard Becky whine with pleasure. She exhaled with a moan that came with a deep seeded need for more. Alyssa abruptly stopped when she was sure that Becky was invested and glanced up again. Swallowing hard around her heavy breaths, she took handfuls of Alyssa’s tee shirt in each of her hands and their eyes met. When there was silence, Alyssa backed away an inch, threatening to abandon the action. She felt Becky’s grip on her tighten and an expression of panic took over. It was torturous and cruel to stall but she wanted Becky to accept her worth and open herself up. She needed to know that she could trust that Alyssa would give her whatever she wanted in the same way that she provided for her. She deserved to be just as happy and fulfilled. All she had to do was communicate.

“Can I feel your mouth?” It was indirect and spoken in barely a whisper but Alyssa smiled and focused her attention in front of her again. Her hands firmly on her hips for balance, she very delicately buried her face into Becky’s moist skin and used her lips to gently suck on her clitoris that was so swollen.

Becky’s legs buckled and she was leaning back against the door as she began to move her hips in slow succession to the movements of Alyssa’s lips. Letting out a soft moan, she made a soft sucking sound and felt the way that Becky’s breathing had changed. The pressure was becoming too much and she was going to need more. Alyssa very gently released her anatomy and looked up, waiting for direction. The blood that remained in her brain, fueling her thoughts, had begun spiraling. She searched for words to string together to describe what she wanted next. Alyssa could see her struggling. Her needs would be met if she could bring herself to just ask. She bit her bottom lip as she met Alyssa’s eyes that were promising to comply. Using her tongue to tease, she looked up and Becky squeezed her eyes shut as she breathed out, “…lick my pussy.”

“Absolutely.” Alyssa immediately complied. She began with soft gentle licks that grazed over her and made her moan with pleasure. The delicate licks were making her so wet she felt juices dripping off her chin. Her tongue provided superficial laps that very quickly became frustrating when they denied the deep plunging pressure she needed. Becky was crying in a high pitched whine, stuck at the precipice of orgasm until she realized what she needed.

Becky took fistfuls of Alyssa’s hair and guided her where she wanted her mouth and then begged with desperation, “Eat my pussy, make me cum…please.” Buried deep inside her, her tongue searched every crevice and plunged itself further until Becky’s pleading seized. Alyssa flattened her tongue and fluttered it over where she’d been instructed. Becky let go of her hair and held her breath in spasmodic rhythm until a warm liquid began to bathe Alyssa’s face.

Becky was on the edge and she reached for one of the hands that was tightly grasping her waist. She interlaced their fingers together and cried, “Oh, ...Lys.” She attempted to bond them by acknowledging her most vulnerable moment and sharing it. Their eyes locked on one another and she tumbled into an orgasm unlike any other she’d ever known. Her whole body hummed at a frequency where only Alyssa was synced. The air around her buzzed with electricity as her mind flashed scenes of domesticity and lifelong commitments to one another.

Becky continued to softly breathe out Alyssa’s name as the crescendo of her orgasm washed over her. Then, as she watched Alyssa, she caught her breath and squeezed her hand. Pulling her up, she helped her to her feet and then looked down at herself embarrassed. A little confused, Alyssa caressed her shoulder, “What’s wrong?”

When Becky finally raised her eyes to meet Alyssa’s, she looked like she wanted to cry. Her eyes had filled with tears and she asked, “Please don’t ever make me tell you to ‘service me’ again. It’s disrespectful. You deserve better than that from me.”

Alyssa could see the revelation in her thinking. The sincerity in her eyes revealed how badly she wanted to communicate her intentions. “It’s alright, baby. You’re so good to me.” Putting her arms around her and hugging her body, she reinforced, “You’re my protector.”

A tear escaped her as she almost mumbled, “I don’t want you to service me. I want you to love me and I don’t know how to ask.”

Becky was shaking in her arms and Alyssa could feel how vulnerable she felt. Bending down, she pulled up her clothes to cover her, hoping she’d relax. Her boxers in place, she brought her jeans up over her waist. She pulled the zipper halfway up before she asked, “Are you alright? I’m sorry. I really do want to…satisfy you.”

Nodding, Becky was biting her bottom lip. Then, “Lys, you satisfy me. And I’m a big girl…” She was still nodding as she struggled to continue, “The least I can do is be an adult about this.” She hesitated again and then stumbled over the words, “I like it when you lick my pussy and make me cum.” Her face flushed a crimson color and she closed her eyes, as she went on, “I’ve never said those words to anyone and I’ve never heard them in a context that wasn’t dirty. I hope you don’t think I mean it that way and…”

Alyssa stopped her and hugged her tightly, “Becky, it’s not dirty. It’s us.” When she finally opened her eyes, she seemed relieved. “You and I are not dirty for wanting to please each other.” There was some comfort in the way Alyssa spoke so directly.

“Why do you love me?” Alyssa’s voice was just as soft and comforting as she spoke the question that made Becky’s chest tighten. “Why…” With the wind knocked from her lungs, she had to clear her throat to start again, “Why would you ask? Have I done something…” Cutting her off as she caressed her cheek, Alyssa kissed her lips, “Stop that. There’s no doubt here. I want to know what compels you.”

As she blushed a little, Becky returned a delicate kiss on Alyssa’s lips. “When I hear you laugh…and see you smile, it makes me…it just, I can’t explain it. It does something to me. I could sit and just watch the way you move forever. You make me feel my own heart beating.”

Holding her face with her hands, Alyssa’s color changed. Her cheeks flushed a deeper shade and her eyes glassed over. Connecting with Becky’s watchful eyes, she whispered, “I knew you were alive in there somewhere.”

“Why do you love me?” Becky’s question made Alyssa smile. She easily answered, “Because I can’t imagine my life without you in it.”

Becky blushed and avoided her eyes, “Words and my feelings are definitely not my strong suit. I wish I could just tell you how I feel without babbling so much.”

Alyssa lifted her chin a little and smiled in a way that alleviated her worry. “Your lips might not be so good with the words but your eyes have an awful lot to say. It’s ok.”

Becky was working at letting herself smile. There was a lot on her mind. Wrapping her arms around Alyssa’s waist, she softly pressed kisses into her neck and then began, “Lys, I want to ask you a question.” She hesitated to rest her lips against the warmth of her skin and then continued, “You can say no and I’ll understand because I’m scared too.”

Pulling back to look at her, Alyssa gave her full attention. Whatever it was that she wanted to ask was causing her stress. “I’ve been thinking.” She stopped again and took in a long deep breath.

“I want to go home to visit my father and I’d like it if you came with me. I want to introduce you to him, so he knows his daughter has a heart.”


	25. Cool Kids

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

**Cool Kids**

Pulling their bedroom door quietly closed, Becky turned and stopped, startled. Ali was standing at the counter in front of the coffee pot. In the kitchen’s dull light of sunrise, standing in her boxers and sleeveless tee, she could see Becky blush a little. Opening the cabinet to hide her smile and grabbing for another cup, Ali asked, “Just cream right?”

Becky nodded and apologized, “Let me put some clothes on.” Tugging on the hem of her shirt, Ali handed her the coffee, “Don’t be silly. Since when did we have to be so formal.”

Taking the cup and holding it, Becky was trying to make a decision. Ali opened the drawer and took out another spoon and prodded, “Come on, I need somebody to talk to.”

Following Ali to the table, Becky sat across from her and splashed some cream into her cup. Then, pouring some into her own, she held her hand out for the spoon Ali offered. “I know you’re not embarrassed because I caught you in your underwear, so what’s up?”

Refusing to make eye contact, Becky focused on stirring her coffee as if her life depended on it. After enough time went by, Ali questioned, “Are you alright?”

Shrugging slightly, Becky nodded, “Yeah.”

“Just yeah?” Setting her spoon on the table she went on, “From what I could hear last night, it was more than just yeah.” Her hand over her face, Becky shook her head, “I don’t know how we became friends.” Then, quickly glancing up, she took it back, “I didn’t mean that.”

“It’s not the end of the world just because I heard you having sex.”

Looking up at Ali through the spaces between her fingers that covered her face, Becky mumbled, “Please stop.” Stifling a smile, Ali casually commented, “Well, maybe you should answer my original question before I start asking for more embarrassing details.”

Her stare wandered up to the ceiling as she shook her head with futility, “It’s really easy to see why you and Lys get along so well. But between the two of you, you’re both going to kill me.”

Resting her hand on her chin, Ali feigned her most interested look, “You don’t say? What’d she do?”

Her hesitation stalled the conversation and Ali shrugged, “It’s ok, don’t tell me. I’ll ask Alyssa later. That’ll be more fun.”

“God, no!” Lowering her voice, Becky sighed, “Fine.” Rolling her eyes, she barely breathed out, “She made me talk dirty to her all night. Alright?”

Ali tried to sound confused, “She what?”

Narrowing her eyes, Becky grumbled, “You heard me.” Looking up at the moldings around the windows, she went on, “Apparently, I have a hard time expressing my feelings.” To avoid looking at Ali, she studied the treatments over the kitchen windows in the bay like she was a contractor.

Ali tilted her head a little, “You don’t say…”

Suddenly, Ali’s bedroom door squeaked a bit and a little nose poked its way through. Tapping her feet across the kitchen floor as she moved, Rae went to the foot of Ali’s chair and pawed at her leg. A whine accompanied the request until she was scooped up and settled into Ali’s lap. “She needs to go out. Come with me.” Ali stood and Becky slowly followed.

Rae investigated the yard while Becky pulled herself up onto the picnic table to sit beside Ali.

“So, you were saying?”

Becky looked over at Ali and let out a breath, “Relentless, you know that?” Rae chased a grasshopper that had caught her attention and Becky asked, “Do you two ever ask each other for sex?”

Narrowing her eyes a little in thought, Ali looked down into her lap. “You mean, what do you mean?” When she looked over at Becky again, she could see her struggling to explain.

“When you start fooling around, do you ever just…really want…” She stopped and then asked, “Do you ever just tell her that you really want her to go down on you?” Becky was waiting for her answer with such keen interest that what she was asking finally clicked.

“Ahh, I see.” When she smiled a little, Becky begged, “Please don’t laugh at me.”

Putting an arm around her friend, Ali sighed, “I would hope that after all we’ve been through, you’d know that I would never laugh at you, Bex. I’m smiling because I can fix this. Alyssa and I already had this talk.”

“You did?”

“Yes, we did. And you are one lucky girl.”

“Why?”

“Because she said that she loves making you feel good and wants to go down on you all the time but you seem like you’re not into it. She feels like you might not want her to so…”

“Alright…alright. I got you. Loud and clear.”

“I think the two of you are still figuring things out. I also think that trusting one another shouldn’t be such a scary thing. You’re married. Lys would _never_ try to hurt you.”

Becky was nodding subtly.

“Do you believe that?”

“I believe that.”

“Is that why she made you talk dirty to her all night?”

Becky was half smiling. “Uh-huh. She wanted me to not be embarrassed to say what I wanted.”

“What’s with the smile? Are you going to be the new queen of R rated talk?”

Becky began to mumble, “She had a little system for every dirty word. She rated how dirty it was…then I got a reward.”

Ali smiled and shook her head, “I’m guessing you were a fast learner.”

Shaking her head, Becky told her, “No, but it was definitely fun.”

Rae noticed Becky and barked as she ran to her and tried to climb her leg. Picking her up, she called, “Come ‘ere squirt.” Nuzzling against Becky’s chest, Rae settled in. “Thanks for taking her.”

“It was nothing.”

“How come you were solo?”

Ash and I need some space right now.”

“Space? Why?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Ali, seriously. You guys don’t sleep apart. What’s wrong?”

Ali lowered her voice and leaned in, “We were having sex and in the middle of my orgasm, I burst into tears.” Becky jumped down from the table and stood defensively, “Did she hurt you?”

“Nothing like that.” Afraid to say it out loud, Ali whispered, “I’m afraid of having babies. I don’t think I want them. And Ash does. When I climax, I feel so guilty. I don’t want her to wait around hoping that I’ll change my mind. So, we’ve been sleeping together but not having sex.”

“Geez, Al.”

“Yeah. My therapist is working me through this all. Why don’t I want kids? When should I tell Ash? How?”

“Give a girl a heads up. I’d like to not be home.”

Ali laughed, “I’ll try. Last night she wanted to…you know, and I stopped her. She’s frustrated. So, before it was a big fight, I went to sleep in my room. I’m glad she didn’t follow me.”

“That’s why you came downstairs?”

Ali nodded. “It’s not like I didn’t want to. It was so confusing. Can you imagine in the middle of an orgasm, Alyssa bursting into tears and crying?”

“Yeah, I’d be all kinds of concerned.” Her lips gently pressed to Rae’s head, Becky was thinking. Then, “Why don’t you want kids?”

Ali met her friendly green eyes and shook her head, “I’m not sure. I think about me, pregnant, and it scares me.”

Standing in front of Ali, holding Rae, Becky nodded, “I know.”

Looking up again, Ali questioned, “You thinking about babies?”

Shrugging a shoulder, Becky pressed her lips to Rae’s head again and thought. “It never crossed my mind before I was with Lys. But now, I can see us raising children…waiting for Santa, birthday parties.”

Finishing the thought, Ali added, “Runny noses, temper tantrums, failing math…”

“Yeah. Raising children. There’s a lot involved; I know.” Becky felt like she was defending herself. “It’s not all going to be rainbows and glitter.”

Quickly responding, Ali asked, “Doesn’t that scare you?”

Cradling Rae against her, Becky lowered her voice, “It terrifies me to think that I might have a child like me. I’m a nightmare. I worried my father to death.”

Standing, Ali shook her head, “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“What comforts me…I know that Alyssa loves me and…” Becky stopped and her face became strained. Ali could see her mind was racing. “What if having a child makes her resentful like my mother was with me? What if she can’t bond or doesn’t want any part of motherhood?” Sitting on the bench at the table, she shook her head, “She wouldn’t hurt a child out of jealousy, would she?”

“Becky, stop.” Ali put her hands on her shoulders and shook her head, “You know very well that she would never do anything like that.”

Looking up, expectantly, Becky asked, “Would Ash?”

Standing and taking a step back, Ali frowned, “Did you just trick me?”

“Well, you act like you’d be all alone.”

“What does your therapist say about you and your sudden marriage?”

“She said if I can resolve my guilt and anger that it might not be a mistake.”

Ali began running her finger along Rae’s nose and whispered, “If I hadn’t already seen changes in you, I’d wonder.”

“She questioned whether I’d hurt Alyssa.”

Lifting her eyes to meet Becky’s, Ali asked, “Why?”

“The guilt, the anger. You know, the way my mother treated me.”

Leaning against the table, Ali asked, “Do you still get angry…the way you used to?”

Becky pressed her lips to Rae’s head.

“Bex?”

Setting Rae on the ground, Becky jumped down from the table. Looking to Ali, she promised, “I’d never touch her in anger. Ever.” Turning toward the house, Rae followed along after Becky. Looking to Ali, she questioned, “You coming inside?”

Ali smiled as she nodded and answered, “I like your underwear.”

Shaking her head, Becky sighed, “Relentless...”


	26. 50 Ways to Say Goodbye

**Chapter Twenty-Six**

**50 Ways to Say Goodbye**

Knocking lightly on the bedroom door, Ali softly called, “Ashlyn? Are you awake?”

The blond immediately answered, “Yeah.”

Slipping into her bedroom in the early morning sunlight, Ali asked, “Are you still angry with me?”

Leaning against the headboard with her arms behind her head, Ashlyn shook her head, “I’m not angry. I’m confused. Maybe even a little disappointed.”

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Ali questioned, “Disappointed?”

Folding her arms over herself defensively, Ashlyn shrugged, “Well, what do you want from me? You don’t want to talk to me. You sure as hell don’t want to sleep with me.”

Looking into each other’s eyes silently, Ali finally dropped her gaze into her own lap, “I don’t want children.” She waited for some sort of response and then glanced over expectantly.

Ashlyn had narrowed her eyes in thought as she was working through the statement she’d heard in her head. “You mean, right now?”

Slowly shaking her head, she whispered, “No. I don’t want them, at all.”

Sitting up slightly, Ashlyn made a face that displayed utter confusion. “But what about the way you are with Jacob? Or the kid on the field at the game? You keep saying you want to coach kids?”

Ali tried to lower her voice to counter the rise in Ashlyn’s level. “I do. And what about how I am with Jacob?”

Sitting all the way up and dropping her hand angrily on the bed, the blond nodded, “So you want to be around everybody else’s kids but not ours.”

Sliding herself an extra inch away from Ashlyn, Ali answered, “We don’t have kids.” When Ashlyn balled her hand into a fist, Ali stood, “I wanted to be honest with you. Why can’t we be enough?”

Angrily standing, Ashlyn shook her head to herself and laughed out, “I was up all night trying to figure out what in the world I could possible have done to you now and this is what you tell me?”

“I was up all night too. You’re not the only one. I hate being apart from you.”

“Ha!” With a sarcastic smile, Ash mocked her, “You sure have a funny way of showing it.”

Ashlyn’s cell phone began to ring and they both stared at each other. Reaching for the device, she rolled her eyes and hit answer. Ali listened to her answers, “Uh huh. OK.” Pressing speaker, Ashlyn held out the phone and looked across the room at Ali as Megan’s voice reprimanded them, “Are you guys kidding me? Please don’t answer; it was rhetorical. The only reason this has gone on as long as it has is because I can’t get over there to knock some sense into either of you. It is way too early for this. So, listen up. Ash, I’m gonna need you to just shut up and Ali, I’d love some of your pancakes.” The line disconnected and Ali stifled a smile with her hand over her mouth.

Tossing the phone on the bed, Ashlyn flopped down beside it. “Ughhhh, fuck my life.”

Ali stood silently until she offered, “I have to go to the stadium today. I need to have pictures taken and sign some stuff for the charity auction.” When Ashlyn didn’t answer, she asked, “Do you think we can have dinner tonight and talk?” Glancing over her shoulder when she heard a door from somewhere downstairs close, Ali looked at Ashlyn again. She was staring at her ceiling angrily, ignoring Ali. “Ash?”

Turning for the door, she looked back one last time before she closed the door behind her.


	27. Always on My Mind (Pet Shop Boys Version)

**Chapter Twenty-Seven**

**Always on My Mind (Pet Shop Boys Version)**

Becky sat in the waiting room looking out at the city rushing by. Someone had left the blinds up and it provided an extra distraction as she waited for her therapist. Holding back a smile, she tried not to laugh when she used the word ‘therapist’ regarding herself. Her mocking smile faded when she thought back to the holidays when she realized that she needed to talk to someone.

She insisted that she wouldn’t try to hurt herself if they sent her home from the hospital. She was embarrassed, ashamed of her impulsive actions and worst of all, afraid that she’d lost Alyssa for good. When they broke up, or rather when Alyssa kicked her to the curb, she drove herself home and couldn’t bring herself to think about anything else. Regretting her behavior, it had suddenly become a trend that she couldn’t avoid. Ever since last summer, a fog had been slowly lifting, showing her more and more that she was making her life harder than it needed to be.

Her mother had effectively fucked up her head. She was distrustful, angry and resentful of everyone around her and she didn’t really think she knew why anymore. It was hard for her to accept that Ali was actually her friend. Meeting Alyssa and the feelings it ignited; another example of the way her life was changing for the better. She had friends, a budding professional career and quite possibly a romance that had potential to become something special. That is, of course, until she ruined it.

The way she felt around Alyssa was indescribable. But the hurt on her face the night that Becky took the pills, she never wanted to see again. If she dwelled on it for too long, she actually ached with regret. It was a long six months without her. Six months of not seeing her, talking to her and worst of all, without her touch. She’d worked so hard this year to find her voice and express what was making her so bitter. Last night, she’d resolved that she didn’t just want to see her father. She _needed_ to see her father. It was that important to her.

When the door to the office opened, the kind face of the woman she’d trusted herself with smiled, “Hi, Rebecca.” Standing slowly, she stood and took a deep breath. As she made her way into the office and over to the comfortable chair that she chose each week, the woman asked, “It’s a deep breath kind of day, is it?”

Becky smiled slightly and gave Christine a quick nod. “Tell me about married life this week.” Her smile brightening, she recounted the week, the all-star game and all the good things that happened with her friends.

“Sounds as if it’s going well.”

Thinking about it all, she answered, “Yes. It is.”

“How about Alyssa? Do you think she’s happy?”

Again, Becky smiled, “I don’t have any reason to believe I’m disappointing her.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

Her thoughts swirled for a moment when she realized what she said. Taking her time, she answered, “Yes. She’s happy.”

Christine wrote some notes and Becky thought about their week together. Running her fingers over her wedding band, she began thinking about her father. She wondered if he was just as ridiculously in love with her mother when they got married.

“Rebecca?”

When she heard her name, she snapped her head up. “I asked what it is that has you so preoccupied today.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t hear you.”

Christine smiled and Becky went on, “I’m going to visit my father.”

Raising her eyebrows, questioningly, Christine asked, “Tell me why.”

Running her hand over her face, she sighed. “What do you mean, why?” Becky would get so frustrated and defensive with the format and questioning during her sessions. It was difficult being provided with no real responses other than those that prompted her to continue sharing. It wasn’t as often anymore, but at times, she needed redirection.

With reassuring patience, Christine explained what she was looking for. “Well, you knock on his door and your father answers. What is the dialogue between you both? What are your expectations?”

Suddenly Becky panicked at the thought. What if he slammed the door in her face? What if he just does not want to see her? “I…I don’t know.”

“Ok. Why do you want to see him?”

Sucking in her bottom lip, she dropped her sights to her lap, “I miss him. He’s my dad.” She shrugged a little and said, “I think there was a time when he really loved me.” Then, looking up defiantly at Christine, she firmly stated, “My mother manipulated me so I wouldn’t have a relationship with him.” It was the first time she had really brought up her mother with intent.

“What did she do?”

Becky began running the end of her braid through her fingers with her left hand as she spoke, “We, my father and I, used to go out to the stables and all to see the animals all the time. I loved watching them.” She smiled as she remembered, “The sounds, the textures…even the smells. He’d lift me up to sit on the fences so I could see them all. He even brought me down a few times when some of the calves were being born. I even saw baby chicks hatch. It’s my favorite memory.”

“What changed?”

“When I was maybe five, my mother started using the time I spent with him against me. I think she was jealous. During a home school session, I had to talk about what my father did for a living. I said that he took care of animals. He was their protector. After that, she started threatening to not let me go with him to see them. I’d do anything to not lose that privilege. She held it over my head all week and then even if I did what she said, she still wouldn’t let me go. I cried a lot. After a while, I started having tantrums.”

“Did you really do what she asked?”

Becky met her stare, “She told me to put my father’s wallet in the toilet. She said to make him a winter wonderland in his office with the bottle of baby powder. One time, she said to draw a picture for him on his car with my favorite rock. I never questioned because I wanted to do a good job.”

“Then what was her reason for not letting you go?”

“She would say that when she spoke with my father, he was very unhappy with the job that I did. He told her that because he was so angry with me, he was refusing to take me to see the animals and I needed to be spanked.”

“How did that make you feel?”

“Worthless. She said he didn’t even want to see me at dinner and would send me to bed. Every Friday it was the same thing. She’d hit me with this thick yardstick and say how upset he was. I started to hate him. Whenever I saw him, I would get really mad.”

“After a while I didn’t want to even speak to him. But when I was eight or nine, I read ‘Charlotte’s Web.’ I was so happy when Wilbur got to live in the end. There were nights I couldn’t fall asleep, just thinking about what would happen, worrying about the farmer turning him into bacon. I fell in love with the story and my mother could see that my longing to go back out and see the animals wasn’t going away. I told her I missed them.”

Laughing at herself, she confessed, “I stopped eating bacon and ham because of it.” Christine smiled at her innocence and honesty.

“My mother started telling me that my father was a bad man. She said he wasn’t really protecting any of the animals and that he was actually killing them.” Becky could see Christine was trying not to react. “What kind of ranch did your father have?”

Becky’s face became solemn and the words became thick in her mouth as she spoke them, “Cattle mostly but we had all kinds of livestock. My mother promised if I was good all week that she’d take me down to see them.” Christine’s eyes closed with startling realization.

Becky’s eyes welled with tears and she wiped them with the back of her hands. “I was just a stupid kid. What did I know about a slaughterhouse?” Pulling a tissue out of the box beside her, she wiped her nose. “I watched them walking them into a cubby where this bolt gun shot them in the head and knocked them unconscious.” She had her eyes squeezed shut but tears were still able to find their way down her face. “They cut their feet off. Did you know that? They cut their feet off before they hung them up on hooks to let all the blood drain out.”

Feeling empathy for the little girl inside Becky who was dying with every tortured image, Christine offered, “Rebecca, why don’t we stop early.”

Already seeing another picture as she remembered the events, she used the tissue to wipe her nose again, “There was this huge bin in one of the rooms…it was filled with their heads. All these heads were just lying there, in a pile, staring at you. Their tortured lifeless eyes, frozen like that, forever. I was crying so hard that all I can remember was her carrying me out and us walking back to the main house. She said he did that to all the animals I loved.”

“She didn’t say why?”

“Oh, she made sure to say why. Hamburgers, ribs, lamb chops, nuggets, steak…I remember throwing up as she was talking. I threw up in the middle of the field along the fence. I thought about all the babies I saw being born and then realizing that I was probably eating them for dinner. I tried to harden my heart and not feel anything about it.” Taking another tissue, she blew her nose. “Maybe I was a sensitive kid. Maybe I was a pussy for feeling sympathy for those fragile lives that my father had told me he was protecting. It broke my heart. I thought he was a monster and couldn’t forgive him.”

“Do you think you were weak for having compassion?”

“I don’t really care what I was. I spent the next two years trying to set every last one of the animals on that ranch free. You can call me neurotic, emotionally disturbed…I was a real life ‘Bless the Beasts and Children’ character. It had become my vocation and I had to do something.”

“I never ate dinner with him because I called him a murderer. I didn’t want to hear him or anything he had to say. I kept having nightmares about that bin with the heads.”

“You never spoke about it?”

“Not long before my mother died, I was around ten, he came to talk to me while I was in the library reading. He tried to tell me about him making amends for what he’d done. He asked me to stop trying to set the animals free. I was stubborn and I didn’t really want to hear him. I’d shut down at that point.”

“My weekly spankings had become a test of wills. I refused to cry. She tried like hell to get that response out of me too. But emotionally, I was numb.”

“Do you want to stop, Rebecca?” Her question went unanswered.

“Once my mother was gone, I was totally alone. My father and I never spoke except when he gave me feedback about my schoolwork. He tried to stay objective but it was the only way we really communicated. He was diligent about my education. He even realized that I was advanced beyond where my mother had kept me.”

“It was around that time that I started cutting myself. It let me know I was still alive and capable of feeling. When there were no more spankings, because my mother was gone, I had no physical touch. After all that, it actually hurt to have no one touch me.” Becky paused and then just sat quietly.

Setting her notebook beside her and standing slowly, Christine watched Becky sitting in the chair trying to pull herself together. “When was the last time you cut yourself?”

Wiping her eyes, she whispered, “Over a year.” Becky finally looked up at her and she shrugged, “I’m sorry I kept going. I felt like I needed to get rid of that. It’s all been sitting inside me, against my chest, for years. Making me feel heavy and burdened.”

“That was a huge purge of information. How do you feel now?”

Taking in a deep long breath, she met her eyes that were still evaluating, “Alright.”

“Rebecca, I know I’ve given you homework before. I’ve asked you to voluntarily hug someone or express an inner feeling to them to see where it led you and how it made you feel.” She paused and Becky nodded. “We’ve had positive results, too.” Again, Becky nodded.

“I really like that you’ve made the decision on your own to see your father. You’re taking a step toward emotional vulnerability without being queued to do so. That’s a good thing. You’re seeking answers and closure in a healthy way. I need you to know that.”

Becky smiled a little.

Walking around her chair and going to her desk, she thumbed through a few pages in her planner, “I see we’re going to miss a week because you’ll be away for a national team game. Good luck. But I also think it’s good to step away from this. You’re going to see your father and I think that will be enough for you to digest. I want to ask you to do one thing when you see him. Listen to him, Rebecca. Give him the opportunity to speak. Remember to act with your heart more instead of your head. Your first impulse has always been the latter. You might not find what you’re looking for and it might not be immediate if anything. There are no quick fixes.” Looking back up, she then reminded her, “I’m here if you need me. If you feel anxious or overwhelmed, I urge you to call me before you act impulsively. Take your time. This is a new road you’re traveling and there’re new feelings and emotions that may frighten you or even trigger you toward anger. When you start to feel exposed and vulnerable, remember it’s because you’ve uncovered something new. Give yourself a chance to experience it because you’re now forging your own path. Don’t immediately run because this is what you’ve been working toward. These are _your_ goals.”

Becky gathered all her tissues and dropped them into the wastebasket. Standing, she laughed a little, “I don’t know what to say now. My head’s empty.”

Christine smiled, “Do you know how many people strive their whole lives to achieve such ‘Zen’? It’s called a peaceful calm.”

Sliding her hands into the pockets of her jeans, she answered, “Ok.”

Taking a few steps out from behind her desk, Christine smiled again, “You just gave yourself a very expensive gift from the self-care department, Rebecca. Don’t let the packaging fool you. It’s worth a lot more than you think it is.”

Leaving the downtown office building, Becky stepped outside into the summer heat and leaned back against the building. There were a lot of words that she’d become accustomed to hearing but she wasn’t sure she could fully appreciate how to apply them to herself. Taking out her phone, she googled ‘zen’ and ‘self-care’. Reading the definition for both, she let out a laugh. She let the corner of her mouth curl halfway into the start of a smile when she realized Christine was giving her the green light for a victory dance. The fact that she’d put herself first in a healthy way was proving that she believed she had self-worth. Somewhere deep inside her, on a primal level, she knew she was worth fighting for. Her instincts had begun to surface and take over naturally.

She’d amazed herself that she’d done something so monumental without even knowing she’d done it. She hoped that on Friday, when they landed in Texas, the rest of the weekend could go as well.


	28. Building a Mystery

**Chapter Twenty-Eight**

**Building a Mystery**

Ali spent the whole morning and half of the afternoon at the stadium with her management team, endorsement representative, team public relations and administration. First thing in the morning, they had make-up and wardrobe prep her for photographs. She was supporting Nike and they were going to start promoting her using the gear. They’d brought with them a myriad of colors, styles and types for her to take home and try so she could see which she liked the best. They were all hers. Then, they led her to a room stacked with posters, cards and clothing that needed to be hand signed for an auction. She payed attention to everything they asked her to do and she tried to get ALL of it done. By a little after three, she was done. If they needed more, she’d come back. There were a few other players there that day for the same and had rotated around already and left. Ali gathered her things and decided to stop to get a coffee. She knew she wanted to spend time with Ashlyn before things escalated any further and it became an issue.

As she drove through the center of the small trendy town, she slowed down to find a parking spot that was closer to the shop than further away. It was overcast and it looked like there might be an afternoon thunder shower to deal with. After circling a few times, she decided to settle for roughly a block away.

Before she got out of the car, she took out her phone to see if Ashlyn might want her to bring something home. Sitting back in her seat, she pressed call and looked out the window at the clouds looming overhead. As the phone rang, her eyes settled on a cafe at the opposite side of the street. She was just in time to see Ashlyn glance at the screen before silencing the call. When it clicked over to voicemail, she ended the call herself and dropped her phone into her lap, her mouth still hanging open in disbelief.

She was sitting at one of the outside seating tables with a young woman that looked familiar but she couldn’t quite place. They were sitting together and seemed to be engrossed in an extremely funny conversation that amused them both. Her stomach began to tighten as her mind began jumping to conclusions that were irrational and unwarranted. She didn’t believe that what she was seeing was what she was fearing. Neither of them had time for something like this. Regardless, she felt betrayed. She still had tears fill her eyes and make her let out a sob as she began picturing Ashlyn in bed with this woman that was so enamored with her. Then, the girl reached across the table and began touching Ashlyn’s short cropped hair. That was what broke her.

Enough tears began stinging her eyes and she blinked, releasing them down her cheeks. Reaching across the front seat and into the glovebox, she pulled out some tissues. Wiping her eyes, she started to cry at the thoughts that were now unraveling her emotionally.

She wasn’t going to run over there and make a fool out of all three of them on the street. It would do no good to fight about something that had already begun. Now, the worst was upon her. She was inside her own head and asking all the questions that hurt. How long had this been going on? Was this her fault? Did Ashlyn love her anymore?

Letting out a frightened scream when someone tapped on the passenger side window, she pressed her hand to her chest and closed her eyes, “Oh my god.” Smiling at her through the glass and then opening the door, Becky hopped in and asked, “What in the world are you doing?”

Noting the tell-tale signs of her crying, Becky turned to face her in the seat of the SUV. Resting a hand on her arm, she asked, “What’s wrong? Are you ok?”

Ali wiped her eyes again with the tissue and nodded but wasn’t sure she trusted herself to answer verbally. Another sob escaped her and she glanced over at her friend’s concerned face. She licked her dry lips with the intentions of trying to say something but all she could do was hold back more tears. The look of her red swollen eyes was too much for Becky to take and she slid over and put her arms around her and comforted, “Talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong.” Ali began to cry and Becky smoothed up and down her back to try and calm her. After getting out the worst of her frustrations, Ali sat up and looked at Becky, “I think Ashlyn’s cheating on me.” Narrowing her eyes a bit, Becky mumbled, “Whaa..?” Then, she squinted in a way that showed her confusion in the statement. As realization dawned on her, her expression became red with anger and she snapped her head up and almost barked, “WHAT?”

Ali wiped her nose and sobbed out while pointing, “Ashlyn’s across the street at the cafe with some girl. She ignored my phone call. I watched her.” Erratically scanning the street and seeing the outside seating of the cafe, Becky was out of the car and had slammed the door shut behind her before Ali could even think about trying to stop her.

Without thinking about anything other than stopping what was set in motion, Ali jumped out of her car and suddenly heard the wail of a car horn accompanied by her scream, as the screeching of tires came to a halt in front of her. Her heart racing, fingertips pressed against the hood of the car, she opened her eyes that had involuntarily snapped shut as she braced for impact. Ali apologized and chased across the street after Becky again.

“Stop! What are you doing?” She had been slowed twice along the way and it gave Becky enough of a head start to already have crossed the street and scaled the mini fencing that enclosed the cafe’s outside tables. Ali watched her darting through the courtyard dotted with tables as she searched through the people.

Ali heard a man yelling and could see a manager stopping Becky. By the time she reached them, he was demanding answers. “I don’t understand what you’re doing here. You need to leave” When he reached for Becky’s arm, she backed away from him, “Don’t touch me.” She warned him with a raised fist.

Stepping between them, Ali apologized, “I’m sorry. We’re leaving. It was a mistake.” Turning, she looked up and pleaded, “Let’s go. Don’t do this.”

Glancing around, she questioned, “Where is she?”

Leading Becky through the courtyard, Ali shook her head, “I don’t know. She was at a table up by the street. She’s not here now.”

When they returned to Ali’s car, Becky folded her arms over herself and looked up and down the street. She was angry and Ali was concerned about where this was going. Craning her neck, she was still scanning the street for Ashlyn as she questioned, “Is this what’s happened between you both? Is it that blond, Lynne?”

Ali began shaking her head to deny any kind of activity until she stuttered, “What blond?”

Becky had already turned her back to see further up the street. Grasping her hand onto the back of her jeans, Ali tugged, “Hey. What do you know?” When their eyes met, Ali could already see through her, “Has she been cheating on me?”

Without waiting for her answer, dropping her stare, Ali turned and pulled herself up into the driver’s seat of her car. Walking around to the opposite side, Becky jumped in and sat beside her. Her voice low and steady, she promised, “If I knew for sure, I’d tell you. You know that.”

Ali was studying her friend’s face which was sullen but filled with sincerity. “You really blacked out.”

Focusing on people passing by on the street, Becky mumbled, “I’m sorry. I saw you crying and when I thought she hurt you….” Her voice trailed off. Ali took her hand and held it, “You really are a stud. You know that?” Becky rolled her eyes to hold back her embarrassment. “I mean that. I think it’s sweet that you wanted to protect me.”

Letting herself smile, halfway, Becky answered, “Nobody fucks with my family.” She looked away from Ali and back over at her again because she was still staring. Leaning over, she pecked at Becky’s lips lightly and whispered, “Thanks for being you.”

Becky frowned a little, confused by the statement and Ali nodded, “My family…”

All she could manage was to subtly squeeze Ali’s hand in return and nod a little. The brunette knew not to expect anything else verbal and they both sat silently together for a while.

Finally bowing her head and giving Ali a side-glance, she asked, “Are you alright now?”

Nodding, she confirmed, “Yes, but Bex? Can you do me a favor?” Becky gave her full attention and Ali asked, “Can you not kill my fiancé, please?”

Trying not to let Ali lighten the mood away from the seriousness of what she was probably feeling, Becky asked, “Is she still your fiancé?”

Silently contemplating the question, Ali nodded, “Yes, she is. I don’t know anything for sure. I want to let her tell me what’s going on.”

Becky watched Ali convincing herself that everything was going to be alright. She could see her mind still racing as her eyes darted through the people on the street. “Hey.” Ali glanced over and Becky reached her arms out. Pulling the brunette closer, Becky promised, “It’ll be alright.” Wrapping her arms around her friend, she went on, “Whatever happens, is how it’s supposed to be. You know if you need anything, I got you, right?”

Ali felt the tension leaving her body slowly as she listened to Becky talking. She rested against her let Becky’s words sooth her as she smoothed over her hair and comforted. She realized her mind had wandered when Becky repeated, “Right?”

Ali nodded subtly and whispered out, “Thanks. I felt like I was free falling for a minute there.”

She felt Becky softly chuckle before she confessed, “I know the feeling.” Ali reached one of her arms up and wrapped it around Becky’s waist and squeezed, “That’s ok, cuz I’ve got you too.”

*

Becky followed Ali into the kitchen where Alyssa was standing at the stove stirring a pot. Ashlyn was sitting at the table, lulling Rae into a happy sleep coma. Turning, Alyssa quickly crossed the kitchen and wrapped her arms around Becky’s waist, “Mmm, I missed you. I thought you’d be back sooner.”

Her hand instinctively buried into Alyssa’s hair and massaged, her other arm sliding around her waist, “I’m sorry. It took a little longer than I expected.”

Looking up, Alyssa searched Becky’s face, “Is everything alright?”

Pulling her attention away from the blond at the table, Becky kissed Alyssa and promised, “I’m fine. It was a good session.”

Ali set her keys on the table and watched Ashlyn who still hadn’t acknowledged her. Alyssa returned to the stove and Becky defensively settled a hand on her hip, “Hey, Ash.”

Looking up and nodding, she returned, “Hey.”

Becky’s arm dropped from her hip and Ali stopped her before things escalated, “Ashlyn, can we talk?”

Alyssa turned and could feel the tension in the room. She removed the pan from the burner and crossed the room to Ashlyn, “Here, I’ll take her. Thank you.”

Handing the sleeping pup over, she noticed Becky’s harsh stare. Finding Ali’s gaze fixed on her, she stood, “Sure.” Following Ali outside into the backyard, she stood waiting.

“Are we over?” Ali had her back to Ashlyn and her voice wavered as she spoke. Her chest had become tight with anxiety as she felt her heart begin to race. “I just need to know so I can figure my life out. I don’t want to hate you at the end of this all so I want to know the truth.” Slowly turning, she bowed her head a little and asked, “Do you want to date someone else?”

Ashlyn had had her arms folded over herself defensively but Ali’s statements softened her. She dropped her arms to her sides and took a breath. She let it out with a defeated sigh and stepped a little closer. The silence unnerving her, Ali added, “Do you want Lynne, instead of me?” The words made her want to vomit but she wanted to be as direct as possible.


	29. Crazy on You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The pace, the force, the adrenaline, the passion, the elation, the agony and terror
> 
> Yeah, that's love.
> 
> .

**Chapter Twenty-Nine**

**Crazy on You**

Pulling the luggage rack behind her, Becky questioned, “Do you want a cool drink from the lounge? It’s really hot.” Gesturing in the direction of the bar, she stopped in the foyer of the hotel and prodded, “Go sit down. I’ll get us checked in.” Alyssa glanced over into the crowded bar and then back at Becky. Sensing her hesitation, she took a step closer and waited for her to look into her eyes. Placing a tender kiss on her lips, she whispered, “I won’t be a minute.”

Becky watched once she’d turned and slowly began to walk away in the tan summer sandals. The yellow sundress she wore gave her a fresh, light appearance but Becky knew it had been a long flight. It would do her some good to relax while Becky dealt with their luggage and room.

Sliding her key card into her back pocket, Becky stood in the doorway, peering into the lounge. It was crowded and there were large groups of people seated at tables and around the bar. When she saw Alyssa, her stomach tightened as she watched a young twenty-something flirting with her. Taking her time, she deliberately walked around the opposite side of the bar and sat down. She ordered herself a beer and watched as he chatted with Alyssa and tried to find a way to get closer to her. Every few moments, he’d ask her a question, to which she’d politely shake her head no. 

Swallowing the last of her drink, she slid some money over to the bartender and nodded toward Alyssa, “This is for her too.” Standing from the stool, she came around the bar and stood beside her. When there was a break in the one sided conversation, Becky leaned in, “You know, I was sitting here admiring how absolutely beautiful you are; I wondered if you might like to go upstairs with me?” Alyssa looked over at Becky and blushed, “I’d like that.”

As Alyssa stood to follow, the swagger in Becky’s walk, oozed with self-confidence. Her steps were long as she strode in the khaki cargo shorts and white tank top.

Stopping in the archway of the lounge, she waited for Alyssa and then slid her arm around her waist and pulled her close. Walking together to the elevator, Becky placed a soft kiss on her neck. Once inside, she whispered, “Did he really think he had a shot?” Alyssa leaned back on the wall of the elevator and nodded, “For a second there, I think he did.” Her smile and slight blush revealed how much Becky’s touch affected her. Pressing the button for the top floor, she stepped closer as the doors closed. Wrapping her arms around her, she confessed, “I’m really happy that you came with me.” They shared a kiss that deepened until Alyssa had one of her legs wrapped around Becky’s waist. Eventually, the elevator chimed to acknowledge the arrival at their floor and the couple reluctantly pulled apart, out of breath. Halting the emotions that had suddenly built up was almost painful.

Taking her hand, Becky gestured, “C’mon.” As they approached the door marked ‘HMS2’ Alyssa questioned, “What’s this?”

Swiping the lock with her key card, Becky slid it into her back pocket and then opened the door a crack. “I’ve been feeling bad that I didn’t give you a special wedding day. We sort of did it and that was it.”

Meeting her sincere stare, Alyssa smiled, “You left out the most important part where I got you.” Becky bit her bottom lip to hide her embarrassment. Then she leaned in for what Alyssa thought was a hug when Becky swept her off her feet and scooped her up into her arms. She squealed at first and then wrapped her arms around Becky’s neck, “What are you doing?”

As she kissed her lips, she explained, “I wanted to carry my wife across the threshold.” Holding back her emotions, Alyssa smiled and rested her head against Becky’s chest.

Nudging open the door with her foot, she walked into the Honeymoon Suite on the top floor. She carried Alyssa into the bedroom; passing a bottle of chilling champagne and vases that were filled with red roses.

There was a path of rose petals that led to a king size bed that was also adorned with the fragrant flower pieces. Laying her gently on the bed, Becky settled on top of her and kissed her. “It took everything inside of me watching that guy flirting with you.”

Alyssa ran her hands deliberately over Becky’s sculptured arms and assured her, “You know you’re the only one I see…” Her breath caught in her throat when she felt pressure between her legs that was amazing. “What is that?” She glanced down between them and then back up to meet Becky’s eyes that were watching her.

Backing herself off the bed, Becky shrugged a little. “I got something that I felt was more like me.” Sitting up halfway, Alyssa narrowed her eyes a bit. “What do you mean?” Reaching for her waist, Alyssa curled her fingers through the belt loops and pulled Becky closer to unfasten the button fly on her shorts. Sliding them down over her hips, they dropped to the floor and Alyssa could see the edges of the straps to the harness underneath her boxers. “When did you put that on?” Folding her arms over herself, Becky only shrugged.

Pulling her boxers down, she revealed a larger more real looking dildo than the small smooth starter that Alyssa had bought. Stroking it gently with her hand, she peered up, “Is this you?” A hint of nerves crept into her confidence and Becky nodded shyly. Alyssa ran her fingers up and down the new toy, then turned and laid herself on the bed, face down. “Show me.” She lifted her sundress up so it was out of the way and then slid her boy shorts down a few inches and told Becky, “I trust you.” Spreading her legs apart so she could kneel behind her, she stretched her arms up over her head and waited.

Lying beside her on the bed, Becky pulled the sun dress back down over her exposed skin. Rolling onto her side, Alyssa questioned, “What’s wrong?” Resting her hand on Alyssa’s hip, she spoke in a low voice, “You let me do it that way to you because I couldn’t look you in the eyes, like now, because I’m embarrassed.” She ran her fingers delicately down her leg with her fingertips, “I’m sorry.”

Taking her hand and holding it, Alyssa waited for her to look up at her, “I let you do that to me because it’s you. I want you.” Lying on her back, she pulled Becky closer onto her and whispered, “And when you’re ready,” she kissed her lips and continued, “And you want to look into my eyes, I’m ready. Because it’s you, Rebecca.”

Bowing her head, at first, Becky closed her eyes and rested her head against Alyssa’s chest. “I don’t deserve you,” she mumbled. Kissing her head, Alyssa pleaded, “Look at me.” When Becky met her eyes and then tried to look away, she kissed her and repeated, “Look at me. I’m ready.”

When their lips found each other again, Becky had taken control and was pulling loose the knot on the sundress over her right shoulder. She spilled kisses down her neck while she worked at the knot on the opposite side. Revealing her sensitive breasts, she immediately sucked a nipple into her mouth and felt it harden under her tongue’s playful swipes.

Alyssa wrapped a leg around Becky’s waist in an effort to pull her body tighter against her own. Her hands traveled down her body to her waist until Becky lifted up the dress and reached for the barrier between them. Stripping away the shorts, she tossed them to the floor and lifted Alyssa’s legs up and held them back. Then she buried her face between her thighs. The already collected moisture made her face slick and she fumbled to find her clitoris right away as she held both her legs up with her hands.

Alyssa moaned out Becky’s name as her soft tongue lapped between her thighs and made her release even more moisture. The gentle strokes were teasing her; not quite providing enough pressure to orgasm but pushing her to the edge of her threshold.

When Becky suddenly stopped, Alyssa’s cries were begging for release. She whimpered at the absence of pleasure that had brought her so close, her body spasming. When their eyes met, Becky let go of her hold on Alyssa’s legs and had partially rested down on her. Using her hand, she guided the head of the dildo until she was sure it was inside Alyssa. Becky’s breath quickened and their eyes fixed on one another as she thrust her hips forward. Throwing her head back, Alyssa screamed and wrapped her arms around Becky’s waist. Their bodies came together and Becky felt them shudder in unison. Alyssa was tightly gripping her hands around Becky’s biceps as she began to pump her hips against her. Dropping her hands to Becky’s ass, Alyssa rose up to meet her body and they found a rolling movement together that quickly had them both wet with perspiration. The friction created between them coupled with the deep penetration inside Alyssa caused mutual cries of satisfaction. The stimulation had forced Becky’s eyes closed as she bit her lip, struggling for control of herself. The quiet little whines and sighs that Alyssa was making were sending her body into overdrive. The image of them, connected, Becky buried inside her so deeply, Alyssa’s legs wrapped around her; she felt herself slipping into a void in which she had no control.

They briefly slowed to an achingly torturous pace and Becky found Alyssa’s lips once before settling against her shoulder and breathing out her name, “Oh, god, Lys…” It had pushed her over the edge from where there would be no return.

“Yes, my love.” Alyssa’s fingers were tight on her back and quickly became fingernails dragging down her spine, “…yes.” Her grip abruptly urgent, Alyssa’s body became taut and her hips lifted slightly as she let out soft whines through involuntary breath.

“Lys…oh…Lys!” Biting down into her flesh to stifle her scream, Becky’s body connected flawlessly against Alyssa’s and her toes curled. Her body involuntarily took over and tensed her muscles, weakly forcing out in a soft cry, “Lys..”

The room filled with breathless panting and Becky let out a sob. Lifting her head to meet Alyssa’s eyes, she whispered, “I love you so much.” She began brushing away damp strands of hair from her face when she didn’t answer. Softly kissing her lips, she asked, “Are you ok?”

Lifting up slightly, she searched her expression for resolution, “Did I hurt you?”

Alyssa shook her head no, biting her bottom lip. She was fighting something and Becky could see it. When she tried to lift up, Alyssa held her tighter. “Please don’t move,” she whispered. Then, dropping her head, her eyes fluttered closed and she cried out, “Oh, oh god…” Her body shuddered and her breathing quickened. Arching her back, she flushed with color that left her face with a hint of pink in her cheeks.

Licking her dry lips, Alyssa kept her eyes closed, focusing on the final wave that was building inside her. Feeling her insides tighten, her body spasmed again as she lifted her hips slightly to press herself harder against Becky’s body. Obliging her with a little extra pressure by pushing back, it triggered something deep inside her and Alyssa cried out, “Oh, fuck yes.” Her hands had clenched into tight fists around Becky’s arms and she let out an exhausted breath.

When she met with lovely green eyes, watching carefully, she blushed again, “Wow.” Their lips gently brushed and Becky smiled, “I forgot they come in threes.”

Alyssa took a few deep breathes before looking up, “That was…so different.” Reaching her hands up to hold Becky’s face with the palms of her hands, she watched her carefully. There was no fear or hesitation. Dropping her hands slowly, she trailed them down her back and rested them on Becky’s ass again and wrapped her legs tighter around her waist, “I feel you inside me.” She pulled against her a little and Becky pressed her hips; moving side to side to reach deeper. Alyssa moaned a little and Becky smiled before kissing her lips.

Lifting herself first, she then helped Alyssa sit up. Pulling her dress over her head, she wiped sweat away from her face. Becky unfastened the harness and slipped it off. Then, pulling on her boxers and tank top, she disappeared into the other room. When she returned with a bottle of water, she handed it to Alyssa who was already underneath the covers. “Thank you.”

Becky was quickly slipping herself underneath the comforter and pulling Alyssa into her arms. Pressing tender kisses against her skin, she felt their bodies melt against each other.

*

Her head was fuzzy and the sound wouldn’t go away. There was a buzzing that forced her awake and to open her eyes. When she realized she was hearing an alarm, she sat and up began shaking Alyssa’s shoulder. “Lys, wake up. You hit 80.” Unzipping a suitcase and opening one of her bags, Becky pulled out a roll of glucose tablets and unwrapped a couple. When she looked up, Alyssa still hadn’t moved. Quickly going to the bedside, she shook her again with more force and called louder, “Lys!”

The display on her device read 66 and was trending down, which meant it was rapidly declining in real time. Rolling her onto her back, Becky tapped the cheeks of her face with her hand, “Wake up!”

Alyssa was disoriented and she mumbled incoherently as Becky dropped the tablets and went back to her bag. There was no way she was alert enough to chew them. Tossing aside anything in her way, she rummaged through a different box, pulling out a tube of the gel and twisting off the top. Sitting her up and letting her rest back against her, Becky put the tube to her lips, “Alyssa, eat this. Let’s go, quit screwing around.” She squirted some into her mouth slowly and coaxed her to swallow it. She felt the device vibrating against her arm as she tried to pinch her skin in an attempt to force a response. Grabbing her wrist, she read the display at 52 and still trending down. “Jesus.” Shaking her, she screamed her name and reached into the bag. She retrieved a small red case and opened it. Using a syringe to withdraw liquid from a vial, she then injected it into another glass bottle with a white tablet inside. Shaking it, she retracted the liquid into the syringe again once it had dissolved and diluted. “Lys, stay with me.” Pink gel had dribbled out the side of her mouth and she was shaking slightly. Slapping her face with her hand, she begged, “Lys, wake up!” Her mouth made subtle movements and Becky could see she was trying. Rolling her to her side, she injected the solution into her thigh and put the syringe on the table. Pulling the comforter around her, Becky cradled her in her arms and tried to soothe her shaking, “Alyssa, please…” Using her fingers, she was pushing some of the gel back into her mouth, “Swallow the sugar, honey. Come on.” Lifting her wrist, she checked the display. “Fifty-one and steady. That’s it. Now bring it back up.” Brushing away hair from her face, she took her hand and held it against her. She kissed the wedding band on her finger and pleaded, “Listen to my voice. Look at me.” Alyssa licked her lips and whispered, “I hate the taste of that.”

Kissing her forehead, Becky laughed nervously, “I know you do, baby.” Lifting her arm, she mumbled, “I’m 55. No wonder my head hurts.” The alarm continued to sound and her hand vibrated in sequenced pulses. Becky held her wrist and shook her head, “You’re holding steady, Lys. That’s not good enough. Jesus, you need to take this.” Picking up the tube of gel, she put it to her lips, “We’ve got to get you out of the 50’s. Take this.”

Alyssa began shaking her head slowly, trying to avoid the tube, “Nooo.” The struggle ended before it began and Alyssa was no longer coherent enough to swallow anything. Dropping the tube again, Becky read the display, “Forty-seven.” The arrow was rapidly trending down. Becky began to panic and opened another Glucagon injection kit. She drew up another syringe and held it poised over her skin, unsure of whether or not to use it. Tears began to roll down her cheeks as she emptied another syringe full into Alyssa’s thigh. She became completely terrified when she watched the display reach forty-four.

Laying her on the bed on her back, Becky straddled her and started squirting the rest of the contents of the tube into her mouth. She violently began shaking her when it emptied and gel dripped from her mouth and down her chin. Resting her head against her chest, Becky began to cry, listening to the chirping of the alarm as it vibrated against her hip. Wiping tears away with the back of her hand, she sniffled and let out a soft whine.

Rolling her onto her side, she wrapped her arms around her and whispered, “Come on, Lys…” Running her hand up and down her arm to warm her skin, she kissed her shoulder and begged again, “Please.”

Becky laid motionless beside Alyssa, unsure of what else to do. Her mind was racing and her thoughts, erratic, as she hugged her wife tighter against her. 911 would give her another injection. Did she need another?

When Becky felt a hand over her own, she slowly looked up. “Mom?” Alyssa began to cough and sputtered out pink gel that had pooled in her mouth. Pushing herself up a little, she wiped her mouth and then laid herself back down. She continued to cough up some of the gel while Becky put her arms around her again. Alyssa rested her head against Becky’s shoulder and whispered, “It’s so quiet now.”

Realizing the alarm had stopped, she raised her arm and read the display. “Eighty-three.” Letting out a sigh, she asked, “Do you think I could have a Snicker’s bar?” Wiping away gel from her face, Becky promised, “You can have anything you want.”

Looking down at herself, she was confused. She was a mess, the bed was a mess and the room in shambles. Looking around the room, she saw two syringes had been used and she was covered in enough gel for maybe two tubes as well. Becky was shaking with nervous anxiety and Alyssa could see in her eyes that she was beyond frightened. Holding her face with the palms of her hands, she met her green eyes and kissed her lips, “My protector. Are you alright?”

Nodding, the adrenaline was beginning to dissipate but her trembling continued.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

Settling herself on her pillow, Alyssa watched her with heavy eyes. Covering her with the blankets, Becky kissed her forehead, “You’re tired, aren’t you?” Alyssa nodded and fought to maintain eye contact. Kissing her lips as she tucked her in, keeping her warm, she prodded, “Take a nap. You’ll feel better. I’m right here.”

Alyssa reached for her hand and squeezed it as she smiled slightly. It was all she could do before she fell asleep. Becky watched the display top out at one hundred and one before holding steady. Terrified that her level would begin to drop again, Becky held her hand and watched the display until she fell asleep from pure exhaustion.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are 2 chapters left.


	30. (They Long To Be) Close To You

**Chapter Thirty**

The drive along the highway was filled with scenic beauty. Alyssa watched the passing landscapes and kept pointing out the colorful marvels of the Dallas countryside. It provided her with enough to interest her during the long drive down the otherwise desolate and boring roadway. Becky did her best to make it seem that she was just an intrigued by the wonderous display but her mind was filled fear, doubt and sudden apprehension. There were only so many times that Becky could gush in agreement about the most fantastic countryside she’d ever seen.

When things began to look familiar, Becky’s answers became less enthusiastic. Alyssa was watching her grip the steering wheel, white-knuckled, and asked, “What are you thinking about?”

“Maybe this was a mistake.” She quickly glanced over, “What right do I have to just barge in on his life?”

Alyssa had expected a meltdown. Not because she felt that Becky was fickle enough to turn around after coming all this way but because this was pivotal in her healing process. She had begun talking about her father and the sneaking suspicion that there had been a lot more manipulation that she realized because she was a child. Her father had never actually ever laid a hand on her. The majority of his “anger” for her behavior was relayed through her mother’s messages. She was the one who carried out the spankings and the punishments. Most of her interaction with him after her mother passed, revolved around her attitude and grudges. She never realized how much he really made the attempts at repairing whatever transgressions she believed he’d made against her.

Alyssa rested a hand on her thigh and comforted, “Your father never told you to not come back. You didn’t have some big blow up with each other where you screamed and yelled, right?”

Sucking in her bottom lip, Becky shrugged and nodded, “Mhm.”

“Give him a chance.” Meeting Alyssa’s comforting eyes, she smiled a little. Just hearing her vote of confidence gave her the hope to believe that things might work out. On the roadside, Becky gestured with a nod, “We’re almost there.” Reading the signage as they passed, “Alyssa looked to Becky wide eyed, “Your family is ‘Clover Dairy’?”

Briefly letting her eyes leave the road to make eye contact, she answered, “Yes, why?”

Alyssa sat back in her seat and marveled, “It’s the largest dairy in the whole south. It spans over a huge distribution area.”

Giving her an unimpressed grin, Becky popped off, “What are you? A milkmaid?”

Turning slightly, Alyssa cocked her head, “Asshole. Ask anyone. It’s become as widespread as some national brands.” Her dead pan conviction got the point across.

Reeling in her sarcasm to a more acceptable level, Becky shrugged, “Right before my mother died, he started transitioning the business over from livestock to strictly dairy production. When she died, he almost lost the whole farm trying to make changes. I really didn’t pay much attention to anything related to his job anymore.” Becky seemed to be in thought when Alyssa prodded, “What…”

Scratching the back of her head, she shook it a little, “I feel like it was around the same time that he said he was making amends for the things he’d done.” She thought about it but there were no real direct conclusions. Still, it gnawed at her insides.

They drove on in silence until Becky pointed, “This is where the property starts. A lot of the processing is here now. These buildings went up around the time I was getting ready to graduate.” As the miles added up, Alyssa looked over at Becky until she finally acknowledged, “Jesus. Ok, you’re right. It’s a lot of land. I don’t think I ever realized.”

Turning onto a dirt road that seemed to disappear at the top of a gradual rise, they reached the top and in the distance could see the main estate of the property. The large house sat higher up on another gradual rise that made it appear set atop a hill. The grounds around the house were tailored and neatly manicured with shrubs and dotted with small pruned trees. Outside of that, there was farm fencing that framed out acres of individual pens that divided groups of animals together.

There were several turnoffs along the way that led to buildings and equipment storage. Becky could remember taking solace in some of the feed mills at night once she was older. It was easier to sneak out of the house once her mother was gone but the change of scenery seemed to help with the loneliness she felt. On the second floor of the loft in the stables, she’d lie back near the opening of the barn door and look at the stars. It was quiet and at night, there was a gentle breeze that would carry the sweet smells around her. She’d listen to the sounds around her and smile as they oddly brought her what she remembered was a feeling of Zen.

Pulling off to the side a few hundred yards from the house, she put the car in park and sat back in the seat. Alyssa gave her time to get a handle on her nerves and put a hand on her shoulder for comfort. “That building over there,” she pointed, “used to be the slaughterhouse.” Becky’s fingers were nervously fidgeting with her tie as she stared at it. Her eye twitched a little as she inspected over every inch of framework that still stood in decay. She suddenly felt a wave of nausea wash over her when more vivid images flashed through her mind.

She slowly drove further up the driveway and to the house where she parked the rental. Alyssa watched her check the mirror, no doubt disapproving of her appearance. She pushed her hair back off her shoulders and just stared. Becky had changed clothes three times before Alyssa stopped her from making it four.

_She came up behind her in the hotel suite and wrapped her arms around her waist. Resting her chin on her shoulder, she whispered, “You look amazing.” As they both evaluated her reflection in the full length mirror, Becky shook her head, unhappy. The white short sleeve dress shirt fit perfectly. She’d rolled the edges of the sleeves up a couple times, accentuating her defined arms in a way that drove Alyssa wild._

_She’d chosen black tailored dress pants with a matching thin silk tie. Becky unfastened her belt and pulled it from around her waist, frustrated. She unbuttoned her pants and slid down the zipper. She let them drop and raised her hands a little, “Maybe I’ll wear…”_

_Coming around from the back and stopping her rant of insecurity by offering a kiss, Alyssa gripped her tighter when Becky responded with more than she’d expected. The deep kiss lasted even longer and when Alyssa backed away, Becky whined a little under her breath. “You look so sexy,” Alyssa reassured. “But you need one thing.”_

_“What’s that?”_

_Becky patiently wondered what suggestion she might be able to offer that would help. She turned them both so the mirror was to their right side and Alyssa answered, “You need to relax is all.” She knelt in front of her and looked over into the mirror. “Let me distract you. Watch the reflection…” Sliding the boxers slowly down her legs, Becky almost tried to stop her until Alyssa shook her head no. By that point, she was captivated by the sight of Alyssa sliding her tongue through the center of her folds, shaded with about two weeks worth of stubbled growth. As she watched her pink tongue deliberately part her mouth and then bathe her with warmth, she felt her body respond. In a matter of seconds, Becky was soaked, and Alyssa’s face dripped with her arousal. She would meet her eyes briefly, then look at herself, licking methodically between her thighs and then hum in a way that conveyed her contentment. Caught up with the visual and rendered powerless by the feeling, she placed her hand gently on the back of Alyssa’s head and the imagery settled deep in her belly. Her eyes devoured the sensual sight. Becky stifled a cry and bit her lip to try and hide it. Taking advantage of the moment, she reached her hands up to hold her hips in place and fluttered her tongue the way she knew there would be no escape. Becky immediately came undone and shook apart with spasms that swam through her insides. Alyssa gave her supportive little licks; helping her ride out the aftershocks that always made her sob from the exquisite torture._

_Slowly standing, she pulled up the boxers and whispered in her ear, “I’m going to get cleaned up while you get dressed.” As Alyssa walked into the bathroom and shut the door, Becky looked over at her reflection in the mirror. She ran her hand down between her legs where it was still tingly. She bent down and pulled up her pants and buttoned them. Pulling up the zipper, she let out a breath that took most of her tension with it. Fastening her belt, she reassessed her reflection when Alyssa emerged and stared with her from over her shoulder. Her hands slid around her waist again and she nibbled at Becky’s ear softly, “You’re so fucking sexy.” Swiping her hair aside, she pressed a light kiss into her neck and warned, “If we don’t leave now, you’re going to need to take your wife back to bed and make love to her.”_

_Turning away from the mirror, she focused on Alyssa’s beautiful brown eyes and held her. Leaving her with a tender kiss on her lips, Becky whispered, “When we come back, I’m going to make love to my beautiful wife.”_

“Alright,” she reluctantly sighed. “I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.” She checked the time and announced, “He usually has a bookkeeping meeting and is home by noon.” An amused laugh, she added, “But then, that was years ago.”

Alyssa followed her lead when she got out of the car. She stood, unmoving, as her eyes remembered every brick, shingle and decorative feature. She was no doubt comparing what had changed and letting it affect her emotionally. 

She started slowly toward the house and took the steps gingerly as if she were a burglar, trying to avoid detection. Standing on the large wrap around porch, her attention settled on the swing. It moved with a faint squeak when a light breeze sent it rocking backwards. Her eyes inspected the doorframe and the detail of the fresh coat of paint.

Pressing the doorbell, she could hear it chime from inside the house, followed by immediate movement. The inner door slowly opened and woman with wavy brown hair and a friendly smiled, greeted her. When the door opened further, it revealed a child about twelve months old, perched securely on her hip. There was a pink ribbon streaming from her hair and a matching ensemble with lace trimming it.

She smiled with such enthusiasm, “Can I help you?”

Alyssa placed a hand lightly on the small of her back, hoping it would relax her. This was a scenario that neither of them had considered. She could feel the muscles in her back had tensed and there was a hint of sweat on her forehead. Clearing her throat, she asked, “I was looking for Jack. Is he here?”

“Oh, dear. He isn’t back yet but I’m expecting him any minute now. Please, come in.” She stepped away and opened the door further for them to step inside. Opening the screen door for Alyssa, Becky followed.

“Is he expecting you?”

Shaking her head, Becky was examining the foyer, “No. I didn’t call first. Maybe I should have. I’m sorry.” Sensing the apprehension, the woman smiled, “Nonsense. Let’s go into the living room and you can get comfortable.” They followed and Becky whispered, “This used to be his office.”

“My name’s Lori. And this little munchkin is Hannah.” Alyssa stepped closer and took her tiny hand and smiled, “How do you do, Hannah? I’m Alyssa.” The baby laughed and giggled at the animated sound of her voice and then buried a shy face into her mother to hide.

“Can I get you something to drink?”

Alyssa shook her head, “No, thank you.” Tearing her attention away from the changes to the room and the new photographs that decorated the walls, Becky apologized, “I’m sorry. No, thank you. I’m Rebecca.” Her eyes darted away from the woman and she began surveying the room again. Alyssa noticed the subtle catch in the woman’s breath when Becky said her name. She watched her exploring the room and then her eyes fluttered over to Alyssa. She gestured with a silent confirmation and Lori nodded, “Why don’t I give him a call and see how much longer he’ll be?”

Becky nodded but never looked up. She stood beside the sofa and smirked to herself, “This room still smells like baby powder.” Her fingers traced the brickwork on the mantle and she laughed to herself. “I never came in here without him except that one time and I destroyed it.”

Her head turned slightly and her eyes settled on Alyssa, “Do you hear that?” Shaking her head, Alyssa shrugged.

“He’s coming down the driveway. I used to always be able to recognize the sound.”

The closer the truck came to the house, the louder the sound until it came to a silence outside the windows. They heard the soft whomp of the car door shut and then heavy steps up onto the porch. Lori returned to the foyer as he opened the front door and she silently gestured their presence in the living room. He hesitated for only a moment then turned and stood in the archway.

Becky turned to face him and they watched each other from across the room. Sliding his keys into the front pocket of his jeans, he studied her with soft features, taking in every detail. Pulling the stereotypical cowboy hat from his head, he revealed hair that uniquely matched Becky’s. His green eyes mirrored hers and the way he stood, was identical to the posture that she’d taken up as she stared back at him.

Her mouth opened slightly, suggesting that she wanted to speak, but nothing came out. His eyes dropped to take in the whole picture before him, memorizing every feature that had changed. When their eyes met again, he softly spoke, “Hi.” There was a sudden caution in his voice and Becky felt the shift.

She felt the urge to run. There was a panic surging inside her that was forcing the air from her lungs and making it hard to breath. She began to sweat and she felt heat rising into her face, coloring her cheeks. When she realized that she was standing with one hand in her pocket, reflecting his posture, her jaw relaxed and she almost let herself smile, “Hi, dad.”

When her guarded demeanor lowered, he set his hat on the end table, never breaking their gaze, “I’ve missed you, Rebecca.” The sound of his voice saying her name, pulled on something inside her. She thought about what Christine had told her to do. Give him the chance to speak and listen to him. He’d taken a risk and opened the door. He said that he missed her. Could it be possible that he was welcoming her presence?

Summoning what courage she could, she told him, “I missed you, too.” As soon as the words left her lips, she felt a flood of emotions. Her eyes began to tear and she apologized, “I’m sorry.” She could feel herself beginning to lose control, “I’m so sorry.”

Sensing her vulnerability, he took a few cautious steps closer toward her. He wanted to take away her fear of rejection and guilt that she’d burdened herself with. His eyes dropped again and he looked at her feminine body that was so muscular and toned. He shook his head, “You’re so grown.” When their eyes met again, he mused, “My little girl has become a woman.”

He wasn’t sure if it was his acknowledgement of her adulthood or him calling her his little girl but the response was reassuring. She let herself take a step toward him and asked, “Am I still your daughter?” Her fingers fiddled with the crocheted throw that was draped over the back of the sofa, avoiding his stare.

“Rebecca,” His voice commanded her attention without threatening. She met his kind green eyes and told her, “You’ve never stopped being my daughter.” She wanted to smile and he asked, “You don’t believe me? Come with me.” He turned and told Lori, “We’ll be in my office.” He gave her a wink and motioned for Becky to follow.

Following Jack slowly through the foyer, she climbed the stairs behind him taking notice of every detail along the way. He went to the end of the long hallway, where he used to keep odd records and files. Opening the door, he stepped inside and stopped, waiting for her approach.

Becky lingered in the doorway, the way she used to, whenever her father had called to see her. She felt like a child again, unsure of how to proceed. She leaned in through the arch and questioned, “Is it alright to come inside?” Suddenly Jack remembered her respectful hesitation with his business rooms. It never made sense to him that she’d be so destructive with the very things she would outwardly hold so dear.

“Yes, it is.”

She peered in from the hallway, scanning the room. His desk was near the back where there was a wall of walnut bookshelves. Taking a few steps inside the doorway, she looked up at the wall behind where he was standing. Her eyes grew wide when she settled on one of the framed photographs.

Coming to his side, she looked at the picture and remembered exactly when it was taken. She’d forgotten she was ever that young and new. Sitting in a pile of straw, young Becky held a tiny hatchling in her hand very delicately, so as to not harm the fragile life. The wonder and awe on her face revealed how much respect she held for the tiny being. Forcing herself away from the picture, she looked at pieces of her childhood that he’d collected and placed on display.

Walking along the wall, she began seeing pictures of her from her years in Europe. He’d somehow found some of the collector cards from foreign sets and had them framed along side each other. There was even a magazine that was framed that had her and Ali on the cover. The writing was in another language but it was from last summer after they won the championship.

He’d printed out some local newspaper articles that had talked about her roots from the area. When she was playing the Houston Dash, there were references to her home grown status and the accomplishments. However, when she was in town and played against the Dallas Metros, there was more expansive coverage.

He’d obviously gone to the game when Philadelphia played the Dallas Metros this season. He had the program on display where it had her picture, position and a brief description. There was a list of season stats and the team records to date. As she thought about her season, she realized her father was sitting in the stands watching her play and she had no idea.

Her eye caught sight of another program and her heart stopped. There was a commemorative lanyard draped over the framed All-Star Game program and a small collector card of her that they were randomly giving away. She smiled and blushed a little as she remembered thinking that all of hers were most likely part of the garbage they swept up in the parking lot. Then she noticed that he’d taken a picture of her standing on the field and she looked over at him. The connection between them silently tethering her to a bond that she hadn’t realized still existed.

He was studying every feature of her freckled face that used to fall asleep against his chest while he held her in his arms. “Why didn’t you say something?” She felt so embarrassed. Looking back at the picture, she marveled at the fact that he was sitting in the box seat behind Alyssa the whole time and she was never even aware. She was standing with her hands on her hips, beside Ali and Ashlyn. The way she smiled ensured that Alyssa had prompted her.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so happy.” She looked back to him and he shook his head, “I didn’t want to ruin it. I thought maybe if there was an opportunity, I’d say hello but…” His eyes on the photo, he smiled halfway, the same way Becky would when she tried to hide her feelings, “I couldn’t stop watching you and what an incredible young woman you’d become. When they pulled you from the game and the crowd demanded your attention, …..I’ve never felt such pride.”

He awkwardly brushed hair from her shoulder as he studied her in awe. Meeting his eyes, she apologized, “I’m sorry I was such a shit.”

His smile relaxed her and he let out a breath, “I think we both made some bad decisions. But I kept my word. I wanted you to be proud of who your father was.”

Narrowing her eyes a little, she questioned, “What word?”

Looking into her eyes, he explained, “I sold all the livestock and converted the ranch over to a dairy for you. I couldn’t live with myself knowing how you felt. It’s something I never thought about. After three generations raising cattle, I was just carrying on the business.”

Her words were forced, “You did that for me?”

“How could I operate a slaughterhouse when my daughter thought of me as a murderer? I had the hardest time selling them bulk at auction because you kept opening the pen doors and they’d be roaming down highway 81. I can’t tell you how many fines I paid for a stampede through the golf course over the back hill.”

Unable to contain herself, Becky closed her eyes and laughed at the thought of the cattle grazing on the green of the eighteenth hole. Her father smiled and added, “It’s not funny. They tore up the fairway and left quite a mess.”

Letting out a soft giggle, she looked up at him with a true smile on her face. “Old man Brandes was not a happy camper.” Searching her eyes, he desperately wanted to be closer. He glanced down at her hand and focused on her ring. “Would you like to meet my wife and maybe you could introduce me to yours?”

A hint of nervousness made her waver slightly and then she nodded. As they walked through the room, he confessed, “You’d be surprised how much information you pick up sitting in such a prime location at a game.” Her protective instincts overriding her fear, she stopped and put a hand on his arm, “Does knowing this change your feelings?”

He could immediately see that she was prepared to halt any possible discrimination toward her or her wife without a second thought and he smiled at her conviction. “How can I debate anything that makes you so happy?” He continued toward the steps and asked, “How long have you been married?”

Guesstimating in her head, she followed him, “A little over two weeks.” Stopping, he glanced over his shoulder, “Congratulations. I wish you a life filled with love. You deserve it.”

He continued down the stairs and peeked into the living room. When he heard voices, he followed them down the hallway and into the kitchen. “Is this where everyone is hiding?”

Alyssa was sitting at the small round table with the baby in her lap, making silly faces that had them both giggling together. Becky came through the doorway and stopped to watch. She took a hand and pretended to nibble on her fingers and Hannah would laugh in the way that made baby fever become infectious. “Nom-nom-nom.” Hannah’s giggles set Alyssa off and she would laugh from a place so pure inside her that it made Becky ache. “Nom-nom-nom.”

Lori handed Becky a glass of iced tea and questioned, “Everything alright?” She looked from her to her husband and they both nodded, suddenly distracted. Jack reached his arm around the brunette and introduced, “This is my wife, Lori-Ann. We’ve been married for two and a half years.” Holding her hand out, Becky smiled, “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Lori, my daughter, Rebecca.” The title captured her breath and made her smile. Lori shook her hand and asked, “Can I just say how much you look like your father?” Becky blushed a little and Lori pulled her cell phone from her pocket, “I don’t mean to embarrass you but look…” She opened up a picture of her and Jack when they’d attended a recent business dinner and Becky let out a laugh. Her father’s dark suit mirrored her attire down to the silken tie. The only thing missing was his matching black cowboy hat.

The sound of Alyssa and Hannah’s giggles filled the kitchen and Lori warned, “I think she’s got the bug.” Becky looked over at her playing with the baby and she agreed, “I think you’re right.”

“You’re both going to stay for dinner,” Lori announced. “I’ve got plenty.”

Alyssa stood and went to Becky’s side, “She’s so precious.” An arm around her waist, Becky introduced, “Dad, Lori, this is my wife, Alyssa.” Jack smiled as he remembered listening to her interact with Becky at the game. He remembered Frankie making reference to fearing the wrath of Alyssa’s wife, should anything happen while in her care. He’d already decided that he liked her when he thought that she was her daughter’s friend. She was calm and caring and spoke with sincerity. “It’s nice to meet you,” he greeted. “Can you stay the night? We have plenty of room. We could have a late brunch and spend more time together.”

Becky had reached out and let Hannah grasp her fingers. She inspected them carefully and debated whether or not to chew on them. Not breaking her attention on the child, she sadly shook her head, “I have to report to camp for the national team this week. Our flight leaves tomorrow afternoon and the hotel is a bit of a drive.”

Jack nodded and resigned to that fact, “Alright. Hannah expects an opportunity to spend time with her big sister sometime soon.” He’d made the remark, off the cuff, but Becky looked at him so quickly that he realized what he’d said. “You have family here, Rebecca. You both do. You’re both welcome here.”

Alyssa made funny faces at Hannah and used an animated voice to confess, “Auntie Lyssa’s gonna spoil you. Yes, she is…”

Becky suddenly felt a flutter in her chest. Standing in the middle of her father’s kitchen with those that considered her family, she felt a connection that was unlike anything she could remember feeling. There was a pulsing in her veins that tuned in on a frequency that made her feel warm inside. At first it made her panic and the urge to run gripped her insides. As it washed over her, a more primal instinct began to surface, revealing a glow that she sensed. The longer she thought about it, the better she felt. When a calm settled itself inside her, there was a realization and she recognized what had happened.

Her heart had healed.


	31. 1,000,000

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Secluded in a marker stone not only deadlier  
> But smarter too, smarter too  
> All along the tomb, all along the ruin  
> Secluded in a marker stone not only deadlier  
> But smarter too, smarter tooI could live a million  
> I could live a million  
> I could live a million
> 
> Secluded in a marker stone not only deadlier  
> But smarter too, smarter too  
> All along the tomb, all along the ruin  
> Secluded in a marker stone not only deadlier  
> But smarter too, smarter tooI could live a million  
> I could live a million  
> I could live a million  
> I could live a million years  
> I could live a million years  
> All along, all along, all along the tomb  
> Secrete in, secret in, secret in the ruin  
> Secluded in a maker stone not only deadlier  
> But smarter too, smarter too
> 
> I could live a million  
> I could live a million  
> I could live a million  
> I could live a million years

**Chapter Thirty-One**

**1,000,000**

“You saw us today.” It was more of a statement that Ashlyn had made. Ali nodded.

“I didn’t mean for that to happen. I’m sorry.” Sliding her hands into her pockets, she looked down at the ground in front of her. Neither of them spoke. The sun was dulled when the clouds crossed into its path and Ali sniffled a little; holding her tears inside. The longer they stood there, the harder it became to breathe.

Walking toward the back of the yard, Ali stood at the fence and covered her face with her hand. Her chest ached with the knowledge that everything had fallen apart. She began questioning if it was something she’d done or if it was just the way things unfolded.

She heard Ashlyn come closer behind her and she shook her head, “I don’t want to fight. Please.”

“Neither do I.”

When she turned, the girl who was in the bulk of her high school classes, the one that really irked her nerves, the one that saved her life, the one that she’d shared her first real kiss with, the one with whom she’d shared her most tender and intimate experiences with, the one that could make her laugh just as much as she could make her cry; was down on one knee holding out a small box questioning, “Alex, will you marry me?”

The confusion on her face prompted Ashlyn to add, “I really want you to know that I’m serious. I’m going to do it right this time. I could never imagine my life without you in it.”

Ali was shaking her head, “I don’t understand.”

Ashlyn promised, “I am absolutely _NOT_ having an affair. I would never cheat on you. I don’t care if it takes you ten years to get your head screwed on straight so we can have sex again. The thought of being with another woman, in my head, doesn’t seem natural. I don’t want anyone but you.”

“Lynne is the jeweler’s daughter that I’ve been working with. He helped me design this ring. I wanted something special because you deserve it. We’re not kids anymore and this is the life I want to have…with you. I was frustrated this morning. I’m trying to not say things that I’ll regret later.”

“When you called me today, I was picking up the ring. Yes, Lynne came with me and we had coffee but it really wasn’t anything shady. You and I have always had an open phone policy. She stopped by whenever she had to let me know what was going on. I couldn’t have calls from the jeweler or god forbid, from her. Her father told her who I was and she came to meet me after a game in the fall. After everything that you and I have been through together, do you really think I’d throw it all away because I couldn’t be patient? We’ve both figured this whole thing out. We’ve made it, Ali. We’ve done it. It’s you and me, now. There’s nothing standing between us. I’ve been wondering lately if that’s the problem. You said last summer that you were having a hard time being happy…and successful. Do you think maybe it’s all so scary now because it seems too easy?”

“Maybe I’m making things up in my head again. Making it harder than it has to be.” Looking to Ashlyn, she nodded, “I’ve never had anything handed to me. I guess I figured we’d always have to struggle.”

When Ashlyn smiled at her, Ali thought about the first time they kissed. It seemed like such a long time ago. The light blue UNC hat that had brought her so much happiness when she wore it, was still hanging on the post of her bed. Whenever she looked at it, it reminded her of the secure feeling it gave her. 

“You don’t have to struggle. You just have to trust me.” Reaching for her hand, Ashlyn worked off the tarnished gold band with the ruby set atop from her finger. Ali tried to stop her in a panic, the absent feeling where the ring used to sit, making her hand look odd without it. “You said to me once that we were good together, you and I. I want to grow old with you.” Looking up expectantly, she waited to hear the words.

“I want you more than anything. I love you, Ashlyn.”

Sliding the new ring onto her finger, Ashlyn stood and put her arms around her. “I love you, Ali.”

Letting Ashlyn hold her, Ali felt the connection deep inside her swell. She knew it had been there all along, waiting, hoping she would recognize the moment that she let go of her fears and embraced the love between them. Her arms wrapping around Ashlyn, she cried, “Yes, I’ll marry you. Let’s get married.”

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for coming along for this story. The story will continue for Becky and Alyssa under "Wedded Blyss" very soon and will still feature some characters when the situation deems necessary. 
> 
> Thanks.
> 
> 911 updates are next.


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